fessing up to boyfriend

Discussion in 'Exante' started by Charan, 14 September 2011 Social URL.

  1. Charan

    Charan Full Member

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    Hi all,

    i'm starting exante tomorrow have a bunch of weight to lose before my wedding, only problem is I haven't told my boyfriend becuase I know he will freak out about me going on a VLCD. Anyone have the same problem?
     
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  3. Snowie

    Snowie Full Member

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    First of all congratulations on getting married!
    There is nothing like a target like that to keep you motivated on a VLCD.
    To be completely honest in my opinion you would be better explaining to your bf what the diet is about and exactly how it works.
    Most people are only negative towards VLCD's when they dont understand them.
    You say he will freak out when he finds out..... Wouldn't it be better to be open and honest with him and just tell him what you are doing, explain it all and then he can support you.
    There is nothing unhealthy about VLCD's when follwed properly and he obviously loves you and wants the best for you so when he knows what you are doing he will understand.
    Basically, diets like these are hard enough without keeping it secrfet from your other half ... well in my opinion anyway.
    Best of luck with it all x
     
  4. Charan

    Charan Full Member

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    Hi Snowie,

    thanks for that!! I know he just worries but to be honest I am doing this for me, I'm going to just tackle it head on and ask him to give it some consideration and be open minded! I guess it's sometimes difficult for people close to you to be supportive when they think you are being too extreme. hey ho best thing to do is just get on with it, cheers!
     
  5. Blue Butterfly

    Blue Butterfly Gold Member

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    Good luck with your start tomorrow.

    My OH knows I am doing exante and was a little concerned but he knows it's what I want to do so he's supportive. He tells me as long as I dont go too far then he'll support me all the way :D

    Tell your boyfriend that the biggest help will be not eating in front of you/offering you food!
     
  6. Charan

    Charan Full Member

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    I guess i just don't want to admit I feel too out of control to do the cutting back slowly thing. I put on 20lbs since we started dating and then add another 7lbs when i quit smoking and it does get to the point where you feel like your weight is growing at a rate which you cant stop.

    hmmm i shall sit him down and explain.

    thanks for this! really am worried i'm going to have the chat where he tries to convince me i'll drop dead if i don't eat at least my own body weight in pizza everyday!!!
     
  7. DustQueen

    DustQueen Gold Member

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    My OH was very worried when I first told him about the diet but when I explained the ins and outs and the nutrition he came around and now is very supportive :)
     
  8. Samiyah

    Samiyah Member

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    My husband doesn't know I'm starting this tomorrow. I'm not going to tell him either as I know he won't like it.

    He works late every day so I can get away with it during the week and I'm going to do the one meal version of the diet on the weekends and just tell him I'm low carbing.

    It's not like I want to keep it a secret in particular and of course he will support me when he realises I'm serious about it but I feel like I'm doing this for myself and don't want to explain myself to anyone.

    Does that make sense?
     
  9. kay80

    kay80 Full Member

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    I understand where your coming from. U just dnt want all the aggro & that explaining.
    I had that at 1st when i wanted 2 start, but id dne lighterlife in the past so he knew it was safe. In the end he bought my order 4 me & nw helps me whn im in awkward situations like dinner parties etc (very difficult as us asians love our heavy foods:) )
    Best of all he knws hw much i want this... My only scary part is i dnt want to let myslf dwn!
    Good luck in whatever u decide x

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  10. Samiyah

    Samiyah Member

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    Kay80 how do you deal with the dinner parties?
    I find dieting difficult in general as there's always something going on! Every week there seems to be some kind of family gathering or wedding. It always throws me off track.
    Thats why I decided to do Exante. I'm hoping that the losses during the week will be large enough to absorb a celebratory meal on the weekends here and there.
     
  11. kay80

    kay80 Full Member

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    Iv used quite a few different excuses.... (Sometimes really silly ones aswell)
    Im fasting (thats the best 1) cos then they cnt pressure u 2eat!
    Iv got stomach ache, feeling sick (dat 1 gt thm thinki im pregnant lol) or i move away 2 feed my son, stay in thw kitchen cleanin & say il eat l8r...or just keep ur distance & avoid going round. That sounds bad i knw.. But just mke out ur not feelin well.. Little white lies but its not 4 long ;)
    The sooner its gne the quicker u cn gt back 2 sne form ofnormality hun x

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  12. TripleWhopper

    TripleWhopper Banned

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    I don't want to sound arrogant, but how can you marry someone you don't trust, for something as simple as a diet?

    Your not doing this only for yourself, you are doing it for you, for him and if you have, your children. You said you don't need to explain this to anyone...
    But your husband is not just "anyone", he is in fact the person you married with and who married you, and that cannot happen if love doesn't exist both ways, isn't it?

    The mood swings, the ups and downs, the temptations of food, etc...
    If you keep this a secret from him and when he starts noticing your mood is not the best, you losing weight quickly and you always turn down meals together, what do you think your husband will think?

