Annoyed!!

[lardylady]

I went to my class straight after work today, and the woman who does the weighing said in a very loud voice "Oh, here comes the one who never gains or stays the same!". Well, I stepped on the scales, and...I stayed the same! It really annoyed me, because WI should be private and I felt that after she'd said that, the room went quiet and people were listening in. It doesn't help that the chairs are arranged in a horseshoe shape, facing the scales so that you have an audience when you step on.
It puts extra pressure on me when I WI. So far, I've lost quite steadily with only 2 STS weeks since August, but her comments (it's not the first time) make me feel uneasy. I know she's only trying to be friendly, but it gets on my nerves! Am I being oversensitive?

 

[cupofteapet]

irrelevant of what you have done, staying the same or losing or gaining, its meant to be private!

 

[rumbletummy]

I think I'd have been embarrassed too, but I'm sure it wasn't her intention, some people are just like that in life, I'd let it go over your head this time but if it happens again have a word with your consultant over your concerns xx

 

[SWLizzy]

No I would like it either, I'd be really annoyed. She should be glad that you never gained it shows that you are following plan correctly. Sounds like a bit of jealousy to me. I'd be tempted to move groups...I think its really important that you feel you can rely on your C and that they make you feel inspired and motivated xxxx

 

[jaylou]

No I would like it either, I'd be really annoyed. She should be glad that you never gained it shows that you are following plan correctly. Sounds like a bit of jealousy to me. I'd be tempted to move groups...I think its really important that you feel you can rely on your C and that they make you feel inspired and motivated xxxx

Blimey!!! I don't think there's any jealous or anything and certainly no need to move groups.
Us WI ladies are human you know, and we are there to make people feel welcome, I doubt any bad intention was meant and if it did cause you concern then you could ask her not to say anything to you in future. I'm sure she'll be mortified that she's upset you.

As for it being confidential, your weight is confidential but the loss, gain, STS bit is discussed at Image Therapy!!!

 

[MrsScandude]

Agree jaylou. I do WI at my group n I'd be mortified to think id upset anyone too. I really try hard to make our members feel comfortable no matter what the outcome of their WI. I'd give her another chance if I were you, im sure she meant nothing by it.

 

[Jaq]

If someone said that to me then I'd be flattered, it shows that people are recognising how well I've done. A sts isn't ideal I know but it's better than a gain. Depending on the week you've had it could even be something to celebrate.

If I was offended though I might send my C a text or have a quiet word with the scales lady before image therapy just so someone knew that it had been taken the wrong way.

 

[ermintrude]

I'd be feeling like absolute **** if someone said that to me I used to get sick of it at classes, (in fact I get sick of it on here sometimes), just because I lost 6 stone everyone used to treat you like you had it easy or didnt have to try, and it even felt like some of them were gloating when you did STS/gain a bit. I used to get endless jibes for the weeks when I didnt get SOTW or whatever. I used to get so sick of getting the damn SOTW Id be silently begging that I didn't get again it this week, or even leaving if it looked like I might.

Its understandable coming from just another member, (even if it is annoying and upsetting), after all we all have goals and gripes - but if you're doing the WI you're in a position of responsibility and you need to think before opening your mouth, however well-intentioned. :sigh:

I would definitely have a word with the C, especially if this isnt the first time its happened.

 

[katty]

maybe have a quiet word with her just saying something like it makes me feel uncomfortable when you make comments on my progress, would you mind not mentioning it....something along those lines, perhaps she doesn't realise how it makes you feel if shes saying it in jest with good intentions. i would rather do this and manage the situation rather than making you feel bad everyweek and eventually it escalating into something bigger. she will probably be really embarrassed that she has upset you. its not worth you feeling so bad when a little word will probably sort everything out

 

[bevhunter1986]

I'd be slightly peed off and let alone have a quiet word, id be like its not my fault! Everyone's different and if you need help ask the consultant!

I think id be more angry if she was saying it behind my back! Jealousy really doesn't suit some people x

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

 

[xMandyDx]

I think it was more out of pride than jealousy, to be honest. As if she's trying to give the other members something to aspire to.

If it makes you feel uncomfortable just tell her not to mention it. I'm sure she'll understand.

I did the WIs for the first time in group last week, and let me tell you, it's hard to look someone in the eye when they've just gained or STS and are feeling so bad about it, and tell them, next week will be better!
I even had one lady who got quite angry with her gain, even though she'd admitted before she stepped on the scales that she'd not been very good.

Horses for courses, I guess...

 

[BeckyT]

I also help out with WI and I'd be absolutely mortified if I thought I'd of upset someone as it would be purely unintentional which I'm sure it was in this case

Why dont you try and have a quite word next week and explain what she said and how it made you feel. I reckon she'll be so apologetic and was just a case of not thinking before she opened her mouth. If you bring it to her attention she will think twice about what she says next time

 

[LisaC]

At my old class the seats were arranged the same, I'd feel all eyes were on me as the scales were fairly near where everyone was sitting.

