do i expect too much

Discussion in 'Slimming World Off Topic' started by hayley morgan, 26 January 2010 Social URL.

  1. hayley morgan

    hayley morgan Full Member

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    o.h tells me that because he works he shouldnt have to pull his weight around the house. i do all the cleaning, washing, cooking myself all i ask is for him to wash up which he constantly palms off on the kids because he cant be bothered. oh and if he rembers, he takes out the bin bags (but never puts a new one in the bins afterwards) and then will pile things up on the counter rather than put a new bag in the bin. i have a nine month old while she is good shes a baby and i dont seem to be able to get as much done as i would like but on the other hand im sick of picking up after 3 other people who cant be bothered to put things away after them. because i stay home should i be expected to do everything?
     
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  3. pesty

    pesty Fighting the bulge

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    Not at all!! Yes when your at home you may have a chance to get things done but this shouldnt be expected of you!! Also you may be able to do the things that they dont have time to do but picking up after themselves is not one of them!!

    His day job is until he leaves work, once he gets home it should be a joint effort - otherwise its like your being expected to work 24 hours a day which no company would ever ask of you so neither should he.

    Sorry im ranting a bit but it really annoys me lol :)

    Have you tried talking to him about it?
     
  4. sassie

    sassie Full Member

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    No way! I bet you work harder at home than he does at work!
     
  5. hayley morgan

    hayley morgan Full Member

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    yep goes in one ear and out the other, he says that because im home all day doing nothing as he puts it i should be able to keep the house in order and do everthing else that needs to be done. im not asking that he clean the house from top to bottom just that he change the loo roll when it runs out, empty the bin when it gets full (instead of piling it up on top) or wipe down a surface after hes made a sarnie just the little things but after about the millionth row he still says why should i do it when you sat on your a*se all day doing nothing as he puts it.
     
  6. pesty

    pesty Fighting the bulge

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    i hate that!! Im the opposite way at home. My mum doesnt work as shes agraphobic (shes afraid to go outside and suffers panic attacks) so she stays in the house all day. I get up in the morning, wake my brother up and get him ready for school, go to work, come home, make the tea, tidy up. Now what gets me is that my mum and brother shouldnt be dependant on me. I enjoy doing the cooking/cleaning, etc. But when you've had one of those particularly stressful days and for the 1000nth time you go to cook and theres milk spilt on the side and toys accross the floor i just lose my temper!! (my brothers 10 and should know better)

    My point is (after going on a bit!!) That it not the fact that you have to do these things, its that you have already done them 20 times and your sitting there watching someone undo everything!!! and not even apprechiate that it was done in the first place!! Id like to see what would happen if you did nothing for a week so that they can see how they live! (assume your lot are as bad as mine) the place would fall appart!! lol
     
  7. metrognome

    metrognome is getting better at it

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    when is your other halfs next day off, make plans to go out by yourself and leave him with the kids and then he can see that you dont sit on your ass all day and do nothing then he might change his mind a bit
     
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  8. Donnie46

    Donnie46 Slow but sure....

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    The OH should pull his weight and help you around the house.

    My DH is marvellous, admittedly I have rheumatoid arthritis now and can't do as much as I used to do, but ever since our marriage when we were both out at work and then bringing up two children he has always been a help to me - he's never cooked though, he could manage bacon and egg and that's about it.

    But, our marriage has always been a partnership of 'give and take' - so your OH should be helping you out more.
     
  9. suepat10

    suepat10 I am one of the 63336

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    My OH has an ex-wife who DID used gto sit on her a**e all day doing nothing (unless you count chatting up other men on the internet as doing something!). Well, she did used to cook dinner - as long as it was spag-bol.

    Your OH wouldn't know what had hit him if you were like that!

    No, you are not expecting too much if all you are asking for is for people to pick up after themselves and do obvious things like changing toilet rolls if they finish the last one off and put the rubbish out.

    He is a lucky man and needs to realise it!
     
  10. hayley morgan

    hayley morgan Full Member

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    pesty, yes that exactly how i feel that they dont respect that it can take me 3 -4 hours to clean a room from top to bottom and they come in and trash it and expect me to do it all over again. i went on strike before but it just piles up and nothing will get done so its even more for me to do lol.

    metrognome, at xmas i thought right i want to do some digital scrapbooking of my little one at xmas so i left him to sort baby out for the day after about 4 hours he brought her upstairs and said can you take over i cant deal with her anymore ive had her all day! as you can immagine i wasnt pleased and said wow ive had her all day for the last 8 months do i get a break no. and when he did have her he was ordering the other 2 do this do that, oh i cant do that i got the baby. makes me mad. ok well rant over i suppose i should go get some house work done before it causes another row cause i havent done it lol
     
  11. julie19

    julie19 Silver Member

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    sorry but no you are not expecting too much. Running a house all day & looking after kids are harder work than going to work all day, I don't have kids but a while ago I looked after my friends boy (he was 3 at the time) for a week while she went off on holiday (she was alone at the time as his dad did a runner) anyway I was looking after him and going to work & I honestly do not know how people do it - I was exhausted by the end of the week, so, after going on a bit, no you are not expecting too much, it wouldn't kill him to pick up after himself & put the bin out, I can't remember who said it but I agree, you should arrange to go out for the day (or go away for the weekend if you can wangle it) and leave him to look after the kids & house, he may change his tune by the time you get back!
     
  12. pesty

    pesty Fighting the bulge

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    The only thing that helps me is to say something, i normally end up being condersending but i wont shout. I talk everyone the same, if they act like a child in need of constant care i treat them like one. ie, asking nicely (however frustrated you are) if they shout say 'i havent shouted at you, so dont shout at me' give huge amounts of praise when they actually do something (even if you had to ask tehm to do it) and if they dont, they get the silent treatment haha!
     
