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LosingIt's Losing Journey


Silver Member
Thought i'd start a diary too... since i'm really stressed out and need to write somewhere i thought this may be the ideal place to blabber and hopefully NOT reach out for the chocolate/crisps/chips/biscuits/*insert any foodstuffs here*

So, i'm meant to be doing Total Solutions, but it seems likely that this will end up being Working Solutions on some days. Today for instance, was day 3 of TS for me and i feel quite ill, and wrote on the forum earlier about heart palpitations which i feel are from drinking a lot of water/electrolyte imbalance. Well i felt so rotten at lunchtime that i ate some plain tuna with a little salt on it, plus a slice of cheese, i think around 150 to 200 calories in total. I feel a lot better now, which leads me to believe it was an electrolyte issue since the salty tuna made me feel fantastic. Zero carbs too.

Anyway, this afternoon i thought i'd tackle my Solicitor. And this is where the stress is. I split up from my ex when i was 6 months pregnant because he turned into a nutter and got very scary and i feared for my safety. I had only known him a few months when i got pregnant. Anyway, he is now in prison as around a year after we split up he walked onto a bus and stabbed someone in the neck, making reference to demons and the like. This was a respectable guy who worked in the NHS as a dr!

Well, he has only seen my daughter a couple of times when she was a few weeks old. Since then nothing and i managed to get an Order from the courts which stops him trying to remove her from the country (he had threatened to take her to Africa).

Fast forward 3 years, and there is a chance he could get out of prison in the next 12 months (although not likely). I instruct the solicitor again this time with the goal of attempting to get his parental responsibility removed. I need to do this because i want to change my daughters surname as i'm scared for our safety when he gets released. And right now i cannot change her name without his permission which defeats the object of doing it. I'm told that the removal of parental responsibility will be a very tough case and is not likely to succeed even in our situation, but we want to go for it anyway.

Well, if all this isn't stressful enough, my old Solicitor goes totally AWOL. I write her an email asking what's going on and get an email back from the secretary telling me that she has been off sick for weeks and weeks! Nice of them to tell me, eh. So, nothing was being done on my case at all (bearing in mind he could be running free at the end of the year). I got given the name of the replacement solicitor taking it over and was told he'd call me back. Two weeks later and still nothing.

So, i phone today feeling really grumpy. Finally got through to someone dealing with my case. He admitted nothing had been done, said something about how he wanted to call me (wtf, why didn't he then!) to talk about having to instruct counsel, to which i agreed and said OK do it. Then he said bye and i forget to ask the most important thing which i wanted/needed to know and that is 'when exactly is the work going to get done?'

Now i'm feeling really emotional and lost. I want to go to McDonalds and eat two bigmacs with extra cheese, a large portion of chips, and ice cream. Then i want to buy a KFC on the way home. All in the comfort of my car, in the drive thru, listening to my favourite music. Then i want to go home, rest for a few hours and consider ordering a Domino's pizza, or a chinese, or if i've got no room i'll settle for a sandwich or two. But alas, i'm on a diet, so i gotta deal with it. And deal with it i will, i'm not gonna let this stupid ex screw up my head today and make me another few pounds fatter, it solves nothing.

So, i had my can of tuna and a piece of cheese, and will have my shake later (which i guess means today is a WS day rather than TS day, but i'm still on the diet that's what counts), and will sit down to a new cross-stitch kit i bought, which i haven't done since before i was pregnant (4 year ago). Hopefully that will keep me busy. And when i finally do get my chance to go to court, it will be obvious what a great, HEALTHY and fit mom i am for my little girl and the judge will rule everything in our favour even despite the bad odds.
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What a tough time you've been having! Things can only get better for you :D

Loosing weight is the most satisfying feeling in the world. Don't worry too much about the tuna and cheese, they're both low carb/high protien foods which is fine on this diet. I had a boiled egg in my first week and still lost 11lbs! (Been a bit naughy since then but we won't talk about that! :D) I'm sure you're going to do great. The first week is really tough on your body but it really does get easier when you get into ketosis - then it's just your head you have to battle with rather than feeling starving!

Well done for resisting all of those lovely foods you are craving. You'll be so happy when you hit tomorrow and didn't cave in! You sound so ready for this so welcome, good luck and keep us posted! xx :)


Silver Member
Thanks Nicky, that's really sweet of you. I feel like i'm being a real misery-guts since i joined this forum, lol, i'm not really always miserable ;). The weight loss is great, i agree. I can't wait to be able to run around with my daughter and not get so tired, to be able to play with her on the floor and not struggle to get up again, to not be the fattest mum at the nursery gates, etc etc. It also stands for so much more too, getting to a healthy weight is about learning self-control and learning to grow as a person, it will be fantastic when i finally "make it" both physically and mentally.

