Lost & Found... Map Gone AWOL!

[herewego]

I've just caught up on the last few messages and now so wish I'd been around for the past few days. You are so brave facing up to the difficult days and posting about them whereas I went off hiding and sulking feeling all sorry for myself - feeling that everyone else was doing well apart from me. I was full of self pity and ignored the wagon even though it was beeping for me to get back on.

This IS so hard. 1 bad day can so easily lead to 2 or 3 or more, so every time we recognise this and break the pattern is a step in the right direction.

Can't really say much more as I have no answers today (and am at work with people frowning at internet use during work time!) but sending lots of hugs - as long as we keep trying we'll get there eventually!

 

[DisneyParis]

Katy, sending you the biggest hug l possibly can.
I've been struggling along too, but at least we are trying and will keep trying and we will get there. Don't be disappointed in yourself when you don't achieve perfection, we've just got to keep doing the best we can.
Although you say you don't feel you've made progress in a few months, but surely maintaining the loss that you have is progress and success in itself. You have done really well. Hang in there.
:hug99: :hug99: :hug99:

 

[Katycakes]

Thanks Dis. I know you are all right... just hard to see it when you feel like an idiot.

Have got past the point where I crashed yesterday, so that is good. Two shakes and a bar down, so may or may not have third shake or may just have the protein meal. Wonder if skipping a meal for just one day would hurt? I don't see that it could.

Didn't get my walk this morning because of rain/mist, then SNOW!!! That stopped (didn't settle) and have just walked up a hill with a friend, so feel a lot better for that & ready to settle in and work again while knocking back the herb teas.

I am lucky to have such fab minis pals, thank you all for putting up with me.

xxx

 

[sleepybird]

No need to put up with you Katy, i'm sure you mirror a lot of the internal battles that are going on with most people on here. Well, me anyway!
I lost all the weight I wanted to, I was fabulous! I got amazed looks from people who I hadn't seen for a while! It was great!!
Then what?
No more "thing" to strive for, just the banal normality of eating healthy the majority of the time. Woopee doo .
I struggled. I still struggle.

But I will get there and managed this effin maintence lark if it kills me!
Hope you enjoyed your walk xxx

 

[DisneyParis]

No need to put up with you Katy, i'm sure you mirror a lot of the internal battles that are going on with most people on here. Well, me anyway!
I lost all the weight I wanted to, I was fabulous! I got amazed looks from people who I hadn't seen for a while! It was great!!
Then what?
No more "thing" to strive for, just the banal normality of eating healthy the majority of the time. Woopee doo .
I struggled. I still struggle.

But I will get there and managed this effin maintence lark if it kills me!

Spot on Sleepybird. I couldn't have put it better (or nearly as well) myself.

 

[sleepybird]

Maintence? WTF is maintence? Natch I meant maintenance. Blame my hubby waking me up at 5.30am this morning by snoring.
"Stop kicking me!"
"Well, stop snoring then!"

Simples x

 

[Katycakes]

Sleepy, I'd settle for Maintence... it's near enough!

Hugs.

xxx

 

[sleepybird]

 

[LellyCD]

Hey hunny, yay you for great day today! keep at it! it'll all be fine
xx

 

[Chelsea Lou]

I do feel so disheartened though, seem not to have made any progress since last May and be forever fighting to stay at target or repair damage of binge days like the last three. I know that self-pity is ultimately damaging, but I cannot work out where this compulsion to self-destruct has come from. Forget KD's warning to watch out for the 'bus that might run you over', I think I just got hit by a steam roller.

Aw Katy, I so feel for you with this. I have been exactly the same and it is so so hard. I've tried and failed so many times to get back into that wonderful place that I was in last February when I first started CD. I alternate between all the damn diets when I fail on CD, culminating in the food demons grabbing me again and me getting more and more disheartened. I, like you, feel almost scared of getting there. I know food isn't really the problem. Weight isn't the problem, it is telling myself that my life will be brilliant when I am at goal. When I was almost there last summer I realised that, despite plenty of compliments about the way I looked, nothing about my life had really changed. I was still lonely, still had no confidence, still had no relationship. Still the same messed up person. My brain keeps on telling me that I might as well be fat, at least that is a "reason" for my life being crap. Perhaps there is a little bit of that going on in your mind? Not that I am saying your life is crap though!!!!!

Food is such an emotional issue. It was used as a form of punishment when I was a little girl. Being sent to bed without any tea if I was naughty. It was used as reward, a show of love instead of a cuddle or actually being told I was loved. No wonder I have such an unhealthy relationship with food and that is why CD SS was such a blissful thing for me to be doing for three months. Introduce a bit of food for my birthday and BAM, back to the problems of the last 50 years!!!

I am with you all the way KC, you have got some fantastically supportive friends on Minis that are with you too. You can win...you will win xxx

 

[Katycakes]

So much that chimes in that Chels. Food = love for my mum, even now... if I refuse chocolate or biscuits she has been known to cry... yet for me, having foods like that pushed at me when I am trying so hard to battle the weight... well, it doesn't always feel like love. So mixed up.

