ProPoints Azwethinkweiz (Sarah)s new food diary!

[Dubchick81]

IMO, and its just mine.. He may not have cheated physically, but he kinda has... In a way..
I think u need some time out for a few day to get yer head together.. (and him to be honest and admit he knows he's done wrong!!) before u make any major decisions chic.. Ur super stressed n down at the mo.. U dont wana make a decision u might regret.. Only u know whats right for u hun.. But dont let him guilt u into staying together if u really wana finish..
Am not saying u shud or shudnt finish.. But dont let him guilt ya.. xxxxx BIG hugz xxxxx

 

[tras]

Sarah,haven't been on in a few days and spent the last 20 mins catching up on your dilemma....believe me,you're not a crazy,possessive gf! First of all,maybe it's just me but I don't see much point in telling your GF that you fancy someone else...thinking someone is attractive,maybe- but telling you that he fancies this girl serves no purpose whatsoever except to make you feel like crap. There should a line between private thoughts and things we share!
I had an ex who very subtly undermined me,made me feel bad about myself in general.I never noticed that a thing was wrong (I ended it cos it just 'wasn't right' and it was only when I met my hubby that I finally realised what it should have been like. Dh is by no means perfect ( ye heard his 'it's natural for you to get up in the middle of the night' comment!) but what struck me from the beginning was that I felt 'enough' for him- just me. Not the sparkly me or the dressed up me or the sex kitten me (I wish!!!)- just me,whichever way I fell out of bed in the morning. Such total acceptance was new to me and it changed me overnight. I am so much more calm now. You deserve to feel secure and 'enough' in your relationship,not like you're playing second fiddle to some skinny one. ( ha ha,listen to me...if my oh goes off and has an affair ye can laugh at me and my smugness!!)
Seriously though,he's trying trying to turn this into your issue (dubchick,you should set up a counselling service....you had me in stitches!!)...men are experts at this.at the end of the day,if he respects you enough he'll cut contact. Not to say that it's s deal breaker but you certainly need to lay done a few home truths!

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[azwethinkweiz]

IMO, and its just mine.. He may not have cheated physically, but he kinda has... In a way..
I think u need some time out for a few day to get yer head together.. (and him to be honest and admit he knows he's done wrong!!) before u make any major decisions chic.. Ur super stressed n down at the mo.. U dont wana make a decision u might regret.. Only u know whats right for u hun.. But dont let him guilt u into staying together if u really wana finish..
Am not saying u shud or shudnt finish.. But dont let him guilt ya.. xxxxx BIG hugz xxxxx

That's how I feel too... I feel a bit cheated ya know? And it makes me think things like "if he had a chance with her would he go for it". I get very paranoid and stressed about these things more than I should.
He is already trying the guilt trip and its working to some degree (I hate to think I'm making someone feel bad) but then I think of how he's made me feel and stick to my guns.
You're right of course, I'll defo need a bit of time to myself. Otherwise I'll be all dramatic and say "forget it! Its over!" And feel silly afterwards lol.
You're so good giving me advice hon my favourite lil dub chick
Well done on your loss today by the way... I had sneaky weigh in and still showing that 2lb gain from last week... Oops!! XxX

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[Whiteybitey]

Hey!!

Have been reading through your posts with regards your oh situation and wanted to add something if that's ok?

A few years ago I met a guy who I instantly clicked with as a friend, you know felt like I'd known him for years but there was absolutely no attraction from either of us at all, hand on heart! Anyway we used to text all the time and eventually my hubby decided he wasn't happy about it. He's not normally the jealous type but he really took this quite badly and asked me to stop, so I did straight away and have never text this guy since!!

Sorry seems a bit of a ramble but my point is that even tho there was never even an element of attraction between us the fact my oh wanted me to stop was enough for me to completely stop this friendship. My relationship with my oh is worth so much more than any friendship with anyone else.

