Lost & Found... Map Gone AWOL!

Thanks all for checking in on me.

Have had a quiet week on minis for various reasons. Got back from my work trip on Sunday & some family stuff blew up, some health issues with my mum... that has been dominating everything since. They are mental health issues rather than physical so not as straightforward to deal with, and initially sent me off into my own dark places, and lots of panic. She & I have both seen her doc since then and things feel better as she is back on meds and other people now know, so doesn't feel that i am carrying all of it alone. But a difficult time ahead I fear.

This triggered a binge week for me, mainly before I had spoken to my brother or to doc - mum had asked me not to (she is scared, too) but it seemed so frightening to keep that knowledge secret. Anyway, on Tuesday I ate a small box of truffles & two huge bits of cake OH had made (he NEVER does this, was testing a recipe for alternative xmas cake). Wednesday I had a raging migraine & daughter sent home from school with suspected swine flu (think it was just a cold, phew) so not good. Thursday no internet... etc.

I was posting up till Tuesday, but not on my own diary as didn't want to talk about any of this, or admit what I was eating. The week went on being offplan, not quite binge-proper every day but overeating for sure and way too much sugar, bread etc. After Tuesday, just wanted to vanish and hide away.

I am not sure what is happening now, but I am concerned that if I don't come back & try to haul myself back on track I will lose everything I have worked so hard for. Have not weighed this week and obviously when I do it will NOT be good. So much now for getting under 11st by Dec 1st. Haven't used Diet Tracker either, as didn't want to KNOW how much over cals I was.

Feel a bit shell-shocked still, but wanted to check in and let you know what's going on. Hugs & thanks to everyone.

xxx
 
Sending Hugs Katy xxx
Understand how difficult things must be, i know from both work and my own experience with family that when someone has a mental health problem that has deteriorated it affects all the family involved, and if you have been shouldering the main burden of care you must feel it more than most. Glad you have both been able to get some support to start to move towards recovery. Do you have any carer's assessments by your mums or your mental health team so the support can be ongoing? If it takes a while for mom to get back on her feet, you need to be supported too, help reduce its impact on yourself.
I understand why its difficult to get back on here when there is so much going on. I think you're very brave to be so honest about something that must be clearly so distressing for you all. I suppose it can be a bit of a vicious circle, feeling so distressed makes it hard for you to focus on weight control as you normally would, yet the fear of then gaining makes you feel even worse I should imagine. You need to do what you feel you can at the moment, only you can judge how to manage things. Just want to let you know that I'm thinking of you, as i'm sure all of us here are, and whatever you decide, we'll be here for you when you feel ready. Even if its just for an offloading rant about bad food choices! Be gentle on yourself hun, with love xx
 
Thanks Butterfly. Right after posting I went and ate three cakes - that's guilt I think for sharing what is happening.

Problem is my mum is 83 & living alone, so when I look ahead it is hard to imagine things getting much better, or not for long. The docs are arranging assessment now, and hopefully can persuade her to accept some care help to take pressure off a bit.

One of the probs is that i have a very full-on job and haven't done a thing this week, which scares me, as I know I am going to be in a whole lot of trouble soon... reminder to self: eating cake will not help.

Seriously.

xxx
 
Last edited:
Oh Katy, I don't think I would have behaved any different to you my love, and im sure a lot of people would echo what I have just said. I do hope things work out for you and your mum, its a hell of lot to deal with :(.
You haven't hurt anyone with your actions, you have turned all your feelings inside and sought your comfort there. Its an often used saying but its true, please don't be so hard on yourself. You may be a splendid writer, superb confidant on here and a much loved mum and wife but you are still only human!! :break_diet:
Give yourself a date to get back to maintaining, don't look at the scales yet if what you see will scare you...if this happens to me, I tell myself, "right. On Monday I will start all over again. I won't look at the scales until monday morning because whatever they read, I know im back on track and am dealing with the problem". Easier said than done, I know.
We still loves ya!:hug99: xxx
 
Hugs Katy - sometimes there isn't enough time in the day, days in the week etc to deal with family, work, food when the ship is steady never mind when it is rocking wildly from side to side. Your bad food choices are a direct reaction to the situation you find yourself in so it is not as much going off track as being detoured by events - I know I wish stress/ guilt/ pressure made me sew up my mouth rather than open it wider. Cake certainly doesn't save your bacon at work but it is not the worst thing in the world, is there anyone to help you with that (work not cake) or even just to talk to, not necessarily about details?

But as Butterfly says, be gentle with yourself, keep hanging around, am thinking of you xxx
 
:hug99: to you Katy. As everone else has said please dont be too hard on yourself. You are going through so much and these things are sent to test us. Your mum and family come first, food and diets will always be waiting after you get sorted x
 
Katycakes said:
Problem is my mum is 83 & living alone, so when I look ahead it is hard to imagine things getting much better, or not for long.
xxx
Click to expand...