I'd love to be someone who never gains or stays the same so despite her nasty & unecessary comment don't let it get to you & be proud of how well you do every week

 

[Shirleen]

Personally I would have thought of it as a compliment, if she'd said "here comes The lady who never loses' I'd feel differently, I think it's like saying "here's our star weigher', after all it must make her day knowing she can congratulate you each week.
Again just my opinion but I would feel glad that she'd noticed that about me. Like I belonged and was a real part of the group.

But if you really are offended then have a word with the Consultant, or her and let her know.

Did you feel she'd 'jinxed' you though? I would have x

 

[vivahate]

Unacceptable but try and turn it around into something positive...she is obviously jealous and I'll bet you anything she would love to be in your shoes! It must be annoying to have your hard work trivialised but at the end of the day does it matter? You are losing the weight for YOU, you know what you are doing diet and exercise wise and this woman will be no big part of your life in the future

congratulations on your weight loss, btw

 

[jaylou]

Why is it unacceptable and why must she be jealous?

Like some of us have said, those of us who do the weighing would be mortified if we upset someone like that, and I bet none of us would do it intentionally!

I'm sure I've said something along the lines of "here comes our star pupil" or similar in the past and I am never jealous of anyone!

 

[ermintrude]

Why is it unacceptable and why must she be jealous?

Like some of us have said, those of us who do the weighing would be mortified if we upset someone like that, and I bet none of us would do it intentionally!

I'm sure I've said something along the lines of "here comes our star pupil" or similar in the past and I am never jealous of anyone!

I appreciate none of you mean it intentionally/are jealous etc but I think you've got to realise that for a lot of people who are overweight, or who lose a lot each week/dont lose a lot each week or whatever else it may well have a massive effect on them emotionally and psychologically.

I know it must be really hard to know what to say/what not to say but to be quite honest I would just stick to polite friendly smiles, "hellos" and chats about the weather or whatever is 'everyday' to all of us - once you start asking questions or highlighting *in any way* something as personal as weight to someone for whom it might be a seriously, seriously raw issue (which is ALL of us, as thats why we're here at all) you're taking a big risk of really... ohh I dont know the right word, kind of the 'the straw that broke the camel's back'?

I dont know, its very hard to explain. Weight loss can be such massive, MASSIVE pressure and living up to the expectations put on you by the consultant, the team etc saying this kind of thing can be just too much to live up to and its a reason people just give up. Just think of the ways you can put great pressure on people by imposing an expectation (of any kind) on them by what you say, however unintentional. And when it happens week after week after week it can just get too much.

tbh Im surprised SW lets the team do it with no guidance whatsoever. Do the C's even get trained on the sort of thing that is/isn't necessarily constructive conversation? If not Im pretty shocked tbh. There's a lot of very deep psychological issues in weight loss and body image in general, and I think general guidance is absolutely key if you're going to be in any position of responsibility.

I know you're all volunteers but you are still in a pretty high position from the point of view of any of the members, especially newbies and people who might not be all that well emotionally and psychologically, (which is a big percentage in the overweight - you only have to read some of the threads on this board to see how people who look just fine on the surface are really really not very well underneath).

Anyway, dont think Im having a go, just really trying to help you see how even the most seemingly inocuous comment about something that's very, very personal to someone (weight/body image etc) can really hurt and be damaging so its probably best to leave the personal stuff alone in public when you can x

 

[katty]

i think people automatically thinking she must be jealous to say something like that really shows how its so easy to see the bad in people and disregarding any good intentions she may have had. i'm sure if the woman had just sat at her post, weighed people in and didn't say a word they'd think she was an ignorant so and so. it seems sometimes theres just no winning............

 

[lardylady]

I dont know, its very hard to explain. Weight loss can be such massive, MASSIVE pressure and living up to the expectations put on you by the consultant, the team etc saying this kind of thing can be just too much to live up to and its a reason people just give up. Just think of the ways you can put great pressure on people by imposing an expectation (of any kind) on them by what you say, however unintentional. And when it happens week after week after week it can just get too much.

I think you've explained it far better than I could! As I said in my original post, the woman was merely trying to be friendly (and wasn't jealous) but she rattled me! It's been interesting reading the responses, and I will definitely speak to the Consultant about it. I may also ask her to move the position of the scales in relation to where the group sit.

 

[kingleds]

I think you've explained it far better than I could! As I said in my original post, the woman was merely trying to be friendly (and wasn't jealous) but she rattled me! It's been interesting reading the responses, and I will definitely speak to the Consultant about it. I may also ask her to move the position of the scales in relation to where the group sit.

She should definitely be moving the scales regardless to give you more privacy. Ours are off to the side so people have a bit of privacy when they weigh- which considering the fact that one guy strips to his shirts it probably a good thing,! We also cover up the read out so that no one but the person in control of the PDA can see the result - including the person on the scales! This way if it's someone who takes a gain badly we can break it gently to them, rather than them seeing it on the scales.

Whilst I would never dream of saying something to someone about their tendency to gain/maintain/lose each week, I don't see that it is bourne out of jealousy. Thoughtlessness maybe, but not jealousy. Remember the people that do take your money or weigh you are there for free, they generally get there an hour before you turn up to weigh, and at most, they might get a free copy of the mag. There's no reason they would want you to feel uncomfortable at group, & if you do- say something.