OJ...Resurfacing with the aid of BARS!!

[olijames]

Been up since 4am, thinking about the play I'm directing and just how I'm gonna get it from page to stage in 4 weeks and just how mad I am for doing things like that in the first place and then my mind...as usual...turned to my weight..the journey I started last February on my sons 8th birthday is fast approaching the one year mark...

You may have heard it all before as I embark upon my many restarts but I lost almost 5stone from feb-july then have messed around somewhat with last stone and maintaining...juy-now has been 10times harder than the first initial burst of energy and rapid weight loss!

So I got back down to 11st 1lb up until 20th December, I have eaten..OK had some serious binges these last almost 2 weeks and the damage..OMG the damage is exactly 1stone...WTF??? So this has got to be it this time..i cant afford to be messing around and i want to shift almost 2 stone by 14th february..my sons birthday and one year on since starting at 15st 7!

So I must remember how far i have come without mulling over my lapses and i must must must deal with my relationship with food..like now its my enemy other times..like anxious times its still my enemy but disguises itself as my friend!

Never really done a diary before just popped in and out of other threads and lurked somewhat but this is it I'm in diary mode..

Got WI tonight and I know my LLC will be supportive and my weight gain will probably be insignificant when everyone else is wrapped up in their own weight loss world..well thats what Im hoping! Im joining a management group but that doesnt feel appropriate as im not maintaining Im gaining and restarting...maybe i should suggest starting again in the 100 day group and move to management before the end of 100 days...that feels like taking a step back but maybe thats what i need..to rethink! reassess! face up to it that Im not nearly there..also Im aiming for 9stone 7lb this time and not a loose 'about 10stone'..my goal is clear..getting there seems somewhat murky however...

feeling bloated
feeling disappointed with myself
feeling like i have let myself down
feeling like i want to hide away after what the scales say

also

feeling lucky that i have found a plan that i know works
feeling like its better to start the year at 12st 1 than 15st 7 as in 2006

also

feeling fat...i guess thats a good place to start!

Not gonna put off and start tomorrow..starting now..i can hear the bubbles of my H2O fizzing around in their pint glass...i vaguely remember fitting into a size 12 comfortably in july...

BRING IT ON! LET BATTLE COMMENCE!

Nic
x

 

[thetimeisright]

Hiya

God your post reflects so much how I'm feeling. I was officially back on the bandwagon yesterday although I think I did serious damage getting into ketosis as I had some chewing gum to stop me munching.

Today though feels like a much better day, I feel more focussed knowing I don't have to go through the trauma of a night out.

I will be watching your thread and will be supporting you all the way. Let us know what you decide - I think maybe redoing foundation could be a good thing - or even going into development rather than management??

 

[Karen1972]

Hey Nic

Good luck my darlin'!! I think most of us are feeling like you after the festive period!!! I've got around a stone to lose and i've been mucking about with it for months now!! I'm back on SS'ing too although i do still have wine at weekends.

Good luck with the play too, how exciting!!! Is it for the kids at school??? How old are they?

Lots of luv and sending you lots of willpower...

 

[vj]

Must be that January feeling. But what a binge xmas and new year has been and I relaxed and enjoyed myself.
I too want the battle to commence, what is it about the magic 9 st 7 lbs??? That's what I want to be but I'm 11 st 4lbs this morning and I'll be SS until it comes off. Seeing my CDC on Thurs for the first time in 2 months but I need to see her more often to keep me on track.
Good luck everyone!

 

[boofaloo]

Good on you for being focussed to shift the last bit of your weight.
Good luck and stay strong

 

[olijames]

OMG THE DAMAGE....!!!desperate trip to gym!!!...and all that jazz!

Thanks for your encouragement lovely huns...well I'm sat here, still bloated after my kebab last night and realising that had i not taken the decision to SS I would have had prob some fruit toast and a bacon butty by now, not to mention my hand finding its way into the choccie tin as i walk past it...arghhhhhhhhhh...why the hecky thump do i eat when im not even hungry..comfort?boredom?socialising?...

A fellow lighterlifer called earlier and we are going together tonight which i think should make it a more enjoyable journey..im still not convinced about the foundatiuon group but there are no spaces on the rebalancing so i guess its take what you can...not sure listening to people talk about food is necessarily a good idea for me right now!

Well ladies...Im sat here bulging (literally) out of my gym gear which has been gathering dust for four months (!) Im taking the plunge and going to the gym, plan to do the cardio stuff i did nad loved in summer and maybe chill out in the spa! Why does it seem like such a chore now...arghhh!!!!

