Coming Clean with friends and family!

Discussion in 'Cambridge Diet 100% Posts!' started by Letty, 8 April 2009 Social URL.

  1. Letty

    Letty Full Member

    Hi all,
    Well, some may have seen in previous posts that I have kept my doing CD a bit of a secret from friends and family, except for my OH until now. This last week, I decided it was getting too difficult to keep it from people, and my OH said he wasn't always comfortable fibbing for me, so it was time to come clean.

    I think there are a few reasons that I was keen to keep it quiet. No one wants to have to admit out loud that they are overweight, and I suppose that I thought if I talked about it to them (I am the only person I know that struggles with their weight, really) I would also have to talk about why I had got big, which was related to a period of depression last year, and I just didn't want to drag that up.

    As well as that, I admit to feeling a little ashamed of it. It might sound odd, but I thought they might think it was a lazy, easy way out- as an example, my brother-in-law is a real gym freak and thinks fat people are just lazy and that only lazy people have to count calories.
    Now, we all know that if you haven't had a weight problem, you can't possibly understand how it feels, and since so many of my F&F are naturally slim, I assumed that they couldn't understand this and would think, at best, it was a fad, a foolish thing to do, and at worst a lazy way to lose weight, with choruses of 'why can't you just eat healthily and do a bit of exercise?'. In fact, I do eat healthily and until last year did lots of exercise and I wasn't about to be lectured about it by people who, while having my best interests at heart, really couldn't understand.

    So I started with my most sympathetic friend, a nurse, and she couldn't have been more understanding. Bolstered by this, I told two very skinny friends as we were going to theirs for dinner. They also were really understanding, and didn't ask me lots of questions about it. I then moved on to my mother-in-law, a notorious fat-fascist who is very skinny naturally and berates her own daughter for being, as she puts it, 'bonny'. Again, she was understanding and agreed that it sounded good.
    Everyone was a little concerned for my health, but when I explained a little, it was fine. I'm sure that privately they will have conversations about how daft it seems, why can't I eat healthy food with it etc. But for the time being, it is really liberating to have it out in the open and be able to get on with it without massive strategising every time I am visiting people. I suppose I really should have given my loved ones a lot more credit- they love me after all, and will of course support me in what I want to do.

    Anyway, I suppose the moral of this story is that the more people you have supporting you, the easier everything will be and if your friends really want the best for you, they will support your weight loss. Everyone has expressed admiration at my will power and almost no one can believe how much I had to lose when I quote the numbers- they may just be being nice, but that's good to hear.

    So, if you too are keeping it a secret, maybe it's time to consider spilling the beans. I for one feel so much better now and am even more confident of success.
     
  2. Avatar

    MiniMins.com Matched Content

    Register a free account with MiniMins and join in the conversation!
  3. Greeneyes11

    Greeneyes11 Gold Member

    Well done on your weightloss so far and for also getting your dieting out into the open, we all need support at times and if we have the support of our friends and family behind us, we should have no trouble getting to goal.
     
  4. Lazyhound

    Lazyhound Full Member

    Wow Letty, what a fab brave step you have taken :happy096:
    Does it feel better to be *out in the open* now?
    I told my closest friends and family and they are fine but my fiercest critics are my residents (I work in sheltered housing for the elderly) who think it's a faddy diet and I'll put it all back on, just you wait and see :sigh:

    Funny you should say that people didn't realise how heavy you were. My best friend couldn't believe it until I showed her my CD form. I suppose we all carry weight differently.

    Well done again anyway :D

    Annie x
     
  5. Bess

    Bess Plod, plod, plod.....

    Glad you feel better Letty and that you will find your weight loss easier now. :)
     
  6. **sparkles**

    **sparkles** Silver Member

    Most of my friends and family knew from the start. However I only tell people on a 'need to know' basis. The people who I actually work with know-but not the teachers or anybody in the main office downstairs. Most of my family know-except family in Australia who I'm keeping it a secret from as I want to surprise them. The one thing that absolutely NONE of them know (including my hubby and my mum) is my starting weight. The only people who are privvy to that information is my doctor and my CDC. When I get to goal, then I'll tell them-but until then it's a closely guarded secret.
     
  7. Letty

    Letty Full Member

    Thanks all, it does feel so much better. Angie- how fab to surprise your relatives in Oz! They will be wowed, undoubtedly. Like you, I haven't shared my actual starting weight, but when I tell people I've lost about 2 stone so far, they can't believe it (although they do say I look slimmer). I suppose you get adept at hiding it, dressing 'down' to hide your real size, and I do tend to carry it fairly evenly.
     
  8. Letty

    Letty Full Member

    Annie- it was just those comments about it being 'faddy' that I was dreading, but so far none have come. I suppose to the elderly residents especially it must seem odd- but times do change!
     
  9. curlywurly1234

    curlywurly1234 Cambridge Consultant

    Hey Letty..
    I bet you feel 100% times better now you have let it all out in the open.. and the end of the day.. your friends and family should be there to support you and if there were ones that werent supportive I dont think they are really friends.. if that makes sense..

