My naked ambition

Discussion in 'CD Weight Loss Diaries' started by MsV, 13 March 2011 Social URL.

  1. MsV

    MsV Full Member

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    I wasn't originally going to do a diary, but as I sit here today really struggling with my want for food I thought that if I document my feelings I will be able to come back and see my progress as the weeks go on.

    Week 1

    I'm not sure what was the turning point last Sunday, but it happened. Something clicked in my head and I made the decision to start on Monday. I went through all the remaining packets and found that I had 17 days left.
    Monday comes and I feel positive. I get through to my CDC and arrange to meet the following week. I didn't want to waste her time until I had finally commited 100%. I get through without any hicups, kind of excited at seeing the results.
    Tuesday I had a bit of a wobble on the way home. My normal routine used to be, get off the bus, pop in to Sainsburys and buy something for dinner and then head home. Whilst in there if I fancied a treat, I'd buy it, take it home and eat it before the OH gets in - herein lies the problem - eating in hiding.
    I call my friend and she talks to me all the way to the front door and I make it through the night!! Well done me. I'm so pleased.
    Wednesday - Friday. Work is stressful - last week before I put my sales through for the month, but it keeps me busy and not thinking about the lack of food, but the food smells of people's lunch is really getting to me.
    I also worry non-stop about getting through the weekend as that's where I had the problem the last time.
    Saturday. The cleaner is coming today, so that takes that job out my hands, but I have lots of ironing to do and I've kept all my programmes to watch on the plus box. Turns out I end up going for a wee swim and spent a lot of time on minimins reading people's diaries which helps me push through. No ironing done! :D
    Slight problem is that I didn't make it through 3 packets and only drank 2 litres of water. Nevermind - took myself to bed
    Sunday - today. I woke up around 7.30am and watched an episode of Drop Dead Diva. I went for my morning pee and it was nothing more than a trickle and when I jumped on the scales - I was up 2lbs! :(
    It's my own fault - water retention due to not taking all 3 packets and not drinking enough. That will teach me.
    So I get up and make my morning shake, take a glass of water and trundle back to bed.
    After Hollyoaks I head off to aqua aerobics. It was a tough workout after 16 months away from the gym! I was shaking when it finished and it made me want to eat!!
    Maybe I've been over zelous on the exercise front as I am now home, had my second packet, almost 2l in with water and all I want is to chew chew chew.
    I think I'm going for a shower and then to have a nap. It might help.
    Oh and I've never shared this with anyone before, so here it is in black and white. I want to be able to be naked for once in my life with my partner. Completely and utterly starkers. I think it's happened once and I was very careful to lie flat. As a couple we have a very active sex life, but without fail I always have a vest on. He's never complained or actually said anything, but I would love to see his face when I jump on him in the living room and not have to usher him to the bedroom and switch the light off.
    The naked ambition - here I come!!!
     
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  3. MsV

    MsV Full Member

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    Still really struggling. I've managed to get through 3 litres of water so far, 4 decaf coffees but still wanting food. D came home to see me after football and brought the water in, but then headed out again. He wasn't helpful. Told me to go to bed.
    I am having an internal head battle - you know the one that says, it's ok to eat a little chicken salad and then the other side is saying that I will be so angry if I do it as it shows I can't even follow something through for even a week.
    I really pray this gets easier next week.
    I'm only just down to the weight I was when I started CD the first time round, so I feel like I've just hit the starting block. I think I got down to 12.4 before at the lowest, and that's still 3 stones over my middle weight, but I felt so much better and even that seems a million miles away.
     
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  4. Mini

    Mini Administrator Staff Member

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    The weekend is nearly over and you will be very proud of yourself if you make it through knowing you were 100%...almost there.

    [​IMG]
     
  5. MsV

    MsV Full Member

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    I have to give myself a pat on the back for seeing through my first goal and getting through the weekend. Which also means I had my weigh in on the way to work and I'm down 12lbs. I'm chuffed to bits and it's given me the focus to get through the week.
    I have also made a decision to not to go the gym for any classes or workouts and just go swimming. I felt too hungry after the aqua aerobics yesterday. So hopefully swimming alone will help tone as I loose.
    Have a lovely day and good luck for a successful week! xx
     
  6. IronicDontYaThink

    IronicDontYaThink Full Member

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    Well done on the loss, that's fab! And well done for getting through the weekend, its definitely the hardest part of the week! xxx
     
  7. MsV

    MsV Full Member

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    Thanks Ironic! I'm just over the moon about the weekend. I was so worried, but like they say, mind over matter - and that's what I need just now to get over the stinky food in the office.
    It's not anyone's fault as only 2 people know I'm on the CD (one of which is doing it also)
    But COME ON with the garlicy food!!!!!!!!!! It's really hard and that's what's making these hunger pangs come on. I want to hold out until 2.30pm for my lunch but I might have to go have it now.
    At least I've managed 3 litres of water so far, so need to chug the last litre before the day ends. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I keep smelling her lunch. Grumble grumble.
     
