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Binge cycle - copied from other thread!

#1
Binge cycle

I tried to post this as a different user name as \i'm so ashamed.. for the last 3 days and one day last week I have binged then made myself vomit afterwards..:cry:

Just finding it so hard.. I'm depressed anyway.. PMT and having a hrd time with my family, no income and trying to get a job..

I don't feel physical hunger when I'm in ketosis but then again physical hunger has never been my preoblem.. if you see what I mean.. Its all in my head.. I've realised how much my life depends on food..its my only vice and I'm miserable without it..

Tea time is my worst time.. feeding my two very young boys is crippling me!

Mini you mentioned a binge cycle.. is that what I'm in.. is it tool late for me?

i told my LLC about the first incident but havent told her since.. even more fed up and miserable now..

what shall I do?
 
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#2
Hi Skinnyjan,
I have no expertise in this area, and I'm not sure I can help at all, but I just wanted to post a message saying hang on in there. I am sure someone will post very soon with some practical advice, but I saw your post and just wanted you to know you are not alone, and you can pull through this, all of it.
This time last year I was self-harming and suicidal- I disappeared one day and was found by the police, even had to spend a night on a locked ward- but I pulled through it with help and love.

Use your LLC as much as you can- you are paying for it! But you may be able to find other sources of support- has your doctor's surgery got a counsellor attached? And there are web sites that provide support for all kinds of eating and self-harming behaviours.

Please don't feel alone- everyone on this site is with you, every step of the way.

Keep on keeping on and have hugs from me just for starters.

Kathy x
 
S: 15st9lb C: 12st9lb G: 9st7lb BMI: 31.4 Loss: 3st0lb(19.18%)
#3
Hi Jan

Sorry you're having such a hard time. I've tried to PM you but it won't go through. PM me if want to talk.

Take care

Baileys
x
 
S: 15st9lb C: 12st9lb G: 9st7lb BMI: 31.4 Loss: 3st0lb(19.18%)
#4
Hi SkinnyJan

I've posted a reply on your other thread.

Baileys
x
 
Last edited by a moderator:

AmandaJayne

Trainee Maintainer
#5
Hia Jan,

Although I've never gone in for the vomiting part of the binge/vomit cycle (have an aversion to being sick), I do identify with what you have said about how you are feeling around food.

It's true, that feeling emotionally hungry is extremely hard to deal with. It's sometimes like a slippery eel - no matter how hard you try to grasp it, it just slips away from you. You try and try, and try again, each time getting more desperate, afraid, panicky, anxious - screaming in your head because you want it and can't get it.

That's how I felt in the months leading up to beginning LL.

Quote: "Mini you mentioned a binge cycle.. is that what I'm in.. is it too late for me? How can I get out of it?"

It IS a cycle.

How to get out of it? Take the first step.

What's that? Next time you get the desire to eat, don't.

What's the worst that can happen? You'll feel like s**t for a while.

What's the best that can happen? Soon you'll feel the first stirrings of the strength/power within you.

It's a start and, like most things that are worth doing, it will be difficult, tiring, exhausting, boring, and frustrating.

Each success will make the next 'temptation' a little bit easier to deal with.

Each failure will make the next 'temptation' a little harder (but not impossible).

It's deferred gratification. Going through hartd times or difficulties in order to achieve an important goal (like exams or driving test).

There is no easy answer Jan, but be assured that we are all rooting for you, here on Minis!
 
#6
Sorry to hear that you're feeling so low. Try & look orward to the future instead of back to what has been done. You may be feeling worse because you've not had the nutrients you need plus you now feel you've let yourself down. If you can, just wipe the slate & start afresh tomorrow.
Re the problem times at tea time can you have a shake (either as shake or made into food) at the same time so you feel like you're having something...its not the same as a meal but may help? Or could your Oh do the tea instead until you feel less wobbly?
You say you're depressed...have you seen your GP and if you're on medication are you taking it regularly because if you're not it will upset the delicate balance...Can you develop some positive rewards other than food for getting through each day...having "me" time, bubbles in the bath, book from library? When I gave up smoking I found diversion tatcics helped (internet & tapestry) at the danger times which are 6-10 for me!
Hope that helps? Can you talk to your LL counc about this again? They do get vast sums of money so use the support & get your moneys worth but PLEASE dont make yourself sick again...its no good for you in any way, physically or mentally..big hugs :)
 

KD

Gone fishing
#7
Not much more to add...just want to offer you some hope.

I'm a binger, but with constant effort (well...most of the time anyway;) ), I'm getting there. I never thought I would say that. Thought I would be a binger forever...it was as much me as my soul.

Seems there is life after all away from the constant obsession with food:confused: Just takes time.

