ProPoints Azwethinkweiz (Sarah)s new food diary!

[azwethinkweiz]

Oh and I feel the same way about the meds Star, they help short term for major depressive episodes I think but the way I am I don't think they'll help me really. Its like you're looking through someone elses eyes or something? I was on Xanax for a while last year and it was really strange... but to be honest it helped me get through a tough patch and see sense if you know what I mean? I prefer to be drug free though and would only go to the doctors if I felt I was going to do something silly or got too anxious & panicky!

 

[starkissedx]

I went to docs before I went on Hols as I was having a bad patch mainly money related and just the stress of making sure our trip went to plan and she gave me a few diazepam...before basically insulting me by saying oh a girl your age shouldn't be relying on this type of medication to get by, your going have to do something about that! I was like right well I was refused help from mental health team so I can't see how I haven't tried to get by.

Anywho I took the tablets for a few days and it reaffirmed why I hate the antidepressants my oh was like your so different. I would just sit in a daze and my eyes even looked glazed. Couldn't concentrate and wanted to sleep all day. Although to be fair I was so relaxed my stress wasnt there! It's a hard thing to chose to be with the meds or without they are a quick easy way to get relief but also the a other issues they bring for me can't be worth it.

Xx

 

[azwethinkweiz]

Well that doctor doesn't sound very helpful at all? I think one of my worst depressive episodes was when I was only 18?! Age doesn't factor in those things the same way? Like, don't teens get depressed and suicidal etc. too? What a silly thing for her to say.
I know... They make your brain go fuzzy. So its like your aren't thinking the bad things anymore but you aren't thinking good things either... Like you're on auto pilot or something!? My OH at the mo doesn't know much about my depression in the past, I don't know how I would voice something like that to him. He's a very optimistic person and I don't think he realizes what real depression is, ya know!? I think he equates it to being in a bad mood lol... X

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[Whiteybitey]

Here to follow!! xx

 

[tras]

Ah Sarah,hope you're feeling a bit better. I think the change of season with dark eve and sudden rain doesn't help matters. Also.you've probably got the rats after electric picnic...I'm always very off form when I have a heavy session! Anyway,lots of love and hugs xxxxxxxxxx

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[CarlyLanky140]

We all have those days sweetie! U are a stunner and a fab friend to all of us u are not fat! And soon u will be super slinky and these days will be a distant memory!

I'm with u on being skint! Don't even have a house and still have no money! One day at a time remember to have some treats even if just a cheap face pack/ little piece of fashion jewelery? And vouchers are the way forward lol

Hope u feel better soon!

And as for meds! I was on sertraline for 4 years and I decided one day to stop... I still have bad days but I feel things and I can cope... Believe in yourself like we do and when it's right u can stop

And I kno no-one will understand anyone fully but we will try if u let us we love u lots! U are an inspiration and a lovely lady

As for eating crap I think it probs does depress us! I'm so excited to be properly bk on plan tomorrow

Hugs xx

 

[Dubchick81]

He's a very optimistic person and I don't think he realizes what real depression is, ya know!? I think he equates it to being in a bad mood lol... X

I think people don't really understand depression unless its affected them or someone close to them.. Thankfully I haven't suffered from it but my Mam's sister is a manic depressive and has to go to hospital every now n then.. Normally once or twice a year for long spats to get back on track.. Thankfully now she can recognise when she's 'getting sick' and signs herself in.. My Dad's sister suffers depression too and while hers is bad, its not as bad as my other aunt.. But she has attempted suicide a couple of time.. As has her daughter (who is now only 22) and her son (who is now only 20) And my brother also suffers depression.. He has just in the past 2 months come off his meds and so far so good... So age has clearly nothing to do with it at all..
I think (speaking from the outside looking in) its to do with how supportive your family is and how much open communication is "accepted" in your home.. My family don't express emotion or feeling at all. I dont think my Dad has ever told any of us he loves us or is proud of us.. If we're down r sad he ignores it hoping it'll pass.. Or crack a joke to break the "awkward moments"
So ya just have to grin n bear yer troubles.. Which clearly is not healthy..

