Hey hun, I can't really give you personal advise, because i'm not a parent myself, but i am one of seven, so i'v been there! LOL, just on the other side of it.
My elder sister, is 28, theres 10 years between us, and as a child, she was the best big sister, then i hit my early teens & puberty! lol, got in the wrong crowd, got an attitude and started getting boobs, its amazing what they do to you, you think your it the moment you start getting a bit womanly! and thus, i thought i could treat everyone like crap, i pushed everyone away and was the worst child in the world, lieing, stealing, staying out all night and not telling anyone where i was.
My elder sister and mum where very close. my mums being married 3 times, the first time to my elder sisters dad, a work addict and alcholic.. the secound time to mine, but he was never around, and most recently to another man, who turned out to be a twat.
my mum nearly always been on her own, even when married, because she does everything and being one of seven, all with our own issues, were difficult! .. anyways, like i said, they'd got a really strong bond, and depite the fact it was my fault we didnt have that, i was jelous, and carried on being the demon child i was, pushing everyone away even more and building barriers. Me and my elder sister would scream at each other, and although no physical fights, the resentment was so strong, i couldn't stand to be in the same room. It's funny what your mind does to you, the moment i felt pushed/left out and that they were talking about me etc, i'd get worse. . eventually my sister left home a few years ago, and even through some awful times my family has been through, we never made up, and quite literally ignored each other for years. family events, christmas do's.. you name it, it was like we werent even related, we were just polite when needed.
then, one night, she invited me and my boyfriend of just over a year and half round, along with my brother and his wife for a night in. I'm not too sure why she did it, but that night we realised how much we'd both changed, i'd grown up and wasn't anything like the person i used to be, and she was less uptight and a bit more open minded and relaxed. we'v been super close ever since that night, and we often all go out for meals together, nights in.. and as shes about to have her first child, i'm even her birthing parnter, somthing i never even contemplated being possible a few years back.
You do come back from it, somtimes it takes a little longer than you'd like, but they will sort themselves out. The physcial fighting is a problem, and they have to know its not acceptable. . because of they think it is, they'l have even more problems with dealing with thier emotions later on.. but i just think alot of love, and praise is what they need. . and as mentioned before consistancy, show them they won't get your love and attention by fighting for it. Even when you think your being as equal and neautral as possible, remember, they'r young and with all that resentment built up, the mind can be silly and they'l still be able to think of way that makes them think the other one is favoured in some way, or feel pushed out. it sounds silly but be realy aware of how you speak to them, what you say, how it could be interperated etc.
((hugs)) stay strong!!!!
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