Developers
- Thread starter melarnz
- Start date
melarnz
Silver Member
Over the past week or two, I have started to question why I am still on this diet. I thought I had my resolve sorted and then Beth went into hospital and it knocked me sideways. I wasnt awful. I got my packs bought to the hospital but I didnt eat them all. The water went out of the window as well!!
I had a lot of time on my hands to try and think about why I was doing this diet. I came to a few conclusions; it has become a chore, rather than an exciting new adventure. This is why I have been finding it so hard. I dont feel like I can back down, because of all the people that would raise their eyebrows and say i told you so. I also lost sight of the reason why I was doing it. I wanted to be healthy for my children, the thin mum at the school gate instead of the embaressing fat one. I also wanted to do it for myself. To make myself feel better about myself. To be able to get dressed up on nights out and feel wonderful. I also started to take better care of myself (tweezering eyebrows ect) as I felt I was worth it.
That feeling has gone now, maybe the novelty has worn off; maybe i have taken on too much, or maybe im feeling a little depressed.
what i do know, is that i want that feeling back again. The one where you are excited about going to WI because you KNOW you have lost; and the feeling that you know in a few weeks you will go down another dress size, because thats how the plans works.
Thinking about all these things has made me those feelings back. I really do want to get top my target, but not for anyone else; for me.
I have decided that for every half a stone i loose, I am going to take 3 hours off away from the kids and the hubby, and do something for me. wether it is shopping, going for a walk, swimming or whatever else i can think of; im going to leave the house for 3 hours and be bored if i have to!!
My weight today (on my scales) is 12.12. I have put over half a stone since the last time time i weighed. But it stops there!!!! Its only going down now!!
I had a lot of time on my hands to try and think about why I was doing this diet. I came to a few conclusions; it has become a chore, rather than an exciting new adventure. This is why I have been finding it so hard. I dont feel like I can back down, because of all the people that would raise their eyebrows and say i told you so. I also lost sight of the reason why I was doing it. I wanted to be healthy for my children, the thin mum at the school gate instead of the embaressing fat one. I also wanted to do it for myself. To make myself feel better about myself. To be able to get dressed up on nights out and feel wonderful. I also started to take better care of myself (tweezering eyebrows ect) as I felt I was worth it.
That feeling has gone now, maybe the novelty has worn off; maybe i have taken on too much, or maybe im feeling a little depressed.
what i do know, is that i want that feeling back again. The one where you are excited about going to WI because you KNOW you have lost; and the feeling that you know in a few weeks you will go down another dress size, because thats how the plans works.
Thinking about all these things has made me those feelings back. I really do want to get top my target, but not for anyone else; for me.
I have decided that for every half a stone i loose, I am going to take 3 hours off away from the kids and the hubby, and do something for me. wether it is shopping, going for a walk, swimming or whatever else i can think of; im going to leave the house for 3 hours and be bored if i have to!!
My weight today (on my scales) is 12.12. I have put over half a stone since the last time time i weighed. But it stops there!!!! Its only going down now!!
peony
Silver Member
Hello everyone
Sorry have not been here much, I have a brother who has graduated from the same school as BL's and have been having an upsetting time with his bu*lshit. Can't be bothered to go into that here other than to say it didn't make me want to eat and has reinforced something I think I knew already - that the form of comfort eating I do is not about when I am upset as I lose my appetite then - it is just about the reward having done something tough in the day. Mind you I could have done with a bottle of wine to knock me last night out after brothers effwittage yesterday!
Thanks for your words Jez - I shall have to pop over to read your thread as you have me intrigued hee hee. I will get round to doing some more pics I can just never find a suitable place to put the camera to do the self timer thingy lol.
Pancras really sad to hear you have had a loss and have a funeral to attend. Do stay strong LL-wise, you were doing a great job getting back on track I hope this doesn't knock you back honey.x
Mel, I do think that you might be a little depressed, or it may just be the effects of the huge amounts of stress you have had on you lately. The time of year does not help, with not enough sun to allow our bodies the vitamin D we need for a miriad of things - mood included. You might find a vitamin D supplement might help a little.
