Karens Herbalife Diary- bad penny returns :D
- Thread starter Karen
- Start date
Karen
Serial Foodie!
my laptop went into full melt down 
it was so awful i even had to do housework
i just finished making chocolate rice crispies cakes with aiden and Kirsten (tho aiden ate most of it before they made it to the fridge lol)
now watching shrek
i dont wanna go out in the cold to collect jay from school :cry: its ruddy freezing! the only downside to ketosis (well that and the foul killer breath) is being so flipping cold. i wonder if ketosis is good in the summer months? it will be so so nice to feel cooler in the summer rather than sweating like a pig in long sleeved dark clothes designed to cover up bingo wings and such like!
it was so awful i even had to do housework
i just finished making chocolate rice crispies cakes with aiden and Kirsten (tho aiden ate most of it before they made it to the fridge lol)
now watching shrek
i dont wanna go out in the cold to collect jay from school :cry: its ruddy freezing! the only downside to ketosis (well that and the foul killer breath) is being so flipping cold. i wonder if ketosis is good in the summer months? it will be so so nice to feel cooler in the summer rather than sweating like a pig in long sleeved dark clothes designed to cover up bingo wings and such like!
Karen
Serial Foodie!
had another run-in with my mum this morning. nothing major but enough for me to see how differently i handle her now.
i dont have the patience for her anymore. she has been a really crap parent, whether ill or not and i have never wanted to face that fact. im angry with her and im not swallowing that anger in food now so its channeling differently. prehaps not a way i want it to...i dont want to be at odds with her but the poison has to be squeezed out somehow.
i have to distance myself from her now when she upsets me, instead of try to ignore my feelings and make sure she feels ok about it all. ive never felt equal to her or other people because i was always taught to put myself last. bugger that! i have a family to bring up and control of my life to get back!
have spent too long worrying for her and feeling responsible for everything that happens with her. i was always the adult in our relationship and while i dont want to hate her for that, i do want to get it all out of my system. thats why this diary is valuable for me. she puts me down to other people and has an unbelievably low opionion of me, no matter how hard i have tried to be there for her. this has resulted in me having no self esteem. my dad is as bad. he spent my childhood from the age of 7 tutting at me and calling me stupid whenever i expressed a feeling or thought. he has just never been emotionally available and would repress us when we tried to be. it made us pretty angry, frustrated young adults lol. i have always known i am loved by my parents. cannot take that away from them. they r just very messed up in how they can show it.
im 30 now though...cant let these things affect me anymore. i am an adult with a 9, 6 and 2 year old of my own. i need to take that control back.
i hope i can look back at the things i write about my past and feel they have been resolved. although they should have been dealt with years ago...i couldnt face doing it and just ate myself numb. now i am strong enough and this diary should prove to be very helpful, i hope.
im sorry that my diary is depressing. im really not depressed by it all. i may seem very self pitying but im not. i really feel that these things happen and that u need to grow from them. hopefully i can do that now.
if u think this is depressing now...we have some sexual abuse, teen rape and plenty more to splurge thru yet! i did warn in the beginning of this diary so if u r easily offended, please dont read this anymore
i dont have the patience for her anymore. she has been a really crap parent, whether ill or not and i have never wanted to face that fact. im angry with her and im not swallowing that anger in food now so its channeling differently. prehaps not a way i want it to...i dont want to be at odds with her but the poison has to be squeezed out somehow.
i have to distance myself from her now when she upsets me, instead of try to ignore my feelings and make sure she feels ok about it all. ive never felt equal to her or other people because i was always taught to put myself last. bugger that! i have a family to bring up and control of my life to get back!
have spent too long worrying for her and feeling responsible for everything that happens with her. i was always the adult in our relationship and while i dont want to hate her for that, i do want to get it all out of my system. thats why this diary is valuable for me. she puts me down to other people and has an unbelievably low opionion of me, no matter how hard i have tried to be there for her. this has resulted in me having no self esteem. my dad is as bad. he spent my childhood from the age of 7 tutting at me and calling me stupid whenever i expressed a feeling or thought. he has just never been emotionally available and would repress us when we tried to be. it made us pretty angry, frustrated young adults lol. i have always known i am loved by my parents. cannot take that away from them. they r just very messed up in how they can show it.
