thank you girls x your so good x (particulary for not telling me off he he!!) xxx really appreciate your support and the fact that your bothered to read my looooong boring posts!!! xxx
So, big changes this week!! I DID have my pig out on Monday night after but I'm back (again!!) big time!!.
I have decided to do Kickstart this week to get back into things - so, I'm on 18 points a day.
I've also decided to exclude all "rubbish" from my shopping (took that idea from Marie's diary!!). I usually stock up on creme eggs, crunchies, quavers, malteasers, square bars, ww cookies (oh my, that looks even worse when I write it down
) each week. I find myself spending way too many points on rubbish each day - I would roughly spend 6 points on a creme egg and some crisps etc each eve when really, 6 points could give me something really substancial to eat. I also find that because its there - I eat it. Most days Im not even hungry but I find it calling me from the cupboard or days I intend to save a few points, I end up spending them on chocolate instead - so, if its not there, I cant eat it. End of. I live in the middle of nowhere so I definately cant run over to the shop if I want something - choice is taken from me!!!.
Actually, I'm fairly sure that yesterday was the first day, since I started this diet that I DIDNT eat any sweets
. I had:
2 weetabixs (2pts)
200ml skimmed milk (1pt)
Sweetner (0)
ww clear chicken noodle soup (0.5)
2 slice brown bread (2)
20g h/l butter (1)
3 rivitas (1.5)
tin of ww tuna, sweetcorn and mayo (1)
1 rivita (0.5)
slice of avonmore slimline cheddar cheese (melted - yum) (0.5)
(dinner - this was HUGE!!!)
1 h/l minute steak (2.5)
brocolli, carrots (0)
fried mushrooms and onions (0)
200g potatoes - boiled, chopped and fried (in fry light - very like wedges!!) 2pts
Tablespoon of extra light mayo (to dip my potatoes in!) (0)
So, 14.5 used, 3.5 saved
I have a habit of eating the bare, bare minimum during the day because I find the evenings so hard but I border on starving myself during the day so I now plan to eat little and often and spread my points out better, not spending on crap is helping this.
I am still having my Dominos on Friday night, hence the saving points. I probably shouldnt as saving points is a little harder given Im on kickstart and have less (I know only 2 less but they still do add up!!)but you wouldnt believe how much I look forward to it so I've decided to still have it - I feel like its an end of week reward for being good and anyway, I always ensure I've enough points banked for it.
I'm hoping for a good loss this week, have pilates tonight. Have arsed around for a month now and stayed the same so can't wait to see a difference in the scales - am definately hoping for a good loss because I'm trying Kickstart. Think I'll be really disappointed if I dont, with putting that effort in.
Myself and OH booked two nights away in london for the 16th of April - we really need the break to be honest. First time away that we're not bringing Shannon, I'm a bit nervous about it as this will be the longest I've EVER been away from her and I'll really miss her. Really looking forward to it though!!! just need it. This is going to be my little incentive - I have exactly 5 weigh ins before this and would really, really love to be 11 stone (my first goal weight before I changed!!!) I know, I shouldnt put dates on losses but I really would love it - I think I could probably do it too - If I just stopped messing around and got stuck in and upped my exercise, I'm sure I could manage 2lbs a week.
The week after that, on the 26th I have my cousins hen party (shes getting married in June) this is an even bigger incentive - as I dont want to be the fat one at the party - I dont want to feel disgusting and self conscious (therefore no fun) beside everyone else.
I plan to stay the same the week I go to London, and stay the same the week of the hen (all going well)
Its funny, I have really been thinking. I am so particular about what Shannon eats, she ate all organic food when she was very little - home cooked, "good" dinners, wholewheat rice, bread, pasta - never white. No sugary juices, drinks - just water or milk or homemade smoothies.
I never gave her sweets or rubbish when she was a baby (even though I got the mean mammy remarks) as I could never understand giving rubbish to a child who does not want it/ is not asking for it/ doesnt know what it is.
Of course, if she asks for a treat Ill give it to her now, I wouldnt deprive her but that was when she was small.
I did this so to develop her taste buds for the "right" foods, they say this doesnt mean that she'll never have a craving for rubbish but in general will be more likely to choose brown bread over white etc.. and it has worked!! - she came home after been out to dinner with my mother and granny one evening - she had a "stick of rock" which the restaurant manager had given her for being such a good girl. she was holding it and asked me to open it for her, which I did, she took a lick and said "no", went over, put it in the bin and asked for an apple. Shes done this alot - one lady in a shop was laughing her head off when Shannon completely passed the sweet shelves and got all excited about getting a punnet of grapes.
Anyway, I know I'm rambling on (as usual!!) but the point is - I have tried so, so hard to give Shannon a good relationship with food. Nothing is out of bounds, yet she makes good choices. I have a takeaway once a week now - think its fine to show her that its fine in moderation.
What I'm trying to do is stick this back in my head (one of my reasons for starting diet in first place) - how can I possibley show my daughter a good food relationship if I continue on pre diet and the way Ive been the past few weeks? its completely hypocritical. I cant. I firmly believe children lead by example and if she sees mammy constantly stuffing her face with rubbish, binging constantly, ordering 10,000 takeaways a week - what is she going to think is normal? exactly that. How can I tell her (when shes older) that she has to eat healthy when I sit on my fat ass stuffing my face?
Shannon is absolutely everything in the world to me, I want only lovely things for her. I never want her to know, although it may happen anyway, what its like to be overweight, desperately unhappy and have zero confidence. Never.
I want her to eat well, but have treats, show her that exercise is just simply a daily part of life.
I need to keep this in my head as, although I may not do things for myself I would do anything for her.
Come on Nikki!!!! I have plenty of reasons to do this!!!!!!!! just need to put my thoughts into action.
sorry for such a long one (again) just thinking out loud really..
Hope your all well!! xx