You really sound to me like a person who is determined to see it through, and you know what there is only one person who can stop you from getting there. You.
Vicky, congrats on your loss so far. Wewlcome to the developer's thread. Yes, I would say developers is harder than foundation but I'd argue this only to be the case if one had a lot of weight to lose still as one of the biggest difficulties is seeing the months stretching seemingly endlessly ahead of you. You are practically at target so I really wouldn't worry.
I do think losses slow down as one gets closer to goal, as you use less calories just to exist. However the maths still adds up that if you calculate your BMR (basal metabolic rate) and do the jiggery pokery that makes an adjustment for how active you are, if you are 100% abstinent you will still lose far more this way than any other as you are still consuming far far less calories than your body needs to exist.
I am feeling super focussed again after a really wobbly few weeks. I think the reason is that I have set myself an end date. That date is 20th April. If I am not at goal by then I am going to start RTM in any case, see if I lose any on RTM and if there is any left to lose at the end of RTM, do it by calorie counting. Since I made that decision I have felt much happier, and, bizarrely have had a 3lb week and a 4lb week - maybe there is something to thinking positive!
Well heads up girls, WE CAN DO THIS.
Lots of love
xxxxx
Sorry have not been here much, I have a brother who has graduated from the same school as BL's and have been having an upsetting time with his bu*lshit. Can't be bothered to go into that here other than to say it didn't make me want to eat and has reinforced something I think I knew already - that the form of comfort eating I do is not about when I am upset as I lose my appetite then - it is just about the reward having done something tough in the day. Mind you I could have done with a bottle of wine to knock me last night out after brothers effwittage yesterday!
Thanks for your words Jez - I shall have to pop over to read your thread as you have me intrigued hee hee. I will get round to doing some more pics I can just never find a suitable place to put the camera to do the self timer thingy lol.
Pancras really sad to hear you have had a loss and have a funeral to attend. Do stay strong LL-wise, you were doing a great job getting back on track I hope this doesn't knock you back honey.x
Mel, I do think that you might be a little depressed, or it may just be the effects of the huge amounts of stress you have had on you lately. The time of year does not help, with not enough sun to allow our bodies the vitamin D we need for a miriad of things - mood included. You might find a vitamin D supplement might help a little.
You really sound to me like a person who is determined to see it through, and you know what there is only one person who can stop you from getting there. You.
Vicky, congrats on your loss so far. Wewlcome to the developer's thread. Yes, I would say developers is harder than foundation but I'd argue this only to be the case if one had a lot of weight to lose still as one of the biggest difficulties is seeing the months stretching seemingly endlessly ahead of you. You are practically at target so I really wouldn't worry.
I do think losses slow down as one gets closer to goal, as you use less calories just to exist. However the maths still adds up that if you calculate your BMR (basal metabolic rate) and do the jiggery pokery that makes an adjustment for how active you are, if you are 100% abstinent you will still lose far more this way than any other as you are still consuming far far less calories than your body needs to exist.
I am feeling super focussed again after a really wobbly few weeks. I think the reason is that I have set myself an end date. That date is 20th April. If I am not at goal by then I am going to start RTM in any case, see if I lose any on RTM and if there is any left to lose at the end of RTM, do it by calorie counting. Since I made that decision I have felt much happier, and, bizarrely have had a 3lb week and a 4lb week - maybe there is something to thinking positive!
Well heads up girls, WE CAN DO THIS.
Lots of love
xxxxx
melarnz
Silver Member
Peony - I seriously think you should consider setting up your own group!!! You talk so much sense.
Im really pleased for you to have set a date for RTM. Your journey is nearly over, and I think you have cracked your old habits!! My LLc says that they do sometimes rear their heads again, but a lot less frequently and we have the tools (CBT) to be able to deal with them. Im sorry to hear about your brothers antics, i know you wont let them affect your new lifestyle!
Pancras - I too am really sorry for your loss. It must be a sad and tough time for you!!