The play karen is part of the shakespeare schools festival, its a national project we do and this year we're doing A midsummer nights dream..a comedy but with only 4 weeks to rehearse it just isnt funny! the cast are 13-16 year olds with bundles of talent but so much else on after school that getting everyone together is a nightmare and i end up banging my head against brick wall..i do actually have a brick wall in my drama studio so maybe thats an option!!!!! Im basically a gluten for punishment...lets rephrase that...Im just a gluten!!!

Anyway off to the gym before i change my mind...reckon the scales should get a blinkin move on is i exercise! Not one for being obsessed with the scales (YEAH RIGHT!) i got on again before and ive lost 2 lbs since 4am...WTF? No doubt if i look at a chocci I'll put it on again and SOME! ARGHH!!!


Positive thinking.....

Love to all as we continue our journeys..one which may just be life long..for me anyway!


Hugs....be back later with my 6 pack ....erm likely!!! The only six pack i will be carrying under my arms is a 6 pack of 2 litres of water...

 

[DQ]

Hey mate

Sounds like the scales are not your friend- how about a challenge not to weigh again until you go back to your LLC? Good luck on getting to where you want to be - you know you can do it

 

[olijames]

Thanks DQ hun!

Now that would be a challenge hey? For some reason they are so tempting.....and Im not sure why when im so over target and over a stone what i was at my lowest weight....its that gluten thing again!!

too many angry icons are finding their evil way on this thread......


From to to to

......hopefully

 

[Karen1972]

Hey mate

Sounds like the scales are not your friend- how about a challenge not to weigh again until you go back to your LLC? Good luck on getting to where you want to be - you know you can do it

OMG DQ - are you serious?!?!?! I cannot go a day without weighing, it keeps me sane and probably slimmer than i would be if i didn't weigh!!!!

LOL

 

[nadhak]

Hi Nic
Well done for facing up to facts and sorting yourself out before spiralling out of control!
I am sure your counsellor will focus you and help you get inside your mind over the next few weeks!
|you are only a month away from being superskinny if you choose the sole source route!

I am a big yellow coward - not even going near the scales - I am cutting back before I dare get weighed - I had a few drinks over Xmas and know I have gained!
I will follow your thread - and hopefully we can help each other

 

[olijames]

Hi nadhak

Well just had my first shake, a vanilla with tons of coffee....my tummy was rumbling and thought best to have one before i venture to gym which could find me reaching for choc out of anxiety! one good thing about my almost year long journey with SSing is that i know the danger signs for eating and anxiety is a biggy for picking at stuff!! Doesnt stop me doing it though eh?

I too get fearful of the scales but once ive made that first move and made the decision to SS you cant get me off the buggers..i mess around too much with figures (my own included!) working out %'s and BMIs etc....gluteny again eh?

Anyway defo keep each other focussed..i have followed your progress on other threads and your pics are amazing..where did you get them done, the marilyn-esque ones? maybe i could set something exciting like that as my ultimate target treat!

Defo gotta get off my bulging backside now and get on that rowing machine......not looking forward to this AT ALL!!!!!

Oh well onwards and downwards ladies...maybe ive got time for a quick brew first! (and no Im NOT giving up skimmed milk..life without tea is like life with love..sad but true...its the littel things eh?)


Pumping iron...here i come!x

 

[olijames]

Post gym..phew...same again tomorrow!

Phew..now i know i will not be able to walk tomorrow and ive booked Oli into kids club so i can go again...my enthusiasm has got to be high if im to get through this last 2.5 stone mission and reach goal!!

Gym was actually OK..not enjoyable but OK. As i caught glimpses of myself i felt half ok, my shoulders and legs and half sick..my middle! Im literally bulging and hanmging over my gym pants..back in summer i looked ok in them. Bumped into an old school friend in there too...a male one..oh poo! He was very nice, he seems really into it and quite the muscle man! I hate seeing people i know at gyms and if im swimming..its a cellulite thing!

So Ive had some crisps made from a thai chilli pack, had a brew-phew....and ready to Officially restart...LL meeting at 6.30...pretty much gonna grin and bear it...couldnt resist scales (sorry DQ...had your challenge at the forefront of my mind but blew it....!!!) Still 11st 13lb..so rounding it up to 12st....a neat 2.5stone will take me to ultimate goal so thats where Im heading....

