Bingeing... Why?!!?

[Micci]

Hi there Micci

Yep, it's true that I was a bit of a rebel too as a teen. My parents seemed to be stricter than many others and, as I mentioned, Mum was very controlling of my food intake (even before I got chubby). When I did get chubby, she was fairly critical and I think a bit embarrassed about my weight (I was probably size 14-16 then). At this age, I began bingeing when she had gone out. Of course, it didn't help that I was into the Sex Pistols et al and wore weird gear and loads of gothic make-up!

I feel awful criticising my mum as she was a very generous, funny and kind person but also quite controlling. I feel bad writing this down as she died of a brain tumour 3 years ago and suffered badly so I feel disloyal and guilty for sharing this but think my childhood may have something to do with my eating fads. (I probably need a visit to Aline's daughter!).

I am feeling better today and ate well yesterday. I'm not going to weigh myself until Wednesay because I know I have gained and that will throw me off track. I really mean to do some exercise (I hate it) as I noticed today that the bit of definition I had in my arms is hidden by something akin to a pitta bread.



Thanks for listening love Pomooky XX

Goodness, we have so much in common. My mother was really controlling about my food but was in other ways such a good parent I have difficulties accepting that some things she did were not good for me. I too binged when left alone in the house, to the extent that there would be problems cooking the next meal as lots of ingredients had gone. Or so I was told but in retrospect I didn't eat the sort of thing that went into meals. My parents generally were pretty controlling and very much judged people by their level of slenderness. It was about the first thing they mentioned about someone new they had met.

My mother thought I was fat as a teenager and told me so but looking back on photos I had a lovely shape when I was about 12 - 14 years. She definitely had oddities around food - going from quite obese to very slender and back and gave me very mixed messages about how I had to eat everything on my plate as it was good for me and she knew best about what I needed and at the same time would proudly tell me that all she had had that day was two sticks of celery, some lettuce and half a boiled egg. Grow up confused about food? Sure I did.

I too looked like a rebellious youth but I'm a bit older than you and was a various stages a biker and a hippy. I could see my poor mother swallowing her shame and doing her best to go to shops with me to buy the clothes I wanted as we embarrassed each other.... ho hum, I can imagine my daughter saying just the same about me, I know that as a parent I've done some wrong things

I'm glad today has been better. You say you hate exercise. Is there anything physical you enjoy? Even going shopping (or window shopping) burns calories and uses muscles. Walking places rather than using buses or the car is good too, it doesn't have to be sweaty stuff in a gym.

Micci xxx

 

[Aline]

Pomooky,
I'm still struggling a bit with emotional eating. I'm not vegan (yet) but I aim to be, however when I emotional eat I'm not very carefull and I end up eating some products with eggs and dairy... I already ate vegan for several weeks in a row but somehow it's hard for me to be consistent with it. I don't wear fur/leather and I use only vegan makeup and products, my only mistakes with veganism are food related:sigh:
The essays and thesis are very stressfull but they need to be done, so I'm trying to look at it with some positivity.
Good luck to your exam hun, I have my fingers crossed for you

xx

Louise,
You aren't alone on this struggle, we all are here because we're looking for ways to break the emotional eating cycles.
Weekends are very challanging for me so I undertsand...
Hope you're better now

xx

Micci,
I believe most of us have family members (e.g. parents and grandparents) that also had/have some unhealthy eating patterns. However I also belive that they usually meant well. They sent us confusing messages about food but probably they were confused too.

I love your tip, I need to start using it:

How about changing the thought 'I know I will binge again' to 'I know I will be tempted to binge again' which leaves a mental space for a different approach next time the need hits

xx

 

[Pomooky125]

Just a thought - I am a little worried after thinking about childhood and the influence of our parents. What about me/us? My son knows I am a binger (I explained to him) and I do tell him to try to finish up his meals and limit his choccy consumption. Aaagh! Am I turning into my mother? Will he be a binger too?

At the moment, he can (enviably) leave his meal when he is full and doesn't eat if he's not hungry.

I need to be more careful about the messages I send to him as now I realise the impact parent's habits can have.

Pomooky XXX

ps. Micci - I ordered the book!

 

[Aline]

Pomooky,
You're a great mother, you care about the messages you send to you son so you're already a good and caring mom.

I'm not a mother myself, I just can speak from daughter experience and studies, but I think you shouldn't feel bad for teaching him that some foods we can eat freely (fruits and veggies) and others need moderation (e.g. sweets and fried foods) otherwise people can become a bit unhealthy. Don't get into the "bad/forbidden food" with him, but it's also wise to tell him it must be consumed in moderation, tell him it's a dessert type of food because that's what it is. And pleople only eat deserts sometimes and only in moderate amounts. Plus, if he eats the sweet/chocolate at the end of meal time we will be fuller and eat less of the sugary/choccy item.
Is he at a healthy weight? If he isn't underweight I think you don't have to tell him to finish up his meals. Make sure he eats something of everything at main meals (e.g. a vegetable/fruit, a carb like rice or patato and a protein) but don't force him food that he can't stomach. Eating normal is eating sensible and according our body needs, not more not less.

