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cc28's management LL diary

cw (am) 11st 3lbs

Hi all I have decided to keep a diary for my benefit but I hope to be successful and for it to help others too.

I have completed foundation (start weight 12st, 08lbs, end weight 10st,10lbs) and have spent the past three weeks eating conventional food- overeating mostly. Today is a fresh start for me I plan to stick foodpacks only until Tuesday when I start management.

Today is the first day I have got up and made myself peppermint tea with sweetener rather than a sugary english tea. I feel hopeful.

I have college today for 4 hours and getting the water in on college days has been harder form as the travelling and I am a student in a practical subject that is difficult to take toilet breaks from. But I will do my best.

Wish me luck!
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Good luck - you can do it.
Well done for getting back on the programme - sending the Good Luck fairies your way :)
Thank you for the support ladies!

Yesterday i planned really well and had a very large mug of peppermint tea before I left the house. But when I got to college I had 3 clients so didnt drink any water while there.

A 2pm as I was leaving a friend said loudly " gosh, I'm hungry!" and then immediately I realised I was too and my stomach rumbled really loudly so I walked past the cafeteria with lots of hot thoughts going on. I tried to challenge them but then I suddenly switched and thought, you ARE hungry it's not boredom or stress, have a sandwich. So I walked back to the cafe and decided to buy and eat the sandwich quickly before I could properly think about it. When I got my purse out I had NO money!

They dont take cards at the college cafe and the nearest cashpoint was quite a trek so I was forced to jump in my car and go home. Once I had sat in my car. I felt better, thinking thank goodness I didnt have the money to derail but I was little afraid of myself because had I had the money I would have eaten.

i had a choc foodpack when I got in and felt better. I cooked dinner for the fam and before I realised it was already 5pm and I still had 3 foodpacks left so I was very happy and thought well, one day down. Surprisingly though, after this point it became very hard. My hubby told me had bought me a large bar of choc- one each for all us. I was immediately tempted and then furious with him but I kept the emotion inside. I started silently fuming at him. He had also bought me two more hot choc- not LL kind! I hid them at the back of the cupboard and put the choc bars in the veg crisper.

He always buys me chocolate or things like that and in huge quantities when i am trying to lose weight. I have asked him numerous times why he wants to sabotage me and doesnt he want a lovely slim wife to which he replies, You ARE lovely and slim and I just want you to have the things you like as i know they make you happy!
THEN he gets an urge for cadburys creme eggs and drives 20 mins to find some gets a box of 6 and asks if i want some. OMG it was so hard!!! I hid them under the bread. Normally he will eat on or two bits of things like this and then the rest will sit around for weeks or months. And in the past I say initially I am not touching those but evetually I cave. Not this time.

Today has been ok so far. I have had 2 litres of water and 3 food packs so far. And stayign strong.
I didnt drink much water yesterday though.
The water issue has been a tough one for so I have decided to drink less. I had a kidney scan today which confirmed what I thought, I have a very small bladder and it is geneic one of my children has it too. So even though the water helps you lose faster I will only drink 4 litres if i am home in the early portion of the day.

I have done well so am very happy with myself, still have the urge to pick a lot and to make very impulsive deciions. So I am trying to work on my mastery and instant gratification exercises this weekend.
CC you have done so well with all that temptation around. It cant be easy with a sabator in the mist.

Perhaps you should throw the chocolate away that might stop hubby buying it if it gets wasted and then he will realise you really mean business.

He might be a bit insecure of you losing weight.

Give yourself a pat on the back.:happy096:
It sounds like your hubby is worried about change and how your weight loss will affect him.

He may not even realise this himself and it is worthy of a conversation with him when you are both in "adult"....he just needs some reassurance and also pointers as to how he can help and support you. eg cooking for the family, running you a bath and making sure that you are not disturbed. Our blokes are not mind readers..unfortunately which is a shame eh? :rolleyes:
I'm with LadyLite in that I'd throw the chocolate away as that might stop him buying it in the future when he sees that you're not eating it and he's just wasting money.

