RachieB's Diary

[RachieB]

I know rose you are absolutely spot on. It takes me to share my inner critical and self destructive voice for me to combat them and eventually stop listening to them...thank you rose..I just can't believe that the only job I thought I couldn't do, I have got....tomorrow I shall be able to do a happy dance (once the headache and chills have gone!!)

How are you doing hun?

Hey Jo so glad alcohol doesn't affect you...I get really bad hangovers and have to lie on the sofa all day hahahaha xx

 

[Quak]

Great news on the job - well done you xxx

 

[Jim]

Morning Rachie, well done on the job love, that's great news.

 

[Kat1e]

Well done on the new job

 

[ladyfelsham]

Big hugs Rachie I am SO pleased to hear about your new job - I knew the right thing would come along for you but I know it can be anxious wait! It's all up and up for you career wise now

 

[RachieB]

Thanks Guys....Sorry I've not posted all weekend. It has been a bit of a difficult one. Spent all friday morning cleaning my Grandad's house. He's nearly 84 and none of relatives have bothered to help him clean his kitchen. So say the least it took me and OH 4 hours and there is still loads to do. Thankfully the rest of the house isn't that bad.

Anyway, following the news about my new job yipppeeee...we had to sit down and have a chat about whether to move closer to my family and to his dad. We could rent out this house and rent in Stoke or buy in stoke but I think renting would be better, since once OH has finished uni (he starts a 4 year course in sept) we will have enough money to buy the house we actually want and not one that will make do. He has already got a place in Brum but I want to move back to my home town. We have been through such a lot last year (he moved from US (but is English) to be with me), I gave up my contract work end of last year to spend more time with him and he had to go to college as his US qualifications don't count over here. Anyway, we are both fit and healthy but all this 'up in the air' stuff is driving me mad and now I have a job to go to (thankfully I shall be working from home) I am emotionally shattered. My weight came back on last year and as you can see it aint coming off that well either.

Feeling fed up so if anyone has any ideas what I can be doing to improve the situation; I am all ears. I have banned all atkins bars now as I suspect that they may be stalling me. The only non-pure food I have is RTD shakes and powder for when I am out and can't eat atkins friendly foods, and s/f jellies and cream. I have even continued with eating 1200-1400 calories per day.

Many thanks and huge hugs to you all xxxx

 

[Jim]

WOWRachie, you have all sorts going on in your life don't you love

 

[RachieB]

Oh yes Jim I have but thankfully the job now has been sorted and I do feel good about it it was just over the weekend one space of worry was vacated and then filled within a breathe of a gnat!!

How are you and how was your wkd? xxx

 

[rosebug]

Rachie, do you write down what you eat every day? Having some exact menus could be helpful or it's hard to suggest anything. How long ago did you cut out the Atkins bars? Have you had any non legal treats or possibly gone over your carb limit on anything legal? Try writing everything you eat and drink in here for a week along with the carb counts so we can all take a look. Write it at the end of the day/next day rather than a plan in the morning as plans often change.

It's great what you're doing for your grandad. I know my side of the family takes most of the strain with my nana and it can feel unfair at times, but with how much she's done for us it's the right thing. I don't think I could keep myself from being involved anyway.

 

[RachieB]

Hi Rose, I totally agree with you about how you feel about helping your nana. My Grandad is amazing, my nan died over 25 years ago at the age of 57 and he still misses her everyday. We lost my uncle when he was 25 and it hit my Grandad really hard to bury a son before him. My Grandad has believed in me since the day I was born. he always says that I have more brains then the whole family put together and he confides in me, when he fears for his children. sadly, he thinks he can take on the world but he can't and I love him more than anything. If it means cleaning for him to keep him in his own house then that is what I shall do. Once he leaves his home he will leave this world and that is not something I want to rush!!

Anyway, I think I shall post on here what I ate the previous day so that it is a true reflection of what I am eating. I came from LL and messed around with vLCD for over 12 months (2010). I have always had difficulty losing weight but found putting it on a breeze. The only thing that did seem to work was LL but I was too dizzy and tired to function; that is not a substitute I would like to relive. I am thinking of replacing 2 meals and a snack with a protein shake (with added cream) and then have a meal with my OH in the evening or for lunch at the wkds. What do you think?