  8. lippy

    lippy Full Member

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    Well done MsV on your loss and getting through the weekend. Keep going and look forward to your updates - all the best xx

    Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins
     
  9. MsV

    MsV Full Member

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    Thanks lippy!! xx

    I have realised that my meltdowns come at the same places every night on the way home from work. If I can get through 30 days of walking past the shop without going in then I'll have broken a life long habit and maybe it will get easier not having a cooked meal at night.
    I'm still fighting in my head - one side saying - it's ok to have something to eat, you weighed in today, so you can afford to - the other side saying - don't be stupid, you'll just fall off!! I'm listening to the good side and having my hot chocolate for dinner.

    D annoyed me tonight by asking me what's wrong??? Eh??????????? WHAT'S WRONG???????????
     
  10. MsV

    MsV Full Member

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    Diet:
    Cambridge Weight Plan
    As always it's been a fine day being at work. Didn't manage to finish my morning shake as I had to go to a client meeting, but got through my soup and around 3l of water.
    Got in to trouble by my boss - who is also one of my good friends - so that has p'd me off beyond belief! Grrrrrrrrr.

    Isn't it amazing that every celebration is centered around food?! It's one of the girls' birthdays this weekend and they are going to one of my favourite portuguese fish restaurants - GUTTED!
    Nevermind, will go for a drink to the pub and take myself home before the chat of food starts.

    Hope everyone is having a good Tuesday xx
     
  11. lippy

    lippy Full Member

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    Hi MsV, yes you are right...food and drink is always involved in all celebrations. Seems like everyday is someones birthday here! We have a vending machine next to the coffee machine in the kitchen at work and have to walk past each time I go to get hot water or refill my drinking water...have not been tempted yet but I must admit that I do have a look in the vending machine each time I go into the kitchen. I have just told people that I have given up alcohol and snacks for lent....no one has twigged yet that I am SS etc.
    Well done you on missing your fave restaurant....
     
  12. Susie Tuesday

    Susie Tuesday Seriously???

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    Hi MsV, well done on the 11Ib :)

    I struggle to at w'ends especially when home alone. Also struggling this week at work really struggling not to pick but another day done!

    Have a fab evening x
     
  13. MsV

    MsV Full Member

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    Well done lippy for not giving in to the evil that is the vending machine. It will taste so much better when we are at our ideal weights and know that we can afford a treat once in a while!
    I agree with not telling anyone. I can't be bothered with "you'll put it back on" "it's not healthy" bla bla bla. I can't be bothered explaining that my skin will be glowing, my hair will be glossy and nails pretty because of all the vitamins and minerals I am putting in to my body!

    Susie - well done on another day!! It is one day at a time, but with the slimmer you in mind. I saw an advert for a similar type of competiting diet in a magazine and it showed a lady at size 22 and size 10 and she did that in 8 months. She looked fabulous and so I cut it out and kept it. When I think that I have been overweight for the majority of my adult life - don't remember EVER being a size 10 or 12 - 8 months is nothing in the grand scheme of things to be able to enjoy the rest of my life being comfortable with my body and I think that is how we should think.
    Don't beat yourself up about wanting to pick. Have a glass of water, get up and walk around the office, speak to someone and that want to pick will pass. It's really mind over matter. I tend to repeat myself to "nothing tastes as good as slim feels" when I get wobbly moments, and I am on day 10 without a slip up yet. We can do it!!

    Today's going to be a good day. I've decided I am going to close a deal and get through 100% without it being a thought process.

    Didn't really want to kill D last night - maybe the nightly rage has passed. We'll see.

    xx
     
  14. MsV

    MsV Full Member

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    Diet:
    Cambridge Weight Plan
    The walk home wasn't a struggle tonight. Really felt ok about walking past the shops. I read a few success stories today and it gave me a little insight in to what could be mine.

    I also made a break through last night and admitted to D about my secret snacking.
    I explained to him about not being allowed "naughty" food or drinks at all when we were younger by my dad and so my mum used to sneak things for us. It was always done in hiding and so I feel that has continued in my life. In fact it has continued. For example D would call me and ask what I had for lunch and I would say, ohhhh I wasn't really hungry, so I had a soup.
    Actually what happened was I went for a Thai lunch with the girls and had a yummy rice dish and a glass of vino.
    So we talked it through and he now understands. He's upset that I felt I had to hide from him, but I explained it was something in me, and so now that I have opened up, when I start to incorporate food I need to be honest about it and at the start I will write everything down.
    I also think I will need to be super disciplined during the week coupled with gym sessions, so I can have that takeaway on a Friday night and a drink with the girls on a Saturday.

