I was going to post a cheery diary entry about my new 'incentive' dress which arrived yesterday, looks amazing but would be way too long for me so I'll never wear it. But my mum called yesterday and bowled me over, my dad was rushed to hospital yesterday morning with a suspected heart attack. Mum decided to wait till they had done tests and till I had finished work to tell me- which I am so gratefull for, as the tests ruled out all fatal type things like heart attack and stuff. They think it's a gall bladder thing. He's having more tests today to see if he needs it removed.
Such, such bad timing. After his brother passed away and my friend'd dad died too, I can't help but think the worst but the relief that although serious it's not TOO serious if that makes sense is huge.
Anyway, like I say, dress came. It's length is regular so will be too long but I know per una stuff, I know when it fits me on the chest their other stuff will fit and as it has the tags on I can reebay it. It is beautiful, more grey than black as it looked in the pics, very detailed, and the kind of thing I really really want to be able to have in my wardrobe soon.
5th day STS, I don't know if I'm doing something wrong here but no movement at all. All it would take would be a loss of 0.3lb to take me to 11st something but the scales won't budge. I've been 100% too, well ok I had an extra pickled egg last night after I got the call thats all.
I've just done a tuna pasta bake as the 7 year old asked for it this morning, I did it just without thinking and without picking at all. It's a good thing, I suppose, starting to break that habit but I do need to consciously think whilst cooking so I don't just chuck it in my mouth.
I was feeling really odd and 'wilty' on the way back from school, just very hard work putting one foot in front of the other. I don't know, maybe it's because I didn't drink much at breakfast- I was in a real hurry, speaking to mummy moosh on the phone and I needed to be in 15 mins early but forgot to reset my alarm so I ended up having choc mush with a glass of water then just leaving with my hair wet. I took nipper to the park and briefly considered having my emergency truffa that I keep in my bag, not as an emotional, got to eat thing, just as physically I felt naff but.... well I started to open it and baby's eyes light up so no way I'm eating something like that in front of her! So I put it away and came home, I really felt every step though.
I had a spare bottle of coke zero at work so I had a couple of glasses then about 50g chicken- luckily boss had bought some cooked chicken so I had a nibble. Felt so much better, more like me, I don't know if it was the liquid or the food but I did the pasta thing without needing to eat so think I'll be ok.
Lunch will be a salad with either the rest of the chicken or a tin of tuna- I think I'll have a little more than 100g protein today, and avoid having extra packs if I can. I know if I had had that bar I would still have had my 5pm bar too so I'm glad I had the chicken instead.
In a new size 18 top today, it's a boring long-sleeved thing but it looks ok. Worst area is still my tummy, it's so big and I need to reduce it not so much for looks, just I know thats the worst area to carry fat. But at least I know I am getting there.
I ordered my sample today, the new products and finally getting round to trying the things I haven't yet- banana and the coffee shake, and the mushroom soup. I don't have high hopes, I don't like the veg soup and I don't like mushrooms but it's all so subjective. And I'm glad I did wait, I mean week one I would have tried something, disliked it and either done my best to force it down or in the case of the tom soup chuck it. Now I'll add garlic, veg maybe, herbs, mustard seeds, pepper.... I'm doing so much more with food now, it's amazing. I'll try the new porridge although from what I hear I won't like it- I live the porridge now, it's not sweet enough for me but I do add lots of spices and stuff to pep it up. I am looking forward to the mac cheese though, someting new. The first month I mostly had cottage pie, thats the one I ran out of first. Since then pretty much every day involves choc mush or occasionally vanilla, sometimes crispy ones to change. I realised today I haven't had one of the meals or a chicken soup in about a month, just having bars, mush and the protein meal. Funny how it all changes.
Well, I'm waiting to hear from my family. I don't think I'll go home, I do want to see them all but I will be a burden plus I can't afford the time off really. The house is tiny and mum will insist I have her bed, I can't do that to them. No chance of booking a hotel, mum wouldn't hear of it, it would offend her no end. So I'll see them all for the funeral, hopefully dad will be recovered by then. That's what the Drs are indicating, either going home today or having the op with a longer stay but it's not life-threatening. Phew. Then I'll go home at Easter, I put it of cos of the long journey, cost, disruption to them etc but I need to see them.
I live to procrastinate.