Hey - stop being naughty and get back on track, girl!
Sounds like you've got every right to feel a bit down but this is a fresh start for you now! Positive thinking about your slim future! ;)

All those reasons why you want to loose weight are the things you have to remember when the take away demons are calling you! It's amazing how they can be used for something positive too! If only I had known that before I had 69lbs to loose! :D

I am officially back on track now (I hope!) It's more the socialising that I have been struggling with to be honest. I never thought I would mind not hvaing a drink but I miss the occassional glass of Rose! I keep telling myself that the socialising will be sooooo much better when I'm in a size 12! :D

I'll watch your diary with interest and may even call on you to keep me on track if I start to waver at the weekend!!! ;)


Silver Member
Nicky, how are you getting on? Yes, do come here at the weekend to post if you are struggling, i find the times that are hardest on the diet, i'm on here a lot, and it really helps. Luckily i don't really have the same problem as you with the socialising thing as all my friends don't live close by and although i see family often, we don't really go out to eat/drink.

Feeling pretty good today, better than i've felt in a week :). Properly into ketosis now and so things are much easier. Still feel hungry, ketosis never really takes it away for me, but it does take the edge off and help stop the "I must eat NOW" thing that goes on. Thinking of taking my daughter camping for the weekend to test out our new tent, will give me lots of exercise putting it up i'm sure, which all helps.

Weigh in looming on Saturday, and as always, i think Sunday is going to be a real test. Every single sunday i fail. Well, not this Sunday. At least that's what i keep telling myself, and i'm starting to believe it ;)
Nicky, how are you getting on? Yes, do come here at the weekend to post if you are struggling, i find the times that are hardest on the diet, i'm on here a lot, and it really helps. Luckily i don't really have the same problem as you with the socialising thing as all my friends don't live close by and although i see family often, we don't really go out to eat/drink.

Feeling pretty good today, better than i've felt in a week :). Properly into ketosis now and so things are much easier. Still feel hungry, ketosis never really takes it away for me, but it does take the edge off and help stop the "I must eat NOW" thing that goes on. Thinking of taking my daughter camping for the weekend to test out our new tent, will give me lots of exercise putting it up i'm sure, which all helps.

Weigh in looming on Saturday, and as always, i think Sunday is going to be a real test. Every single sunday i fail. Well, not this Sunday. At least that's what i keep telling myself, and i'm starting to believe it ;)
Hi, I'm ok thanks. Glad to hear that you're having a good day! Shame about ketosis not stopping the hunger though. Doesn't sound like you need it anyway, you're doing brilliantly! :)

Hope you have a fab camping trip and good luck for your WI on Saturday if you're not back on here before then. Make sure you let me know how you get on! :D


Silver Member
Actually, we are going later today. I'm going to add my weigh in today since i won't be around tomorrow. Lost 4lb this week :) Will be back on Sunday.


Silver Member
Got back from our (very wet, then very hot, then very cold!) camping weekend away. Pleased to say that i managed to stay on track! I did tell myself that if i need to, i can add a meal and follow one of the other exante plans just while i'm away if i need to. I was worried about having the energy to put tents up and treck across fields, etc. I did have a couple of little extras, but they were very little, around 80 calories worth of cheese on one day, plus some bouillion which i saw seems to be an approved drink on here - which was actually very tasty and will probably end up allowing myself one small cup of this a day (12 calories) as long as it doesn't effect my weightloss.

I have also started eating biggest loser bars, one a day instead of one of my shakes. They were WAY more tasty than i was expecting, delicious ;). I bought 4 bars to last me one week, and on weigh in day we'll see if they have had an effect. Based on my first thoughts on stepping on the scales after the trip though, it looks like i'm going to be fine. I appear to have lost a couple of pounds while i was away, but hard to tell for sure until the morning when i can weigh properly (naked, after visiting the toilet, lol). The weekend was quite physically demanding and i'm exhausted, and have blisters on my feet for the first time in years. I was surprised how well my body handled it, mostly thanks to a ketosis energy boost, which gave me all the more motivation not to treat myself or binge since i knew i'd need energy to survive camping and couldn't afford to lose my keto energy (would start getting ravenous and eating crisps instead!)

Anyway, really happy with myself. Definitely know now that i can handle a camping trip without having to go off plan, so will be able to do it again in the future.

Oh, also bought the Beck diet book which everyone on here seems to be reading. Looks good, read a couple of chapters while i was away.


