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does anyone else have a fear of losing their flab?


Silver Member
i have always been big. the smallest size i have ever been was 14/16 and even then i thought i was big. the thought of going smaller scares me. what if i dont recongise myself, will i change that much? i need to lose weight for me, but at the same time ineed to get over this fear that losing weigth will change who i am personality wise. hard to explain. but always be the fat jolly one etc etc.
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Queen of the Damned
I do know this feeling honey - wish I had seen this earlier cos I am just off to sleep. Will try and find this thread tomorrow and talk some more about it. But you are NOT alone, I promise xxx

Fuzzys Angel

The Lovely James Hetfield
Hiya Misdee,

I think i know what you are trying to say?!!!!!

As the fat was going i found it very scary, the worst part has been attention from men. To be honest i hated it & still do. Some of the attention i have been getting is from those that knew me fatter, why? i don't think i've changed much as a person so why give me attention now i'm slimmer......

Also i was so scared going clothes shopping, as i din't know what suited my slimmer body, that was really scary. One day i stood in a shop with my husband & bursed into tears. He ask me "whats wrong honey?"...I said to him..."everything fits me now & i don't know where to start?"......that was a horrible feeling........Got over that part now though...lol

Misdee, it is scary at first but try to enjoy it, enjoy each stage of getting thinner.....xxx

(hope this makes sense to you?)


jelly belly
S: 20st5lb C: 18st0lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 49.2 Loss: 2st5lb(11.58%)
what a good question
last time i was slim i was 18/19 and a size 14
then as i got older i hoverd at 16/8 for years then the kids came along and that was it 24/26

i know what you mean about fat and jolly
i`m always getting told your a great laugh and fun to be with but its not me

i`m scared to when it comes to the time when i have to buy new clothes, i dont want to look like an old biddy trying to stay young, or look tarty
just hope i dont get it wrong when the time comes
My opinion? It's a self-confidence thing. We hide in our fat. We put on an act for the outside world of being jolly and happy when inside we're far from it. You are scared that as the flab goes you'll have to stop acting/hiding and your true real feelings will be on show for all to see... vulnerable or what? It's entirely up to you how much you show. My daughter is a slim size 8 and has low self-confidence... she puts on an act for the outside world too. Anyone can whatever their size. You only show what you want to! Best answer is simply to try to enjoy the transition and not worry.


Silver Member
Thanks for the replies.

Husband has never known me thin, i went down to a 14/16 after my second daughjter was born but that was due to stress not dieting, even though i could go into most shops and buy stuff to fit, i never really took advantage of that. the thought of being able to buy clothes in most shops (not sure miss selfridges will ever suit me lol) is scarey, there are so many shops i dont go into as the clothes wont fit, except if i need to buy shoes, but then i have wide feet so tend to go thsoe from evans as well.

And then there are the people I dont see very often. I have gone from seeing hubbies nurses on a weekly basis for 18months, to now seeing them every couple of months depending on how often he gets admitted. IF (big if) he manages to stay out of hospital untill the fun run in sept, then i wont have seen them for 5months. And i know they will say soemthing. and attention scares me.

I do get a bit of male attentuion anyway but i put that down to my rather large bust, what if i slim and get left with comedy sized boobs?

will my tummy apron go, or will i have to face the dreaded tummy tuck at some point, boob job maybe? :cry:

all this stuff, arrrgh.

guess will face them one step at aa time right?

all these thoughts are scary.
Hey Misdee, One step at a time is right.

I baffled myself so much about this, then I decided to go with the flow and it all worked out just fine.

Ok, I have a bit of saggy skin, still have tremendous boobies, but look at my photos, no one can tell apart from me!

I havent changed as a person, Im still a nutter, still the life and soul, but now I do it coz its fun, and not to be the fat one that everyone laughs at.

Fuzzy got the nail smack bang on about the shopping, its different, daunting, but only for 5 minutes, its easy to get over!!!

As you get to where you want to be you will realise that the inside is the same, the outside is different, but, you hold yourself better, lift your head up better, and you smile more inside x
I feel the same way.. On most diets you feel like ow yes i'm going to be slim... and then lose a stone... and put it back on... but with this diet its like you are ACTUALLY going to be slim..... and all of a sudden its like OMG! PANIC! xxxx


Silver Member
I feel the same way.. On most diets you feel like ow yes i'm going to be slim... and then lose a stone... and put it back on... but with this diet its like you are ACTUALLY going to be slim..... and all of a sudden its like OMG! PANIC! xxxx

exac tly, which is why i am struggling this week. i have lost a stone, and i am panicing about going lower. its silly. i want to be slim, but need to get past this mental block and fear.


Gone fishing
My daughter is a slim size 8 and has low self-confidence... she puts on an act for the outside world too. Anyone can whatever their size.
Very true! I'm still the same. Haven't changed as much as I thought I would. My very dry sense of humour has stayed perfectly in tact, and I act out to the world just as I always did.

