Please help me bounce back from the ultimate failure and lose 8/9 stone!

R

raspberrycupcake

Full Member
Hello

I have a lot of weight to lose, so I am hoping that you lovely people in this forum will be able to understand how I feel. After all, I'm sure I'm not the only yo-yoer here.

The trouble is, my weight regain feels like the ultimate failure. Because I had weight loss surgery (a gastric bypass) 6 years ago, lost loads of weight, felt fantastic, kept it off for a few years then as my stomach gradually stretched and my iron- will vanished, the weight crept back on. I'm not as heavy as I was originally, but I'm back in the morbidly obese category. I feel like I have let myself down, not to mention wasted a huge amount of money. And although I can now eat enough to put on weight I have still got to put up with some of the remaining side effects from the surgery such as recurring anaemia, inability to absorb vitamin B12, and of course if I misjudge and eat slightly too much then I end up being sick.

Please help me lose at least some of this fat again! I really thought it was gone for good! I Am so ashamed of myself!
 
hi raspberrycupcake
you have made the first step you have come on here to get help and support to get you back on your journey going down on the scales everyone i know on here and myself will be behind you 100% on your good days and bad days as there not all going to be good

have a good week

xxchezzxx
 
I'll 2nd Chezz's comment - this is the first step back on your journey. We all feel the shame factor at some point or another, mine was looking at photos from 4 years ago and realising how much I've ruined by health and looks by putting on 6st! But I'm not dwelling on that, I'm focusing all my attention on looking to the future and the slimmer me and I can't wait!
 
Thanks both of you! I was scared that people might actually agree with me that I'm a failure, but maybe I didn't need to worry. It means a lot to have some unjudging support.

You are right, it is best to look to the future again.
 
you are not a failure hun and welcome, all the people on here tend to have alot of weight to lose. I did a VLCD years back and got down to 14 stone which I know sounds like alot to some people but three weeks ago I weighed in at 22 stone 5 lbs so I gained everything I lost and more besides, since which I have seen the error of my ways, addressed my emotional eating in therapy and am still doing so and am dealing with my emotions rather than pushing them down with food, no starvation diets for me now just sensible healthy eating and am loving it. I bet everyone on the whole on this forum could tell you how many diets they have been on and "failed" at although I hate that term, sometimes I think some diets are so unrealistic we set ourselves up to fail.

I can't talk for everyone on here but for me this time doing the healthy eating with planned treats is working well for me, its not going to be as quick weight loss wise as say the VLCD but I get to eat and educate myself as I go along re sensible eating so its win win.

I am sure you will fit in well here, I have found them to be a lovely bunch of people, never judgemental and always supportive, Em xx
 
Thanks Emma. It looks like your approach is working for you at the moment - you have lost more than a stone already! I bet that feels especially satisfying because you know you have done it in such a healthy way?

Im having therapy at the moment too, as I have been depressed for a long time, and I am hoping that if I can deal with all the issues that surround my depression then I will be in a better position to be healthier in all areas of my life. We will see. For now, I'm hoping weightwatchers helps me to keep a check on what I am putting in my mouth!

Claire
 
Hi Claire, for me being able to lose a decent amount of weight and through healthy eating really keeps me going as I feel that the eating plan I am on at the moment is realistic and something I can keep up and even do for the rest of my life which is a bonus. I will admit before going on my plan I basically starved myself all day and then had a huge binge each evening, all kinds of crap but comforting foods, I was a typical binge eater and I just couldn't seem to get out of the cycle of starvation / binge eating and it was basically destroying my life. I am seeing an eating disorder therapist now and doing DBT (dialectical behaviour therapy) which is very intense, in your face therapy but for me its helping me to face the emotions and find other ways of coping other than using food, I am not having any binges now which for me is like a miracle in itself as I was a daily binge eater but the key for me was having to face up to the painful emotions I kept pushing down with food over the years, the therapy leaves me so drained but I have gained a much better insight now into why I starved and then binged plus what it was all about which for me was avoidance of emotions etc. I also have severe OCD which works in the same way as the binge eating did, avoidance again of painful emotions / situations etc.

I know as someone with an eating disorder I work best in extremes, very all or nothing hence the starvation or the binge eating, a VLCD say for me doesn't work as it feeds into my all or nothing thinking and I get obsessed with feeling empty food wise just as when I binge eat I get addicted to feeling so full. My therapist said in order to recover I have to eat in moderation so regular healthy meals and snacks throughout the day which is what I am doing but it is anything but natural for me as I still have urges to binge or starve yet so far I am sticking with the plan and using my therapy sessions to discuss my struggles with it etc.