    I would think something dodgy is going on!

    And for him not to think the worst, I really suggest you sit down with him in the sofa, open your heart and explain your worries, your plans and the diet.

    Your husband shouldn't just be your lover, he is to be your best friend and the one you should turn to when you are low and have a problem.

    Do the right thing and tell the one you love you have a problem with food and ask for his help and understanding in starting this journey, not alone, but together.

    Because a person who loves you, will love to see you happy, no matter what!
    And this change in your life will indeed make you happy!

    All the best Hun :)
     
    Last edited: 16 September 2011
  13. kay80

    kay80 Full Member

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    Tripple whopper i think its unfair for ur 2 mke such accusations without full knowledge.
    Some things are easier said than dne so. Every1 deals with things in different ways so

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  14. kay80

    kay80 Full Member

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    Sent accidently without finishing.
    Each person is different therefore each 2 their own. Its judgemental
    & not right 2 mke assumptions. I respect they may b ur opinions, but been considerate should be common sense.
    This journey is not easy & even mre difficult at the best of times. Forums like these really help & make a big difference but alot of negativity which is not really necessary is very demotivating.
    :)

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  15. GothicLolita

    GothicLolita Full Member

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    I'm doing this unbeknownst to my husband. He freaked out when he saw minimins/exante on computer history, so I changed by log on name. Sneaky some may say but no I do not feel guilty about the secret, as he's disapproving. I do love & trust him but this is my struggle for my sanity.
    Everyone's relationship is different only each individual can know what is right in their situation. For me right now it's for me alone
    .
     
  16. TripleWhopper

    TripleWhopper Banned

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    Accusations of what?

    I'm not here to make accusations, but I am indeed giving an advice for the best course of actions.
    Life is much simpler than we make it to be!

    Hiding things from your own husband is never the way to go.

    Let me ask you this. How would you feel if your husband started saying he's going to be late from work all the time, avoiding spending time with you by skipping meals or dinner, etc?

    Knowing women, they would start thinking he's having an affair!

    While all along he was going to gym after work and avoiding dinners to resist temptation of food.

    Now imagine this little secret and it's implications put that little seed of doubt in your mind...
    You would start seeing and thinking things which are not...

    Next thing you know, your having rows, problems, stress and all because you did not make an effort to explain to the person who chose YOU amongst so many other people to love and spend their lives with.

    Don't you think it's unfair?

    But then again, different people, different attitude.

    It's just like Confucius said:
    "Men's nature are alike, it is their habit that carry them far apart."


    PS: "I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live."

    Don't let the above just be words.
     
    Last edited: 16 September 2011
  17. kay80

    kay80 Full Member

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    Personally i do not wish to continue this conversation as i feel it eventually may escalate & end up2 be very detrimental... However i would like to add in my OPINION i feel u have may have some issues of your own which u need to deal with other than just your health.
    Good luck in ur journey.

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  19. TripleWhopper

    TripleWhopper Banned

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    You complain about me making accusations and now you say I have some underlying emotional or mental problems.
    Great...

    People can spun things any way they like, the truth is that in this day and age, long gone is that mutual feeling of belonging, shared by both people who trust and love each other.

    I don't need to know of problems people face, all it matters is how they tackle it.

    If I am being crucified by saying that people who are together should be trusting and supporting each other 100%, then so be it.

    If support and trust does not exist in a relationship (hiding even a diet...), either you all married wrong people, or they married the wrong one.

    Can't use euphemism on this one.

    Wish you all happiness. :)
     
  20. Charan

    Charan Full Member

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    I think that it's not about trust as such. Mainly it's about the worry and anxiety I suspect our partners experience when they think we are hurting ourselves (or most likely they think starving ourselves when you go on a VLCD). Its not about you, it's about having your partner hovering over you and worrying about you which is the difficult bit. My boyfriend hasalways been the kinda person who just ditches the beers for a bit and then loses weight so from his perspective this may seem a little drastic. I just don't want my partner sitting around worrying about me.

    on the weddings/parties front, any more ideas on that front please do share!! i dont really want to give up my social life (i'm already missing booze).
     
  21. GothicLolita

    GothicLolita Full Member

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  22. Samiyah

    Samiyah Member

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    TripleWhopper I don't know how old you are but you sound young and idealistic to me.
    I've been with my husband for over 15yrs, married for 12. We definitely love each other and trust each other but that doesn't mean we have to share everything and live in each others pockets.
    My husband loves sports and often goes off to meet friends and do some kind of sports. He could be having an affair for all I know but I am pretty sure he's not and trust him.
    If he thinks I'm behaving a bit odd, he'll just trust me.

    We are both independent and have parts of our lives that we have for ourselves. This keeps our marriage strong and interest in each other alive.

    I have no qualms about not sharing this with him. My reasons might be different to others like GothicLolita but each to their own.

    Well, I hope thats cleared that up, now to get on with it :)
     
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