oO~SaDiA~Oo
Full Member
Hey Tara! Glad to hear you pulled through and are having a great day. Yes I can't wait for week 4 either 
x
x
half my weight to drop - Yes I Can !
- Thread starter TaraSW
- Start date
oO~SaDiA~Oo
Full Member
It's been ok thanks Tara, just feeling a bit on the ill side so a bit miserable at the moment. Off out for a bit to get some fresh air. Hope I don't fall ill properly! fingers crossed** xXx
TaraSW
Full Member
wow what an emotional and amazing night!
Its 5:38 am, and I haven't slept yet, just came out of a nice meditation and immediately thought i had to come on here and write before i go to sleep.
I went to a v good friends house last night and we stayed up talking till 4.30am. It got very deep, mostly spirituality talk, and about our personal relationships with the world/our family and just listening to each other talking about painful memories so we can accept/get better understandings of things and move forward. My gosh was it emotional- donno how many times i broke out in tears - bless him he just listened and gave me the space to feel what im feeling till i was ready to continue with the conversation. he shared some deep things too - no tears from him but it was v v deep n healing for both of us.
Anyway, walking home i shared with him some of my reasons for sabotaging myself in the past re dieting. (he has no issue with weight, fit healthy n slim fella)
I've always been the sort to try to understand why i do things and try to grow.... but sharing what i've done with someone felt very freeing so i thought i'd come here and write it out and share with anyone who might be interested in reading....
In general - i have kept myself this way and yoyo'd up and down for so long to keep me safe in a comfort zone... There are many reasons why it is comfortable here but its mainly to do with men for me.
I've always been ''too nice'' and im not comfortable with certain types of confrontation. So everytime i would loose a bit of weight - like with anyone - I'd start to get more attention from men. I was 100% not comfortable with that! So to fix the problem of having to deal with some of poopi ones, who would turn it on you or whatever if you turn them down I would binge eat food i dont even enjoy just sure that it is high in fat calories etc... and will deffo make me put on weight fast - e.g. buy 2 boxes of cherry bakewells, some birthday cake with thick iceing on it and eat it all till i feel soooo full i almost feel i could throw up - at which point i would lie down and try to sleep to make sure i didnt throw it up. And ofcourse weight goes back up and men leave me alone - im comfortable. Ofcourse, i've had dates at the size i am and there are guys interested but it isnt like it is when i loose a bit of weight. I also realised that I choose to date guys or get involved with guys that I know there is no future with - someone that treats me nice enough and enjoy their company but i know i do not want to be in a relationship with, and turn away guys who i feel were a threat to my comfort zone of not really living - i.e. guys who could potentially fullfill my dreams..... great guys, who there could be a future with. I know I am not ready for anything real with a man untill i have fixed my relationship with myself.
Its crazy how we ''protect'' ourselves - from ourselves! I am working on being more assertive and speaking my truth regardless of how others respond - ''it's better to be honest and make someone cry than lie to make someone smile'' and also to be more in touch with how i am feeling and not suppress how i feel to keep someone else from feeling bad (not wording this v well now)
I feel so much compassion for myself and i am o so happy and thankful to be on this journey and to have people i can be real with and just share and grow with.
Thank you so so much minimins and all the amazing people here doing what we got to do to be good to ourselves and support eachother on our individual journeys. Cheers to truely treating ourselves with love and respect!
And thank you for reading Writing here really helps me make sense of things and your responses are helping me feel like the madness is normal and overcomeable, (like to make up new words hehee)
One day at a time....
muchos muchos love and hugs!
Tara
p.s. i've had a 100% day stuck to plan. Week 1 complete. Bring on week 2
Its 5:38 am, and I haven't slept yet, just came out of a nice meditation and immediately thought i had to come on here and write before i go to sleep.
I went to a v good friends house last night and we stayed up talking till 4.30am. It got very deep, mostly spirituality talk, and about our personal relationships with the world/our family and just listening to each other talking about painful memories so we can accept/get better understandings of things and move forward. My gosh was it emotional- donno how many times i broke out in tears - bless him he just listened and gave me the space to feel what im feeling till i was ready to continue with the conversation. he shared some deep things too - no tears from him but it was v v deep n healing for both of us.