im 30 now though...cant let these things affect me anymore. i am an adult with a 9, 6 and 2 year old of my own. i need to take that control back.
i hope i can look back at the things i write about my past and feel they have been resolved. although they should have been dealt with years ago...i couldnt face doing it and just ate myself numb. now i am strong enough and this diary should prove to be very helpful, i hope.
im sorry that my diary is depressing. im really not depressed by it all. i may seem very self pitying but im not. i really feel that these things happen and that u need to grow from them. hopefully i can do that now.
if u think this is depressing now...we have some sexual abuse, teen rape and plenty more to splurge thru yet! i did warn in the beginning of this diary so if u r easily offended, please dont read this anymore
Karen
Serial Foodie!
speak of the devil and then u get a phone call from them
for the first time in my life i managed to get her to see how she was wrong this morning. when i called her this monring i had been upset about my dad going to work with the flu and she twisted it all around to being about me trying to blame her when i wasnt!! she kept talking over me when i was trying to explain myself and was getting nasty with me. so when she called just now i was able to tell her not to interupt me and said what i wanted to say about how it was unfair of her to try to make me feel guilty about being concerned about dad. that she twisted it to be about her when it wasnt. my dad is a stubborn workaholic and i know its all him not looking after himself. she started to say things that she thinks i said this morning. i hadnt said one of the things she was claiming i said to her. unreal how she twists things. i repeated everything i said this morning so that she could see what i had been saying and she ended up apologising. first time for everything!
i dont feel good about slating my mum as i do love her and shes the only mum i have BUT it feels very good for once not bowing down to her illness and making her take responsibility for her part in something. result!!
for the first time in my life i managed to get her to see how she was wrong this morning. when i called her this monring i had been upset about my dad going to work with the flu and she twisted it all around to being about me trying to blame her when i wasnt!! she kept talking over me when i was trying to explain myself and was getting nasty with me. so when she called just now i was able to tell her not to interupt me and said what i wanted to say about how it was unfair of her to try to make me feel guilty about being concerned about dad. that she twisted it to be about her when it wasnt. my dad is a stubborn workaholic and i know its all him not looking after himself. she started to say things that she thinks i said this morning. i hadnt said one of the things she was claiming i said to her. unreal how she twists things. i repeated everything i said this morning so that she could see what i had been saying and she ended up apologising.
first time for everything! i dont feel good about slating my mum as i do love her and shes the only mum i have BUT it feels very good for once not bowing down to her illness and making her take responsibility for her part in something. result!!
sonkie
Gold Member
Hey Karen good result.......that is a bit like the situation with Ian and his mum...he is always trying to please her, if myself or the boys need anything we have to wait, but as soon as she rings he jumps up and leaves whatever he is doing to keep her happy.
I personally think it is an odd relationship......!
For example he has been asked by his mum to help his nephew to find work, but nephew cant be bothered, so Ian kept ringing him to get him organised and told him he has to buck his ideas up.
So Ian fones his sis to tell her he needs to be motivated and buck his ideas up or Ian is wasting his time, next minute Ian gets a message saying his sis been crying on fone cos of what he said.....So he has been grovelling to mummy ......!
Now he has given his time to help nephew as his parents cant be assed and its his fault his sis was crying down fone.....
He soo needs to distance himself from his mum everyone expects Ian to do this or that at the drop of a hat....but if we need any help his lot aint bothered.
Wish he could see it..! But when it comes to his mum and sisters he is soo blinkered.
I personally think it is an odd relationship......!
For example he has been asked by his mum to help his nephew to find work, but nephew cant be bothered, so Ian kept ringing him to get him organised and told him he has to buck his ideas up.
So Ian fones his sis to tell her he needs to be motivated and buck his ideas up or Ian is wasting his time, next minute Ian gets a message saying his sis been crying on fone cos of what he said.....So he has been grovelling to mummy ......!
Now he has given his time to help nephew as his parents cant be assed and its his fault his sis was crying down fone.....
He soo needs to distance himself from his mum everyone expects Ian to do this or that at the drop of a hat....but if we need any help his lot aint bothered.
Wish he could see it..! But when it comes to his mum and sisters he is soo blinkered.