Vicki - Im probably not the best person to comment on how difficult developers is. I have REALLY struggled. However, I can say this has slowed my weight loss considerably and lengthened my journey, so if you can stay dedicated and keep on track x
My 2 girls are asleep; my OH has gone out, and I feel the call of the loaf of bread in the cupboard. Its not going to win tonight, Im going to get myself a bouillion (or however u spell it) and sit and watch the last in the Trilogy of CSI. Studying was done early today, so gonna have some me time.
Speak soon xx
Im really pleased for you to have set a date for RTM. Your journey is nearly over, and I think you have cracked your old habits!! My LLc says that they do sometimes rear their heads again, but a lot less frequently and we have the tools (CBT) to be able to deal with them. Im sorry to hear about your brothers antics, i know you wont let them affect your new lifestyle!
Pancras - I too am really sorry for your loss. It must be a sad and tough time for you!!
Vicki - Im probably not the best person to comment on how difficult developers is. I have REALLY struggled. However, I can say this has slowed my weight loss considerably and lengthened my journey, so if you can stay dedicated and keep on track x
My 2 girls are asleep; my OH has gone out, and I feel the call of the loaf of bread in the cupboard. Its not going to win tonight, Im going to get myself a bouillion (or however u spell it) and sit and watch the last in the Trilogy of CSI. Studying was done early today, so gonna have some me time.
Speak soon xx
peony
Silver Member
Hi Mel
Hope you made it through yesterday evening ok. Good luck today with sticking to it.
You made me laugh with your first bit of your last post. To be honest, I was fortunate enough to have extensive and extremely high quality one to one CBT a few years ago paid for by my work when I lost the plot a bit through work related stress. Although we never touched on weight issues, the CBT tools I learned I have carried with me. The CBT on LL served to refresh this and also lend a weight issues slant on it. I also think the older you get the more you get to know yourself. I am sure there is still much about myself I am yet to know, but I truly believe I have cracked the weight issue. I have come to terms with the fact that although I won't be officially 'dieting', for the rest of my life I will have to be mindful on a daily basis of what I am consuming and how much I am moving. I may even turn it into a boring hobby - the hobby of staying slim, that's a new one lol!
Hugs all
xxxx
TMI ALERT!!!!
PS have booked myself in for colonic hydrotherapy eeeek! Has anyone else done this? It is because things have pretty much ground to a halt in that area, and I am only going once a week and that is when I take 2 dulcolax the night before and then I can't leave the house for long from half 9 the next day till lunchtime! A far cry from my pre LL days when I was prescribed 4 loperimide (diareze or whatever) a day just to stop me going every 5 minutes! Just thought a good clear out might be just the trick but am a bit nervous!!!!
Hope you made it through yesterday evening ok. Good luck today with sticking to it.
You made me laugh with your first bit of your last post. To be honest, I was fortunate enough to have extensive and extremely high quality one to one CBT a few years ago paid for by my work when I lost the plot a bit through work related stress. Although we never touched on weight issues, the CBT tools I learned I have carried with me. The CBT on LL served to refresh this and also lend a weight issues slant on it. I also think the older you get the more you get to know yourself. I am sure there is still much about myself I am yet to know, but I truly believe I have cracked the weight issue. I have come to terms with the fact that although I won't be officially 'dieting', for the rest of my life I will have to be mindful on a daily basis of what I am consuming and how much I am moving. I may even turn it into a boring hobby - the hobby of staying slim, that's a new one lol!
Hugs all
xxxx
TMI ALERT!!!!