Sorry I hope that makes sense I just wanted you to know that I think you're totally right to be upset and that if your oh can't respect your feelings over this then he doesn't deserve you. I would never have disrespected my hubby by continuing a friendship he wasn't happy with. I'm sorry I hope that doesn't seem to forward. Sending you big hugs!!x

 

[azwethinkweiz]

Wow tras, thank you so much for that. It makes such sense. I should feel good in a relationship rather than that I'm not good enough or skinny enough or whatever. He told me before his "type" was "really thin, athletic, tall beauts" (which I'm not) and since then I'm very hard on myself and feel frumpy... Kinda like he's "making do" with me or something? Those words swirl around my head and I wonder why he's with me at all if I'm not his "type" ya know?! Am I even making sense lol??
You lot are great. So easy to explain things too! xx

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[azwethinkweiz]

Whitey hon... I appreciate that a lot. Its so great that you did that for your hubby because he was unhappy... In this situation I know he's attracted to her and SHE knows it too because he actively pursued her... but she considers herself out of his "league".
I think I would do what you did. And in fact I HAVE done it already. I had a friend I'd known a few years... He pursued me after I broke up with my last ex but it didn't go anywhere because I wanted to stay friends. My OH wasnt happy with this guy texting me... So I stopped contact with him. Kind of a similar thing. X

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[Whiteybitey]

You know I'm not normally one of these woman who changes for their man or would let their oh choose their friends etc utility in this situation it was more about respect you kno? I love my oh so much and if he felt disrespected then it wasn't worth it. I do miss my friend but I would miss my oh sooooo much more.

I really hope you get it sorted hun, it's hard but I agree with the other girls, you deserve to be in a relationship that makes you feel good about yourself!! xx

 

[Whiteybitey]

Sorry that should say in that situation!! Stupid iPad spellcheck!!

 

[azwethinkweiz]

Fancy shmancy iPad!!
That's what I said... Told him I felt disrespected... A bit betrayed really too considering it was this big secret that I found out only by accident? It just makes me uncomfortable.
He seems to think its over now even though I didn't say it was or wasn't. *sigh*
I appreciate you telling me about your situation, glad I'm not the only one who's had this kinda thing turn into a problem? He was making me doubt myself & feel like I was a paranoid delusional before I chatted to you lot lol! Xxx

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[Whiteybitey]

Haha yes I'm very fancy I like my technology!

Totally understand why you feel disrespected, if he doesn't understand why you're upset how can you possibly move on from this? You are not deluded at all, trust is the basis of any relationship and the fact you feel that has been broken is a huge thing!! Think you do need to take some time and think about what you really want and if you and your oh can work through this?xx

 

[azwethinkweiz]

I like technology too but I'm probably a "PC" as apposed to a "Mac" as they say lol. I do have an iPod though (from like 3 years ago). I'm a software developer so all my work is Microsoft related unfortunately LOL!

That's exactly it hon... You nailed it!! Think I'll spend this weekend to myself, have a good think. Maybe meet my friends for coffee (and a tasty treat?!) and get my mind off it for a bit too hehe xxx

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[Whiteybitey]

I got an iPhone 4 last year n that was me converted. I only really use my iPad for games n Internet etc, I have my normal laptop for my Uni work but don't think I could live with my iPad anymore, I'm like a big kid with it!!

I think that sounds like a good plan for your weekend. Enjoy the time on your own, treat yourself and have space to breathe and think. You'll feel so much better for it I'm sure!xx

 

[Dubchick81]

Ha ha Tras.. Me a councellor.. LMAO..

Sarah no probs at all.. I can only tell you how I felt at the time it was happening to me.. Situation was kinda different but much the same..
Super long story that'd take ages to explain but I know how he made me feel. Was with him 5 years n never past the 'awkward' feeling u get when u first meet someone. Ya kno.. when yer on yer best behaviour!!

 

[azwethinkweiz]

Yeah... After 6 months with this guy I still feel nervous and awkward in myself the way I never did with someone before. He seems very sorry but I told him I need a bit of time/space to think so he's leaving me be for a bit xx
Unreal that you had 5 years like that... My poor lil dub *hugs* xx

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[Dubchick81]

Yeah... After 6 months with this guy I still feel nervous and awkward in myself the way I never did with someone before. He seems very sorry but I told him I need a bit of time/space to think so he's leaving me be for a bit xx
Unreal that you had 5 years like that... My poor lil dub *hugs* xx

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I know.. I think I was tryna prove people wrong for most of it.. I got with him very quickly after splitting with another bloke (who told one of my best mates he was in love her!!!) and everyone was butting in about how we were a rebound etc.. So I think most of it was that..
It was also all the 'i'm sorrys. it wont happen again. i love you. please give it one more try i promise it'll be different........' that kept me there.. I was afraid if I didn't give it that one last try that i'd miss out on that being the one time he meant it.. He was very good at guilting me into trying again..
Then my Mam passed away and lets just say he wasn't very supportive.. I let it pass for a while and then one day woke up and said 'do ya know what?! I'm worth more than this. I deserve to be happy and i'm not rite now' and that was that..