Karen
Serial Foodie!
jeez!
probably does see it but doesnt wanna have to change the dynamics of the relationships?
i dont think i put kev or the kids on the back burner for my folks but i definately expect kev to tollerate a lot.
guess rome werent built in a day! does he know how strongly u feel about this?
u ought to do what i do...withdraw all carnal favours until he has sat down and talked through it and come to a resolution. works for me and ian...er...i mean me and kev
probably does see it but doesnt wanna have to change the dynamics of the relationships?
i dont think i put kev or the kids on the back burner for my folks but i definately expect kev to tollerate a lot.
guess rome werent built in a day! does he know how strongly u feel about this?
u ought to do what i do...withdraw all carnal favours until he has sat down and talked through it and come to a resolution. works for me and ian...er...i mean me and kev
sonkie
Gold Member
oooooo my god no way If I mention mother he knows what is coming and he will not have a word said about his mother good or bad. So that is not an option, it is annoying though as she expects to be asked along if we go out.....as you know we dont get out at all so when we went to pictures last year he told her then something was said along the lines of her coming.....so he said he would ask me if it was ok.
Her reply was you shouldnt have to ask (me ) for permission to ask her along on a very rare family trip out.
Bloody cheeky cow.....she assumes that she can just tag along without asking my thoughts....and as we hadnt been out as a family for ages I was livid.....anyway she didnt come but was sulking for ages after......the f*****g cheek.
Her reply was you shouldnt have to ask (me ) for permission to ask her along on a very rare family trip out.
Bloody cheeky cow.....she assumes that she can just tag along without asking my thoughts....and as we hadnt been out as a family for ages I was livid.....anyway she didnt come but was sulking for ages after......the f*****g cheek.
Families are very difficult hun , we all know that . Alot has happened with you and your family but sticking up for what you believe is the important thing . All our lives our parents try to advise us in what we should or shouldnt be doing , do we listen ????
So when it comes to us trying to advise them they will not listen to us either !!!
Its so mad how things look different from the outside .
You are a strong lady Karen , even thou you may not always think you are ! You just keep in your head the good things and you will know how right you are and dont let anyone tell you that your out of line because at the end of the day you speak more truths about everything ! You also have a much better way at putting things ! not like me i just ramble on and on and on !!!
All im saying is .... believe in yourself xxx
When i chat to you mate you seem to have so much confidence and energy !!
I dont know you any other way and ive known you for a few years now !!!
Ups or the downs thou hun this diary is the best and you will look back and think ... omg did i really think and say and see things that way !!!!
Believe ... you are in the right more times than not x
So when it comes to us trying to advise them they will not listen to us either !!!
Its so mad how things look different from the outside .
You are a strong lady Karen , even thou you may not always think you are ! You just keep in your head the good things and you will know how right you are and dont let anyone tell you that your out of line because at the end of the day you speak more truths about everything ! You also have a much better way at putting things ! not like me i just ramble on and on and on !!!
All im saying is .... believe in yourself xxx
When i chat to you mate you seem to have so much confidence and energy !!
I dont know you any other way and ive known you for a few years now !!!
Ups or the downs thou hun this diary is the best and you will look back and think ... omg did i really think and say and see things that way !!!!
Believe ... you are in the right more times than not x
Karen
Serial Foodie!
i have to say, i am bubbly and outgoing. i love a good giggle and do my best to shrug things off and get on with life.
i have been through some things that i find really difficult but to be honest, i dont wish it didnt hapen to me. everyone has really shitty times and i have so much to be thankful for. i must sound so depressive here but the brutal truth is, i can talk about things that have happened to me as though i were talking about someone else. I dont feel all that emotionally attached to stuff thats happened. with that said, i think a certain degree of it is that i have repressed everything.
its stood me in good stead. im kind of level headed in general but will openly admit that i have had a nervous breakdown. in fact ive had 2 lol. but that was because i repressed thing so deeply. I dont carry that anymore and can look at things objectively.
i thought long and hard for a while as to whether to be really frank in this diary. thought i ought to maybe not be so blunt or honest but then i think that defeats the reason for having a diary. I am quite private with things that have happened to me but i dont really think i should be. If just one person relates with one thing i say i am really happy.
i know only u, sonkie and dizzy really post on my diary and i assume thats because it must be pretty difficult to give feedback on some of the stuff i say lol. i dont mind it..this is my journey afterall.