Hope you're feeling better today x

 

[azwethinkweiz]

Thank you for that Frances hon, you seem to understand it so well! My mum understands a bit because she was depressed after having my brother. But I'm the only one who can't seem to just get past it... I think I'll be like this forever?!
I had a really bad day yesterday. I felt terrible and couldn't see the point anymore (if you know what I mean) but I try to calm myself down now and seems to work. I tried explaining to my OH after we ended up having a massive row over him talking to this girl he fancies behind my back and he doesn't see the "big deal" and thinks I want to "control" him when really the situation just upsets me. So that made my mood even worse and I started getting really down about my looks cuz this other girl is skinnier and prettier and he fawns over her. Anyways, I did eventually calm myself down... I felt better when I was home as I think my family take my mind off the horrible thoughts.
I think if people knew what went on in my head half the time they would think I was seriously crazy lol. X

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[Dubchick81]

One thing I would say is Post Natal depression and depression are similar but not the same.. As post natal is due to all the hormones and emotions running riot and eventually settle.. Sometimes it doesn't even need treatment and mostly only needs short term treatment. Depending on how quickly its recognised I s'pose..
So dont be thinking if she can get over it why can't i?! Its completely different...
As for the issue with ur OH.. I would knock him right out!! (figure of speech of course lol) No way in hell would I be happy with my BF talking with someone I knew he fancies.. And if he was doing it behind my back I'd be thinking all sorts.. My mind works overtime with things like that.. IMO you are well right to have a problem with that.. And no wonder its making you feel crap about yourself.. You are beautiful.. On the outside and more importantly on the inside..

 

[azwethinkweiz]

Suppose you can't compare two different types of depression but she kinda thinks I should just get over it already lol.

OH just sees it as I don't "trust" him but I don't think that's my issue. Then he tried to say that I'm trying to control him by wanting to know he was talking to her. Thing is when I brought it up before that its uncomfortable for me he said he wouldn't talk to her and wouldn't talk to her behind my back because that'd be disrespectful to my feelings. Now he's taken all that back and claims he "never said that" (he definitely did because I have a really good memory for these things). He said I think the world revolves around me and that it was ridiculous to expect him to not fancy her or others. Really though, I would've preferred to never know he fancies her. I never asked, he just told me like? And only reason he isn't with her is because she isn't interested. The whole thing is getting me down now and I dunno what to say or do, he's making it seem like its all my problem and maybe it is but I doubt he'd be comfortable with a situation like this if it was the other way around?!

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[Dubchick81]

I think men go to a secret class when they hit puberty to teach them how to turn an argument to being our fault..
Its the one thing each and every one of them are brilliant at!

I doubt there is a girl alive, no matter how much she trusts her bloke, that would be happy with him talking to any girl behind her back. Never mind one he openly fancies!!
Nothing controlling about that at all. No-one would be happy with it..
If he loved and respected you and/or your feelings at all he'd be man enough and honest enough to admit that he's in the wrong in hiding it.. Like, what's the secret? What's he hiding?! That's what i'd be thinking anyway.. I go a bit 'odd' in that situation..
Sounds to me like he needs a right talking to.. Like, no-ones saying dont chat to her if he happens to pass her in the street or whatever.. Just don't hide it!! Its not that hard!!

 

[azwethinkweiz]

The thing is he's emailing and texting this girl so its not a simple case of passing her on the street. And I'm the exact same way. He says I should trust him yet he hides these things from me (the only reason I realised this was still going on was because he opened his email in front of me and then quickly closed it again when he realised I saw her name in his inbox). I'm pretty upset about it and he's pretending today like everythings fine but its still whirling around in my head and I cant help but think all sorts. I go "odd" in these situations too hon. And I dont appreciate being lied to (Apparently "omission" of information isn't lying?). Of course in this scenario he thinks I'm a control freak who thinks the world revolves around her rather than someone who's just worried about the relationship and feeling insecure now. Cant help but think "what else does he do that I dont know about??" ya know? I let these things get to me so much.

 

[Dubchick81]

Yea I'm with you. I would NOT be OK with that.. I'd be freaking out if I were you.. (i know this coz i've been here before!!)
He clearly knows what he's doing is wrong and is playing stupid..
And by saying that you're tryna control him etc is hoping you'll think 'Yea must be me' and leave it..
I fricken HATE when you have an argument and blokes ignore it the next day and act as if nothing was ever said... Grrr.. Drives me insane!!
Wish there was something I cud do/say to make ya feel better chic.. Ur a lovely girl.. U really dont deserve to be treated like that..

I wasted 5 years of my life with the bloke who I went thru all that with.. And out of them 5 i'd say 3.5 were spent arguing/breaking up/crying... Looking back now I think 'how the hell were u so stupid putting up with his crap?!' Please don't do the same

 

[azwethinkweiz]

I know hon. Honestly, I had this same situation with my ex. Funniest part is its the same girl again. Its the SAME girl!! Like... its just pissing me off now!? He says he cant help fancying her but surely texting and emailing her cant be right?? How does he expect me to feel about it? Such an idiot. He got the silent treatment over lunch, couldnt even look at him. Sick of him presuming everything is fine the next day when its eating me up inside. I dont even know if this relationship is worth it if its making me feel so bad about myself.

