More esteem but horrid workmate!!

[TRICKYTREE]

Hi everyone

Just wondered if anyone else works with negative people.

I work at a school which I love nut work with a woman who is so nasty and two faced, which I don't like being. She is very controlling too and I certainly do not trust her.

It has got to the point that I am afraid of making a mistake etc and it seems that her opinion matters and not mine.

I have lost nearly 3 stone and when people say lovely things I get embarrassed as I can feel her mind working overtime!!

I am a very anxious person and can over rationalise, quite easily, so this isn't helping. I am determined not to go back on tablets for anxiety so wondered if anyone else had come across this in their work place.

Thanks lovely people.
xx :cry:

 

[natasha1974]

she sounds like a bully you shouldnt have to put up with it is there no one you can talk to about it

 

[LizzyC86]

you have just described a woman that i work with! in as school as well... very strange. i share an office with her and four others.as well as being nasty and two faced, she also seems very jealous. i have noticed since i started back on sw, that she has been bring all sorts of food into the office to try and get me to break my plan. Cake, biscuits, chocolate you name it! it makes me laugh because she normally is quite tight and rarely brings anything in. I have been strong so far..mainly because it annoys her.

Good luck with your journey and dont let nasty people stand in your way... their probably just jealous xxx

 

[kudos_ni]

I have found that people like that are jealous and very insecure themselves. She's probably controlling because she's afraid of not being in control which is her only way of trying to prove to herself she is better than everyone else.

I hate people like that...but I have learnt to pity them. Rise above it (easier said than done, i know).

You don't need praise and appreciation from a person like that...ignore her and so accept the praise you get from all the other people and absorb it, cos you deserve it.

 

[Lucky7]

We used to have one like this at my old school - she left under a big cloud when she realised she'd finally managed to piss everyone apart from one long-standing collague off. I hate confrontation, but like everyone else, did end up being on the recieving end of her nastiness at one point. I gave it straight back to her (as had been watching her at her ways for a few years by then and recognised it for what it was). She refused to speak to me for almost half a term which was great. Also, the head couldn't make her my TA as it was obviously not going to work. It was always the poor old 'new' person who got lumbered with the old witch.

 

[Lucky7]

you have just described a woman that i work with! in as school as well... very strange. i share an office with her and four others.as well as being nasty and two faced, she also seems very jealous. i have noticed since i started back on sw, that she has been bring all sorts of food into the office to try and get me to break my plan. Cake, biscuits, chocolate you name it! it makes me laugh because she normally is quite tight and rarely brings anything in. I have been strong so far..mainly because it annoys her.

Good luck with your journey and dont let nasty people stand in your way... their probably just jealous xxx

Love it!!! Lol. x

 

[Bubbles1984]

Ahhhh its a shame there are ppl like this in the world to ruin it for the rest of us!!!

After i lost 20lbs on slimming world i bumped into an old workmate that i hadnt seen since i left work to go and have my daughter (who was now 2 and a half). So i bumped into her outside the shop and we were just making small talk and she went "So katie said you lost over 20lbs on some new diet?" and i went "yeah i did" and she went "funny....you dont look any different". NICE!!

My first urge was to feel hurt and run home and eat a slab of chocolate cake.

Instead i just smiled at her and she went "give me your number so we can catch up some time". I gave her a fake number, walked off and never gave her a second thought.

We dont need approval from ppl like this xxxxx

 

[silly sausage]

I was talking about similar last night to my mum and I got a bit upset The one I work with is so nasty and jealous to the extent that I am afraid to wear nice, slimming clothes to work as I know it will make her nastier.

My mum made me smile when she said, "Wear what you like. She'll be a biatch anyway so what will it matter?!"

Just do your best, Trickytree. You are worth 100 of her and she will get her karma one day x

Battle ye not with monsters lest ye become a monster!

 

[kudos_ni]

she went "So katie said you lost over 20lbs on some new diet?" and i went "yeah i did" and she went "funny....you dont look any different".

It would've taken all my willpower not to slap that b!*$%!

lol

How rude!

It's interesting to see what form jealousy takes in different people.

 

[time2bslim]

I feel very sorry for you having to PUT UP with this witch.................

I am a very confident person (well I was a very positive and confident person. I worked for myself for 14 years and unfortunately when the recession hit I had to return to a regular job ............ I was so pleased to get a job in an office within the NHS and started work a couple of days before Christmas 08. THE very first day I started there (it was just me and HER) I knew this woman was a vile, horrible, evil, nasty piece of work - whatever I did she undermined me, she bullied me, she critised me, she wouldn't teach me the job, she was ALWAYS in my face, she laughed about the fact that I didn't have qualifications in word processing and - she was the WORST WOMAN YOU COULD EVER HAVE THE MISFORTUNE OF WORKING WITH. I hated the very ground she walked on, I don't know how I kept my hands off her. She only talked to me IF she was saying something negative. I took it to my boss and bosses boss - and HR - but this woman was so sickly sweet when faced with management - and as soon as they were out of earshot - she'd start on me again. I couldn't afford to give my job up - I loved the job - but hated working with HER. She's 67 years old and kept saying that THEY thought she should retire but THEY won't get me out - she'd spout.
SHE sapped every last ounce of confidence and energy I had.