PS have booked myself in for colonic hydrotherapy eeeek! Has anyone else done this? It is because things have pretty much ground to a halt in that area, and I am only going once a week and that is when I take 2 dulcolax the night before and then I can't leave the house for long from half 9 the next day till lunchtime! A far cry from my pre LL days when I was prescribed 4 loperimide (diareze or whatever) a day just to stop me going every 5 minutes! Just thought a good clear out might be just the trick but am a bit nervous!!!!
melarnz
Silver Member
rather you than me peony!! I have a bit of a phobia when it comes to any sort of nudity or exposing myself (i even declined a sweep with both babies at 2 weeks over due!!), or seeing other peoples bits for that matter!! I have heard it is extremely good for you. Lets hope it gets things moving for you! I bet you lose a few lbs that week lol - i think being slim is a great hobby for you. My mum is like that. She reads everything on nutrition, what foods have anti oxidants and which foods are naturally high in sugars. She is also from the school of thought that she does a bit of excersise every day, she will walk into town, or ride her bike somewhere she has to go instead of using the car. If she has done no excercise she will not eat anything but protein and healthy food. If she has done some excercise, she will add some carbs. If she has been extra good, she might have a treat. She is extremely good at knowing how much she has 'done' and balances it with what she can eat!! I really admire her. She is 55 and looks after my little one 4 days a week and works. Im convinced its because of her healthy mind set!!
I did survive the night!! No problem.
Im off to my tutorial again tonight in Reading. This week we are studying Faustus and the language he uses. I understand what the language means, but not how he uses certain words to create a beat to his poems ?!?!?
Its going to be a tough couple of days for me....it is month end at work so I am working late Friday, and working saturday then coming home to have my 4 yr olds friend staying over!! Im hoping I will be so busy I wont even think about food!!!
I did survive the night!! No problem.
Im off to my tutorial again tonight in Reading. This week we are studying Faustus and the language he uses. I understand what the language means, but not how he uses certain words to create a beat to his poems ?!?!?
Its going to be a tough couple of days for me....it is month end at work so I am working late Friday, and working saturday then coming home to have my 4 yr olds friend staying over!! Im hoping I will be so busy I wont even think about food!!!
peony
Silver Member
Your mum sounds on the ball - that's kind of how I'd like to be, I know it's the only way I can make this work for me long term - the head in the sand option failed miserably before so I need to stay on top of things instead!
Blimey your tutorial sounds hard work - what are you studying again? I didn't know you were studying poetry. Fell really ignorant as I don't know who Faustus is - maybe why I failed A level English Literature (although Faustus doesn't sound very English). Have a good tutorial.
And really good luck through the next tough few days. Esp with the sleepover! We had my niece sleepover who is 7 with my daughter who is 4 and it was ok, just a bit exhausting. Mind you I won't be repeating it for a while! Still they loved it.
Off to the pub tonight for my monthly get together with a couple of great friends I used to work with. Bring on the soda water & Nut & Raisin Exante bar!
xxxxxxx
Blimey your tutorial sounds hard work - what are you studying again? I didn't know you were studying poetry. Fell really ignorant as I don't know who Faustus is - maybe why I failed A level English Literature (although Faustus doesn't sound very English). Have a good tutorial.
And really good luck through the next tough few days. Esp with the sleepover! We had my niece sleepover who is 7 with my daughter who is 4 and it was ok, just a bit exhausting. Mind you I won't be repeating it for a while! Still they loved it.
Off to the pub tonight for my monthly get together with a couple of great friends I used to work with. Bring on the soda water & Nut & Raisin Exante bar!
xxxxxxx
slendablenda
Gold Member
Hi Mel,
It's not surprising you lost your focus for a while with everything you have had going on recently.
I'm sure you'll get those feelings back.
You need to be sure to get a little "me" time.
When we are busy superwomen it is so easy to put ourselves at the bottom of the pile. If we on't value ourselves nobody else is going to.
I made a vow to myself a few years ago not to make any important decisions or life changes in February because I realised it is always a own month for me. I always want to change my job or my house or emigrate or something because I hate the dark gloom. I think it might be mild SAD synrome.
Once the Spring comes along Ifeel revitalised. I hope you will too.
I also mae a coscious effort to give out positive vibes and smile more and be friendly to strangers (within reason).
It has paid dividends. It really works.
I find you do get back what you give out. It also helps you approach things differently when difficult situations arise.
Peony is so right.Once the CBT clicks it is with you forever. It makes you so much more aware of how you tick and the reasons we all behave and react as we do. It's fascinating. I use to think I was quite a self aware person before LL - now
I realise I knew s*d all!!