Just have to make up different excuses for why I don't want to go paragliding:rolleyes:

As for clothes. It really is one step at a time. I remember feeling quite overwhelmed by the choices...so kept to styles that I wore before in smaller sizes for a while there :D


Trying Hard!
S: 25st0lb C: 22st0lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 49.7 Loss: 3st0lb(12%)
wow, well done for posting this, it's like you're in my head, you are very much not alone. I have been posting on a different thread (
http://www.minimins.com/bring-your-head-inside-your-body-will-follow/9511-combining-therapy-weight-loss-new-post.html) about how I have had years of therapy about weight issues and the reason I went was because I knew I SHOULD loose weight but was so scared to do so. It took so so so many sessions for me to finally believe that who I am has NOTHING to do with the size I am or the colour of my hair or the clothes I wear or anything else, it's all about what's inside my heart and my head. The fear was totally overwhelming, paralysing, and basically centred around fear that people would stop looking at the real me (inside) and start just seeing the outside image and then not really like me for me. does that make sense? I was worried that I would be treated differently, less like I always had been. and I was scared rigid of getting sexual male attention; I have always been lucky in that department but am happily married and prefer to have male friends as just that and to make sure that my professional work isn't influenced by sex in any way at all. again, does this make sense? anyway, I am pleased to report that eventually my head started to believe that I will stay me and then I started CD.

I was a size 18 at age 15 and went onwards and upwards from there, this means that as a size 18 now I am now smaller than I have ever been in adulthood. and it isn't scary at all. it is amazing. truly amazing. nothing like I thought it would be. I am not changing on the inside at all except that I feel proud of my achievement (that's the important bit, not the image I am achieving) and determined to make it to my goal. I get lots of amazing comments and I found them so difficult to take at the beginning but now I just smile and blush and tell them about CD. and the clothes shops, that's such an eye opener. I have NEVER shopped anywhere but evans - wow what an expensive situation that was. and now I buy clothes at the supermarket for almost no money and know that they'll fit. I haven't ventured anywhere near the "thin" shops yet because I don't want to spend on clothes I will shrink out of, but I know that when I get to goal I will go in them and know that I am proud to be there and also more blessed than most who just visit there all the time.

it is scary, it's a life change, but it's a good thing and believe me you will enjoy the changes in your energy and your life options and it will enhance everything you already are.

sorry for babbling, it's a bad habit of mine, but please know you're not alone and you will enjoy your life as much as you do now if not more.


Full Member
I'm not afraid of losing my flab, but I do admit that my previous size was "useful". I had a pretty good line in intimidaton going on. I didn't have to do anything other than stand there. When a student,at work, told a Senior that a client had said that if she came back he would beat seven colours of sh*t out of her and any Social Worker who came with her she was advised to "take big Alex with her" It was mildly amusing to hear this cowardly little sh*t come rampaging to the door threatening his partner and the Social Worker then becoming surprisingly quiet when he looked beyond his partner and my colleague and saw me...blotting out the sun and turning his world dark.I didn;t say a word.I didn't say anything I just stood there.He obviously looked at me and decided I would do more damage to him than he could do to me..The truth...I'm a big Jessie who couldn't and wouldn't fight their way out of a paper bag..but at 31stone I didn't have to.



Full Member
Good thread. I feel more weak than I did when I was obese, when I was thin (a long time ago) lots of bad things happened... but you know sometimes you just need to let go of yourself and accept you should be a healthy weight.

Don't hide behind the flab, let the real "you" come out!! Love Bunnycd xxxx


Silver Member

Its been a harsh week and have felt like giving up at times. I am going to work through this mental block and fear, and seeing bunnycd's pictures tonight have reaffirmed how much I want this (and those jeans!! where did you get them btw bunny?).

Still wearing my size 22's, am not sure I want to try more of the 20's in case they dont fit yet. see, more fear!


Cambridge Diet Counsellor
Hiya Misdee

First of all I admit that I have not read all of the replies on this thread so may duplicate in my opinion...so apologies if it feels that you may have heards this before.

My belief is that we are not defined by our weight even though we wear it as some sort of label that totally identifies us both to ourselves and the rest of society.

I used to wear "fat" as if it was my happy suit...even though I was absolutely dying inside and then when I became "slim" I wore that as if I had to be some kind of femme fatale! Being perfectly honest, I hated both labels and decided that my real quest wasn't about my waistline but more about me and who I am and how I wanted people to know me.

This has not been an easy journey, especially in my line of work as a CDC and a Coach/Therapist. I have found that some of my prospective weight loss clients turn up to see me and are often surprised that I'm not Naomi Campbell and have even gone so far as to ask me how I can help them to lose weight if I'm still overweight myself (I'm approx 3 stone over MY comfort level). Am I offended? No but I do point out to them that as they can see I am still very much a work in progress...as we all are!

Regardless of my size - I know and value who I am but this lesson came after the reduced waistline, despite me being a self assured and confident person even at my heaviest weight. Just be patient, it will come but it may not come in the way that you are expecting! Yeah, its great to be able to wear the latest clothes but that buzz can wear thin for some people and its then that you could be left wondering "was it worth it?" "what's the big deal about being slim anyway?" and all sorts of questions may come up...just remember that this journey that you are on is about you and your life and how you live and cope with it - the food usually covers all this up so when it is taken away...all hell can break loose! ;)

Just hold on...because it gets better! :)

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