Well done to you for avoiding temptation, you've done brilliantly - stay strong.
Thanks for the tip ladies. i think i will keep the hot choc drinks for my son as he loves it and throw the 500g! bars away. When he buys stuff for himself, takes a few bites then leaves it for ages I will throw those things away too.
Good on you :)
I agree, bin them - or destroy them whith him watching - taht would drive the mesage home. Surely he means no harm, and is his way of showing he cares about you, not fully understanding what you are dealing with.

Good on you for staying strong!!!
I think the binning etc is just game playing..........just my opinion

Game playing is dealing with symptoms and not the underlying cause...........causes stress and upset too.
I think the binning etc is just game playing..........just my opinion

Game playing is dealing with symptoms and not the underlying cause...........causes stress and upset too.
I know what you mean - I just meant it as sending him a message: " If he isn't going to eat them, and she is not going to, may as well get rid of them. " Merely to send a message that she does not want them brought in or offered. But I know what you mean too.

But thinking about it, I have a drawer full of snacks - well I don't...not anymore....but my husband does. ANd I just don't go in to it. Its his drawer now. :)

I guess it just depends on how much temptation can sabatouge the will power?

Being in the very early stages - Just don;t want to see anything tempting!! I have, and have dealt with it, but its easier not too!
You choose not to have them BL - you can but you challenge the "have one" thoughts.

With saboteurs - they have a chatterbox and when they say or do anything - they have a voice in their head telling them stuff.

I understand binning goodies gives out a message - I reckon communication works better though ;)

Is not putting all the goodies old and new in a tin/box in a cupboard not a more subtle and positive way of saying "thanks but no thanks" along with a conversation?

Also a lot less confrontational.........
cw 11st 4lbs

Not decided how to broach the no- good food that hubs keeps buying for me. I have tried talking to him but that has not worked so far. But then he has seen me eat and over eat these things on a regular basis so I don't want to be nasty as I am a bit to blame. I shall just throw them away and then say in future to not pick me up sweets from the shop unless I ask. He occasionally brings flowers so maybe he will start buying more of those!

I have managed to stick to food packs last night and am in the middle of my first one today. Have had about a litre of water so far and plan to have 3 more. I feel good. I am surprised that I have not gone through the withdrawal symptoms yet. Normally I begin the withdrawal syptons from the 2nd day of abstinence and it starts about 6am with a blinding headache. This is day 3 and nothing so far so I am dreading it still.
I had the impression you already tried the communication route...and I like the idea of him bringing your flowers instead of sweets!!

Well good on you for sticking to your packs!! I hope you escape the horrible headache this time...fingers crossed!

Keep up the good work!
Good to hear that it's all going well so far.
cw 11st 4lbs

Yesterday I did a workout dvd- Jordan and a yoga one. The Jordan one was not me at all so doubt i will do it again. the yoga was good and I hope I can and will be come much more flexible. I have not exercised for a while nor much in my life but I was noticeable stiffer than 3-4 years ago.

I meant to do the yoga again plus the Nadia (Big Brother) one but had a very busy day so far and just want to chill. Might do it early this evening.

Yesterday I didnt do great water wise and today i am on my first litre so have a lot of catching up to do. After I posted yesterday about an hour later i got a headache but it a lot milder than my usual withdrawal headache so I really have no idea whats going on. I have ketostix here but I will wait a couple days.

TOTM arrived yesterday evening so feeling very bloated and horrible. Not making excuses but sort of explains me eating all that chocolate last week. When i was eating so much of it I did question why? Because I was not due till the end of the month but it's here early so I need to tread very carefully as it does have a tendancy to make me crave sweets more so I really need to work on my strategies to avoid them more.

