Just split with my boyfriend of 4.5 years....

[size102b]

I know it sounds cruel maybe ask him not to text again fir a month unless important as it will be harder for you both, you'll want to reply as you feel for him? I don't know I expect he's hurting so it's hard all round.
Been on both sides the ender and the ended and there's no easy answer just do what's best for you and your lil guy ((( hugs))) xxx

 

[Riotgrrrrl]

Thanks hun xxx

 

[Miss Mango]

I really am overwhelmed by all of your kind words, it means alot.

I went round his house this morning while he was at work, like we'd arranged, so I could drop his stuff off and leave his house key. He'd left me my key, two packs of peanut butter cups which are my favourite, and letter that made me cry.

I feel like a grade A cow to put him through all this pain. Its not even like he'd done anything wrong, he was always so kind and considerate, but it just wasn't working anymore you know?

Meh. I'll stay strong. And the food cupboard has remained shut. If anything Im undereating at 15 points a day, but even they were forced.

Ill stop moaning now. Thank you all so much for caring. Youre all the best xxx

Aww hunnie I feel your pain, honestly. Its awful to have to do something but if something isn't working then whats the point in trying to force it to when you're not completely happy? You'd then only be lying to yourself and him, which is never good. I think you've done the best thing by being so brave and ending it. If the relationship is not what you truely want in your heart then its probably not meant to be.
Its a shame that its had to end this way but you cannot help your feelings. And you've done the best thing by him too as he will be able to move on and find the fulfilling relationship we all desire - as you will too.

Your Mr Right is out there somewhere - its just finding him, and when you do, you'll know in your heart that its right.

Good luck and I'm sending you lots of love, you seem like a lovely girl with an understanding heart. XX

 

[Riotgrrrrl]

Awwww thanks chick xx

 

[fatal]

it always gets worse before it gets better and it always gets better!

hugs xx

 

[Riotgrrrrl]

Thanks hun xx

 

[Inge Jones]

But that feeling doesn't last forever in the very best of relationships. I think the maximum is about 5 years - with most losing it much before that. In some cases it can be prolonged by being mixed up with insecurity and tension, which is largely responsible for the very early intense feelings of need for that person.

I'd think carefully about whether this is a strong enough reason to break up, or whether this is simply part of your natural pattern of emotional chronology in any relationship. You may find every partner stops having the "in love" effect on you after 3 years, due to the way your own emotions settle when you are sure of someone and things are going well.

This is probably what is responsible for some people being more attracted to the less reliable men - the in-love feeling is prolonged by not feeling totally secure in the relationship.

 

[Riotgrrrrl]

Thanks chick. To be honest, Ive only had two REAL relationships, my first was from the age of 16-22, we lived together, and it was very firey with lots and LOTS of arguments and aggro. We lived together too, eventually we ended up like brother and sister, no intimacy. I had a *very* brief fling after that ended which resulted in my gorgeous son. so I was a single mum with the odd bloke here and there which never lasted longer than a few weeks then met my last bloke in 2006 when I was 27. After 6 months of him playing mind games and not seeming all that interested he fell for me hard and its been settled like that ever since. We dont even argue, we get on so well. Unfortunately, Ive realised I love him like I love my friends - I want him in my life but I dont want all the intimate stuff that comes with boyfriend/girlfriend type thing, you know? I cant really explain myself very well lol

Urrrrgh I just read that back, I sound like a rubbish person heh heh

 

[Inge Jones]

The important thing is to be honest with *yourself* about why you do what you do. If you find a cosy companionship feeling claustrophobic, then it's perfectly legitimate to stick to more heady but less "comfortable" relationships. The only thing I would say is that in that case it might be good to try not to let your son get attached to your boyfriends, as they're unlikely to become a long-term part of his upbringing.

 

[Riotgrrrrl]

I TOTALLY agree with you there. I didnt introduce him to my son for a while and even then they werent involved, we saw each other at weekends while my son was with his dad, he saw him from time to time but its really over the last two years theyve spent more time together. I hate hearing about these women who get together with someone and within a week their child is calling this bloke daddy, until the next bloke comes along. Thats awful and Id never do that xx

 

[vanda]

Sorry you have been feeling low about the break up but if it wasnt working for you then best to end it now than hang on. Only you know how you feel inside and although it is difficult now for both of you it will get better. You have no need to feel guilty about ending the relationship, after all even with the best of intentions sometimes things just are not meant to be.

Hope things pick up soon and be kind to yourself xx

 

[Riotgrrrrl]

Awww thanks V. Im feeling a bit better today but I know I need to see him again at some point to return some more stuff that I forgot about.

Deep breathe...it'll be fiiiiiiiine