FINALLY after 17 months I got another job - the girls I now work with are brilliant - we have 'fun' at work, they talk to me decently BUT the job is boring.

I am still upset and angry that the management DID NOTHING to stop this woman and SHE is still in the job that I loved ................... I gained a lot of weight whilst there - now feel very much better about myself.

Sorry this is so long. It's helped me to write this down as she STILL haunts me.

 

[Ali*]

I really want to put my story here but I'm having such a bad time in work at the moment I wouldn't be surprised if my colleagues are spying on me through Minimins!

We shouldn't have to put up with this abuse girls. It is bullying ... plain and simple. Mine finally came to a head yesterday after hanging in the air since Xmas - my boss has finally found out and I'm kind of relieved it is now out in the open but the repurcussions might be even more painful

 

[cherry-pie]

Sadly there will always be people who are very quick to put others down, and its usually their own insecurities at the root of it. However difficult it is you must concentrate on all the positives and take strength from everyone who is backing you and willing you to suceed - in the end the only opinions that matter are your own and those of the people you love and trust. This nasty woman (and all the others described here) will get their comeupance one day - karma will come and bite them on the bum!!!

 

[Kristel]

Aww, minimins, I'm so sorry that you have to work with these ... ladies. I think it's a lot easier to work with men or "mixed". They are more open und less back-stabbing when you have an office full of them. Sorry, no offence, just my experience.

I used to have a colleagues like this in a previous job. Real pain in the b... department. So after lots of sad evenings and depressed weekends for me because of her I ended up turning the table around to her. Not really my style, I like peace and quiet and just want to get on with people and do a good job - but what gives HER the right to make ME feel bad?

Basically every time she said something nasty and unfounded to me I replied along the lines of "oh, am so sorry that your life sucks, need to vent and take it out on me again? keep going, I can take it, I know it's just your own hurt and jealousy talking". Don't think she was impressed (especially since my other colleague started laughing every time) but it helped me and she stopped after a while.

 

[Sarahc]

I just wanted to say I know how u feel. I also work in a school and I am still trying to get some confidence back after working with a bully for 2 years. I do believe in karma but I do feel bad for the new people they r working with now, I was not strong enough to do anything about it.

Take care and if u want a chat u can send me a message (I think, not sure how it works). X

 

[RegField]

My dear late mother used to say "there's always one".

Meaning that wherever you live, or work, or go, there is always one (sometimes more than one) person who is going to make your life difficult.

I am retired now, but I do voluntary work. I work very hard and am happy to do so without any pay (that's what voluntary work is, after all) and offer my skills and expertise to anyone who wants them. But today someone told me that what I was doing wasn't good enough.

Oh, I was so upset and angry!!! But then I tried to remember that this person is old, and not that well, and is a bit cranky, so I tried to take it it my stride. Difficult, but I am working on it.

In the block of flats where I live there is one woman who makes everyone's life a misery - if we let her. Most of us no longer talk to her (I have been known to hide behind a bush in the garden to avoid her - how pathetic is that!) but I have found it easier in the long run to feel sorry for her.

To make other people's lives difficult, how miserable they must be themselves. Not to know how good it can feel to make other people's world a better, not a worse, place - that is sad.

Be the bigger person, forgive, feel sorry, and move on.

(If this sounds saintly, believe me I am not, but I am working on it!!!)

 

[TRICKYTREE]

Thanks, everyone for your support and I shall take your thoughts to work with me together with a bowl of lovely fresh fruit!! I have been awake in the night worrying but I have decided that I will not let this woman stop me from enjoying the job I love so I am going to be me and be nice and make sure I do not turn into this woman!!!
Have a lovely day and hope to see less of you all (in a lovely weight loss way)
xxx

 

[julesm]

People like this are very sad individuals, who are so terribly unhappy in their own pathetic lives the only way they can feel better about their own situations is to try and knock other people down a few pegs. At the end of the day they are horrible and upsetting to know but really all they need is our pity. Easier said than done of course!

 

[vikstar]

I too work in a school and have had a serious problem with a colleague undermining me and being a complete cow the whole time. Just before OFSTED she purposely switched off my computer 3 times - the first time the work wasn't saved but I luckily saved it the other two times. She criticised me on my first ever day of teaching - to the TA and battered me down so far.

I am now ok and have moved on from that but it was bloody hard work. I got some satisfaction from knowing that I was on the right path with my weight loss and she was far from it!

Hope you manage to be the bigger person (not literally!!!) and ignore her cruelty xxx

 

[cherry-pie]

Basically every time she said something nasty and unfounded to me I replied along the lines of "oh, am so sorry that your life sucks, need to vent and take it out on me again? keep going, I can take it, I know it's just your own hurt and jealousy talking". Don't think she was impressed (especially since my other colleague started laughing every time) but it helped me and she stopped after a while.

What a fab way to deal with it, particularly if said in that quiet and calm way that I'm imagining - you must have had her seething but with nowhere to go in terms of a response!!! Love it!

 

[MancBird]

I think people like this exist in every area of our lives, not just work... I read a really good article in Cosmo (LOL) about there being 2 types of people... Drains (those who drain you with their negativity) and Radiators (who radiate love and happiness into your life)... basically I am trying to ditch the drains and surround myself with more radiators!

A sweet little metaphor I thought xxxxxxxxx