It's over with Mr K
I'm not quite sure how to say what I have to say tonight.
I wasn't even sure I should say anything.
Mr K and I are no longer together.
There are a number of reasons. Most of which are deeply personal.
The main one, however, is that he is at breaking point with all that is going on in his life at the moment.,
so, this evening, I was strong for us both, took some of the pressure off him and stepped out of his life.:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: I think this was one of the toughest and saddest things I have ever done in my entire life.:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
All I can say is this; he truly is a lovely, sweet man, who, at another time in his life,(when divorced and living happily and independantly) I would have willingly spent the rest of my days with.
:sigh: Today he is a broken man, with pressures coming at him from every direction at work and at home. There there was me.
Only last week, even this morning.. we talked about a future together. What we would do when this happened, and when that happened.. he promised to take me to The Maldives went I get to goal - it was to be a birthday present too... we talked about a life together.. travelling around the world together.... we talked about my current situation (financially) and he promised to help me if I wanted him to.
You need to know, he is a gentle man, a kind man, and today.. well.. he was a broken man.. one who simply could not cope with all the stresses in his life.. I knew what I had to do to make it easier for him... he begged me not to say what needed saying so I didn't... I used an analogy I have read on another diary on this site... about life being about keeping plates spinning...(it's so true) and I told him... I am taking one of the plates down so you don't have to worry about spinning it any more.:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
He didn't argue, we both know that this is not the right time for us. It is for me, it isn't for him, ergo, it is not for us.
So. No more morning calls from Mr K, no more wonderful nights together, giggling and chatting.. I'm sitting here with tears streaming... looking at the card and flowers he gave me just a few short days ago...:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
I don't think I shall ever give my heart away again. I am bereft and heartbroken. My eyes are sore with the tears, I am exhausted. Right now the only silver lining I can see is that he will have one less thing to worry about in his life, and hopefully that will make everything else more bearable.
His 'ex', I think, does not want to be his 'ex' and I do not want to be the one who prevents any kind of potential reconcilliation. I'm not that kind of a woman. He has always said his marriage is over, has been for months, but she has made a superhuman effort to change and this, I believe, means she is fighting for her marriage. He has told me time and again that he has no interest in a reconcilliation, but you know what.. I think he should. I think he should help his 'ex' to cope with her problems, he should look after himself (healthwise) and also he should search deep within for any flicker of feeling for his 'ex' that he has or had.
I'm numb tonight.. and tired.. and nearly all cried out...:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
I thought Mr K was for life..... how wrong can a gal get?
:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
Might have a break from posting for a few days. Hard at the moment.
Bye
xxxx