Anyway, walking home i shared with him some of my reasons for sabotaging myself in the past re dieting. (he has no issue with weight, fit healthy n slim fella)
I've always been the sort to try to understand why i do things and try to grow.... but sharing what i've done with someone felt very freeing so i thought i'd come here and write it out and share with anyone who might be interested in reading....
In general - i have kept myself this way and yoyo'd up and down for so long to keep me safe in a comfort zone... There are many reasons why it is comfortable here but its mainly to do with men for me.
I've always been ''too nice'' and im not comfortable with certain types of confrontation. So everytime i would loose a bit of weight - like with anyone - I'd start to get more attention from men. I was 100% not comfortable with that! So to fix the problem of having to deal with some of poopi ones, who would turn it on you or whatever if you turn them down I would binge eat food i dont even enjoy just sure that it is high in fat calories etc... and will deffo make me put on weight fast - e.g. buy 2 boxes of cherry bakewells, some birthday cake with thick iceing on it and eat it all till i feel soooo full i almost feel i could throw up - at which point i would lie down and try to sleep to make sure i didnt throw it up. And ofcourse weight goes back up and men leave me alone - im comfortable. Ofcourse, i've had dates at the size i am and there are guys interested but it isnt like it is when i loose a bit of weight. I also realised that I choose to date guys or get involved with guys that I know there is no future with - someone that treats me nice enough and enjoy their company but i know i do not want to be in a relationship with, and turn away guys who i feel were a threat to my comfort zone of not really living - i.e. guys who could potentially fullfill my dreams..... great guys, who there could be a future with. I know I am not ready for anything real with a man untill i have fixed my relationship with myself.
Its crazy how we ''protect'' ourselves - from ourselves! I am working on being more assertive and speaking my truth regardless of how others respond - ''it's better to be honest and make someone cry than lie to make someone smile'' and also to be more in touch with how i am feeling and not suppress how i feel to keep someone else from feeling bad (not wording this v well now)
I feel so much compassion for myself and i am o so happy and thankful to be on this journey and to have people i can be real with and just share and grow with.
Thank you so so much minimins and all the amazing people here doing what we got to do to be good to ourselves and support eachother on our individual journeys. Cheers to truely treating ourselves with love and respect!
And thank you for reading
Writing here really helps me make sense of things and your responses are helping me feel like the madness is normal and overcomeable, (like to make up new words hehee)One day at a time....
muchos muchos love and hugs!
Tara
p.s. i've had a 100% day stuck to plan. Week 1 complete. Bring on week 2
Last edited:
Spanglymum
Gold Member
Just found your diary. Wow! You are an inspiration. Thank you for being so open. It sounds like you are totally in the right place for this. Very perceptive insights into your self sabotage as well. I will definitely be following your journey. I have a feeling it will be amazing! X
Clinquant
Gold Member
What an amazing post. So much of that I recognise. When I lost weight the first time I had such a problem with the men thing. In retrospect I realise I had to do more work on myself too and had some counselling and that's also when I found meditation and yoga. Realised that although my childhood was idyllic in many ways I was never really able to be upset. It's taken a long time - till I was 48 - till I met someone lovely and perfect for me. I'm still tempted to suppress feelings sometimes but I am able to say how important it is for me to express anger, hurt or fear. It was easy to stuff all that down with food and hard to experience it raw. Glad you have such a good friend who can bear the honesty - they are rare and beautiful.
And people think this is all about eating too much!!!
Hope you slept well and wake up refreshed.
And people think this is all about eating too much!!!
Hope you slept well and wake up refreshed.
TaraSW
Full Member
Hi Clinquant,
So happy you found your mr perfect for me... i love a happily ever after)
Thanks for your comment my beautiful. was really nice to read and hear how you came through.
Ive had a wonderful day today. Feelin so calm and very happy and carefree.