  13. judimac

    judimac Mad old Bat with Attitude

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    I was going to suggest this, and if you have a mobile, turn it off! I did this when my lads were little (I had to work) and came in the front door and remarked that the place looked a tip! (it's what he said most nights) and he said he'd never stopped tidying all day. I blamed his mother!
     
  14. *EB*

    *EB* Gold Member

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    i work full time and do all the cleaning/housework, except a few things i nagg my other half to do - he does have it good. but i actually like doing all the cooking and he isnt a very good cook anyway!!! :D so i guess rather than get food poisioning! hehe!

    I would sit your fella down and speak to him - communication is so important. I think if he listens to you enough he will start doing some things without protest.

    x
     
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  15. avisk

    avisk xx

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    I assume this guy has some good points, otherwise I can't imagine why you put up with him.

    The secret to "going on strike" is only to stop doing the things that matter to him, but don't matter to you. Obviously you are going to give in when it comes to things like bins and work surfaces - but do you really care if he goes out wearing an unironed shirt?

    A friend of mine told me a funny story the other day. Her sister asked her to mention bins in front of her (the sister's) husband, and then just follow her lead in what she said next. She was very surprised when her sister said "no, he's not allowed to empty bins". Why not? "I've just decided that there are certain things I am not going to allow him to do any more, and bins is one of them." And guess what - after that he insisted on emptying the bins! I don't say this would work for everyone, but I thought it was a brilliant bit of "reverse psychology".
     
  16. Morgawr

    Morgawr Silver Member

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    You are certainly working too hard. His day seems to stop when he finishes work, when does yours stop? You are working really hard with the children and looking after him and taking care of the house, certainly working longer hours than him as well. He needs to pull his weight around the house.
     
  17. Julianne_julz

    Julianne_julz Bears dont dig on dancin'

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    Omg I love that!! Haha don't think it would work on my OH though...

    Mine is the same, he whines when he gets up and the washing up isn't done, moans when he runs out of clothes (I virtually do a wash every day to keep up with him! Sometimes he says "you could have done this by now" er no, i've been stopping our childputting cables/building blocks/"insert random object here" in his mouth. Or he'll say "I need my jeans washed" hmm ok, then put them in the wash, don't leave them on the floor. Honestly, he can be so lazy...and then when he does do stuff, its so bad that I have to re-do it!! My OH comes out with "but I have to work later" as his excuse for not helping. What so I have to "work" for you all day do I and you get a break? ARRGGHHHH, I know how you feel. *hugs*

    I'm actually leaving all his clothes on the floor instead of picking them up, and washing mine and my toddlers stuff. If he leaves ipod/phone/wallet out and its within reach for LO (on the sofa normally) then I'm not moving them, LO can play all he likes, if it gets damaged, its his own fault for leaving things out. Phase 1 is under way lol. Xx
     
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  19. mumtheshopper

    mumtheshopper Silver Member

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    Maybe i'm the sole voice, but when I was a t home all day with a baby and a toddler, I couldn't stand the thought of my hubby coming home to no dinner, or an untidy house. I thought that he was working all the hours so I could stay home and bring up our babies, so the least I could do was keep the house together and cook the meals. Saying that, he would enver have moaned if it wasn't done, he just accepted that the kids had had a good day, cos I'd taken them out, or that they were poorly or clingy that day. I bought a dishwasher after ana rgument over the washing up before we had kids, so tehr wasn[t that to argue about. I dunno, guess I jsut always felt grateful to be in the position where I could stay home with them!!

    Lynda
     
  20. hayley morgan

    hayley morgan Full Member

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    thanks guys for all your replys for a minute i was starting to think that maybe i was asking too much of him. and shouldnt expect him to do anything because he works but now im even more determined that he should do what i ask of him. i really wish i could escape and leave him for a week with the kids and see how he likes it but i know he couldnt cope. i left him with elise (the baby) the other week when i went to slimming world meeting and when i got home she was already in bed so checked on her in the dark, the next morning i realised he had put her to bed in just a vest, one might i add she had had on all day and he said oh i didnt think she needed changing, so he didnt even put a clean nappy on her. julianne i like your style i might start doing that and see how he likes it. as a mother my day doesnt end i could be upstairs and their dad down stairs and they still come and ask me for things.
     
  21. JoJosing

    JoJosing Full Member

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    Hayley,

    the way I see it all you are asking for is a little respect - to coin a phrase.

    I can see Mum the shoppers pov but from what she says I do not think things were expected of her, she wanted to make housework/child care/cooking her job and her husband was not upset if things were not done.

    In my family I am the main wage earner. My hubby fits his work around the kids my eldest and youngest children (girls) help around the house, my middle child needs more encouragement (a boy!)

    I cook most week nights Hubby cooks at the weekend when I do things like ironing. I do not have a spotless show home but there is always someone home when my kids come in from school and thats enough for me.
     
  22. Happy Holidays

    Happy Holidays Gold Member

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    When my children were young I worked part-time & did most of the housework. OH would do his share, ie. make tea, wash up, hovering, washing clothes, just little things, but these weren't 'his' jobs just jobs which we shared. If he was off at the weekend I would have a lie in one day whilst he got up with the kiddies.

    Years later, we both work full time, but OH works overtime so I do a lot more of the housework (it suits us both), & as he is usually home before me makes sure my tea is on the table waiting for me. He still does the washing. Oh & the bins definately a 'man job' :D

    But seriously I'd have a chat & let him know how your feeling & explain how hard it is, remind him about before Christmas he could only manage 4hours with the little one.
     
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