Pretty Summer Dresses - My diary

[floss]

Okay so I had my weight in..10.6.2...that .2 is so annoying! Im thinking it's probably more like 10.7 or higher as alcohol is a diuretic but im going to take it as it is! I can't quite believe it, I was secretly hoping for 10.7 but never thought that would happen! Now I just need to resist weighing until next sunday as I don't think i'll lose much this week! Goals for this week are to stop being lazy and sort out every thing I need to! And slowly add some exercise, sort out my sleep patterns and try to spread my packs out more evenly

 

[floss]

My head hurttss!!

 

[stef2009]

Well done hun xxx

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

 

[Caz]

Great loss, well done!

 

[floss]

Ahhhh mann. I was having such a lovely monday and then it was ruined by losers! I seriously hate men! AGH! I give up trying to be happy in that respect, only person you can count on is yourself. Screw them all! GYM TIME!

 

[Caz]

What's up chick?

 

[floss]

Just general guys being B*****ds! Aaaand do make the situation better...one of the guys responsible for my mood was in my gym...seriously?! I had a crap workout and now I just feel fat and hungry and like I really really want to go and buy ten tonnes of crap food and eat it ALL. Stupid diet.

 

[floss]

Today has been the hardest and most challenging so far. I was incredibly down today and really very nearly ruined it all. Im still hungry, and although I know my stomach is satisfied i still feel physically starving. Im struggling. I really suffer with binging in that its desirable for me as it's my way of dealing with everything. I just hope I can get back on a happy path or I can guarantee this won't last

 

[Minerva]

You must break out of that bingeing cycle. I know how hard it is though. Bingeing becomes way of life, habit, emotional crutch - everything and it's very difficult to see a way out. Take it step by step, day by day, that's how I got out. I used the binge mechanism to it's advantage - I knew when I was 'in that mood' I would eat ANYTHING, didn't really matter what, as long as there was A LOT of it. So I started eating a lot of vegetables, iceberg lettuce - whatever (doesn't really mean I wanted it to begin with - but made myself). Eventually the dependancy on sugar and carbs broke and the very fact that veg doesn't give that same 'high' - the need to binge broke off too. Just persevere. It'll happen.

:hug99:

 

[floss]

Today has been horrific. Absolutely horrible. Iv been crying and so so angry from stress about this diet, cravings, hunger and other things. im ashamed to say iv had 6 products today, 3 of which were bars. I went into tesco with the intention of buying rubbish and binging but I didnt for whatever reason. I hope these extra bars dont kick me out of ketosis but I can't be sure. Im seriously re-considering this, mentally I know my depression is returning and I need my tablets back but until I get that sorted who knows what i will do. I feel iv let myself down but atleast it wasnt a full blown binge.

 

[Caz]

You haven't let yourself down at all. 6 products takes you to about 800 calories and to be honest, that's what I think you should be having anyway. Don't sit and beat yourself up about it, it'll just send you into a spiral. You could have has far worse. Maybe it's your body saying it needs a bit more to keep it going? So you don't get so tired, mentally and physically. Can you see your doctor and arrange to go back on your tablets?

Just remember, this isn't the end over the world. Try not to be so hard on yourself :hug99:

 

[floss]

My weight is still the same. I'm losing the will to do this. I dont know why its stupid, iv lost weight and if I just carry on I should lose more...so why can't I just shut up moaning and get on with it?! Last night when I was in tesco, the first thing I picked up was a punnet of grapes...thats so silly! Yeah it probably would have gone on to shittier food but the lack of fruit and the inability to do a proper workout is killing me. But not only have i paid a fortune for my supply, but if I stop I know I will binge my way back up before I consider a different plan.

 

[Caz]

Sounds like this isn't the right plan for you right now. Why don't you look at selling your packs and then doing something like Slimming World or just counting calories? If you want to work out lots, that's what you need, not S&S.

 

[Minerva]

I honestly don't know how to help you It's a tough situation, sounds like you have some unresolved anger, depression, hurts and it's fed into an unmanageable relationship with food. At this point, I'd almost suggest joining Lighter Life for their weekly group sessions - which actually helped me see how to deal with the head monsters.

Or have you considered referral to a Counsellor by your GP? It may help to talk to someone and try to work through it all... Food isn't the answer - neither is the weight. For such a long time I thought my sadness and anger and whatever else was all down due to my weight... It's really not.

I also don't think you're seeing the real you as others see you. Your BMI suggests you look normal - but obviously the bigger issue is the lack of control you seem to be feeling towards how you eat.

Eating pattern comes from emotion... try to tackle the root of the problem, not the symptom.

 

[floss]

Minerva I don't know how to help myself either! iv been referred before but never really done anything about it. Iv had a bar so far today and im not hungry today, felt pretty rubbish this morning but feeling more balanced now, i have a lot to think about it, not just food wise but uni etc...nothing is really right at the moment! I really do appreciate your help though so thank you

 

[Minerva]

Hmm.. A form of control mechanism to help you through may help - such as a support network 24/7? I know OA (overeater's anonymous - and AA) do use such a system, so as to hold yourself accountable to someone. Only works if it's done completely honestly though.

Do go to see your counsellor - it may feel like a waste of time at first, but they really do give you food for thought in the long term. Tools to use when sh*t hits the fan, so to speak.

I'm 26 - I can't say I've had a whole lifetime of experience, but I've been to the edge many times, my skin's a road-map of my failures, but life happens - time goes on and will not stop for anyone. A binge won't cure our hurt - it may blank it out for a few hours, but the heart's still sinking ... sinking into a dark place.

When you realise that you are actually able to like and forgive yourself... then you'll find the rope out of the deep hole. The climb back up isn't easy though...

 

[floss]

Well, last night was fun. I drank alot of vodka, some malibu I think and found myself eating a few forkfuls of pasta, some bread and biscuits at 5 in the morning. I also found out that the guy who's been leading me on for weeks is pretty much in love with someone else. I give up with guys. As for this diet, who knows, so far today iv had a cup of tea and I don't want to think about it. Feeling pretty rubbish to be honest! x