Lets get everyone laughing as its the season to be jolly

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by Nick, 21 November 2006 Social URL.

  1. Nick

    Nick Need help

    Diet:
    Cambridge Diet/ Slimming World
    Hi Everyone,

    To get everyone in the jolly feeling for christmas i think we should put on the forum a silly/stupid joke.

    I will start and it is a "crap" one

    "They're not growing bananas any longer."
    "Really? Why not?
    "Because they're long enough already."



    Nick :D
     
    Mini and Isobel1965 like this.
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  3. Nick

    Nick Need help

    Diet:
    Cambridge Diet/ Slimming World
    Told you it was :)
     
  4. Isobel1965

    Isobel1965 Gold Member

    (*cough*) LMTO!!!

    Nick - thanks for a cheery thread but please don't give you ya dayjob teeeheeeeee!!!

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


    OK - here's mine - ready? Brace yerselves........drum roll.......


    Why do elephants have big ears???









    Wait for it.........












    .....cos NODDY WOULDN'T PAY THE RANSOM!!!


    Boom Boom!


    I know- it's the way I tell em!

    HAHAHAHAHAHHA

    Thank you, thank you, I'm here all week!
     
    Mini likes this.
  5. DQ

    DQ Queen of the Damned

    Oh my Ruddy Gosh!!!! :eek: :eek:
     
  6. Isobel1965

    Isobel1965 Gold Member

    Hey - it's a classic!! heheh
     
  7. Eclipse

    Eclipse Gold Member

    Another oldie but goodie....


    Why don't polar bears like penguins........








    Because









    They can't get the wrapper off!
     
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  8. Isobel1965

    Isobel1965 Gold Member

    Boom boom - nice one, Cheryl!
     
  9. bettyboo

    bettyboo Silver Member

    Diet:
    Cambridge
    I dreamt last night that I was eating a giant marshmallow. I woke up and my pillow was gone !!

    x

    Bettyboo
     
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  10. jason0411

    jason0411 Full Member

    Diet:
    Cambridge
    Essex Girl gets upset with her boyfriends comment.

    She says " I ain't letting you call me a slag anymore get out of my bed and ............









    Take all yer mates wiv you.
     
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  11. DQ

    DQ Queen of the Damned

    Very un PC but giggle snort!!!:D
     
  12. lynjo

    lynjo Full Member

    POSSIBLY THE BEST BLONDE JOKE EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum

    deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they

    don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have.




    Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the

    stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more.




    I'm sorry", says the pharmacist, "we don't have any"




    "But I always buy it here," says the blonde.

    "Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist.




    "YES", said the blonde. "I'll go home and get it."




    She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks
    at

    it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant"




    Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from

    the container.........




    "TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM"
     
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  13. Cheb

    Cheb Gold Member

    Start Weight:
    16st5lb
    Current Weight:
    15st8lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st0lb
    Lost(%):
    0st11lb(4.8%)
    Diet:
    Cambridge Diet (SSing)
    Two blonds walk into a bar........














    You'd think that one of them would've noticed it!
     
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  14. DQ

    DQ Queen of the Damned

    These are just soooo bad!!! :D
     
  15. jason0411

    jason0411 Full Member

    Diet:
    Cambridge
    And I get accused of not being PC
    as a blonde bloke I am most offended and am now off to buy some colour for my hair.
     
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  16. Cheb

    Cheb Gold Member

    Start Weight:
    16st5lb
    Current Weight:
    15st8lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st0lb
    Lost(%):
    0st11lb(4.8%)
    Diet:
    Cambridge Diet (SSing)
    What do you call a man with a slice of meat on his head?

    Ahmed!


    What do you call a man with lots of slices of meat on his head?



    Mohammed!




    What do you call a man with lots of slices of meat on his head, standing between two houses?



    Mohammed Ali!


    I loved this 'joke' when I was a kid!:eek:
     
    Mini likes this.
  17. maisie

    maisie Maisie

    Diet:
    Cambridge Diet
    When me prayers were poorly said
    Who tucked me in me widdle bed
    And spanked me till me arse was red,


    Me Mudder!

    Who took me from me cozy cot
    And put me on the ice cold pot
    And made me pee when I could
    not,

    Me Mudder!

    And when the morning light would come
    And in me crib me dribbled some
    Who wiped me tiny widdle bum,

    Me Mudder!

    Who would me hair so neatly part
    And hug me gently to her heart
    Who sometimes squeezed me till me fart,

    Me
    Mudder!

    Who looked at me with eyebrows knit
    And nearly have a king size fit
    When in me Sunday pants me S***,

    Me Mudder!

    When at night her bed did squeak
    Me raised me head to have a peek
    Who yelled at me to go to sleep,

    Me Fadder!
     
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  19. DQ

    DQ Queen of the Damned

    What do you call a man with a spade on his head?

    Doug

    What do you call a man without a spade on his head?

    Douglass
     
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  20. DQ

    DQ Queen of the Damned

    What do you call a blind reindeer?

    No Eye-Deer!!
     
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  21. maisie

    maisie Maisie

    Diet:
    Cambridge Diet
    Strike a chord?



    [FONT=tahoma,sans-serif]YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2006 when...[/FONT]​
    [FONT=tahoma,sans-serif]
    <B>

    1. You try enter your password on the microwave.


    2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.


    3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.


    4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.


    5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.


    6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.


    7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.


    8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it .


    10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.


    11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)-)


    12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.


    14. You're too busy to notice there was no #9 or 13 on this list.


    15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 or 13 on this list.


    AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.
    </B>



    [/FONT]
     
    Mini likes this.
  22. Mini

    Mini Administrator Staff Member

    Start Weight:
    18st0lb
    Current Weight:
    16st5lb
    Lost(%):
    1st9lb(9.13%)
    Diet:
    Slimming World
    [​IMG]


    Thanks guys, pmsl:D

    Great thread NIck:D :D :D
     
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