Kids!! AAGHHH!!! RAnt

Discussion in 'Slimming World' started by mumtheshopper, 9 September 2009 Social URL.

  1. mumtheshopper

    mumtheshopper Silver Member

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    They are gitls of 7 and 9 years old, and they bicker, argue and fight, morning, noon and night!! They wind each other up, shout at each other, really generally unpleasant to ewach other at all times!! Sometimes they even knock lumps out of each other. Why!!?? Theya re both really great girls on their own. If you listen to the way they go on at each other you would be forgiven in thinking they were erally horrid children with a really rotten mother!! HAs anyone any experience of this, and what do you do?? I put them in separate rooms but they can't live in them. I even thought about putting them in the same room, and not letting them out until they are friends, but I'm scared of what they will do to each other! Sorry for long post, but it really is getting me down now.

    Lynda
     
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  3. CornishPisky

    CornishPisky Full Member

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    I fought like mad with my sister (older than me by 15 months) when we were kids. I loved her, but didnt like her very much IYKWIM! I remember it all came to a head one day in the car, I was whistling the theme tune to Mr Benn (hands up all those who remember - "as if by magic...the shopkeeper appeared"!) & she didnt like it. Eventually we came to real blows, but my parents just sat back & let us get on with it! This sort of set the scene for future bustups, & eventually we just found a way to rub along... Dont really know if this helps, but the fact that my parents effectively said, sort it out yourselves, sorted us out LOL!
     
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  4. JoJosing

    JoJosing Full Member

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    AAAw babes I have 3 (2 girls and a boy) they gang up on each other 2 against 1 sometimes. I am sure that they love each other deep down though just as I am sure that your girls do really too.

    I try to give them time individually as well as in a group so everyone has their own Mummy time (hard cause i work full time).

    Have a look at relaxkids.com you may find the star cards or posative affermations help or the CDs?

    Good luck

    BTW I very much love my little sister and we also had our moments!
     
  5. Brookend

    Brookend Full Member

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    Throw a girl into the equation and it equals trouble. I have four kids: 2 boys (13 and 15) by my first marriage and a girl and a boy (6 and 7) by my present marriage. The two older boys were no trouble when they were little compared to the boy and girl!! I feel your pain.
    Relax kids are great. I have a couple of their CDs and my littles ones love them to drift off to sleep to
     
  6. poppyowner

    poppyowner Silver Member

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    i COULD HAVE WRITTEN YOUR POST!!!!! My girls are now 14 and 12 and constantly since about the age of 4 they have fought. They are forced to share a bedroom which also doesn't help..... they tell-tales on each other, wind each other up, fight (not often but sometimes physically), blatantly ignore rudely, etc etc each other. They attend the same school but will not walk home together. I drop them into school and once out the car they separate.....grrrr!!!! I have now become more passive in a "Whatever" kind of way - I draw the line at physical violence between then but everything else I try to ignore (when poss). I feel for you - we're in the same boat. I wish they had their own rooms but cannot afford to move and you can only work with what you have!
    Good Luck - you're not alone

    Jill
     
  7. mumtheshopper

    mumtheshopper Silver Member

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    Oh God!!!14 and 12 and they're still at it!!! I could cry!! Thay are at different schools, for the next couple of years, and I am so so lucky that, at the moment at least, they have separate bedrooms!! But it is constant. I can't ignore it, they knock lumps put of each other. They tell tales and scream blue murder at me for not doing something about it!! They are paranoid one is getting something the other isn't!! I talk to one about something and they want to know why I'm not talking to the other. I cuddle one, and the other plays up and comes between us. Not to join in but to ruin it. Surely it has got to calm down at some point. Or maybe not. I so wanted boys. Felt privelaged I was blessed with girls instead. HHmmmmmm. It'll be OK. Just tired myslef at mo too.


    Lynda
     
  8. Joanne W

    Joanne W Full Member

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    I have two boys 10 and 7 who are just the same. The youngest is great at winding my oldest up and is terrible at telling tales. I just want to bang their heads together and say stop you should be best friends not enimies. Kids - you got to love em.
     