And don't worry much about it, you're doing your best and that is all that matters

xx

 

[Micci]

Ditto to what Aline said above. Pomooky, I do so hope the book that helped me is good for you - I'm worrying now that I've caused you to waste your money .. worry ... worry ...

 

[Pomooky125]

Hi Aline

Thanks so much for your ideas. My son seems to be quite well adjusted so far. He is a healthy weight with a lovely flat tum (but then so was I at 13!). I will just let him follow his instincts with food but watch the sweet stuff. Apart from the fact that he is now of an age when he can pop into Sainsbury's on the way hime from school so I won't have much say in the matter soon!

Micci - You're a worrier just like me! I'm sure I haven't wasted my money. I waste a lot more on lipsticks and stupid anti wrinkle creams. If the book doesn't work for me I can use it to do step exercises on, as a small yoga mat or just stick it on top of the exercise bike which also has been a waste of money!

Love Pomooky XXX

 

[Louise xx]

Another bad day. But to morrow I'm back in game!!

Low carb and avoiding binge foods of sugar and white carbs xx

 

[Micci]

Another bad day. But to morrow I'm back in game!!

Low carb and avoiding binge foods of sugar and white carbs xx

Yay, you can do it Louise! That's the attitude. What will you eat? Have you got plans for nice low carb foods?

Micci xxx

 

[Aline]

Pomooky,
Glad to know your son is healthy, so don't worry he must be doing something right Some people are naturally slim because they naturally eat normal, probably he's one of those and good for him, because stressing about "normal" eating is to stressing.

So you have an exercise bike at home. You could put it in your living-room and you can use it while watching your favourite shows (Says the girl who has a step machine on her living-room but never uses it: me, lol).

x

Louise,
How are you today Louise?
I'm a bit on the same boat. Lately I'm the carbs queen:sigh: I love carbs and I belive the whole carbs aren't harming, but I've been eating too much of the wrong type...
Well, we'll be back on track soon

x

Micci,
Hope you're ok too

xx

 

[Micci]

checking in here ... how are we all? Louise, how was today for you? Pomooky, how are you feeling now? Aline, hope all is well with you too. Lesley, how was Glascow .... has Glascow recovered from you and the girls yet lol ?

 

[Amandas11976]

Omg, I feel ill. I don't know what I was thinking. I was on 6 syns at 5.30pm, then decided I wanted a curly wurly, 6 jammie dodgers and 2 foxes bars. why do I do it, I've got 6lbs to loses to get me back to the weight I was 3 months ago. I have had in gains almost as much as I had lost, I'm really annoyed with myself. How can I stop sabotaging myself?

 

[Louise xx]

Day one went well!! Three good size meals and none of foods which caused me to binge.

It's very hard cycle to break but I know I wi put back on every pound I have lost.

Three meals a day and life in-between

How are you all? Not had chance to read posts xxxx

 

[Micci]

Hi Louise,

things are quite well with me right now, thanks. Well done on yesterday's food. You are sabotaging yourself though when you say to yourself that you know you will put back all you've lost - the words you use to talk to yourself work like self hypnosis and your brain and body act on them.

Can you find different ways to describe your situation? Like saying you can change now? That you will be tempted to binge in the future, and that you are finding new ways of responding to that urge?

There are some podcasts that help with the emotional links with food that I highly recommend if you can live withe the ads (but heck they are free and the funding has to come from somewhere) and an ardent American life coach/hypnotherapist/NLP practitioner. You can have a listen by googling on Inside Out Weight Loss podcast and the top of the list is the one you want. Scroll down to the bottom to listen to the first one, or you can download as MP3s.

Look after yourself Louise and enjoy today

 

[Micci]

Omg, I feel ill. I don't know what I was thinking. I was on 6 syns at 5.30pm, then decided I wanted a curly wurly, 6 jammie dodgers and 2 foxes bars. why do I do it, I've got 6lbs to loses to get me back to the weight I was 3 months ago. I have had in gains almost as much as I had lost, I'm really annoyed with myself. How can I stop sabotaging myself?

Hi Amanda, I was wondering how you were doing.

Gosh, I've looked at your details and you have been doing incredibly well. 6 pounds isn't masses, you can easily reverse that.

Maybe, now that you have lost so much your motivation is no longer as strong as it was. Get back in touch with the dreams you had about what life would be like as a thinner person. How can you inspire yourself? Maybe writing about how it will be for you, all the good things you can look forward to enjoying? there is a lovely thread on here about that.

