Mels Diary (Uncovered)

Discussion in 'LL Diaries' started by melarnz, 3 February 2011 Social URL.

  1. melarnz

    melarnz Silver Member

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    Im feeling brave!

    I have decided to write a diary on exactly how i am feeling and how i am doing on LL.

    The reason i am doing this is I have just had a 5 day blow out, and every morning thought 'today is the day im going to do it properly' and it never was.

    so, today is the day......however, i think i need a bit of extra support. so im going to come and share my life you you guys; the faceless friends who can share in my pain and excitement. but im going to leave nothing out.

    an honest diary, it may help with all areas of my life.

    a bit of background....
    i have 2 girls (2 and 5) - a hubby - nephew (21) living on my sofa - a 30 hour a week job and am half way though my BA (hons) in enlish lit and lang. i am also trying to lose weight for my wedding in May for which i have ordered a wedding dress and need to lose quite a few inches just to fit into it. You would think this is incentive enough....but no, my glutenous side overpowers everything

    I am quite a stressed gal at the moment, which seems to make things harder. i am hoping that writing in my diary will put the distance between food and willpower that i need.
     
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  3. weevikki

    weevikki Full Member

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    Hi mel. I find a daily diary helps as when I think about what to write my unconscious thought pop into my conscious thoughts. I surprise myself at my thoughts! Anyway hope we can all help you fit into your wedding dress! Sounds like you've got a full on life which always makes it difficult for me to concentrate on loosing weight. Good luck. X
     
  4. gingette

    gingette Full Member

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    Hi mel,

    I find my diary makes me think about the way i'm reacting (and in some cases over reacting) to things. I feel your pain about the frock inches battle. I find that if everything is getting to me then I disappear into a bubble bath for an hour (with a couple bottles of water) and spend some quality time with myself.

    If you ever need to chat or rant or anything everyone on here will give you all the support we can.

    xx
     
  5. Gembritney

    Gembritney Silver Member

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    Welcome Mel! gosh i find everyday a struggle so also find that a diary helps..... let off steam and express.
    Dont feel bad a bout ur 5 days off track.... it happens to the best of us... i know the past 10 years has been a blow out for me....
    I see u did SW before.... are u just on LL now??? ur look totally transformed in ur pics!!!
     
  6. melarnz

    melarnz Silver Member

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    Wow - to be honest I'm suprised, I never thought anyone really read the diaries! Thanks for your support xx

    I feel a bit like a moaning mini, but as this is my venting page, I guess I'm allowed.

    I guess I should be all positive this morning. But I don't exactly feel that way. I try to look at the positives of eating food ( like being able to have a good poo ) but I can't help feeling I have REALLY mucked up. The first time I did LL I lost 8 stone (hence the pictures in my signature) and since the I have put 4 stone back on. I was only 2 stone from target and mucked it up. I know I should draw a line under it and move on, but I can't stop thinking about the misery it's making me feel now. There is not one memory I have in the past year where food has made me happy! So why do I do it?

    I guess that's what writing it all down is going to help with

    Well, best get to work.

    Heres 1 day without food!!
     
  7. gingette

    gingette Full Member

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    So proud of you Mel. Don't think about the long term. Today is going to be a great day for you. Stick to your packs and drink the water, when you head to bed tonight you'll be a different woman.

    :hug99:
     
  8. MagdaX

    MagdaX is Magdalicious

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    Babe x You've done it before so you can do it again!
    I'm not going to write any major words of wisdom on here. You know what you need to do. Just believe in you Hun! You are much stronger than you think you are!
    Come on! Dig deep and just do it!
    The Power Lies Within You!!!!!
    X

    Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins
     
  9. Gembritney

    Gembritney Silver Member

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    its all about getting that first day over and done with.... with an early night!! x
     
  10. melarnz

    melarnz Silver Member

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    hi there

    havent been around for a while....i got very poorly with flu. doc told me to eat little and often and to rest. so thats what i did.

    i havent felt so ill in a looong time. i dont even feel guilty about coming off plan. i felt so nauseas that i couldnt even bare the thought of having a shake. i tried to have bars but thagt didnt work either.

    i went to bed lasrt night feeling like death (and not even warmed up) and then this morning woke up a different person!!

    i still feel a bit rough, but i can handle rough! so i got the kids to school, went to work and started my packs.

    another thing that happened whilst i was away was that i got a call from my dress makers. my wedding dress is here OMG. she wants me to come and try it on.

    this could go 1 of 2 ways. as i know i havent lost enough inches for a perfect fit, i could go and be devistated that it looks awful....or i will go and it fits (just about) and i will love it and it will make me complacent.

    my choice was that i wouldnt go and try it on yet, but for some reason the woman wants to torture me and says i have to come and try it on asap for some blah blah blah reason that i did not understand.

    another thing that has happened it that i am getting severe diet jealousy. my friend is doing cambridge and she has lost nearly 2 stone in the same time that i lost a stone.

    i know its my own fault because i had a week of off plan and a week ill too, but I NEED TO LOSE THIS WEIGHT

    so i keep singing the queen song - one vision -in my head and trying to visulise my dress. i will put some pics up.
     
  11. *Shanny*

    *Shanny* Gold Member

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    Good luck with the restart. You can do it again for sure.

    Hope you feel better soon x
     
  12. melarnz

    melarnz Silver Member

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    I am starving hungry, but I will have to cope with that.

    However, I have weighed myself this morning and seemed to have dropped about 3lb. Which I am chuffed about. This makes the hunger much easier to cope with!!!

    Now I have to try and think of something to do with the kids to keep me distracted. I may take them for a muddy walk.
     
  13. dale

    dale starting over

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    Only 2 inches to lose at most Mel in any one area - you are sooo there! Just keep drinking water every time hunger strikes (hey you could even go wild and have a black coffee) and remind yourself just how good you are at this losing weight thing. Dx
     
  14. melarnz

    melarnz Silver Member

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    Hey dale. Thanks for your support. However, I prefer a redbush.

    ( this is a tea, but the childish side of me thinks it's hilarious everytime I ask for one at work. I think the joke is wearing thin with the others now though) lol
     
  15. dale

    dale starting over

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    Hahahahahaha - I love redbush!
    (I am south african so I can say that with a straight face).
     
  16. MagdaX

    MagdaX is Magdalicious

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    I'm sure the dress will look stunning hun. You are nearly there....
    :)
     
  17. melarnz

    melarnz Silver Member

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    I'm going out tonight and only have 'mummy' clothes. I'm really tempted to raid my overdraft to get a new pair of jeans and a half funky top. I may not be skinny, but at least I won't look old!
     
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  19. LadyT

    LadyT Tough But Sexy X

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    I know I shouldnt encourage you to use your overdraft, but seriously that sounds like a plan.

    Have a good night! x
     
  20. Silkybaby

    Silkybaby Full Member

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    Keep going - it will so be worth it when you look back at the photos!!!
     
  21. MagdaX

    MagdaX is Magdalicious

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    Spend that money girl! ;)
     
  22. melarnz

    melarnz Silver Member

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    Temptation got the better of me, but I wish it hadn't. I don't feel any better!! Except now I know I haven't lost anywhere near the inches I thought I had, as I still had to buy the same size clothes as I did before.

    I was looking forward to my dress fitting, but I can't help feeling that a size 20 bride is gonna look fat no matter what dress I buy. My wedding is on the 2nd June, which is plenty of time to lose weight, but I don't know how far in advance a dress maker is going to need to do alterations. I think I only have another month and half tops. We fly out on 22nd may.

    I suppose all I can do is keep going and see what happens
     
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