That isn't necessarily how it will be. Trust me I have been here with my mum. You have taken a step in the right direction and when you get used to it it will be a relief. Various organisations should get involved now, Age Concern were particularly helpful for me, arranging visitors to help with shopping and a 'memory clinic' visitor who came every week, who was so kind to mum and who I'm still in touch with. This service was also free, not the shopping though. Mum even went to Day Care for a while, something I thought she would never agree to, she had a mini romance with two of the men there!! One after the other of course.

Now, as I've mentioned before, we are in a kind of 'safe harbour.' You might find this too. Been to see her today and she is so perky, very loving, seeing bears through the window and wondering if they are friendly ('Of course they are Ma. They look friendly to me.')

This is the worst time, now, but you will get through it, we'll all help as much as we can. You must talk to people, it's not being disloyal to your Mum at all, you need support.
Try not to get too upset by the unsuitable eating, you can't do too much damage in a couple of weeks and you'll soon get a grip again. You have come so far and a few pounds over doesn't negate all that; life just does this to us sometimes, it's all normal sadly but we'll all try to help you to cope.

Good to see you back here Sweetheart.
 
Morning everyone... read somewhere on the threads (maybe this one!) about making a fresh start... was thinking monday morning... then thinking, what's wrong with sunday? Things didn't work yesterday but I am gonna try today. If I can edge back into getting the food thing under control I will feel better in general.

Started by weighing, and am 11st 5lbs, so back to where I started out a few weeks ago. Grrr. I am hoping though that if it was gained in a week it might be possible to shift it quickly also. So, plan is back to 1200 from today, will brush the cobwebs off Diet Tracker and see how I go.

Thanks to everyone for the messages & also just feelings of warmth and support, and all of it helps. Must remind myself of that next time *@** hits the fan and not cut myself off. Big hugs back to all of you, hope Sunday is a good one for all of us.

xxx
 
Katy, I lost 6lb in a week on DT on 1200 cal a day so it can be done.
Honestly x
 
Wow! I know it can be done... it's whether or not I can DO it! I was losing between 1-2lbs a week, but that would be OK... I just want to feel like ONE area of my life is under control if that makes sense! Gotta start somewhere, though, and denting the number on those scales would be great.

Feel a bit under par today, like cold is threatening, so drinking echinacea and hoping for the best. Another cold/flu thing this year would finish me off!

xxx
 
Morning Katy, no time like the present to start - am with you on that. Every moment can make a positive effect on the next moment. Get a few good days under your belt, then see how the scales go. I think the small reductions I am seeing now are due to the control I have showed previously - the control must've outweighed the poor choices ;)

We are here to support you lovey, however you need it. Have a lovely Sunday yourself x


Bess said:
seeing bears through the window and wondering if they are friendly ('Of course they are Ma. They look friendly to me.')
Click to expand...

I love this, my Great Aunt used to see polo ponies, nowhere near as exotic as bears!
 
Hope my mum gets to a point where she sees nice things, Bess. When I am old, I hope I see llamas...

Wales, thanks for the positive words... today has been OK so far. Just had a CD hot choc and about to put it into DT...

xxx
 
:) :hug99:
 
Yesterday was mostly good, food-wise, until the evening... then an extra yoghurt and a few spoonfuls of cauli cheese bake tipped me over cals by about 1000. But that is a LOT better than the rest of the week, so I am happy overall with it. Have a busy day today, but hoping to make it just a s good or better with the food...

Hugs to all and hope Monday is bright and crisp and beautiful for all of you.

xxx
 
Morning Katy, great to see your doing ok.
Wow! I know it can be done... it's whether or not I can DO it!
Click to expand...
You can do it, you have done it before and led us all earlier in the year to goal. Big hugs x
 
Thanks JT... loving the well-padded-for-winter quote!

xxx
 
Hey Katy, just caught on you diary and sorry to hear you've had a rough week hun! ((hugs))
Well done for getting back to it you'll be fine I know you will
Take care and wishing you a fab week

xx
 
Happy tuesday everyone... hope you're all OK and hanging on!

Yesterday was better for me, roughly 1200, phew. 1lb has gone according to scales, if another one shifts by the weekend I will be happy for now. I REALLY want to get to my new goal of 10st 7 now, it feels so near and yet so far. But I can do it.

So far so good with food, may be tricky later as away up to Glasgow with OH, taking kids to a gig, we are planning to eat something & go and see a poetry/comedy evening some friends of ours put on every month. Should be good, as long as the food bit doesn't cause trouble!

Freezing here today, literally, so hope you are all safe and warm.

xxx
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Blubell._.0422
Step4 1200kcal Hello anyone who is still here
Replies
0
Views
208
Blubell._.0422
Blubell._.0422
Y
Weight loss journey intro -
Replies
5
Views
1K
Zafira
Zafira
P
Here we go again
Replies
3
Views
106
Blubell._.0422
Blubell._.0422
F
Getting fit for 40! My diary (feel free to join me)
Replies
13
Views
2K
AliGal
AliGal
mich3113
Lipotrim now newweigh??
Replies
2
Views
1K
chloris chloris
C
Back
Top