Muchos love everyone
Nanite from me xx
So happy you found your mr perfect for me... i love a happily ever after
)Thanks for your comment my beautiful. was really nice to read and hear how you came through.
Ive had a wonderful day today. Feelin so calm and very happy and carefree.
Muchos love everyone
Nanite from me xx
Hello Tara, just read your diary so far and want to share that I also am the recipient of unwanted attention from men. In my teens I became attractive and so didn't want a boyfriend (didn't have a boyfriend til I was 21) and the attention was really embarrassing, I couldn't handle it. Interesting to think that my extra weight could be related to protecting myself. I'm 40 now and so much more able to handle stresses (also potentially past it? Lol). Good luck with your journey and I'll be reading this with interest. X
oO~SaDiA~Oo
Full Member
Aww I just seen this!, It's so good to reflect on things and understand them a little better.
Hope your doing well I pm'd you hun not sure you have it. xXx
Hope your doing well I pm'd you hun not sure you have it. xXx
TaraSW
Full Member
Thnx Sadia
Hi Tequilla, wow 21 huh bless you, men can be such a pain in the bum ! your weightlosses are amazing, you must be feeling sooooo good!
TaraSW
Full Member
Hi peeps,
been a busy week, i've had the allowed meals in the evenings a couple nights this week, protein and green leafy salads so still on plan - loving the flexibility of being able to do a meal and still loose weight, its 2 weeks today and people have noticed im loosing weight - really looking forward to weighing in next sunday and seeing how much i've lost in the first 3 weeks..... hoping to be in the 21stone mark.
I've been realllly good to me this week and have massively changed how i feel about taking time to look my best. I have curly hair and its normally frizzy and dry - youtubed vdeos for hours for tips and put them into practice and wowiii my hair looks amazing and feels sooooo soft! Also watched some natural skin care stuff (doing natural hair care too) im a bit of a hippie dont like too much chemical poop. It just feels so good to look after myself.
Also been meditating daily and feeling very centered and kind to myself - have the odd thoughts every couple of days to go buck wild and eat what ever is infront of me lol then i just smile at myself and let it pass.... no judgement! which is v different from me before - before i that would lead to thoughts of - I cant do this its too long etc and make myself weaker in my own eyes rather than empowering myself by just letting it pass and not judging, I can do whatever i chose to do and I will not push me down..... i am not massively raising me up but i am taking every 'weak' moment as it comes and just taking them a moment at a time. Feels good
The other day my phone got stolen! So londoners be where - these lil ******* are riding their pedal bikes or mopeds and snatching phones out of peoples hands without even stopping the bike they just reach over as they're moving and grab n keep going! not happy! that day after the anger and shock passed i kept really wanting to eat bread (needed/wanted my bread cuddles lol) i never reaaaaaly realised how bad i comfort eat. before i pro wouldnt think and just put it down to hunger or whatever, but i know im not hungry and all i wanted was bread bread bread!
I didnt give in tho i spoke it out loud to my collegue who is a sweetie pie and kinda laughed it off. That evening though i did eat my first bit of food on this diet so far - chicken breast and spinach - i wrapped the slices of chicken in the raw spinach was so yummy. since i have had a lil food every evening, last night i had prawns and salad and tonight i am having salmon and salad. It's Ramadan atm so every single night without fail my mum and her partner have a big feast to break their fast - tonight we have guests coming over. Its like muslim christmas everyday! and omygoodness the sweets! its mental! but i havent actually been tempted or wanted to eat anything that isnt allowed which feels real good..... I am going to go back to just packs tomorrow and only have protein meal every now and then rather than everyday as i believe if i eat the protein meal everyday i might stray a little - this way it stays like a treat
anywho enough from me... hope you're all doing goooood - gonna pop in on your diaries in a bit - our guests have just arrived so me signing out
Muchos muchos love and cuddles!
Tara :banana dancerlol love this emoticon!! hahaaa)
Mmmmmmmmwah!
been a busy week, i've had the allowed meals in the evenings a couple nights this week, protein and green leafy salads so still on plan - loving the flexibility of being able to do a meal and still loose weight, its 2 weeks today and people have noticed im loosing weight - really looking forward to weighing in next sunday and seeing how much i've lost in the first 3 weeks..... hoping to be in the 21stone mark.