 

[azwethinkweiz]

He told one of your best friends he was in love with her?? Sounds like something off the tv!?! Strange how familiar this is... I got with my OH not long after splitting with my ex too. I still dunno what to do but the "I'm sorry, give me another chance" speech sounds similar to what I'm hearing... And what I heard before from my ex.
Can't believe someone could be so unsupportive when a terrible thing like that happened you defo deserve better than that, that guy sounds like an idiot. How dare he... I'd give him a good smack if I could xx
Meeting my friends for coffee tonight, I'm sure they'll cheer me up a bit too! x

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[Dubchick81]

He told one of your best friends he was in love with her?? Sounds like something off the tv!?! Strange how familiar this is... I got with my OH not long after splitting with my ex too. I still dunno what to do but the "I'm sorry, give me another chance" speech sounds similar to what I'm hearing... And what I heard before from my ex.
Can't believe someone could be so unsupportive when a terrible thing like that happened you defo deserve better than that, that guy sounds like an idiot. How dare he... I'd give him a good smack if I could xx
Meeting my friends for coffee tonight, I'm sure they'll cheer me up a bit too! x

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Yea he was a rite pr1ck thru it all.. Seriously u wudn't believe me if I told ya!!! She passed away 13th December so Christmas was obviously an awful time.. He was being such an ar5ehole that I ended up going to my mates in Wexford from St. Stephens' Day til just before New Year.. Then I went to my other mates in Bettystown.. Without my friends I dunno how I'd have got thru.. He was more of a hindrance than a help.. Its only now that I realise what a d1ck he was I think 'what a gobsh1te I was for him!'
But he done the whole texting in secret thing too.. And although he never admitted fancying the girl I know he did.. But it was all him.. (Same girl as the other bloke told he was in love with!! lol)

 

[azwethinkweiz]

This sounds riddicydonkily familiar!! My ex was emailing and texting this exact same girl in secret too. Unreal. Are you still friends with that girl??
Friends can be great and I haven't been spending enough time with mine these last few weeks xx

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[Dubchick81]

Yea still mates with her. She was totally innocent in it all. Like they grew up as best mates together. I met him thru her. And it was only when she'd say 'aw I was texting kev the other day and.... bla'
I'd be thinking 'oh.. he said he hadn't been talkin to u in ages...'
Or when she'd be coming down my way she'd often drop him down.. But he'd tell me his Dad dropped him down.. And then if I said she'd mentioned talking to him or whatever he'd be like 'aw she's only tryna break us up. her head's wrecked we're together' n all that crap..Which was totally NOT true.. She was a great friend of mine.. One of my best at that time.
Then he used to text me the odd Thursday n say he was wrecked and having an early night.. I'd stay in hers and hav a bottle of wine n curry or whatever.. Then her brother wud come in from the nightclub n cum in to chat n be like 'aw just left Kev home there.. he's locked! We'd a great night tho' Me n karen wud be like "eh he was having an early night!"... Funny now thinking back but he had my head up me ar5e thinking all sorts.. Why was he lying if he had nothing to hide??!! And then the promises wud all start again.. I'll never lie again. I won't hide anything. I promise it'll be different this time. Please give it one last try.........

 

[lydia150970]

Then my Mam passed away and lets just say he wasn't very supportive.. I let it pass for a while and then one day woke up and said 'do ya know what?! I'm worth more than this. I deserve to be happy and i'm not rite now' and that was that..

What a pr*ck so glad you got rid of him hun!! Something similar happened to me, was engaged 11 years ago, we went on holiday, my nan died so we flew straight back, he dropped me off at my grandads and just went home, i couldn't understand his lack of compassion and care. 6 weeks later one of my grandads died, then 2 weeks later he left me for a woman he had started an affair with 2 weeks before the holiday. It all made sense then!

Honestly girls we are better off with dogs, they are far more loyal and loving !!! :8855: