My naked ambition

[MsV]

I've been feeling quite good about almost loosing 2 stones. It's not been easy, but I have given myself a pat on the back.... then I see my reflection in the train window on the way home and the reflection still disgusts me. LONG way to go, but I will trundle on.
One of the girls came back from a 10 day trip today and said - oh you can see it in your face. Thanks! Just what I needed to hear. Feeling low and wanting to eat. I know I should have my night time shake but just can't face it. Had a funny tummy all day after having a bar for breakfast and a shake for lunch. I have poppy belly and it's not nice. I wish D would come home - he's out watching Spurs play Real Madrid and I just want him to come home and cuddle the air out of me.
Need to try and get started on the Beck Workbook and get this work report done.
Not even had a glass of water since I got home. Might have porridge and then go to bed. So fed up. I want a greek salad, some olives and chicken and then I will feel better. Pathetic - food will make me feel better. Get over it Vanessa. Stop thinking food is the answer to everything.

 

[Sarah Lou]

MsV congratulations on loosing two stone, that's a great loss! I am the worlds number one eater when people hack me off so I can't offer advice on that one at the moment anyway, I'm working on it with my Beck Book People always say to me oh you've lost weight in your face, somebody once said that to me after I lost five stone but I'm really going to try and work on that one.

Try and get your water down especially as your feeling abit off. Today was my first 100% day on plan so I am feeling ok with the world but I too have a long way to go and this diet malarky is hard and yes I use food as the answer too everything.

I hope you will feel better soon and you get your hug.

 

[kimmi1982]

Your doing fab girly- your motivating me now!! Xx

 

[poppygreendog]

Well done MsV - you are doing amazing!

 

[rachy1986]

You are doing fab!The very first entry you made about your partner seeing you naked made me chuckle.It reminded me of me.I too justwant to whip my clobber off with the lights on and feel good!
Your inspiring!
xx

 

[MsV]

MsV congratulations on loosing two stone, that's a great loss! I am the worlds number one eater when people hack me off so I can't offer advice on that one at the moment anyway, I'm working on it with my Beck Book People always say to me oh you've lost weight in your face, somebody once said that to me after I lost five stone but I'm really going to try and work on that one.

Try and get your water down especially as your feeling abit off. Today was my first 100% day on plan so I am feeling ok with the world but I too have a long way to go and this diet malarky is hard and yes I use food as the answer too everything.

I hope you will feel better soon and you get your hug.

I need to work that Beck Book - going to try and get on it tonight. I really think it will help me. Seriously how could someone say that to you after 5 STONES??
How are you feeling today on day 2?

D came home and p'd me off so there was no air squeezing last night! LOL

 

[MsV]

Your doing fab girly- your motivating me now!! Xx

Thanks honey. Keep on it too! It will be so worth it when we're hot mamas! x

 

[MsV]

Well done MsV - you are doing amazing!

Thanks PGD. How are you getting on? Just found out that my friend has booked Ladies Day for us too!! So we HAVE to catch up there in our gorgeous dress and champagne darling!

 

[MsV]

You are doing fab!The very first entry you made about your partner seeing you naked made me chuckle.It reminded me of me.I too justwant to whip my clobber off with the lights on and feel good!
Your inspiring!
xx

Thank you sooooooo much. We will get there - just seems so far away. I keep repeating what my CDC says which is - think how long it took to put on, so stop stressing about how long it takes to get it off!

D has gotten in to the habbit of cuddling me and feeling the flabby bits and saying they are getting smaller - really not pleasing in any shape or form. He thinks this is a good thing though!

 

[MsV]

Feeling a bit better about life today although still not really feeling the difference. Nevermind - it will happen.
D's birthday today and so we're going out for a well planned meal, with the focus being about the movie after and not the meal. I have booked a restaurant in Putney called Yia Mas. Great reviews, a few grilled fish dishes and a greek salad. Will be picky and ask them to dress and cook my food without lemon and stick to water. The main thing is back on plan without blinking an eye lid tomorrow.

I've realised that I have so many things on over the next month that it's worrying me I won't loose the stone I want to before the weekend.

Next week my friend is home from her 6 month stint in the Caribbean, but she's decided to go back to Glasgow to stay so she's organised a meal out with the close girlfriends. They don't know I'm on CD, so will have to order a chicken salad and push it around my plate a bit.
The following week are the SC Magazine awards and I'm hosting a client table. I have spoken to the awards manager and said that I am not eating carbs - she said she'll get a chicken salad sorted for me (clearly there's nothing else in the world for me to eat)
Then there's like 2 weeks before the weekender, 11 of those days I'm actually off work! Poop. Nevermind - will just have to work through it. Although rationally thinking about it, if I stick to my CD packets in the day time and eat sensibley at night, I shouldn't affect the weight - isn't this the same thing as teaching your body to accept less. Eventually we have to eat conventional food, but I shouldn't make a big deal about it - right?

Anyways should really do some work! Also need to put my order in for Monday. Gone off sooooooooo many soups! Only really found the love for mushroom again. Might get some additional oriental chilli packs for the crips - hmmmmmmm yum!

Here's to a successful day!

 

[MsV]

Ahhhhhh lovely night with the D man. Love love love him. The greek restaurant was scrummy. Had a starter and main course. I did totally recognise when I was no longer hungry... BUT kept eating - although I did put a lot of it on D's plate! LOL. I found myself rationalising the fact that this was an evening off that the portion size didn't matter. So that is something that I have to commit to changing mind set on.

I WILL CONTROL PORTION SIZE - IT DOES MATTER!

Other than that, I have managed to do something to my back that is causing extreme discomfort. I'm so scared as this is what happened last time and I had to come off the diet to be able to take strong painkillers. I'm hoping it's just muscle pain from where I have started exercising - maybe the swimming has put strain on my back as I have quite a big dip in my back from where my bum sticks out (the perils of having african/indian roots)

I'm going to have my apple porridge in a while and take a paracetamol and see if it helps. I think I should do some stretches - but it's soooooooooo sore!

Packing today to move 6 desks down - directly outside the MD's office - feel like a naughty school girl! LOL.

Today it's about focus and lots of water to flush out yesterday's meal.

 

[MsV]

Well a trying couple of days it has been but I have managed to stick to my plan and continue towards my goal. Friday was fine after the dinner the night before. Back on plan without a blink of an eye.
Saturday my best friend returned from her 6 month caribbean experience and so was up from 6am to pick her up. Came home and sat drinking my water whilst we caught up. Then we headed down to the pub to sit in the sunshine and catch up with the other girls - all good. Sipping on water as they indulge in my favourite sauvignon blanc. Then they order nachos and chicken wings...!!! I actually visualised myself leaning over and grabbing a nacho and putting it in my mouth!! I didn't do it of course - but it did make me think about the impulse non concious eating that has got me to this place. Not sure what to make of it.
Von then decided that she would get at me to have a curry - as that was our thing on a Saturday night staying in together. I had a massive go at her about not being supportive and that she needs to understand that at 33 years old, I really need to get myself together about my weight!! I did want to crumble - I so wanted to have a big dirty curry and I even started to rationalise it, but I powered through and used an extra packet to make crisps instead whilst she went out and got a chinese takeaway.

Anyways, moving on, I had my weigh in this morning and have lost 3lbs - so with the bad back, totm and a night out for D's birthday, I am super pleased!! Only 4 whole weeks to SP, with 11 days off inbetween, so I hope I can keep the focus to get another stone off before then. I'm ready to sign off another goal today by getting in to the size 16s and breathing!!
Got the docs tonight about my back and I am ready to stage a sit in to get him to refer me to the physio. I will not be palmed off with painkillers as I will need to come off CD and I won't do it!

 

[MsV]

just back from the docs and not allowed to run or breast stroke anymore. My back is too weak and I have to build up my stomach muscles. So for me it's brisk walking and aqua aerobics only. Boo boo boo boo. I actually might try the tap class at Pineapple studios though!
Praying my CDC calls me tonight so I can go and see her later this week. Had to cancel tonight's appointment as went to the docs, and I have rubbishy packets left. Gutted.

 

[Freshstartdivorcee]

Hey missy well done on ur progress! I'm missing my exercise as ive no energy but similar weight goal to you - Started on 14st on Sunday, doubt I will meet your 12lbs loss this week though! That's amazing!

Can you tell me which day on the plan started your C25K? I started it in Jan and can run a good 6 mins non stop now but wasn't sure when to pick it up again...maybe day 7? x

 

[Freshstartdivorcee]

Oh how insensitive of me u can't run....sorry!

 

[MsV]

Oh how insensitive of me u can't run....sorry!

LMAO - don't worry!! It's more annoying than anything, but I will have to find something else to do. Maybe zumba will work for me in the interm. It happened the last time I was on this also and ended up coming off the diet, so this time I was determined not to have major painkillers and have to come off. I would rather stay on and not do the exercise until I am able.

I actually didn't start C25K until week 3. I just did aqua and some resistance weights before that.

How are you getting on with the diet? A lot of the first week's weight was water, so depends how much you retain (me a lot) will determine a lot of your first week's loss. If you are 100% ss, then it will be rather "wow" factor.

Good luck with it all xx

 

[Freshstartdivorcee]

Thanks hon. I LOVE zumba but very intense??? I will try on week 2 I think as I'm active normally. Like the idea of aqua too...hhmmm. Well 1st weigh in tonight and won't be weighed until I return from holiday so just concentrating on getting to week 3 then really kick in plan and exercise. Will do lots of swimming throughout the day on holiday to start me off I think.

Have a great day xxx

 

[MsV]

Feeling completely out of sorts. D has gone away on business for a few days and I just feel lost. Vonnie is still staying with us and she was out on the lash last night so is at mine feeling sorry for herself.
One of the girls just got back from Jamaica and her man proposed so she wants to go out for celebration drinks on Saturday night. I am meant to keep my Goddaughter but I sooooooo want to go out instead. I will stick to the plan and maybe Renee will cheer me up a bit. Hope so.
Have the awards next week, but have asked for a chicken salad. Hope they can deliver on that as I'm really struggling to hold out for my once every 2 week meal!! It's amazing how moods can really bring you down and the comfort is eating. I wish I was one of those girls who could feel comfort in going to the gym! Maybe I should get a massage tomorrow or something.
Off to the dentist in the morning and crapping myself. Embaressed to admit I haven't been in a few years - so lets see what they say and how much it's going to cost me.
Saw my CDC last night and got 2 weeks worth and spent a small fortune! She's off on holiday so had to be done. I wanted to get enough to get me through to SP, but she wasn't having it!!
I checked again this morning and I am securely in the 12s. Makes me feel a wee bit better as it feels like I've gone down 3 stones because it's 3 stone brackets. Does that mean I'm not in the teens anymore??? Can't wait until I'm in single figures - but that's like 3 stones away, which should be 3 months, but actually will be longer with the breaks I have in between.
Oh I just wish D would come home - feel awful without him. We've not been apart for longer than a week in 4 years. Paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa miss the boy.

 

[MsV]

Being ridiculously super lazy - still in pjs and in bed waiting for Eastenders to start!
Had Friday off and caved in and went for lunch with Von and Virginia. Sensible choice was made and I had a nicoise salad without the potatoes and picked at some cheese from the cheese board the girls ordered. Felt extremely full and satisfied and happy that I am making sensible choices whilst the girls were tucking in to pasta and chips etc.
Back on 100% yesterday which was fine. Checked the scales this morning and 3lbs off this week, but official weigh in tomorrow, so we'll see.
Went out last night with the girls, stuck to the water, whilst they drank themselves in to an oblivion. Lots of comments on how great I'm looking. Got new trousers and a fab new pair of heels!! Me in heels!!! So felt really good, and gave me the push to keep going. They then decided to stop off and McDs and the kebab shop and bring it all back to mine!! Joy of all joys. Served them their drinks, gave them plates, ketchup etc and sat with my water and had a good giggle, but left them to it around 2am. From what I hear they left around 6am this morning! Weirdly woke up this morning with a headache!! LOL. The alcohol fumes in the house are strong so I've had to open all the windows.
I really need to pop out and get water and there is non left in the house and only drank a litre since I got up this morning at 10am. Another 2 to get down my throat today or my weigh in tomorrow will be poop.
Praying with all my might that the next 18 days will give me 10lbs off!

 

[MsV]

Another 4lbs this week has kicked the bucket and I am jumping up and down doing a little dance. 1 more lb and I will be at a 2 and a half stone loss in I think 7 weeks. Can't bloody believe it!
So lets hope it's a good start to the week and things go the right way.
D is due back either tonight or tomorrow, so fingers crossed I will get a big cuddle tonight from him.
Getting my hair cut and going for the big chop I think! Eeek - not sure. Let's see.

I'm grabbing on to how good it feels to be smaller and feeling confident. I'm trying to really savour it and not let it go.