    I really feel like I am turning a corner by being honest with D and also being honest with myself just how out of control ths eating had gotten.
    Talking about eating, off to make my dinner. Hmmmm spicy tomato me thinks. :)
     
  15. determinator

    determinator Banned

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    hey :) well done on a fabulous first week and great loss :D
    you seem to be making progress with being able to walk past the shops , these things that may seem like small things to some people are HUGE and they are the start of a successful new relationship with food and eating :) also fantastic news about opening up to OH ... my hubby finds it really hard to understand my problems wit food , he is one of these annoying people who only eat as they have to .. he gets no enjoyment out of food and he struggles to 'get it ' grrrrrr

    keep up the good work :D
     
  16. MsV

    MsV Full Member

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    2st10lb(17.92%)
    Diet:
    Cambridge Weight Plan
    Thanks determinator! Your loses have been great! I love seeing people's losses. It's a real inspiration.

    I came across last year's chart today and saw that I had lost just over 2 stones in 7 weeks, so fingers crossed in 9 weeks I can get past that. My CDC told me not to aim for a specific loss each week as I will be disappointed if I don't get there and any loss is a good loss because it's down and not up.
    I just can't help scale surfing every morning. I really want to see the 12s before I get to the weekender as then I will be a comfortable 16 in jeans. I know I won't be in a place where I can wear sleeveless tops or anything, but to just be able to dance comfortably would be good.

    I am also feeling a bit lighter when I am walking and my third bum has reduced down to two already!

    Going to get my next 3 weeks food today - so excited to try some new things. I loved the porridge last time so have ordered more of that. Kind of sick of vegetable and oriental soups and got loads of them left from last time, so might just keep them incase I get extra hungry and need the 4th occasional packet.
     
  17. festivalgirl

    festivalgirl Full Member

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    Great to read your diary, sounds like you are super determined!! Go for it! I know, like you, its not just about weight, but its all about how you feel inside...This diet does make you rather smug that you are able to turn food down, and that you are choosing to address an issue most people will ignore.
     
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  19. MsV

    MsV Full Member

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    Thanks festivalgirl. I do feel smug too! You're right. Even sitting on the tube and my arms not spilling over to the next chair! Even the little dent I have made in my overall loss makes me smug even though no one can see the difference yet! It's funny, because I feel a little lighter, I walk a little taller!
    All good things in building up my confidence.

    Annoyed today as I have a bout of cystisis! Grrrrrrrrrrr. How is it possible when I am drinking up to 4 litres of water a day. I will try and drink through it and head to the docs on Monday if need be.
     
  20. MsV

    MsV Full Member

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    Not a happy bunny. I don't want to have issues with food and I feel like I am being negative about food. I am getting used to people eating around me, but today they had a caribbean food day for Red Nose Day and I found myself thinking that because I've lost 14lbs so far, I can afford to eat, and then I have a go at myself (inside obviously as people will think I am crazy if I start shouting at myself out loud!)

    Why why why am I so impatient and struggle to follow anything through to the end.

    I do believe it's mind over matter and so I'm trying to believe myself slim to give me the willpower. I'm stressed about the weekend again, but can't wait until Monday to see my progress.

    Paaaaaaaaaaa just one of those poopy days!

    On a good note, just closed a deal. Only another £47k to go!
     
  21. lippy

    lippy Full Member

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    don't worry we all think of food every now and again..well done for not slipping...it is very easy and one thing can trigger it off. Hang on in there and well done for closing the deal...and hey it is the weekend. I have weigh in tomorrow...yippee!!
     
  22. MsV

    MsV Full Member

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    Just got back from a lovely afternoon with friends and sat through them having a late lunch/early dinner sipping my water.
    When the food first came I thought, hmmmm looks and smells lush but as we were chatting away the feeling passed and I was pleased as punch! Real breakthrough I feel. Not sure I would do it every weekend.
    The girls also said I was looking great and that I looked like I had lost weight when I first saw them! Felt bloody brilliant!:D
    I had to tell them I was doing a detox and exercise hence the reason for not eating. I really am not going through the lectures about CD this and that not good bla bla bla.
    Now home with a glass of water and a spicy tomato soup. Wishing tomorrow away for Monday's weigh in. Have so much to do in the house! Cleaning, washing, last week's ironing!

    lippy - how did weigh in go?
     
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