I think you are right re therapy and getting to deal with the issues, my psych said that my weight is my biggest symptom that not all is well with me, I may have pushed down my emotions over the years and make out to most people that things are fine but my very big weight gain over the years says that the reality of the situation is anything but fine. I think many of us not all but many of us who carry alot of weight have many underlying issues that have led to such weight gain, for me it was abuse for others it could be other things, I have had to come to terms with these things before I could even start my plan, its not easy but therapy can really do wonders if you put the work in. I am sorry to hear you have suffered with depression for so long, I have as well and I know it can be a living hell at times so good on you for trying to change things.

I am not doing ww myself although I think ww is a good diet, I am however doing a similar sort of plan to ww and aiming for everything in moderation. I keep track every day of everything I eat which I know can sound OTT but its my only way of knowing exactly what I am taking in as otherwise I have a tendency to forget about things I eat and think I'm not eating as much as I am. I allow myself planned treats like a meal out or a nice treat when I feel its necessary but avoid all trigger foods that may lead me to relapse into binge mode.

Em xx
 
Hello again Em

Reading your struggles reminds me so much of mine. To be honest I really think a lot of people could really do with a therapist as well as a diet, because eating and weight can be tied up with so many emotions.

I hope you can see that you must have made phenomenal progress to be able to recognise your faulty thought patterns and to be able to avoid anything that feeds into them such as the VLCDs.

I am having CAT therapy, but over a longer period of time than the usual set limits. I think the trouble for me is that my weight is so closely tied up with my emotions, and also over the years I have been on lots of different medications which cause weight gain, which although not the main reason for my fatness, definitely didn't help!

Once I can use the private messages I would love to keep in touch and support each other if you want to? Think iv got to get 50 posts first!
 
Welcome aboard Raspberry :)
Don't feel like a failure! You are NOT. Plenty of people have weight loss surgery thinking it's the easy way out of losing weight then they end up gaining it back, we actually have a couple of women at my Slimming World who both had the band put in and lost weight but re-gained it after a few years. You need to be able to change your life, for the better. I know it's not an easy process, it's literally life changing. I hope that following the Weight Watchers plan works for you, are you heading off to a group or doing it from home? As I see you are on about therapy, I found that staying on for the ''image therapy'' sessions after weigh in at Slimming World really helped me a lot and I wouldn't of been able to get so far without them. I am pretty sure WW do a similar type of thing as well? I got so big through depression, I was always on the larger side all my life but I was never classed as obese. It was when I was going through high school I went through a hard time, sunk into depression and started emotional eating and not going out the house very much. xx
 
raspberrycupcake said:
Thanks Emma. It looks like your approach is working for you at the moment - you have lost more than a stone already! I bet that feels especially satisfying because you know you have done it in such a healthy way?

Im having therapy at the moment too, as I have been depressed for a long time, and I am hoping that if I can deal with all the issues that surround my depression then I will be in a better position to be healthier in all areas of my life. We will see. For now, I'm hoping weightwatchers helps me to keep a check on what I am putting in my mouth!

Claire
Click to expand...
Good luck with the therapy. I have had all sorts of mental health problems for years and I am sure the food was part of it. Sometimes sorting other areas out can be more important. I some very serious physical health problems, one was a cancer I had to sort out before I restarted my diet. Around the same time I broke up with my long term partner and it brought back all my depression and other issues. I will say one thing. Although when depressed I have no motivation, I did find when I started regular exercise it really did help with my moods. The motivation to do it and stay at it was hard but afterwards I always felt better for it.

Do not feel a failure. I was 5 stone overweight last time and I lost it all on a unrealistic and unmaintable diet. It was amazing to have a healthy BMI. Now I gained more than double that and I am slowly chipping away at that. Restarting after being so ill was a struggle, so seeing you have shows that you have taken that big step. I have been clinically depressed over 10 years with other issues and it is so hard to take control back on your life. And I know I used food as a crutch and breaking that cycle was very hard. I am with Emma on being a healthier lifestyle change as I realise it needs to be something I can realistically do long term. I am not with WW either but I have heard very good things about them. Losing weight is emotionally hard as well as physically and with depression it can seem like a mountain. But to me it seems you are doing all the right things. And getting help with the depression is a journey too so you have been brave I think.
 
