Thanks Bess & Sleepy, the box thing is helpful. Have heard of this but never used it... but right now, all helpful tactics welcome.
Angela, have logged into the site you mentioned and will do the course. I really appreciate this link, thanks a million.
Laura, thanks too, hanging on to the 'keep calm' bit. And doing better today.
KD, hugs back. I know it's not just me, and I know this is part of the journey and part of the learning process (for me anyway). I think I just panicked. After several weeks of pushing it with choices, there have been binges, but as you say not as major as they would have been in the past. And I have felt shame and self-blame, but also fighting with that is the voice saying stay calm, keep trying, don't let yourself go down. And funnily, I did think when I typed the word spiral, 'spiral? don't think of it like that'. But I typed it anyway. And you are right, so much of it is about attitude. I need to slow down and stay aware and stay calm... no spiral, no slippery slope. Only choices, every time, my choice. And yes, I do want to know why it happened, so I can stop it happening again.
Today has been a better day, a proper 1000 day, or nearer than I've been to one for a long whileI am so relieved. I wish I could say that was because of strong willpower etc, but it's more like the storm has blown itself out. (I hope). One day at a time.
Brekky: CD porridge, spoon 0% yog, blackberries
lunch: boiled egg, piece brown toast
snack: CD hot choc
tea: quorn, mushroom, sprout & chopped tomato stew, then CD bar
xxx