My Lighter Life diary....... im in for the long haul!

Discussion in 'LL Diaries' started by *Tia*, 17 September 2011 Social URL.

  1. *Tia*

    *Tia* Silver Member

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    Hello to anyone who is mad/bored enough to read my diary.
    Well I have just found this section and thought it may good be a good thing to put down on paper (or type) how im feeling, reflecting on my LL journey.

    Well a bit of background about me for ppl who dont know me.....
    I Joined LL back in October 2008 and got from 20st 3lb down to 16st 7lb (at my lowest) However after kinda coming off LL for xmas and then getting made redundant I wasnt in a good place and money got a problem so I had to give up.

    3 years on Im back to square one plus 1 stone 8lb :( I actually feel abit sick writing that!
    So ive took the leap to rejoin Lighter Life....my reasons? Well quite simply its due to the fact that this is the only diet I have generally felt like its worked for me. I have done Slimming world,Weight Watchers,Atkins,British heart foundation .....so im not shy of trying to loose weight and after lossing 1lb and then putting on 1lb most weeks.....just gets me down!
    I need to feel like its possible to get to a better,healthy me!

    As I type this im on Day 4...... So im just gonna back step a bit.

    I was so nervous about rejoining LL the main thing being that when i did LL first time around you all start as newbies together, this time around you join an existing class. What about if the class dosnt want a new person joining? What about if they were all skinny and look at me like omg your leaving it late to join LL... all these mixed emotions i had in my head. Also tbh another thing was refacing my counceller......would she look at me and think omg look at her now shes put on even more weight.

    Anyway I went to my class on Tuesday knocked on the door and a lady answered who was a person in the class to say that you didnt need to knock and just walk in. Anyway another class was taking place (I think a RTM class as they all looked lovely and slim when they come out) so I just kinda stood there in this little tiny room with a couple of other people. Of course I must of looked new so they asked if i was new and if i had done it before and just made general chit chat.
    The counceller invited us into the room and she was talking to another lady. I kind of hald waved and she smiled and said hello.
    The councellor then walked out and one by everyone went into the other room to be weighed. I did find it strange that she didnt really make an effort to speak to me at this point. So i sat there nervously and everyone was chatting about their weeks and filling in there order forms for their packs. Everyone went and got weighed and come back with their losses. I still sat there nervously. Anyway in the end i went through and the counceller spoke to me said it was nice to see me and that she couldnt believe it had been 3 years etc etc.
    Then i went back into class and she asked if everyone had introduced themselves which was an overwelming 'no' I thought this was a bit strange I know if i was in an existing group and a new person come i would welcome them and say hello but they didnt. I had such a lovely and supportive group last time around and i dont feel as though this group will be the same but we will see. Anyway we did introductions then the counceller went through the green book, we all spoke it was ok. then we all left and a couple wished me well for my first week. I hope this relationship within the group changes? Maybe I need to earn their trust. Maybe they have had lots of ppl start and leave? Maybe I need to prove im commited and by me going back each week they will be more inviting. But to be honest if I dont have a welcoming ,supportive group i think im at the stage that i feel like....who cares? I go there each week to get my packs and be weighed and i can do this journey with the support of my loved ones.

    I got home really excited I had emptied a cupboard out especially to put my packs in so I put them all in the cupboard ready for my 'new start' in the morning.
    Day 1 and 2 went really well because i have done it before i knew i liked chocolate and porridge so i mostly got these. I did get one shep pie....omg yuk I had to throw it away I was actually gagging.
    I managed to pull my neck and also get a stinky cold in these few days though! So Day 2 I went to bed early.

    Yesterday (day 3) seemed to be a bit more of a struggle on reflection I think that is partly due to my fault. I woke up at 7am and had a porridge at 7:30 before running out of house to go to work. I then had a choc pack about 12. I then usually have one when i get home about 5ish and then one about 9ish which has been working really well and i havent felt hungry or headaches atall. However due to me not thinking yesterday I forgot i volunteer on a fri night and that i wouldnt be home until about 8:15...therefore when i got in i had such a headache and felt bit sicky think because i was hungry.
    So i doubled up and had 2 packs. However I did have an embarrassing moment (sorry if this is tmi) but had a really loose bowel movement ....Luckily was only me and hubby at home had wind and well you can prob guess.... how embarrassing would this of been if I would of been a work?!!! AHHHH!
    However next week ill be on bars so i thnk it will be easier to manage coz i can do my morning 7.30 and lunch 12 then have a bar about 5 and then have my last pack in evening when get home.
    Also had a visit form my parents last night mum knew that I was gonna start but dad didnt. So i explained to Dad that I had restared he was really happy for me and said that he had often spoke to mum about being worried about me and my health and that he may out live me! OMG the fact my dad had worried about this quite got to me. I didnt show it but lying in bed last night I just thought how could i put my family through this? How could i let me weight get so out fo control and make my dad worry??!!! It just compleatly reaffirmed the fact that i am doing this!!!