Hugs!!
 

gaijingirl

has lying hips
#8
Just a bit of added support. I was a chronic binge/purger before starting on this (on October 3rd) - I ended my food days on October 2nd with a big curry and an even bigger trip to the toilet afterwards to get rid!!

Since doing this I haven't b/p-ed at all. I am going back to eating for the first time today (since beginning) on maintenance (so you can imagine how terrified I am).

You don't mention whether the vomiting is something you've just done since starting this or whether it was something you did anyway before starting on LL.

If you have just started doing it I would seriously think about either giving up LL or getting help quickly. I don't want to scare you but I started with the vomiting aged 24. I'm 34 now and it spiralled out of control to the point where I could spend up to £50 on food eat it all in one go - be in extreme physical pain, throw it up and bring up blood at the same time. I know someone else who had to have a part of her throat removed from doing the same thing. Nip it in the bud now!! Your weight is important but sorting this is more important - although obviously the two are linked!

Anyway, I know that's easier said than done but I guess what I'm trying to say is - make ending the b/p-ing thing your number one priority. Definitely tell your LL counsellor. If she can't help you, she should definitely be able to recommend someone who can. I would also mention it to the doctor. I've had CBT and also been prescribed anti-depressants to treat this (I was already on anti-Ds anyway so that was a non-starter and the CBT didn't help me too much with the eating either - although it did help with some of the other associated problems I had). I also had hypnotherapy (didn't help) and went to Overeaters Anonymous (where everyone was some combination of binger/b-p/anorexic etc) - which I could see being helpful but it wasn't really for me at the time, although I may go back in the future. So far the only thing that has helped has been LL and the counselling I've had - but that, of course, has been whilst in abstinence - so fingers crossed from here on in!! :eek:


But you are not alone - there are many of us out here - more than you can imagine really. Don't be ashamed - really don't - don't beat yourself up - don't feel guilty. It's like a monster that takes hold of you and controls you - you can't beat yourself up for that. If you want to talk about it anymore you can always send me a pm.

GG
:)
 

gaijingirl

has lying hips
#10
Tofu - my favourite - and none of that Cauldron stuff either - proper fresh tofu from the oriental supermarket!

Haven't had it yet - will have it tonight with salt - as they don't mention soy sauce in the things I can have list yet (oddly - since pure soy sauce - not the rubbish sugary water stuff dyed caramel - is made from soy beans as is tofu - I would have had tamari which apart from the substance from the soy beans contains only salt, water and koji). Anyway, I don't mind as it will be lovely just to taste the tofu!!

I love love love love tofu. Soon I'll be having it with wasabi and soy sauce and a nice cup of tea! :)
 

Mini

Administrator
Staff member
S: 18st2lb C: 16st3.5lb G: 11st2lb Loss: 1st12.5lb(10.43%)
#11
I tried to post this as a different user name as I'm so ashamed.. for the last 3 days and one day last week I have binged then made myself vomit afterwards..:cry:

Just finding it so hard.. I'm depressed anyway.. PMT and having a hard time with my young family, no income and trying to get a job..

I don't feel physical hunger when I'm in ketosis but then again physical hunger has never been my problem.. if you see what I mean.. Its all in my head.. I've realised how much my life depends on food..its my only vice and I'm miserable without it..

Tea time is my worst time.. feeding my two very young boys is crippling me!

Mini you mentioned a binge cycle.. is that what I'm in.. is it too late for me? How can I get out of it?

I told my LLC about the first incident but havent told her since.. even more fed up and miserable now..

what shall I do?
Hi skinnyjan,


Everyone already has given excellent advice.

Awareness is crucial as to why your doing it and you have put your finger on how your feeling....

Just finding it so hard.. I'm depressed anyway.. PMT and having a hard time with my young family, no income and trying to get a job..


So even though your not hungry you are comfort eating. your not alone there, as for me or anyone else it is seldom about hunger, food is my vise or drug of choice which does make you feel good as we always go for high carb, high fat foods which triggers the feel good endorphins in the brain.

I would never think of pigging out on apples or carrots:rolleyes:

Like when AmandaJayne said...


How to get out of it? Take the first step.

What's that? Next time you get the desire to eat, don't.

What's the worst that can happen? You'll feel like s**t for a while.


Endorphins are neurotransmitters produced in the Brian that reduce pain and these endorphins induce a feeling of euphoria and the quick fix can also be got from other things beside eating.

Exercising of any kind is another way and some research suggests that it is actually the sense of achievement in doing an hour in the gym or running a mile that produces the endorphin release more so that the actually act itself.

You can look for your own little success each day in your life and claim them. Try to put your focus on the positive and it will grow from there.

Being a stay at home mum is one of the most stressful jobs.. as you are there day in and day out doing what seems like a thankless job at times and going by what is in the media these days it also seems that way as the government is putting so much pressure on women to leave their children and take up jobs outside the home.


