Moosh's S&S diary

NOOOOOOOOOO why??? Moosh, you're doing really well so far, please don't go completely off plan, if you need a couple of days taken that but don't let your hard work be in vain!

You are getting so close to goal, you can't give up now. You know you can do it, look at the incredible amount of weight you have lost so far, it's just been a tough week, write it off and start fresh in a couple of days. x
 
Hope you manage to get back with it moosh, this forum wouldn't be the same without your musings on life.
As the Geordies apparently say get on it like a car bonnet, but I'm not sure what it means.
You've come so far and don't have far left to go x
 
Oh moosh dont stop now you're doing great. You've had an emotional time of it. Take a few days then start over. Please don't leave we'd miss you : ( sending you big hugs xxxx
 
Don't stop moosh. You've done so well and are really rocking the diet. Have a few days off but hope you come back with renewed enthusiasm. I had to have the weekend off a couple of weeks ago but was completely over it by then and got back on track on the Monday.
 
Noooooo! We can't survive without you MiniM!
 
Moosh, please don't leave the forum...we need you! Sorry about your difficult days, but please come back on here - even if you are currently having some blow out days, you have done so well up till now and can get back on track.
 
Thanks all for support and just being lovely human beings.

Yesterday went great, fine, normal, till I spoke to my dad on the phone and I went proper wobbly. I just kitchen raided, I had about 10 biscuits, just loads of cream crackers, I opened a tin of rice soup but only had a bit. A fruit bar and a mini packet of dates. And an extra BL bar, banana shake (I got the samples of the new things, I also ordered the things I had never tried), I did the new vanilla caramel shake and it was RANK seriously in the mood I was in I could have eaten a small dog but not that shake! Yuck. I'm sure more eatings occured, can't remember.

Anyway, past it. Glad- I didn't open the second layer of cream crackers. I didn't do a pot noodle. I didn't finish the soup, the shake, or a tin of sardines I opened.

All this had to happen right before WI, right on the day I finally got the 11st something for the first time in my life. I think I self-sabotage, well I know I do. I'm not good enough to be thin etc etc. Don't need reassurance or anything, I know my issues. Today I was feeling as low as I ever have in my life, and I've had a pretty depressing life. Went and sorted the pension but I managed to go to the wrong branch of the bank and had to get the bus to the other branch, there's £1.35 I didn't need to spend. I'm an idiot.

I mooched around town and realised it had gotten to 4.30 and I had only had one pack, so I had the honey nougat bar I had with me. My fave bar, still out of stock which sucks.

So today I've had-

macaroni cheese
honey nougat bar
choc mush
new spag bol

Also 2 cups boullion, 2 cups tea and tons of water. I don't have any coke zero or any flavoured water in and I don't think I'll buy any for a while. I need a break. Started using MFP as I saw the thread about all the packs being on it- today three of the four packs I had weren't on it. I've emailed to ask for the nutritional info for the new packs.

Hopefully using MFP will help, I've been using foodfocus for ages but the layout of MFP works better with low-carbing. I'm minimooshable on there if anyone wants to add me.

WI- bad bad bad. I was 100% 5 days this week, I blipped on thurs when I had cake and biscuits and yesterday with all the carbs. Weight has gone up slightly- I'm 12st again. Same as last week. On the one hand, really pissed off that I was so careful in the early week then two days of not a million extra cals blew the entire week. On the other hand, understandable as the binges were so carb heavy.

Today I was so miserable- why am I existing, what is my purpose, world better off without me kind of feelings. I sat down when I got home and felt so tired. I nearly fell asleep! In the day! Might not sound much but I have never EVER fallen asleep in the day, when not ill. I am an insomniac, I can can by on an hour or two sleep sometimes. Some nights I don't get to sleep at all. I picked up my neglected copy of Escape the Diet Trap and was reading about carbs.... oh yeah, maybe I did all of this to myself with my carbing! Very possible. I've felt so much better since doing S&S I kind of forgot how tired I always used to be. Maybe that accounts for the severe mood too. I don't know.

But I think I'll do my best to stick to S&S 100% now. I did have two boullions today but they were dutifully logged. No veg, I did the first two weeks without veg so will do a few days now and see. One gradual change that I hadn't really noticed was me having a protein meal every day- not something I planned to change, I just gradually started having a salad at lunch then a pack, then I think well it's cheaper if I have a tin of tuna or sardines rather than a pack as work provides food. May need to reassess that.

Anyway I'm writing this and going bed. Of course not quitting, I just needed thinking room. Thanks for all the support and PMs I needed that. Knowing there are people who would notice if I lived or died helps- sad I know but apart from work and family I have very few people in my life.

Going to either Camden or Hounslow tomorrow, want to look at 'incentive' clothing. Primark! Actually I will make it Hounslow, I can walk there and need bits from Wilkos how sad of me. Will save Camden till the distant, distant time when I can fit into anything there.........
 
Oh and I've changed my sig, my grand plan of getting to goal before seeing my family is scuppered as I'll see them next week for the funeral. I think that contributed to crappy mood, I had this fixed plan in my mind and now it's tattered.
 
Aww Moosh, I'm sorry to hear your feeling down but glad you've come on here. It's good to write things in your diary & get them all out of your head. I hope the next few days go easy on you xo

Sent by Mrs Cupcake to be <3
 
Glad you're back moosh. I look forward to the musings in your diary. And whether you've lost 4 stone or not your family will see a huge difference in you when you go home, and then another huge difference when you go back in the summer, so you sort of get buy one get one free this way :)

Primark - sizing in there is bloody mental. I think they save on cloth by making the clothes a size smaller than anywhere else :).
 
Thanks ladies :D one thing I did find today, someone had a link to it, was my virtual model. I had a play and put some in an album. Have the say, the 'now' one doens't look anything like me! Not saggy enough.
 
Good to see you are still here! I can really relate to the bad week and the carb eating and lethergy that it seems to cause, it just becomes a vicious circle as that then causes more depressive thoughts and brings you further down! I am trying to dig myself out of the same sort of pit at the moment!
You have done so well though and you did achieve the weight loss this week so getting back down there again wont be hard. I am sure your family will really notice a difference and, although it wont be an easy week for you, you can do it again and get back under the 12 stone!
I am trying to associate the carbs with the low feelings and tiredness so it gives me more ammunition next time I am tempted, dont know if that will help?
Strangely I find it better during the week when I am busier (also working with kids - good distraction!) and the weekends are harder. Back to thinking of small goals and one day at a time rather than the long term goals as I think that is better after a blip (understatement!!)
Sorry i tend to waffle but just wanted to let you know you are really not alone and we are all here for you and do understand!
Take care
Alison
 
Where did you find the virtual model site? Shows how well you have done too! Thats really good I would like to try that as I have never been the weight I am aiming at (well guess i must have been once but was prob at junior school!!)
 
That one looks interesting - I'll have a play tomorrow :)
 
Yay! Welcome back MiniM!
 
Jus wanting to send hugs to moosh and alison55 ooooooooooooo. I know how hard it is when the mood goes so low that you jus think thats were your meant to be. Moosh be proud of yourself that you pulled yourself up from it quite quickly (i bet pre diet you could be there for weeks). I think thats better then the weight loss/gain you would have had. Kinda like damage limatation. Not allowing the old habits back in. Before a long binge could have been 7lb on so i think you should be proud of what youve achieved caus you are worth it : )
 
How was Primark Moosh?
 
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