How are you feeling today? Have the shivers subsided yet? Take care Rose xxx

 

[Kat1e]

Hi Rachie, wow that all sounds like there is a lot on. Hope you can resolve

 

[rosebug]

My nana is the same about her house so I totally understand there.

Err, not sure about the shakes idea. I'll admit I've considered the same - I think all of us who come from vlcds get the mindset that cutting out food as an option will make us lose. But I think you'll need to watch your calories hard - on Atkins you need to feed your body regularly to keep it going. When I've been low on calories I've lost slower.

Having cream in the shakes definitely helps but you'd want to make sure your evening meal totalled you up to at least 1000 calories and had plenty of fat in it.

I can't say if it will or won't work as I never tried it myself. Maybe give it a go 2 or 3 days a week to start with if you feel you need the additional discipline. I think you might be better with, say, a morning shake and one of two planned lunches - say either 2g full fat Philly & ham & lettuce roll ups or 1/4 rotisserie chicken from the supermarket deli & cucumber, leaves & mayo and switch between them, so your eating is still controlled and you know what you're having will be legal.

Just a suggestion though, the shake thing might well work for you.

 

[sorcha]

Hi Rach Hope you have a good day and I think it is lovely what you are doing for your Grandad

 

[Jim]

Morning Rachie

 

[Quak]

Evening Rachie, you do have an awful lot going on in your life, it makes it hard to concentrate on eating properly doesn't it? Good on you doing what you are doing for your Grandad too xxx

 

[RachieB]

Thanks guys for the support. We all have so much on our plates (apart from food) lol!!! I have sat down today and worked out all my stuff and I have finally allowed myself to go with my feelings instead've doing what is financially responsible. I've decided I want to move back to my home town. Although my parents are not very maternal; they are mine and I feel better if I am closer by to them and gives me more time to be close to my Grandad. So after months of not focusing on anything because my emotional state was messed up, I am putting my house up for rent and hopefully buying a small house with my OH. I have shared my feelings with my OH and he completely understands. He's not close to his family but understands the need for me to be home.

Anyway food has been legal and I've not eaten much today. I thought about trying the shakes but I thought if I eat fat and protein in it's pure sense then I shan't 'feed' my compulsive and emotional eating.

So I am back to my original plan of eating and hope that soon my weight will decrease. No pancakes sadly for me tonight but i did have some delicious beef burgers with cheese and veggies yum!!!!

How are you all tonight? xxx

 

[Jim]

Morning rachie, sounds like a good decision to me

 

[Kat1e]

Morning Rachie
Glad to hear you have made some decsions that make you feel better

 

[sorcha]

Morning Rach And.....breathe!!! Gosh you have got a lot on your plate at the moment (((hugs))) for you Rach.

Have a good day
I'm terrible....I would hug everyone if I could. My kids ( well they are all growing up now) cant stand it as I'm always hugging them!!

 

[RachieB]

Morning all, Big hugs to you all today. Sorry I've not been around but my head was really messed up for the last 2 days and I couldn't think straight.

I know we all have our load to carry and I do feel selfish for venting on here, but you are are ace at listening and just offering the simplest most kind support I could ever have!!! I think I am going to keep doing my food plan but I won't expect any losses until I have some kind of order in my life. It looks like I am starting my job on weds next week!!! I hate sitting around doing nothing and it has been so long that I am quite happy today to sit in my pjs and read all the posts on here.

I need to re-read Dr A's book to reaffirm what this WOE is all about. It doesn't help that my brain isn't occupied fully and therefore food and weight thoughts keep creeping in.

My food plan has been sporadic but legal and I have to say that keeping it green and clean is harder than I thought and I did succumb to atkins bars over the last few days. They are all gone now so back to clean and green.

Is my impatience getting the better of me....oh yes!! I even spend an hour yesterday trying to financially justify going back to LL...would it be wrong to be on here as well as on LL. LL will lose the weight and atkins will be my WOE. I just think I need to address the eating problems in my head?

Anyway, how are you all today? xxxx