  9. Scarlet Daisy

    Scarlet Daisy Hungry For Life

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    They're 7 and 9, so I'm pretty sure you are bigger and uglier than they are. You CAN and will win this fight.

    Firstly, everything they do that winds you up is about attention... They want it, they compete for it, and by fighting and arguing, they get it. As soon as you step in, reply to a plea for help, or lose your cool, they are ENCOURAGED to do the bad things again.

    I would do this:

    1) Sit them down and tell them, calmly, that you are no longer interested in their fights. Tell them you refuse to hear anything nasty about either of them and that they must work things out themselves. Then stick to your word, no matter how bad it gets. I used to wash up (while they fought and yelled) and be totally mute until we were talking about something "nice". Hoovering drowns out the screaming. My boys stopped all fighting after about four days. They were bosom buddies after that, and are as adults. It's hard but they won't kill eachother and "lumps" mend faster than unresolved sibling rivalry.

    2) Make a chart of two jobs each they can do each day and put it on the wall. They might like to choose jobs, or swap occasionally. Reward jobs with stickers, or draw smiley faces. Fourteen stickers = a treat, something girls like, small, but cute. You'd have more idea than me. Positive ways of being noticed are really magic with young kids. Since they are competitive, let them compete to be GOOD. Contributing to the family is really good for kids and they moan sometimes but they LOVE it. My 14 y/o boy has to Hoover the stairs and landing every Wednesday. We always go on about how great he keeps things and he really likes to tell his mates he helps by doing that. One kid asked him "Isn't that your MUM'S job?!"... He replied "My Mum can't be arsed". LOL

    3) Take them out, or play indoors with them but the MOMENT they fight just head home, or stop playing. If they apologise and start behaving, give them a second chance. Just one. After that, if they carry on, stop playing, walk away, don't discuss it, go mute. Praise good behaviour like a mad woman though.

    4) Think of a punishment for the really bad times (not fighting, ignore that). Make the punishment immediate and fair for the crime. STAND YOUR GROUND. Don't remove the Xbox "for a week" and then give it back after 2 days.

    5) I always react like I can't believe it, when my kids (now just one at home) are bad. I say "You're so GOOD! Why did you do THAT?". :D

    You probably know/do lots of these things (or think the ideas are rubbish)...But that's my take on how I'd react. My kids have been all kinds of naughty, but they DO get along. Heh.
     
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  10. Scarlet Daisy

    Scarlet Daisy Hungry For Life

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    This is what mine were doing (same age gap). But if you think about it: The younger kid is more annoying. The older kid is bigger and stronger. Nature has solved the problem then, if you don't step in and unbalance it. ;)
     
  11. mumtheshopper

    mumtheshopper Silver Member

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    God that is such a good post. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I do do alot of it. But probably not consistently enough. I am a sucker when theya re genuinely upset!! It's jsut started again. Little one had come down and was watching TV. Big one got her breakfast and deliberately sat immediately in front of her to block her view. Argument ensues. Then fight. Why? What has big one gained from that. I dunno. But yes. Going to do what you say in post. HAve already started with some jobs. HAve told them, if they need me to run them around after school, they need to help me in the house. Just little things. Star chart is good too. It amazes me just how grown up a 9 year old is at time, but on the other hand just how silly, and young they can act too!!. He he. Hardest job on earth, especially on your own. It's no wonder we turn to food occassionally!!

    Lynda
     
  12. Scarlet Daisy

    Scarlet Daisy Hungry For Life

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    You're not kidding, it is SO frustrating and absolutely thankless, most of the time. I did a couple of years on my own and I was exhausted. Hang in there.
     
  13. Mrs V

    Mrs V Loves Life!

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    My Brother and I used to fight constantly all the time...even over little things like "he has loads more peas than me"...and then we would count them to prove a point!!
    In the end my parents stopped listening to us and Mum told me that she was disappointed in us both, but until we could play nicely together and get along, we were to lead totally seperate lives. We werent allowed to talk to each other or anything....at first I thought this would be bliss...no longer having to put up with my brother, but then I soon realised that I missed him. We are very alike and this used to cause the arguments.
    Now Im 33 and my brother and I love each other to pieces. I know what my parents did was drastic, but it worked.
    Scarlet Daisy has made somre really useful comments there Hun.