    Day 4 today. Today is going really well. I have been quiet proud of myself today. I knew Saturdays would be more difficult. I went into town today with hubby. We usually do the go to greggs for a bacon roll to start the day. However I felt like I didnt wanna take this away from hubby. So i said are you going for breakfast. He said no to start with as he said it would be fair. However I said I wanted him to do it and so there i was standing in greggs with hubby and do you no what....although it smelled lovely I was so proud that i could put myself in this situation and not be tempted.
    We also always go food shopping on a saturday and again i said that i could still come and felt confident to put myself in this situation. It was testing at times...not that i wanted it but more. 'ohhh that look nice' but i just had to remind myself well when im at goal i can have it ,it will still be there.
    Had a bit of a headache on and off today but think thats my water intake.
    ive also gone through my diary putting down when ive done 50 days ,100 days,150days etc...... I think for me to get to goal (or near) will be 250 days.....thats madness when i think of it like that....250 days and my life can compleatly change. Thats May 2012....bring on May 2012 I say! :)


    Right im gonna shut up now....if anyone has managed to read my babble then im sorry if you have died from bordom!!!:8855:
     
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  3. Pymster

    Pymster Full Member

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    Tia, ur diary is brilliant. Well done for dealing with greggs and food shopping! I'm not sure even on day 8 I still could manage that!

    Keep it up
     
  4. *Tia*

    *Tia* Silver Member

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    Thanks pymster! Hope it wasn't too babbly! Think I'm gonna try and write in it most days. Think it be good just to deal with problem I have on the way. Also to look back on when I'm at goal to remind myself of the journey I've been on!
     
  5. *Tia*

    *Tia* Silver Member

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    Got a bit of a headache tonight.
    Note to self :I need to ensure I drink more water!!!!!
    Day 5 tomorrow woooo looking forward to it.
    I worked out I prob would wanna do LL for 250 days which will take me to may and hopefully near my target so 4 down 246 to go! :)
     
  6. Catthin

    Catthin Silver Member

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    Welcome and good luck on your weight loss journey.
    Your diary is open and honest and you sound like you have really thought through your journey.
    Looking forward to hearing how you get on with your new group,I think the first week is always difficult when you meet a new group.
    take care
    Cathy
     
  7. *Tia*

    *Tia* Silver Member

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    Sunday 18th September ( Day 5)

    Today has been a good day so far . Had a well needed lie in this morning which was nice although woke up with a headache! I didnt seem to wake up so much in the night last night for a wee either which i think is prob due to my lack of water. Come to think of it its prob why i woke up with a headache because of my lack of water.
    Its funny i thought i would find it easier drinking lots being at home. But infact I seem to be able to drink more at work. I think because i brought a litre bottle which i fill with water and then make myself drink in my lunch break! LOL
    Today has been a pretty relaxed day hubby has wanted to stay in and watch motor racing and football. So I have been able to just have a chilled day having a hot bath,Catching up on my accounts (im a volunteer for girlguiding). So just have had some nice me time in the bedroom which has been lovely.
    Today i have had Porridge for breakfast about 9.30 and choc pack hot for lunch at about 1pm.

    But today has been generally.....

    I did have had a go at hubby today on a couple of occassions though...... think its a mix of being on LL and TOTM. I do think men just dont think sometimes!!!!!!

    When I was getting undressed for shower he made comment about how it looks as though my tummy is going down but then said 'but you would be able to get rid of all of it will you-pointed at my flappy hanging tummy' it really got to me and I made a big thing about how he needs to try and support me and believe in me etc etc...... He is up and down alot, one minute really supporting me texting me on my first night before i went in saying how proud he was of me, and 1st couple of nights asking if i was ok,wanted water etc...then he comes out with that grrrh

    Then this afternoon he asked if I could make him a triffle. I flew at him saying do you really think I want to put myself in that situation making you a trifle when im being 100% on LL blah blah blah and that there is a bird eye mix in cupboard if he wanted to make himself one.he felt really bad and apoligised, he only asked as he hadnt had one for ages and the last time he tried to make it he couldnt make one nearly as nice as me. Which made me feel really guilty.

    Maybe its just a man thing? As my dad is like that 2 one minute says one thign one minute says the next. He was saying friday how he has been really concerned about my health blah blah blah and then in the next breathe said 'oh you cant not eat at xmas' errrrr yes i can....