Silver Member
Hi and welcome :) You've a lot to deal with but taking control is always a good step... so well done you! I often have WS days and the odd SS day too if I'm honest;) But, I carry on.... I accept that I'm not gonna lose a stone a month and also accept that as long as I stay doing what I can, that's good enough and I will lose weight. My stomach's definitely shrunk which is a major plus and I walk a lot which really helps.

I'm looking forward to reading how you do... this is a great outlet for everything that affects your mood (which by default influences what we eat) so don't worry about feeling like you're moaning... that's what diaries are for I say!! Good luck and just keep going.........


Silver Member
namaste, what you say about accepting not losing a stone a month is very applicable to me too. When i first started this journey, i was after something super fast and immediate (works in 2 months, lol) which is why i chose food replacement diets. As time has gone on, i'm actually very happy with the food replacement idea longer term and will stick around probably for some time (hopefully until near goal weight), although have accepted it is not going to be a miracle and 'easy' solution (for some strange reason i thought 2 stone a month would be easy if i wasn't eating, lol).

Got on the scales this morning after our weekend away but i'm still the same weight (the same weight that i was yesterday lunchtime with all my clothes on lol, i should be at least 2lb lighter). I'm not disappointed at all and i know exactly why it is, i'm retaining a lot of fluid this morning. I think it's a combination of being exhausted from my trip and sleeping super deeply all night and waking up with a huge puffy face, plus too much bouillon yesterday (salt causing fluid retention), and maybe my sore muscles retaining water for repair. To top that all off i feel like TOTM may be coming soon, although i have no idea as they only come a couple of times a year due to my weight and PCOS.

Anyway, will cut out any extra salt today (no bouillon) and drink lots of pure water and take it easy. My muscles are NOT used to the rigours of camping and field trekking many times a day for water/toilets/washing. ;)
Hi losing it,
I think you're doing so well considering the very stressful situation with your ex that needs sorting. These things do drag on don't they? I hope you get the result you want. I do think losing weight will make you stronger and better able to cope with it all.
I'm plodding along on here, i'm not perfect, not 100% but i will never give up and just keep chipping away at my poundage mountain!!!
Good luck with it all xxxx


Silver Member
poundage mountain, lol... i will have to borrow that phrase sometime, great!

The more i've thought about my ex, the more determined i have become to stick to my diet and not let him ruin my life anymore. I'm not with him and haven't been for 3 years so there is no reason why he should be able to continue to influence me or for me to allow him to influence me by stuffing by face. If/when the case goes to court i will look forward to going with a big grin on my face and my size 12 or size 14 clothes on (i'm a size 22/24 right now!) and will look like a healthy, active and capable mother. My case is very strong considering his violent history and the fact he is in prison, but me being the best mum i can be can only add to my strengths. Feeling positive today ;).

Congrats on your 20lb loss so far, that's great. We both have a long journey ahead but will get there :)
Hi, sounds like you are having a totally poo time and have every right to moan! you've taken the first steps to getting control of your life. :) I am new to the site so will check in to see how you are doing, maybe we can encourage each other! :)


Silver Member
misery guts moaner me strikes again today ;). I posted in a separate topic this morning about the 'professional business contact' who called me fat, ugly and stupid. It was a tough lesson to learn, not to reach out for the food after getting treated like that, but i'm somewhat glad it happened now. I did get through it and i didn't give in.

I've been 100% now for over a week, which is great news. I did have a slight wobble this afternoon when my daughter was eating a scotch egg and didn't want to finish it. I nibbled the corner of it just a teeny bit, probably not even 5 calories worth as i could barely taste it. Glad i stopped myself and really proud. I don't think i'm going to buy her any more scotch eggs as they are too tempting to me, it is healthier for her anyway if i just make her boiled eggs instead as a snack.

Lastest 'challenge' has been to make sure i drink enough water. It was easy when i first went into ketosis as i had this huge natural thirst, but as time has gone on it seems to have eased and i found my fluids dipping to 2 litres a day which isn't enough for this diet. I'll be aiming to hit 3 litres a day for the rest of the week.

Really enjoying the biggest loser bars, which i always have at lunchtime. I'm going for a long drive to a huge Asda shop on thursday though because i want to try the berry fudge flavour and NONE of the supermarkets by me have it. If i do find them i'm going to buy loads as i'm sure i'll love them!


Gold Member
Well done on making it through your first week, especially with everything else going on. You're sounding so motivated, it's great. Good work on stopping yourself eating the rest of the scotch egg; just keep remembering why it is your doing this and how good you're going to feel when you reach your goal!
I'm sorry that someone at work was so rude, it's just so unnecessary, but again, well done on not using it as an opportunity /excuse to break off your diet.