I've been realllly good to me this week and have massively changed how i feel about taking time to look my best. I have curly hair and its normally frizzy and dry - youtubed vdeos for hours for tips and put them into practice and wowiii my hair looks amazing and feels sooooo soft! Also watched some natural skin care stuff (doing natural hair care too) im a bit of a hippie dont like too much chemical poop. It just feels so good to look after myself.
Also been meditating daily and feeling very centered and kind to myself - have the odd thoughts every couple of days to go buck wild and eat what ever is infront of me lol then i just smile at myself and let it pass.... no judgement! which is v different from me before - before i that would lead to thoughts of - I cant do this its too long etc and make myself weaker in my own eyes rather than empowering myself by just letting it pass and not judging, I can do whatever i chose to do and I will not push me down..... i am not massively raising me up but i am taking every 'weak' moment as it comes and just taking them a moment at a time. Feels good
The other day my phone got stolen! So londoners be where - these lil ******* are riding their pedal bikes or mopeds and snatching phones out of peoples hands without even stopping the bike they just reach over as they're moving and grab n keep going! not happy! that day after the anger and shock passed i kept really wanting to eat bread (needed/wanted my bread cuddles lol) i never reaaaaaly realised how bad i comfort eat. before i pro wouldnt think and just put it down to hunger or whatever, but i know im not hungry and all i wanted was bread bread bread!
I didnt give in tho i spoke it out loud to my collegue who is a sweetie pie and kinda laughed it off. That evening though i did eat my first bit of food on this diet so far - chicken breast and spinach - i wrapped the slices of chicken in the raw spinach was so yummy. since i have had a lil food every evening, last night i had prawns and salad and tonight i am having salmon and salad. It's Ramadan atm so every single night without fail my mum and her partner have a big feast to break their fast - tonight we have guests coming over. Its like muslim christmas everyday! and omygoodness the sweets! its mental! but i havent actually been tempted or wanted to eat anything that isnt allowed which feels real good..... I am going to go back to just packs tomorrow and only have protein meal every now and then rather than everyday as i believe if i eat the protein meal everyday i might stray a little - this way it stays like a treat
anywho enough from me... hope you're all doing goooood - gonna pop in on your diaries in a bit - our guests have just arrived so me signing out
Muchos muchos love and cuddles!
Tara :banana dancer
lol love this emoticon!! hahaaa)Mmmmmmmmwah!
Clinquant
Gold Member
That sounds like a great week. It is lovely I have a meal but I think good to chop and change with Simplicity days.
I quite like to avoid chemicals if I can. My revelation this year is the oil cleansing method. My skin is so much better despite the weight loss. Definitely not so saggy as last time. And much cheaper than regular cleanser too.
Here's hoping you have another brilliant week and are gearing up for a great weigh in when it comes.
I quite like to avoid chemicals if I can. My revelation this year is the oil cleansing method. My skin is so much better despite the weight loss. Definitely not so saggy as last time. And much cheaper than regular cleanser too.
Here's hoping you have another brilliant week and are gearing up for a great weigh in when it comes.
TaraSW
Full Member
Oo I'm going to have to looks up the oil cleansing method, sends fab! Thanks Clinquant.
Doing simplicity today and through the rest of this week...
Geez I just saw how looooong that post of mine was lol eassshk
Hope everyone has a fabulous day
Tara
Sent from my Nexus 4 using MiniMins.com mobile app
Doing simplicity today and through the rest of this week...
Geez I just saw how looooong that post of mine was lol eassshk
Hope everyone has a fabulous day
Tara
Sent from my Nexus 4 using MiniMins.com mobile app
Skinny girl
Full Member
Sounds like you are doing really well. I am mixing it up with some days as 4 packs and some as 3 packs and a meal. Last time I did this I just stuck to packs for the whole time and therefore when it came to eating food I found it a very emotional journey and hence feel why I got back into this mess.
Keep going, we can do this.