I have a good life, and I am lucky, but I have a crazy job and deal with scary amounts of stress and the maddest workloads I have ever, ever had. I cannot change those things without giving up a career I love, but stress sends me running for sugar. I know work is a trigger, when the stress & deadline panic sets in. But you are right, I am so self-destructive, and at root I guess I feel I do not deserve to succeed, and those issues I have never addressed really. I thought I could ignore them but I am not so sure now.

Want to rep you Chels but it won't let me, but I am very glad to have such wonderful friends on here. Every time I check on there is another lovely message, people reaching a hand out to pull me back from the edge. It makes me feel very emotional.

Chels, one look at your profile pic tells me your looks are as lovely as your warm and supportive personality... it's confidence which is missing, not anything else. Guess that's something we all need to work on. Big hugs honey... we CAN do this. We're the stubborn ones, the ones who won't chuck it all in and go away, because we are not quitters.

Together, we'll get there.

xxx


:hug99::hug99::hug99::hug99::hug99:

 

[Chelsea Lou]

That's right Katy, never quit, just go completely haywire for a while then try again. Today I have eaten 5....yes that's right FIVE!!!!!! pieces of chocolate cake. A lady at work is celebrating her 60th birthday and I just couldnt resist a piece and then another......................... but I won't quit!!!!!!! Neither will you. xxx

 

[Wales]

Hey Katy, what a lot of wonderful advice and support has been given by this amazing group of peeps. Not much if anything to add, as it's all been said but stick with it and we'll stick with you. Big hugs and hope you had a good day, despite rain, fog, snow etc etc xxx

 

[Katycakes]

I know Wales, just about amazed by the support really. Today of all days I needed it, and today of all days I have not been alone. The result is that I am still perched on the corner of that wagon, a little unsteady but planning to stay put.

Weather has been nuts today, mist, rain, snow, sun... waiting for the hail, hurricane and plague of frogs, no doubt they will be along later. Did a good hours walk uphill & down, and although have had four CD products rather than three that is nothing compared to the awful depths of last few days. Have sprouts & quorn cooking now.

And then maybe an early night, have been up since 4 and may well flake out early.

I wish i could tell you/show you how thankful I am for you all being there... feels like I've been standing on edge of a burning building & you've all held out a big blanket to catch me.

Hugs & thanks.

xxx

 

[Jessica Rabbit72]

I wish i could tell you/show you how thankful I am for you all being there... feels like I've been standing on edge of a burning building & you've all held out a big blanket to catch me.

Hugs & thanks.
xxx

no need for thanks Katy because when any of us are the above said person on the edge of the burning building (as I always am) you are always there for us and helping us along and holding that blanket and shouting us down to safety and helping to put things in perspective.

We are all perfectionists and that is our problem. we all use and abuse food like drugs - unfortunately adn our weight is a symptom of the underlying problems wether it be self esteem confidence etc.

I have absolute faith in you that you will get to where you want to be and cant wait to celebrate with you when you do.

Good on you for staying 100% today
xxx

 

[Bess]

The result is that I am still perched on the corner of that wagon, a little unsteady but planning to stay put.

xxx

We've done up the seatbelt and you can't escape now! All in it together, glad you have had a good day...up at 4am? I'm not the only one who doesn't sleep well then?

 

[Bess]

No need to put up with you Katy, i'm sure you mirror a lot of the internal battles that are going on with most people on here. Well, me anyway!
I lost all the weight I wanted to, I was fabulous! I got amazed looks from people who I hadn't seen for a while! It was great!!
Then what?
No more "thing" to strive for, just the banal normality of eating healthy the majority of the time. Woopee doo .
I struggled. I still struggle.

But I will get there and managed this effin maintence lark if it kills me!
Hope you enjoyed your walk xxx

Sleepy, what's it like then? Hard all the time? Or do you have days when you feel food isn't a big deal? Do tell, the truth mind..I want to know.. xx

 

[sleepybird]

Bess, I think about eating rubbish every day. I usually manage to eat healthily and follow the online DT for around 3 days and then something just jumps up and bites me and the single two finger kit kat I have factored into my 1200 cal day becomes another, and another.....repeat to fade.
I am a huge emotional eater and having a bad day or argument with other half will push me to seek comfort in something sweet and welcoming. Being aware of the pattern doesn't unfortunately make it any easier to deal with or manage.
However, after pretty much eating like a monster since christmas, I have braved the scales and am half a stone from where I want to be. I don't want to be here and will follow DT until the weight is off (again).
I take heart that Im still a stone and a half lighter than the start of last year and at least the discipline in stopping spiralling out of control is more pronounced.
So Katy, you definitely ain't on your own babe!! Bess, I need you to slap me with some of your good advice .
Off to work having had P*ss all sleep because of someone snoring have a good day all.
Katy, stay strong and I will be back to report in and check on you later. Bess, will leave Katy in your capable hands xxx

 

[Katycakes]

Thanks Sleepy... I have no excuse for being awake at 4.30 but as I am, may as well do some work. Thanks again all of you for the 'danger-watch' yesterday, today will be better. Wonder if I can wire my jaws together with copper wire?

xxx

 

[DisneyParis]

Gosh, you are awake early! Hope you can take a nap later in the day.

Here's to a new day. Hope it's a good one for everyone.