 

[Dubchick81]

Aww... I just wana give you the biggest hug and give him a big slap!!
No.. its definitley not right that he feels its OK to text n email her. How would he feel if you were secretly texting n emailing someone u fancied!! He certainly wouldn't like it.. No-one would..
I would never try influence of tell anyone what to do in their relationship hun, only u can figure that out.. I think you both need to sit down and work it out between you, and decide where to go from there... I'll PM u my number shud u ever need it.. xxx

 

[starkissedx]

Cant believe he is twisting it as if your the one with the problem. 100% NOT acceptable to be texting and emailing a girl he admitted to fancying and also what it is with her talking to your ex too! She must love wrecking trust in relationships!! Unless he stopped talking to her i wouldnt put up with it,its not at all fair on you to be feeling like this xx

 

[lydia150970]

I know hon. Honestly, I had this same situation with my ex. Funniest part is its the same girl again. Its the SAME girl!! Like... its just pissing me off now!? He says he cant help fancying her but surely texting and emailing her cant be right?? How does he expect me to feel about it? Such an idiot. He got the silent treatment over lunch, couldnt even look at him. Sick of him presuming everything is fine the next day when its eating me up inside. I dont even know if this relationship is worth it if its making me feel so bad about myself.

I hope you don't mind me butting in here, I know I don't know you personally but...

He may not be able to help fancying other people, but he certainly can help who he has contact with!! He's told you he won't contact her anymore then you find out for yourself that he's lied, no wonder you are in turmoil. I had exactly the same situation with my ex and his ex (who is now his wife), You have to do whats best for you - put YOU first and foremost. If you are wondering if the relationship isn't worth this hassle and upset anymore then it probably isn't to be honest - I don't mean to sound harsh I just hate to see, clearly lovely people be put through sh*t by selfish undeserving men!! Big hugs x:hug99:

 

[azwethinkweiz]

Thanks so much Fran Hope I dont wreck your head, might give you a text later after work if thats ok hon xx

I know star, that was my reaction too? I dont think its acceptable either but he's made it seem like I'm this caraaaazzy girlfriend or something? I dont think he'd like it one bit if it was the other way around... difference is I would never do that to him. I doubt he'll stop talking to her so much as hide it better from me next time. He claims she's his friend even though he's was chasing after her for ages (she isnt interested which is the only thing in his way I think).
Yes, I work with my OH, and I had worked here with my ex too. She also worked here but she doesnt anymore... he's still in contact with her anyway. I had some trouble over my ex being a little over friendly with her before and lying about talking to her & bringing her to work with him (before I worked here of course). We didnt break up over that but it feels like history is repeating itself in some ways and its horrid. I feel so ugly & fat compared to her now.
Thank you for your support hon, its nice to see I'm not the only one who would be hurt by this (he thinks I'm just overly sensitive & i suppose I am a bit!?)

 

[azwethinkweiz]

Course I dont mind hon, anyones view on it is welcome (even if its negative towards me I'd still listen lol).
I know... I know... I'm finding it hard to accept that maybe this whole thing was just a big mistake. Going behind my back like this has made me trust him less I think. Honestly, I think if she snapped her fingers he'd go running (he says he wouldn't). He doesnt ever talk to his ex (as far as I know) but for some reason cant give up this one girl in his life? So I dunno. Its all a bit suss...

 

[lydia150970]

Course I dont mind hon, anyones view on it is welcome (even if its negative towards me I'd still listen lol).
I know... I know... I'm finding it hard to accept that maybe this whole thing was just a big mistake. Going behind my back like this has made me trust him less I think. Honestly, I think if she snapped her fingers he'd go running (he says he wouldn't). He doesnt ever talk to his ex (as far as I know) but for some reason cant give up this one girl in his life? So I dunno. Its all a bit suss...

Ooo I wasn't trying to be negative, I'm so sorry if it came across that way. I think you find it hard, because you have invested time, effort, love and affection into this relationship? Its perfectly normal to feel the way you are - I certainly would and did - I'm quite firey though, so both my ex and his ex got a real mouthful from me LOL!!

I don't think you would be asking too much for your OH to put equal effort into the relationship and stop making you out to be overreacting/crazy/paranoid or whatever, because you are not - everyone's reaction on here should prove that for certain!