Good luck, your bmi will be in the 30's so soon, you're doing really well :D


Silver Member
Thanks ;)

Just checking in for today. Been a GREAT day so far, i'm on a real high which must be something to do with being fully in ketosis for a while or something i'm not really sure, it feels like a hormonal type high if that makes sense. Whatever it is i'm loving it and making the most of it.

Today, i went out to the BMW car showroom just for the hell of it and looked at the lovely cars. It's one of my financial goals longer term to buy myself a really really nice car. I could afford one now on finance but having paid off all my debts not too long ago with the success of my business, i made the decision not to get yet more debt. Well anyway, depending on how my business goes and how much money i have, i'm looking around for a great way to reward myself when i get to my goal weight. If my business does very well then it will be the car. If it doesn't do that well as i hoped, then my reward will be a nice photo session with a professional photographer, and with my daughter too. Both of them are huge things for me which will really motivate me and which are do-able whatever financial position i find myself in when i get to goal. The thought of having a nice photo of me with my daughter, makes me so excited, as silly as it sounds. All the photos i have of me now i always look like a shy whale, trying to hide inside my blubber, but being so big you can't really hide!

Can't help myself with the scale hopping thing still, i keep weighing every morning. I will have lost weight again this week by the time weigh in day comes (saturday) which is exciting. 2lbs so far so i'm hoping that will turn into 3lbs or maybe even 4lb by Saturday.

I put my size 20 jeans on this morning which was exciting. They only just fit though. I don't think i'm a proper size 20 yet, but all my 22's fit very well or on the big side now, which is great because i had started buying size 24 clothes just before this diet. Very embarrassing.

My mom is on weightwatchers on her first week and has only lost 1lb and is really disappointed. I wanted to tell her about Exante but i'm scared of her reaction because they don't approve of this kind of diet. They don't even know i'm dieting yet, i'm doing a little experiment to see how much weight i have to lose before anyone will notice. My guess is maybe 2.5 stone for family and 3 to 4 stone for others.

Well, that's all from me for now.


Silver Member
Today... feeling good again, wooo ketosis!

Went food shopping for my daughter. Drove 30 miles to get to the nearest Asda Supercentre in the hopes they might have the biggest loser berry flavour bars, but they didn't :-(. Ah well, got lots of the other two flavours at a good price. Have been VERY good too, the hot chicken counter smelt so fabulous and i was thinking about buying some for my daughter later but after thinking it over i decided that i wasn't really buying it for my daughter, but for myself, which is very dumb because i can't even eat it. So i didn't buy it.

Decided that as well as treating myself to a big prize at my goal, i'm going to have little treats along the way at each stone lost. Well, i lost 1 stone 2 weeks ago and figured i owe myself my first prize and when i spotted the Zumba workout for Wii I decided to buy it. A nice prize for myself AND it is something which will help my weight and make the most of my newfound keto energy. A bit worried i won't be able to do it, but i'll close all the curtains and start with just 5 minutes to begin with, lol.

Been having tummy problems a bit on this diet, as i do on every VLCD or low-carb diet, my bowels totally grind to a halt. So took some dulcolax yesterday and feel much better now. Feel a bit nervous about taking it too much but i don't think once a week is too excessive, and i only have 1 tablet.

Oh, bought some Asda diet cherry cola again this week. It is really yummy, and i feel guilty drinking it, like i shouldn't be or something.

Finally, last thing for today... i'm having the BL bars every day (1 a day) at lunch and i was looking at the salt in them and found out that they have a teeny tiny amount of salt, and much less than the exante packs have. I also find that when i drink 3 litres of water a day instead of 2 litres i get faint and get heart palpitations. Adding a bouillon drink once a day has solved this problem, as the standard bouillon contains 0.9g sodium per cup (which is equivalent of 2.25g salt). Still way under daily salt allowance even though this sounds a lot and it solves all my problems, and found only one cup a day doesn't give me fluid retention, especially if i drink it in the mornings and follow up with plenty of plain water fluids.


Silver Member
This is day 12 of being on TS now (i'm not counting anything which results in me eating less than 20 calories as it's meaningless really - truth told, i have probably had tiny crumbs off my daughter's plate sometimes worth 2 or 3 cals or sometimes 5 to 10 cals on about 3 occasions now).

Weigh in day is tomorrow, so i'm excited as i know i will have lost at least 4lb unless i put some back on due to water retention (it's TOTM).