Good for you for resisting the bread the other night. Stick with it. You have done so well. Remember that feeling when you borrowed that fab dress? Look at the pics.
Take yourself back to how you felt then. Write down all those positive changes so you never forget. xxx
It's not surprising you lost your focus for a while with everything you have had going on recently.
I'm sure you'll get those feelings back.
You need to be sure to get a little "me" time.
When we are busy superwomen it is so easy to put ourselves at the bottom of the pile. If we on't value ourselves nobody else is going to.
I made a vow to myself a few years ago not to make any important decisions or life changes in February because I realised it is always a own month for me. I always want to change my job or my house or emigrate or something because I hate the dark gloom. I think it might be mild SAD synrome.
Once the Spring comes along Ifeel revitalised. I hope you will too.
I also mae a coscious effort to give out positive vibes and smile more and be friendly to strangers (within reason).
It has paid dividends. It really works.
I find you do get back what you give out. It also helps you approach things differently when difficult situations arise.
Peony is so right.Once the CBT clicks it is with you forever. It makes you so much more aware of how you tick and the reasons we all behave and react as we do. It's fascinating. I use to think I was quite a self aware person before LL - now
I realise I knew s*d all!!
Good for you for resisting the bread the other night. Stick with it. You have done so well. Remember that feeling when you borrowed that fab dress? Look at the pics.
Take yourself back to how you felt then. Write down all those positive changes so you never forget. xxx
melarnz
Silver Member
Thanks Slenda. It really helps to come on here and vent!! I will get there eventually!!
Peony - Faustas is a play written in Shakepeares time. Its very complex with language, puntuation and grammer. I didnt have a clue before I went tonight, and was quite worried. I now feel all clever cos i get it!!! My tutor is very good - lol.
Hugs to all xxx
Peony - Faustas is a play written in Shakepeares time. Its very complex with language, puntuation and grammer. I didnt have a clue before I went tonight, and was quite worried. I now feel all clever cos i get it!!! My tutor is very good - lol.
Hugs to all xxx
peony
Silver Member
SB I read this bit of your post to hubby:" I made a vow to myself a few years ago not to make any important decisions or life changes in February because I realised it is always a own month for me. I always want to change my job or my house or emigrate or something because I hate the dark gloom. I think it might be mild SAD synrome.
Once the Spring comes along I feel revitalised." Because you could be talking anout him - by this time of year he is so fed up and looking for change but it is a good reminder that you should not make any big life changes at times you aren't quite yourself.
Mel, you are a clever chicken and you should feel proud of yourself - some good tips from SB there too.
Pancras, how are you getting on this week? thinking of you. x
Right must dash, I have an aqua class to squeeze in between orders today.....
xxxx
Once the Spring comes along I feel revitalised." Because you could be talking anout him - by this time of year he is so fed up and looking for change but it is a good reminder that you should not make any big life changes at times you aren't quite yourself.
Mel, you are a clever chicken and you should feel proud of yourself - some good tips from SB there too.
Pancras, how are you getting on this week? thinking of you. x
Right must dash, I have an aqua class to squeeze in between orders today.....
xxxx
melarnz
Silver Member
I've Been thinking about what you guys have said about February; I'm convinced that's why my oh is getting so moody!!! he is an extremely keen fisherman but doesn't fish in the winter. I think he is getting fed up with the weather, lack of sunshine and lack of fishing lol. I think there is def something in this theory!! I rarely get fed up, but since Xmas can't shake this foggy feeling. Hopefully when the sun starts to shine, we will all feel a lot better. Xxxx
peony
Silver Member
Officially 'Petite'!!!
I was walking dd home from school and one of the mum's of one of her friends called across the road to me - she said that she knew I had lost weight and everything (we'd talked about that before) but that she'd seen me down the road and just noticed how petite I am and declared me 'officially petite' - told her she'd made my day - and she has too - I have never ever been described as petite in my life, I am well chuffed!