    Keep smiling as you have done so well xx
     
  10. tillyfloss

    tillyfloss Gold Member

    Hi Letty,
    I am glad you felt able to tell your F&F and got a good response.
    I havent told any of my family except hubby and kids purely because I have dieted so many times, they are now very negative about any diet I do.
    My family are all in Manchester, and I have a party to attend in July where a lot of friends from 20yrs ago will be at, so I hope to be a good few stones lighter then to wow a few people!
    Great weightloss so far Letty and won't be long before you will be at target.
    x
     
  11. Letty

    Letty Full Member

    Thanks, Curlywurly and Tillyfloss. I tink the thought of surprising F&F you don't see all the time must be a fab motivational tool! I have a trip to Spain in June with F&F I don't see too often, and it will be my first beach holiday in 6 years. I am determined to wear the same bikini I wore then, back when I was at my goal weight. Can't wait!
     
  12. curlywurly1234

    curlywurly1234 Cambridge Consultant

    & you will be wearing that bikini and you will feel so fab in it..
    well done you !!!! xx
     
  13. Lexie_dog

    Lexie_dog UNLEASHING THE BEAST!

    Well done! Now you have to stick in at it, but its great they are being so supportive!

    I tell everyone because sometimes I need a bit of resistance to prove them wrong. Even though its the road I'm going down anyway. I'm quite argumental at times. :)
     
  14. furrysmudge

    furrysmudge Gold Member

    well done letty and the rest of you! I must admit I told anyone n everyone....simply cos I thought the more who knew, the more would notice if I cheated. I work as a chef/deli manager so it would be very easy to nibble, and I WANTED to have people say 'er, should you be doing that?' if I did wobble. and I suppose if I'm honest, having people say each week 'how did you do?' helps too! lol! I was'nt meant to have seen my family until this easter ( 5 weeks after I started) so the transformation I hoped would be noticable, but we had 2 funerals to attend so that didn't happen so much. Here's wishing all of you good vibes, last week wasn't so good for me so I'm pretending this week is my 1st one again, hopefully my body will say 'whooooaaaaaa' and give me a huuuuge loss next week!!?? xx
     
  15. Letty

    Letty Full Member

    That's a good tactic, Furrysmudge! I certainly felt something like that this weekend- I was at a wedding with two of the friends I've recently told, and so with them and my OH sat at the table, there were plenty of knowing eyes to keep me in check! It definitely works!

    Thanks for all the well-wishes....just got back from WI and have lost 6lbs this week! Am absolutely chuffed!
     
  16. Gracey

    Gracey Full Member

    Great weight losses Letty! I am due to start CD on Friday and I have a real problem with telling F&F. I have done LL before, when my head was in a much worse place and I found it really hard, and had problems with bingeing afterwards....anyway I am ready for CD now and convinced I won't have the problems I had last time.

    But I know that all my F&F will be dead against this. And I told my partner (who I live with) last night what I was planning to do and he said no way, it was a terrible idea. So now I am stuck, I do want to do it, but he is dead set against it. I don't know what to do...
     
  17. furrysmudge

    furrysmudge Gold Member

    Say to him 'OK, I see your point because of last time, but just give me one month to see how I get on. If I can't hack it, at least I've tried.' Surely he will (let you) do that? I'm sure you'll decide the right thing to do, and in the meantime we are here to give you as much support as you need. Would be interesting to know if when you did LL you knew about this site and read any threads? If not, then WELCOME!!! xx
     
  18. furrysmudge

    furrysmudge Gold Member

    letty.....fab love well done you!! xx
     
  19. Gracey

    Gracey Full Member

    Thanks for the encouragement furrysmudge! I will say exactly as you said, he can't really do much about it anyway. Its good to know there are so many people on here for support. And to answer your question, I didn't really use forums when I was doing LL. I can't believe how busy these forums are its fantastic!
     
  20. Letty

    Letty Full Member

    Hi Gracey,
    That's really tough, it can't be an easy situation. My OH was very sceptical at first but after doing a bit of research and thinking about how unhappy I was with myself, he agreed to support me and I am very glad- he had been wonderful.
    It's true that support does make it an easier ride, and I do wish that I had told people sooner. BUT, having said that, you don't do it for anyone but yourself and it is entirely your choice what you do with your own body.
    I suppose it just comes down to whether you think you can manage without his support. Is it possible that if he sees you doing well after a couple of weeks he might come round a bit? I think that if you really want to do it, you can do it whatever. But at the same time, if it is a real, real problem, is it likely to get any worse?

    It has to be up to you in the end. Good luck whatever you decide.
     
  21. Pineapplehugs

    Pineapplehugs Member

    Maybe its just me but any partner worth their weight would be supporting your choices 100%.

    It took me a few days to decide to tell my partner but since we regularily enjoyed meals out (we dont live together - yet) I felt it was only fair to fess up. He was adamant that he loved me "exactly" the way I was but was totally understanding and supportive of me making the choice and helping me stick to it.

    Did your man give you any reasons for being so against you doing the diet? Surely he would understand the need for self improvement, boosts in self confidence and importantly the health benefits?

    I really hope his view doesn't put YOU off taking this step to a new you.

    We're all here for you 110% and look forward to hearing how things go.

    Take care x
     

Share This Page

This site uses cookies and its third-party providers also uses cookies. By using this site you agree to this notice and understand why we have cookies.