Check in later....wonder if breathing in will make a difference...who the heck am i kidding!

reality's gonna strike big time in half an hour...

 

[olijames]

Im back...with a lemon bar! YUK!

been....yet to conquer!


Well guess that wasnt too bad...official damage is 11st 12..so 11lbs since 20th december..not great but 3lb less than id prepared myself for! Come home armed with choc and mushroom soup...resisited the bars for reasons beyond the munchies but did go bananas routing one out of freezer..just had it with coffee..doesn half leave a fairy liquid sting on ones tongue!!!!!

So thats it Im signed in, LLC said i could join a foundation group if i wanted but as one of my original fellow lighterlifers restarted again tonight we're gonna try and go for it together...thursdays 7.30pm will be our moments of truth! Reckon if Im good and i do intend to be extra good...that i should be at goal in 2 months...so just january and february to sacrifice...looking at the bigger picture i guess thats a small price to pay to get to where i want to be?

Onwards and downwards eh girls?

Hugs all round
Many eyes on t he prize!

 

[Karen1972]

2 months is nothing in the overall scheme of things honey!! You can do this... I've just relented and had a chinese doh!!! Was starving and a bit peed off so i let my emotions get the better of me!

Oh well tomorrow is another day!!

Luv,

 

[thetimeisright]

Hi Nic

You are exactly the same weight that I am, but, I am aiming for a stone higher than you as I want to be a healthy size 12.

Well done for going back and now let the battle commence.

 

[zareena]

The weight is going to be off in no time

 

[olijames]

Chinese tonight can be gone tomorrow with a good guzzle of water and an extra helping of will power...well thats what im telling myself K hun!

TIR...at 10st 7lb i should be a healthy size 12 too...infact i was a size 12 on bottoms at 10st 12 but my issue is the maintaining...i think aiming lower/higher, you know what i mean...should give me some leeway for some munchies if the mood takes me and my god it takes me!!!!

Good luck both of you...keep in touch TIR..lets keep tabs on each other and hopefully stay in tandem til we get to goal!

Hugs all round!

Nic
x

PS..anyone just seen icemousse mike on the millionaire programme on ITV? Didnt get his tummy tuck, thought he got a really hard time...bummer eh? And so so brave revealing that loose skin...now thats confidence..good on him eh?
x

 

[olijames]

Good morning headache..ride it!

Morning all!

Well my wonderful husband has organised for the carpet cleaners to come in today..he does these things at the most inconvenient times..9am when i didnt sleep last night and have a mega hopefully K induced headache...and the CC is late!!! ARGHHHHH!!!!!

Anyway got through day one, wasn't too bad infact i had stuffed my face to the max and was starting to feel positively full to bursting. Must ONLY eat when hungry..thats got to be my motto when i reintroduce food, hopefully in march!

Couldnt resist scales this am, 11st 9lb...so is that 5lb from what it yelled at me yesterday morning 12st 1lb, but then they said 11st 12lb just before i went to meeting last night! Oh well, whichever way i look at it and try to over analyse it (Im a total nightmare!) they're heading in the same direction! Just over 2 stones to go....2 months only to sacrifice...done it before can do it again!

Well, its shuffling around house dodging carpet cleaner (and its so so noisy...arghhh!), then off to gym again, I have booked oli in to a class at the kids bit, a Combat class so now i have no excuse im going and thats it...even if i just do some gentle stuff what with the headache at least im making an effort eh...No more excuses...

Love to all....erm what shoudl i have for brekkie...choc slushy with coffee...must go to asda today to get stocked up on perfectly clear!



a boring post and slightly rambly but im just gonna let my thoughts totally splurge out on this thread...x

 

[flirty40greeneyes]

Just looking in to wish you good luck - and I'm so sure you'll get there.
I'm 4lb less than yesterday!!! Only another 3 stone 9lb to go!!!! As you say 2months - or 3 and half in my case .... and we'll be there!
Take some paracetamol for your headache - plenty of water and go girl!

 

[Mrs Depp]

Morning Nic!!!

You just keep those positive emotions going lovie and you'll soon see the weight dropping!

I've decided to restart 790 today as I'm up to 9st after necking ALL the mince pies, ALL the nuts and LOADS of other stuff I choose not to own up to!

Can't bear the thought of losing any more hair as it's only just growing back - WHITE!!!! but at least it's coming back eh?

Keep your diary going matie, you're so lovely