I am string RtM tomorrow evening. Wish I was not so bloated so I could have better weigh in buthey thats life. I am starting management with the attitude that I am once and for all learning how to eat and am going to practice good food habits like this for the rest of my life and remain at my ideal weight for the rest of my life. Really I would like to be a stone slimmer but I will tackle that after Rtm.

I have always been able to lose , just not keep it off. So I consider this the most important part for me. A lot of women in my group have never lost weight before so they are quite lucky. Their enthusiasm keeps them on the straight and narrow. I wish I had never started the yo yo diet thing. I started dieting at 13 weighing 8st 7lbs and at 27 I was 13st 8. Shocking. Along the way I have lost weight and got to 9st and then 10st respectively but I think had I never started dieting I would never have got overweight in the first place.

I actually started dieting due to family members telling me I had chicken legs- fat at the top and slim at the bottom-, that my bum was getting big and ridiculing me for growing breasts. How mean! I would never say these things to anyone let alone a pubescent teenager.

Now I am the envy of a lot of people because I have a perfectly balanced hourglass shape, theres just too much of it. If only someone had told me I had a nice shape/ figure then. It would have done so much more for me.

So bascially today I am sticking to foodpacks and water and trying to mentally prepare myself for RtM. I am sort of worried about it because I really want to do well with it and be able to manage my weight properly.

I really don't want to be negative but this is my last chance really and I worry that if I fail I will have nowhere left to go. In my past my weight was either on its way up or on it's way down. I have never been stable at a lower weight for any length of time.

When I read posts by people like karion dieting I think I want o be like that! But in my mind there is voice thats says I am doomed to my emotional bingeing forever.
The best thing is to think positve. Saying to yourself, I can do this. I am going to do this etc.

Read somewhere that we shouldnt say we have lost weight, at it is human nature to try and find things we have lost. Try saying I have disposed of xxxlbs never to return. I will try and find it and post it on here oops I meant the article not the weight - LOL

You have done well to get to RTM so believe in yourself, keep say "I can do this".

TOTM, omg I can just about remember this, one thing about getting older you dont have this and your car insurance gets cheaper. I was a murderess at those times and now I wonder how my husband ever stayed with me, so thank God that is over.

Remember you CAN do this. Good luck:character00238:
cw 11st 4lbs

Still sticking to the foodpacks but struggling with the water. Its my TOTM and I have been feeling terrible. I have been wanting something sweet and comforting since last night but instead I am cuddled up with hot water bottle. I realised a pattern I am always experiencing carb withdrwal symptons at the same time as the start of my TOTM. Of course it's hell but I really have to try to fight the urge to eat sweet things around this time as can see the pattern now I have doing LL since September 2007.

My hubby bought two huge tins of treacle pudding and custard home yesterday- an all time fave of mine. I give up with him, I really do. I said why? He said he thought it would be nice. I said don't you want me to lose weight? He said yes! Apart from thinking aaargh, you should have said no that I am beautiful (lol!!!) I just thought as a family we have indeed fallen into a rut where a lot of our fond memories are of times we shared over delicious food.

I probably played a bigger part than my hubby in cultivating that and maybe I need to try harder to move our activities and time spent together away from food. I have been doing slightly more healthier meals since LL so I will keep that up afterwards too.

I am the only overweight one in the family though so I will try to ignore the once in a while so called treats. It's only fair. my hubby daughter and son are all slim and know how to limit themselves. Why should they suffer?

So it is my first metting tonight and I feel like I don't want to go!!!!! I am starting to think I can prob do management by myself using what what other ppl have posted here. I think that is a spot of self sabotgae so I am forcing myself to go regardless.

My tummy started making funny gurly noises last night that usually start when I am fat burning so I may be in ketosis yay! The withdrawal as not so difficult this time hurrah and thank goodness because my TOTM is awful this month. Anyone found their pain increased after a caesarean? I take painkillers but they hardly even blunt it, not even methanamic acid (sp)?

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