Also, you could spend some time reminding yourself of where you have come from, what you didn't like about that and the implications for the rest of your life if you carry on like this. Very importantly though - DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP whilst doing this. Be as nice and caring towards yourself as you would be to anyone else.

Another factor is the underlying issues of why you over eat. At some level you are/have been doing this for a reason. Search in your mind for what benefits over eating brings you. Or perhaps at some level your mind sees being big as a good and helpful thing for you.

Spend time loving yourself and thinking about these issues. You can write and/or draw, some people put inspirational pictures up in their kitchens, make boards and collages of inspiration.

You could look at my previous post to Louise and listen to the podcasts I recommended to her.

Hope some of this helps.

 

[Micci]

Amanda,

as well as what I wrote above, was there anything that you can identify that triggered yesterday's choccy fest? Anything that cropped up during the day or feelings you were having?

 

[Amandas11976]

Amanda,

as well as what I wrote above, was there anything that you can identify that triggered yesterday's choccy fest? Anything that cropped up during the day or feelings you were having?

Hi micci, I have no idea what triggered my choccy fest. All I know is I have started from scratch this morning. I have had my health check up at the gym and will be going from next week when the kids go back to school. I'm hoping that exercise will make me feel better about myself, I know it will take a little while to feel the effects. I'm just fed up with feeling fat and ugly, I don't like myself at all, and it's causing problems with me and my husband. I won't let him see me naked, he says he loves me no matter what, but it doesn't make me feel any better. I need to get out of this vicious circle.

Hope everyone is doing ok.

 

[BerryGirl]

Hi everyone.

Gosh, it's such a struggle, isn't it? I can identify with just about everything everyone has posted on this thread.

HUgs to everyone... and don't forget to be nice to yourself as well as to each other!

I've been keeping a blog on Minimins about my bingeing (and what lies underneath it mentally) the last few days (don't want to clutter up this thread with my very very long ramblings) and it's becoming quite an eye-opener for me The blogging is revealing things to me that I hadn't fully realised before.

 

[Amandas11976]

Oh dear, I've just worked out the syn value of my binges since Monday. It's a gran total of 118.5. I should have a maximum of 15 each day, so I've blown more than a weeks worth in 3 days. I really need to get my bum in gear if I'm gonna start losing weight again. Im hoping once the kids go back to school I can get a routine going. Saying that, it won't be long until the summer holidays. Will have to have more willpower then.

 

[Pomooky125]

Hi Thimblebug

Yeah it's mind boggling isn't it? the amount of people addicted to fat/sugar. I have never binged on plums that's for sure!

I also think that the fact that a lot of junk - biscuits, cake, cereals etc is (sounds yukky) kind of modgy in your mouth - like baby food. I think the texture also is very comforting. (Remember Farleys rusks - per haps you're too young!).

Micci - I'm doing o.k. One day good, one day bad but feeling better in myself. Just went through 5 days of feeling really down but I don't know why. This morning I actually felt the thing "lift". It was really weird. I have eaten a pile of veggies, salad and baby potatoes tonight (rather a lot of spuds actually) - at least all healthy and natural. I am also eating copius amounts of pickled beetroot for some reason 'tho this is relatively low in calories.

Aline - the bike is upstairs and weights a tonne so the TV option is out for now. When I do venture on it, I listen to my MP3 but I still hate it and count the minutes to get off!

Louise - it's great to hear you kicked the sugar. There's no magic solution - look at the rest of us! I'm sure those extra pounds won't be around for long.

Amanda - it's hard when there's no routine. Everything goes to pot! Kids also have the annoying habit of leaving the odd roastie on their plates!

So, what a team! It's a shame we can't harness each others strong moments to share out when we feel weak. Sometimes if I binge I cannot bear to read the posts or see my ridiculous (is it stuck or what) ticker laughing at me!

Hugs to everyone Pomooky XX

 

[Micci]

Yes, hello Thimblebug from me too. Is your blog public? I'd like to read it if so but couldn't find it by clicking on your other posts. Can you say more about Gennen Roth? I've heard a lot of good things about her books but not read any yet.

Pomooky, that is so true about baby food and Farley's rusks. I had completely forgotten but as a teen I used to buy them for a secret binge. I used also to drink hot chocolate and beer (separately!!!!) from a babies bottle. Blimey, there's a few hours of therapy there

I'm glad your bad emotions have lifted, very glad indeed. Re cyclying, I cannot imagine sitting at home and pedalling away on an exercise bike, it would drive me insane (ha - no comments) but real life cycling is WONDERFUL. Its the closest thing to flying, coasting downhill with the wind in your hair, almost silent except for little bike noises. Of course, that bit contributes zero to the fitness campaign but its joyful which I think is just as important and of course, you have to get up the hill first. Er, did I ever say I like cycling