    Right vent Over!!!!


    What is the rest of my day going to consist of?! Well think im gonna just surf on here for a bit then think im gonna have my 3rd food pack and watch a bit of tv tonight.... I think Xfactor is on again.

    Think ill also prob have a little surf online to have a look at some clothes....... really spurs me on just looking at things and then it says avaliable in size 8-16 As now I really believe that one day ill be able to buy something in that bracket. instead of just looking at the Plus Size section. Thats one thing I cant wait for is going into the city and being able to go into any shop to buy clothes....I cant remember the last time I done that prob when I was at school!!!!!! Just being able to go in shops other than Evans,NEw Look (Plus size sec),Yours...................Next year is going to be my year! :)
     
  8. Emmaline

    Emmaline Hippety Hop!

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    Hi Tia_Milly,


     
  9. *Tia*

    *Tia* Silver Member

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    Thanks emmerline! I've never been thin... All through my childhood I have been overweight I remember at 13 weighing 13 stone,14 weighing 14 stone etc etc. But I just for once in my life want to be thin and feel good. Saw a woman in city yesterday she must of been late 20s with a short skirt on and heels and it just made me think I've never wore a short skirt in my life!!!

    I def feel in a good mind set. Although quite hungry tonight I've not felt hunger yet which is weird I feel it on day 5. Hubby is sitting beside me eating tea jacket potatoes with cheese and Mayo........ Omg it smells so good! It has smelt the whole flat out...... Sometimes wish it would be nice to be able to lock myself away for a year and then come out when I was thin!
     
  10. MrsBurgundy

    MrsBurgundy Silver Member

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    Hey sweetheart , just found your diary and I love it!!!!

    Men can be total idiots sometimes, but that's why you have us!!!

    Well done on resisting greggs!! I had a christening today with a full buffet spread. Had to get my sons food and I've never been more tempted to pig out then today!! As I didn't, and resisted, I ended up being a tad surly with ppl but came home and had a "curry"(pack) and feeling good about myself!!!

    Gonna go make a veggie "burger" for the first time!!!

    Talk soon hon !!!! Xxxxxxx
     
  11. *Tia*

    *Tia* Silver Member

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    aww sounds like you have had a good day! well done for resisiting!
    omg im soooo needing food right now and looking at what i can turn my packs into. I only have porridge,choc,bananna and strawberry packs..................
    I really fancy crisps..... cant imagine choc crisps tho haha!
     
  12. MrsBurgundy

    MrsBurgundy Silver Member

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    Actually they might be quite nice!!! X
     
  13. Pymster

    Pymster Full Member

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    Hey Tia
    make now your time and this year your year - you dont need to wait until next year sweetie - you have taken that huge step and now you are doing something about it so enjoy and imagine that you are the weight you want to be already
    x
     
  14. *Tia*

    *Tia* Silver Member

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    Yes I guess this year is my year as I've taken the step but I just feel like 2012 is going to be my year that I find happiness in my own skin....well let's hope so anyway!
     
  15. Pymster

    Pymster Full Member

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    you will do Tia - keep smiling :)
     
  16. *Tia*

    *Tia* Silver Member

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    Thanks pymster! I do sometime wish it was a shorter journey tho! :( Im only on day 6! Prob got another 250 days till I'm at goal!
     
  17. MrsBurgundy

    MrsBurgundy Silver Member

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    But whats a year?! Comparatively to the rest of your life, and your past - it's just a little year, not even that!!!
    You're already doing amazing things, just by being here, doing the diet and changing your life!!

    Your outward appearance will change at a fabulous rate - just keep your head up to speed too!!

    And as a plus point - you may be shopping in "normal" shops by xmas!!! Just keep your chin up darling!!!
    We're all here for you! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
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  19. *Tia*

    *Tia* Silver Member

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    Thanks just think I'm having a down day!
     
  20. Pymster

    Pymster Full Member

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    Dont be down Tia - its only ourselves that make us feel down - think of happy things, things you have achieved, things you WILL achieve - honey life is too short to feel down and upset.
    we are all here to support you in any which way !!
    x
     
  21. MrsBurgundy

    MrsBurgundy Silver Member

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    Agreed!!!! ^ xxx
     
  22. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

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    Hi Tia
    Try not to think of it as 250 days - that seems like a lot, but it goes so fast and the changes are so quick remember - you'll lose approx a size and a stone a month.
    Take it a week at a time and give yourself little mini non- food treats as you achieve.
    We're all here to support each other and once the Ketosis fairy is truly back with you I KNOW you'll be fine. :)
     
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