i would hate people to think I am rocking back and forth crying into a soup when i type stuff. nothing could be further from the truth. Im far more likely to be watching tele or gabbing on the phone between posts. probably bidding for something on ebay as well hehe!
crap happens and I wont say that without it i wouldnt be me cos thats kinda flaky. what i will say though is that i accept everything. sometimes i need to let certain emotions surface and when they do, im just sitting here analysing how i feel...not going into mental meltdown lol. im a big grown up girl now and i can handle the things i need to. have been an adult for a long time now and any "why me?" stuff is pointless. who hasnt had crap experiences?
I am far more grateful to have been thru the things i have and have 3 healthy kids now. to have had a charmed life and then to have bad things happening to my family would be the worst thing i can imagine.
i would never ever say that sexual abuse is a minor thing to anyone who has gone through it. i can honestly say that i have talked to my abuser about it and i have dealt with it...i think. it doesnt feel that bad to me. i read a couple of books and then figured it all out.
now that im not eating...maybe somethings will come back and bite me on the arse. maybe i will find im flooded with emotion and cant cope with something i thought was dealt with. i can totally see that if that should happen, its just another part of the journey that i need to grow from.
god what a lot of whittering lol. i just wanted to clarify that this diary is not depressing to me. i feel liberated and happy to be able to lay everything out and pick over it. think it out and get it over and done with. im even really happy that friends will come to me and discuss worries regarding peole they know who have experienced stuff i have and i can help. i can do it quite easily. its never taboo or sadening for me. maybe thats a good thing to come from certain things?
hmmm...will have to analyze that a lil more and post back
i have been through some things that i find really difficult but to be honest, i dont wish it didnt hapen to me. everyone has really shitty times and i have so much to be thankful for. i must sound so depressive here but the brutal truth is, i can talk about things that have happened to me as though i were talking about someone else. I dont feel all that emotionally attached to stuff thats happened. with that said, i think a certain degree of it is that i have repressed everything.
its stood me in good stead. im kind of level headed in general but will openly admit that i have had a nervous breakdown. in fact ive had 2 lol. but that was because i repressed thing so deeply. I dont carry that anymore and can look at things objectively.
i thought long and hard for a while as to whether to be really frank in this diary. thought i ought to maybe not be so blunt or honest but then i think that defeats the reason for having a diary. I am quite private with things that have happened to me but i dont really think i should be. If just one person relates with one thing i say i am really happy.
i know only u, sonkie and dizzy really post on my diary and i assume thats because it must be pretty difficult to give feedback on some of the stuff i say lol. i dont mind it..this is my journey afterall.
i would hate people to think I am rocking back and forth crying into a soup when i type stuff. nothing could be further from the truth. Im far more likely to be watching tele or gabbing on the phone between posts. probably bidding for something on ebay as well hehe!
crap happens and I wont say that without it i wouldnt be me cos thats kinda flaky. what i will say though is that i accept everything. sometimes i need to let certain emotions surface and when they do, im just sitting here analysing how i feel...not going into mental meltdown lol. im a big grown up girl now and i can handle the things i need to. have been an adult for a long time now and any "why me?" stuff is pointless. who hasnt had crap experiences?
I am far more grateful to have been thru the things i have and have 3 healthy kids now. to have had a charmed life and then to have bad things happening to my family would be the worst thing i can imagine.
i would never ever say that sexual abuse is a minor thing to anyone who has gone through it. i can honestly say that i have talked to my abuser about it and i have dealt with it...i think. it doesnt feel that bad to me. i read a couple of books and then figured it all out.
now that im not eating...maybe somethings will come back and bite me on the arse. maybe i will find im flooded with emotion and cant cope with something i thought was dealt with. i can totally see that if that should happen, its just another part of the journey that i need to grow from.
god what a lot of whittering lol. i just wanted to clarify that this diary is not depressing to me. i feel liberated and happy to be able to lay everything out and pick over it. think it out and get it over and done with. im even really happy that friends will come to me and discuss worries regarding peole they know who have experienced stuff i have and i can help. i can do it quite easily. its never taboo or sadening for me. maybe thats a good thing to come from certain things?
hmmm...will have to analyze that a lil more and post back