    Unfortunately being a parent doesnt come with an instruction manual.

    xxx
     
  14. Littleslimmingbee

    Littleslimmingbee Gold Member

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    Hey hun, I can't really give you personal advise, because i'm not a parent myself, but i am one of seven, so i'v been there! LOL, just on the other side of it.

    My elder sister, is 28, theres 10 years between us, and as a child, she was the best big sister, then i hit my early teens & puberty! lol, got in the wrong crowd, got an attitude and started getting boobs, its amazing what they do to you, you think your it the moment you start getting a bit womanly! and thus, i thought i could treat everyone like crap, i pushed everyone away and was the worst child in the world, lieing, stealing, staying out all night and not telling anyone where i was.
    My elder sister and mum where very close. my mums being married 3 times, the first time to my elder sisters dad, a work addict and alcholic.. the secound time to mine, but he was never around, and most recently to another man, who turned out to be a twat.
    my mum nearly always been on her own, even when married, because she does everything and being one of seven, all with our own issues, were difficult! .. anyways, like i said, they'd got a really strong bond, and depite the fact it was my fault we didnt have that, i was jelous, and carried on being the demon child i was, pushing everyone away even more and building barriers. Me and my elder sister would scream at each other, and although no physical fights, the resentment was so strong, i couldn't stand to be in the same room. It's funny what your mind does to you, the moment i felt pushed/left out and that they were talking about me etc, i'd get worse. . eventually my sister left home a few years ago, and even through some awful times my family has been through, we never made up, and quite literally ignored each other for years. family events, christmas do's.. you name it, it was like we werent even related, we were just polite when needed.
    then, one night, she invited me and my boyfriend of just over a year and half round, along with my brother and his wife for a night in. I'm not too sure why she did it, but that night we realised how much we'd both changed, i'd grown up and wasn't anything like the person i used to be, and she was less uptight and a bit more open minded and relaxed. we'v been super close ever since that night, and we often all go out for meals together, nights in.. and as shes about to have her first child, i'm even her birthing parnter, somthing i never even contemplated being possible a few years back.
    You do come back from it, somtimes it takes a little longer than you'd like, but they will sort themselves out. The physcial fighting is a problem, and they have to know its not acceptable. . because of they think it is, they'l have even more problems with dealing with thier emotions later on.. but i just think alot of love, and praise is what they need. . and as mentioned before consistancy, show them they won't get your love and attention by fighting for it. Even when you think your being as equal and neautral as possible, remember, they'r young and with all that resentment built up, the mind can be silly and they'l still be able to think of way that makes them think the other one is favoured in some way, or feel pushed out. it sounds silly but be realy aware of how you speak to them, what you say, how it could be interperated etc.

    ((hugs)) stay strong!!!!


    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  15. jaylou

    jaylou Gold Member

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    Fern, no wonder you seem older than your years hun. Fab post. xx
     
  16. Littleslimmingbee

    Littleslimmingbee Gold Member

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    Why thank you! ;) haha.

    Hope it helps though!!!
     
  17. jaylou

    jaylou Gold Member

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    Mumtheshopper - I made the decision to only have one child because my younger brother and I fought like mad all our childhood and I never wanted her to experience the sibling rivalry. I despised him and he despised me. We had physical and verbal fights and he was (is) such a mummy's boy! He always got his way and I always, as the eldest, got the blame. I was so envious of my friends who seemed to get along with their siblings.

    I can't offer too much advice other than to say, if you can do something to resolve it or make it better for them now, then do it because it may be setting the scene for many years of them not getting along.

    My brother and I "tolerate" each other now, a few hours in each others company is enough, although I love him to bits, he annoys the hell out of me.

    I regret us not getting on. I know your girls are young but there's been some fab advice ^^ given up there and if it works then that is wonderful, your girls will thank you for it in the long run.

    Meanwhile, my daughter only has me and the OH to fight with!!
     
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  19. mumtheshopper

    mumtheshopper Silver Member

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    Thanks to you all for all your advice and kind words. Some really helpful tips too! Thanks

    Lynda
     
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