Your doing LL and I think you should tell your LLC what has happened, she has heard it all before, so don't feel ashamed even though you do and it is difficult not to...but the guilt/shame feelings is what fuels the cycle...

Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy is excellent for BED (Binge Eating Disorder) and has been proven to be very effective in helping to overcome it, but you have to be honest with your Counsellor otherwise she can not help you.

Learning new ways of coping with stress is a big one for all of us.

The road to success is paved with pot holes, but if you keep picking yourself up and moving forward you will get there.

Karion Dieting says...I'm a binge, but with constant effort (well...most of the time anyway;) ), I'm getting there. I never thought I would say that. Thought I would be a binge forever...it was as much me as my soul.

Seems there is life after all away from the constant obsession with food:confused: Just takes time.

gaijingirl says...Nip it in the bud now!!


hugs:hug99:

Love Mini xxx
 
#13
Hi Everyone... wow! What can I say.. what support on here.. SO glad I found you.. and so glad I confessed.. one ofthe hardest things I've ever done...

I had an interview for a job yesterday and GOT It! So am seeing that as a turning point in both getting happier and sorting out the bingeing.. I have decided to eat just one pack in the day and 3 eve / night when I have a problem and to step up the water intake again..

PLUS.. I've just given myslef a real talking to that its my choice not to binge purge so I wont.. I'm sure I wouldn't binge if I didnt see vomiting as an escape from weight gain so NO MORE!

Willl et you know how I go.

Talked to my LLC too and she suggested a referral from my GP for specialist help.. I so dont want them to tell me to stop LL so for now I will try on my own with her help and my DH and best pal ( she's BRILL)!

BTW I haven't come out of ketosis so thats a relief...
 
#14
Jan congratulations on getting the job - you must be made up - life is on the up for you ... though your weight is on the down :)

Cath
 
#15
Lovely to see you feeling more positive and well done on the job! Thank you for sharing & for being so honest which must have been hard for you but I am sure helps people know they are not alone. We are all going to struggle in different ways on this journey & its great to know that people who understand are on the journey with us isnt it?
I was trying to explain what being fat does to you yesterday to someone (ie the looks, feeling unft, self esteem, the doom in getting clothes, people treating you like *&££ and looking at you like you're the lowest of the ow on occasion...etc etc) & I swear they thought I was making it up!
Just think each day you get through is another one closer to the confident you that lies beneath! Its going to take us all time to deal with life without food as a crutch so keep sharing & we'll all get there togeather - despite the ups & downs that will invariably follow! Big hugs...
 

flirty40greeneyes

Busy busy busy!!
S: 15st3lb C: 13st11lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 33.1 Loss: 1st6lb(9.39%)
#16
Congratulations on getting the job and hope that will be a turning point for you.

How very brave of you to come on here and confess (and you shouldn't feel ashamed - no-one on here judges you) and you may have helped someone else who wanted the information but did not have the courage to post - so well done.

If ever you need help again, on this or anythingelse .... SHOUT - there's always someone on here who has been there, done that, got the T-shirt and will reply.

Take care and hope the job is all you want!
 
#17
I'm so pleased things are on the up for you,you sounded so low.Isn't it fantastic we can go from 0 to 10 again in no time.It's remembering at the zero stage that we will move on and up again thats so important.Its great your using the support thats around you,and you were sooooooo brave to reach out and ask for help!!!Wishing you continued success.Hope you enjoy your new job xx
 

gaijingirl

has lying hips
#18
I'm so pleased you got the job!! You sound so much happier now - it's great.

BTW - that's what I have done - I pretty much consume most of my packs in the evening - certainly I push them towards the end of the day - and I ALWAYS save a chocolate milkshake to have in bed before I go to sleep. I will continue to do this even now and when I eventually come off packs completely I will always save a hot chocolate for bedtime!

Congratulations again!! :)
 

AmandaJayne

Trainee Maintainer
#19
"...I had an interview for a job yesterday and GOT It!..."

Hurray! Great news Skinnyjan. So pleased too that we were able to support you during this difficult time.



"...I will always save a hot chocolate for bedtime!"


I second that Gaijingirl! I just love my bedtime treat!


"How very brave of you to come on here and confess (and you shouldn't feel ashamed - no-one on here judges you) and you may have helped someone else who wanted the information but did not have the courage to post - so well done."

Flirty's right Skinnyjan, your courage in posting will undoubtably have helped someone else. Thanks for that!
 
#20
Just think each day you get through is another one closer to the confident you that lies beneath! Its going to take us all time to deal with life without food as a crutch so keep sharing & we'll all get there togeather - despite the ups & downs that will invariably follow! Big hugs...
that sums up this forum so well and is a great thing to read if struggling!;)

so glad you're back on top Jan! well done on getting the job too!! :)
 


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