I did some Zumba workout for the first time yesterday. I managed the 5 minute warmup and collapsed in a heap. About 15 minutes later though i came back and did a full 20 minute beginner session and am proud to say i got through it all! It was pretty intense and i can definitely feel my bum and legs aching today from all the hip shaking going on. Perfect exercise for me as my hips and thighs are the really tough bits for me to get into shape/lose weight from. Really fun too. I'm not going to go overboard since this is an extreme diet and i'm still very overweight and i don't want to cause any damage, but will aim to do a 20 minute session 3 times a week and up to 5 times a week if i feel up to it. Anyway, after the exercise session i had a quick jump in the shower then had to pick my daughter up from nursery - had my aircon on full blast in the car which helped as my face was still bright red and sweaty (i have really bad red face problems if i get the slightest bit hot!)

My daughter's pate on toast looked yummy this morning, i really wanted some. Had the teeniest of tastes, smeared a little on my finger and just licked it. I can see how that is a bad idea but i feel i have learnt to control myself enough to be able to just enjoy the flavour momentarily, and i didn't eat any. What i did have was probably less than 1g so next to nothing anyway.

Otherwise, all good today. Lots of energy, not hungry at all, the past two days are the first time ever i've experienced the feeling where i could happily miss a shake if i wanted to and have nothing at all, and actually have to remember to make sure i get them all. Very strange indeed as normally i'm on a countdown to shake time with my tongue hanging out in dire anticipation, especially lunch and dinner ones.

I suffered with pretty bad depression after i had my daughter 3 years ago and i have a long standing appointment with my psychiatrist coming up in July. Since i'm better now i haven't seen her for around 1 year. However i'm meant to be taking medication, which i haven't... and haven't for at least 8 or 9 months now (and i have to say that i'm actually feeling much more myself without it now!). I'm going to confess when i see her, and hopefully i won't get into too much trouble. Point being, if i can look visibly different by July then i think it will help my case as she won't think i'm a struggling nutcase, but someone who really is fully well and in control. For some reason i'm really scared that she might decide that i'm crazy and that i need to have my daughter taken away from me or something - but i know that's a silly thought. Anyway, after a quick calculation i've figured out that by mid-July i'll be under 16 stone which i'd be shocked if it wasn't noticeable... but who knows, my family STILL haven't commented although i'm feeling tiny myself already and keep admiring myself in the mirror, lol.


Gold Member
Wow, it's great to hear you're doing so well. It's amazing how long it takes people to actually notice the weight loss and make a comment. For me, it was mostly after 3-4 stone, and some it was later than that, more like 5 stone before I started getting regular comments from people. 7.5 stone later and I think just about everyone has noticed! Anyway, great to hear that you're doing so well, and hope today is another good day :)


Silver Member
It is surprising how long it takes. I feel like a totally different person already and can't quite believe it when i catch glimpses of myself in shop window reflections as i walk past. I wonder if my brain is tricking me? lol. I can't wait to be where you are at Rachel... although also dreading it a little as i see how everyone seems to hit a bit of a wall when they get to the point where they have lost a lot but still not got to goal. Hope you managed to get a STS on the scales this week, or close to it?


Well, weigh in day for me today. Lost 4lbs this week and was 100% on plan all week. Infact it's 13 days of TS now! Looking forward to another 3-5lbs coming up next week which will take me well below 17stone (currently 16stone13).

Part of my brain is thinking "hang on a minute, you lost 4lb last week also AND you had a binge day and ate a multipack of crisps" and is therefore trying to reason out why i should just go ahead and have a really bad day today and eat everything in sight. I'm NOT listening anyway. Whether or not my brain is right, i don't care - i have to see it as a way of learning good habits for the future and if i can crack my binge problem, or at least tackle it a little whilst on this diet, then that is good. In any case, if i didn't have TOTM then i'm sure it would have been a 5lb loss this week, i feel really bloated and gross right now. Maybe i'll get a 5 next week ;).

The last diet i did before this month was the Dukan Diet. My lowest weight on that diet was 16stone10, so it would be great if i can smash through that this week - this is my mini-motivation this week, to beat my past diet weight. Looking at my old weight charts, i see it took me over 2 months to get to that weight, starting from a similar point as i did on this diet. Which means this one has worked twice as fast. Which is also something to be motivated about.

Took my daughter to a museum & park yesterday. We were both so exhausted from running around that we lay down and napped for 2 hours (!) when we got home. Now, we both got up even earlier than normal, which is why i'm on minimins at 5am, lol.

Have been reading my Beck book. A bit haphazardly, reading a few days in one day and then not doing any for a couple of days. I should try to get more regular with it. I'm on week 2 now. Biggest help i've got from it so far is to remember to give myself credit for the things i do well, or even when things don't go that well, to give my credit for how far i came and for the little parts i DID do well.

Well, that's all for now. Lots of jumbled up ramblings from me today ;).

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