I haven't updated this in ages! I seem to fall out of the habit of doing so when things are going well, which they have been.
Went to the doctor today, and she had to weigh me. I had a tiny moment of, "YAY! My scales aren't lying to me!" when I saw the number. Also, that's the most eager I've ever been to step on the scales, since I hadn't been to the doctor in over a year and I wanted to see her face when she went to update it.
She sort of paused and said, "Wow! You've certainly lost weight!"
MFP has had me on a daily goal of 1360 calories since my latest re-tweak of the settings, which I am finding more and more tolerable. I think it helps that I've been trying to eat things that are as filling as possible for the calories they contain. Lots of pulses, apples, oats, leafy greens, eggs, etc.
I started Couch to 5k, but didn't last. It killed my knees!
Makes me sad, since I loved to run early in the mornings when I was in high school. But I still have my walks, weightlifting, and yoga. And the occasional bit of pilates, when I feel like it (which isn't often, to be honest). Husband has been teaching me krav maga recently (he used to take a class) as well. Maybe when we move and I (hopefully) live closer to a pool, I can get one of those water jogging vests and try running in the water.
I was watching Elementary (the US version of Sherlock), and in a recent episode Sherlock was talking about how staying sober wasn't what he thought it'd be. Let me see if I can find the quote... "
It’s the process of maintaining my sobriety. It’s repetitive. And it’s relentless. And above all, it’s tedious. When I left rehab, I accepted your influence. I committed to my recovery. And now two years in I found myself asking, is this it? My sobriety is simply a grind. It’s just this leaky faucet which requires constant maintenance. And in return offers only not to drip."
Obviously my problem is with food, rather than drugs, but I keep thinking of that quote as I go through the task of planning my weekly meals and snacks, of examining my every emotion when I crave a certain food, of stopping myself from reaching for
just one more biscuit. I am doing well at it, but it really is a tedious, constant drip, drip, drip. I think I'm just now coming to terms with the fact that that's what it'll be for the rest of my life. It won't stop when I reach my goal--not if I want to maintain. I think, in a way, that's why things have been going so well recently. I've finally accepted that there isn't an end date.