I can't tell you how nice it is to hear from other people who have been and/or are fighting such a similar battle to me. It makes such a difference.

Marie, my depression has hung over me for about 10 years like you, and it literally rules my life. Thankfully the therapy and many medication changes finally seem to be ironing out my roller coaster a bit and keeping me out of hospital, and it feels like the right time to be chipping away at things such as my weight which are contributing to my problems.

Pipaluk, it looks like you are doing amazingly well! Young slimmer of the year, that's fantastic! My problems started at university, so I can understand what it must have been like for you at high school. Depression really does make you isolated doesn't it?

Thanks so much for the supportive messages all of you

Claire
 
yes I would love that raspberry cupcake when you can private message me feel free, its always great to talk with others going through similar things, I believe the eating disorder therapy is helping me but that is because luckily this time around I have a lovely and competent therapist unlike past experiences! I really hope you carry on doing well, it takes time to recover from an ed and we have to be patient, the faulty thought processes are still very much there for me but like you said identifying them is key and once I know they exist I can tackle them. Em xx
 
got to say fab posts pipaluk and xMariex, I couldn't agree with you more! I believe the key to why I'm doing well this time is "lifestyle change" rather than viewing it as a "diet" which for me means going with out, hard done by! This time its about healthy eating, regular eating, changing the type of food I have on my diet but also allowing myself food treats, nothing as such is banned from my diet but is limited so going out for a meal I can have a nice big pizza and chips if I want and thats fine, then back to my more healthy eating the next day, we all need our treats and no food is bad as such its more about quantity, my weight loss hasn't stopped because I had a meal out the other week, it would only stop if I beat myself up for having a treat meal and carried on eating the same type of things every day all day, this way I am 95% of the time making fab healthy choices and still 5% of each week have a nice well deserved treat! :D Em xx
 
i hate the word diet i like healthy eating like you said em....... take the T off and its DIE i really do not like it and with healthy eating you can have anything nothing is banned you just got to watch your portions like you said i have told andre when i get to 18st im going to treat myself to fishcake and chips yum yum come on your pounds get your act together and get marching so i can have my treat lolololol

xxchezzxx
 
chezz said:
i hate the word diet i like healthy eating like you said em....... take the T off and its DIE i really do not like it and with healthy eating you can have anything nothing is banned you just got to watch your portions like you said i have told andre when i get to 18st im going to treat myself to fishcake and chips yum yum come on your pounds get your act together and get marching so i can have my treat lolololol

xxchezzxx
Click to expand...

I don't think you need to worry about the pounds marching . . . By the look of your stats they are doing that already! Keep going, you are already a success!
 
lol Chezz, your posts always make me laugh, you're a star! I am off out for another meal on Sat as a treat as I am taking my eldest niece out for the day and I am looking forward to it, I had a treat meal out the other week and nothing this week treat wise so this Sat I thought I had put in enough good work to deserve another nice meal out ha ha I just find having planned meals out are much better treats for me than say bringing my fav treat foods into the house where I would be tempted to binge on them at least when eating out I will limit myself more. Em xx
 
hi rasberrycupcake

thanks hun thats so kind of you yourself are doing great to

xxchezzxx
 
hi em

thanks hun im just a crazy girl lollol ohh have a lovely meal em on saturday i think thats a great idea not bringing the food into the house cause least it does not trigger you off plus you will enjoy it and look forward to doing it again good on you em you deserve it hun
we are going out this saturday going to buy some new jeans in a size 26 bring it on sexy muffin in the house lol lol and a new top in size 24 ohh im over the moon i know it still in the 20s but hey im happy less to bloody iron lolol we are going to have a meal out and a bottle of wine with soda water :D well i need to relax for my mr grey on sunday i have got everything crossed that i have lost that pound if not im going to move the dail myself well i would have but there electric salters lololol
oh well better get ready soon of to reshape i love that place i will miss it when it finshes after this week there is only 6 more and then you go back in ten weeks time to see how you are doing just nip in get weighed get some menus so all good stuff and if you fall of the wagon you can go back again and again
will try to nip on later :)

xxchezzxx
 
Em, enjoy your meal on Saturday! How old is your niece? It will be a long time before I can take my only nephew out for a meal . . he is only 9 weeks old! You have so many good ideas and so much knowledge to help you with your issues around food, you must help so many people on here.
 
Chezz, shopping for smaller clothes and a well-deserved meal out . . the perfect combination! And like you said, less ironing! I love your outlook on life, I have only been on here less than a week and you are already making me smile :)
 
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