Regarding your OH, I wouldn't be surprised Mel, and this has been a particularly long, cold, dreary winter. It's blummin horrid at the moment.
Hope the abstinence is going ok honey.
x
I was walking dd home from school and one of the mum's of one of her friends called across the road to me - she said that she knew I had lost weight and everything (we'd talked about that before) but that she'd seen me down the road and just noticed how petite I am and declared me 'officially petite' - told her she'd made my day - and she has too - I have never ever been described as petite in my life, I am well chuffed!
Regarding your OH, I wouldn't be surprised Mel, and this has been a particularly long, cold, dreary winter. It's blummin horrid at the moment.
Hope the abstinence is going ok honey.
x
peony
Silver Member
I have just bought this top: Buy Phase Eight Gaby Spot Print Long Sleeve Top, Cream/Grey online at JohnLewis.com - John Lewis
in a size 12!!!!!
I am such a happy bunny!
Hugs to all
xxxx
in a size 12!!!!!
I am such a happy bunny!
Hugs to all
xxxx
melarnz
Silver Member
Well done you!!! I am finally going to be weighed in tomorrow. I haven't been weighed for a while so no idea what to expect. I have nearly finished work for this month, just an hour or so in the morning, then I have a whole week off!!! I have thought of another treat for myself. I am going to go shopping somepoint this week and find something I really love. Then buy it a size too small. I'm going to do that untill I get to my target size 12. (which is actally only 2 dress sizes away now). But what an incentive!!! Then I will also have to treat myself to a day/night out to be able to wear it!!!
peony
Silver Member
Cheers honey pie
I only have 2 other things to wear on top that fit and have a kid's party to go to tomorrow where the people have already seen me in both things that fit!
Think a week off and a bit of treating will do you the world of good. Also think you will feel buoyed at your next weigh in chick.
If you want a laugh take a look at my photo album - I took a pic so I could try out some different hairstyles. The results are quite funny. And don't worry, I have no intention of going from my brunette to blonde, the blonde ones are just to get an idea of the shape.
Spookily I am thinking the short styles suit me better - bit narked as I wanted to grow it longer and have a fringe - don't think those styles are suiting me though.
Will have to find another website and have a play another day.
xxxx
I only have 2 other things to wear on top that fit and have a kid's party to go to tomorrow where the people have already seen me in both things that fit!
Think a week off and a bit of treating will do you the world of good. Also think you will feel buoyed at your next weigh in chick.
If you want a laugh take a look at my photo album - I took a pic so I could try out some different hairstyles. The results are quite funny. And don't worry, I have no intention of going from my brunette to blonde, the blonde ones are just to get an idea of the shape.
Spookily I am thinking the short styles suit me better - bit narked as I wanted to grow it longer and have a fringe - don't think those styles are suiting me though.
Will have to find another website and have a play another day.
xxxx
peony
Silver Member
That's funny Mel as I used to have it in a similar style in 1991 - 19 years ago! Have put a picture in the album.
Yea the avatar - it probably won't be there long as I just feel so private about people I know around me - well not so much close friends but say acquaintences - stumbling across me on line and knowing so much about me! It's funny. I do think it's nicer for my friends on here to know what I look like though and that picture i took of a rainbow in Lanzarote last December was making me feel fed up every time I looked at it lol!
Have a great rest of Sunday - I have just wasted a morning without hubby or daughter around tidying up our dining room come toy shop. Still I feel better for having done it - off for lunch then a bath beforethey come back and I'm on party duty.
xxx
Yea the avatar - it probably won't be there long as I just feel so private about people I know around me - well not so much close friends but say acquaintences - stumbling across me on line and knowing so much about me! It's funny. I do think it's nicer for my friends on here to know what I look like though and that picture i took of a rainbow in Lanzarote last December was making me feel fed up every time I looked at it lol!
Have a great rest of Sunday - I have just wasted a morning without hubby or daughter around tidying up our dining room come toy shop. Still I feel better for having done it - off for lunch then a bath beforethey come back and I'm on party duty.
xxx