Keep going, we can do this.
Hi, so v pleased you've managed that horrid phone theft well. I imagine if it was stolen out of your hands, that it felt quite an intimate transgression, like a mugging. Poor you. Hope you reported it. Glad you could handle it without reverting to food.
I'm simpliciting this week too. I like it that I don't have to think about it. Nice and easy.
Here's to this week and more great losses. X
I'm simpliciting this week too. I like it that I don't have to think about it. Nice and easy.
Here's to this week and more great losses. X
LittleMissPipedream
Member
I can so relate to everything said in the OP, and from others also!
I started LL in October 2011, and finished in December 2012. It worked really well for me and the support/forums really helped me keep going. I was 17 when I started and already at 22 1/2 stone. I didn't do anything your normal teenagers did, I was so isolated and decided enough was enough.
I started uni last September, and yes... making up for all those missed experiences has taken my eye off the ball a little with maintenance. I had just broke out of the habit of weighing daily and focused on trying to live my life instead of feeling guilt whenever 1lb crept on. Just to focus on how far I'd come and live in the moment!
I have hidden from scales since a visit to my GP at the back end of last year. I had gained 7lbs since Christmas 2012 and he gave me a pep talk about "not letting it all come back on". Like I'd let that happen?! I was consumed with such fear and guilt that ever since I've tried dieting to shift the weight, hiding from scales in the process. In the past year and a half since finishing LL I have gone from a size 10/12 to a 12/14. I have preferred focusing on clothes sizes instead of numbers - I intend on weighing myself once I can feel that I have made progress and am well on the wagon. I guess I just fear for my state of mind (before LL I put it off for ages thinking it was unachievable, I don't want to risk feeling like that again). It sounds silly and like I'm kidding myself, I know!
I am so determined to get back to the weight I was, to block out any negative comments in the process and KNOW that I feel more comfortable there.
I'm sure with one another's support we can all get there. It looks like such a long road but short term sacrifice for long term gain, huh?
Good luck girls!
Rachel x
I started LL in October 2011, and finished in December 2012. It worked really well for me and the support/forums really helped me keep going. I was 17 when I started and already at 22 1/2 stone. I didn't do anything your normal teenagers did, I was so isolated and decided enough was enough.
I started uni last September, and yes... making up for all those missed experiences has taken my eye off the ball a little with maintenance. I had just broke out of the habit of weighing daily and focused on trying to live my life instead of feeling guilt whenever 1lb crept on. Just to focus on how far I'd come and live in the moment!
I have hidden from scales since a visit to my GP at the back end of last year. I had gained 7lbs since Christmas 2012 and he gave me a pep talk about "not letting it all come back on". Like I'd let that happen?! I was consumed with such fear and guilt that ever since I've tried dieting to shift the weight, hiding from scales in the process. In the past year and a half since finishing LL I have gone from a size 10/12 to a 12/14. I have preferred focusing on clothes sizes instead of numbers - I intend on weighing myself once I can feel that I have made progress and am well on the wagon. I guess I just fear for my state of mind (before LL I put it off for ages thinking it was unachievable, I don't want to risk feeling like that again). It sounds silly and like I'm kidding myself, I know!
I am so determined to get back to the weight I was, to block out any negative comments in the process and KNOW that I feel more comfortable there.
I'm sure with one another's support we can all get there. It looks like such a long road but short term sacrifice for long term gain, huh?
Good luck girls!
Rachel x
Wow, what a fab story. Hear my story; I lost 3.5 stone and then in fear of gaining, I avoided my scales and ate ate ate! I used to say I couldn't go back to the sw club until I'd lost it...talk about twisted thinking. But you haven't gained anywhere near what you've lost, have you? At least you've put a check in place, whether it's scales or clothes, and you can monitor yourself like that.
And yes, we CAN do this, it's not too hard, it's perfectly achievable and within our grasp. With each other especially. I read success stories over and over, they're so inspiring.
And yes, we CAN do this, it's not too hard, it's perfectly achievable and within our grasp. With each other especially. I read success stories over and over, they're so inspiring.
