SA's 810 and beyond diary a.k.a My daily kick up my own behind ;-)

[Serena A]

Thanks Bren x

I have always resisted against the idea of an eating schedule as I have a bit of a spoilt brat mentality in that respect - I don't like having my choices predetermined for me although the daft thing is that it'd be me making my own choices! But yes it is a good idea and I will give it a go, as I am finally starting to get to grips with the idea of - heaven forbid! - actually taking responsibility for my own actions. You sound as though you are doing really well with your own journey and have some great strategies there - well done you!

 

[KD]

This is what I am mainly worried about with moving up to the 1000 plan - the more food options I have to play with the more opportunity there is to stray.

don't know whether it will help you, but I use to plan every morsel. Did that for ages.

The plans were different when I did them. A little less choice. But even so, I would plan what I was going to have every day and stick to it. (well..try to )

So, Wednesday's plan was the diet for Wednesday etc. I found planning in advance worked really well. Found things much harder when I tried to work out what I needed just before a meal when I was hungry.

 

[Katycakes]

You will get to a point Serena where indian takeaway is a possibility... just not yet. I know what you mean, once you are eating food the temptitions are always there, but although you've had some challenges you always win out... which means you ARE in control, and you ARE strong, and you're making the right choices. And I guess that things like takeaway will always be a challenge for us, even when we are maintaining & have been for a while... it comes down to. how much do you want that meal? How close are you ready to step to the danger zone?

I guess one small helping of takeaway once in a while won't hurt you, once you are eating normally again... as long as it is small & it is once in a while. If you know it wouldn't be, then staying away from the takeaway is the best bet! (I plan to stay away from chocolate for a long, long time, maybe forever, it is such a danger food for me.)

Love Bren & KD's tips to plan each day. It's not what you want to hear really, but if it works then it's worth it, & Bren & KD are great adverts for success! Hugs Serena, bit by bit you are getting there and you're doing FAB.
xxx

 

[penny35]

OMG less than half a stone to go, thats so amazing, so very proud of you, you ickle star, soooooooooo happy for you, you star.

 

[KD]

OMG less than half a stone to go, thats so amazing, so very proud of you, you ickle star, soooooooooo happy for you, you star.

Agree with you there Penny :clap:

 

[Serena A]

KD - thanks so much for your encouragement and for the advice. I do think planning my meals may well be a good idea, all I can do is try it and see.

Katy - many thanks for your kind words as ever and for reminding me that I am as strong as I want to be and it is all about choices.

Penny darling - big huggles and never forget to be proud of your own achievements too because you truly deserve it xx

 

[Serena A]

Day 17

:argh: Why, why, why, why, why??!!!

For some reason I felt possessed to look on the Hotel Chocolat website and now I am panicking that my mind is as fat and as binge-y as it ever was - not because I looked at the website but because of the instinctive reaction I had to it. Hmmnn I will have to focus on some more brain training I think.

Still can’t decide whether to stick with 810 or move up to 1000 next week. I just hate the idea of taking another 6 weeks or whatever to get to goal – mind you at least if I do it that way round it will truly be goal weight rather than hitting goal with all the glycogen and wotnot still waiting to pounce. Also if I start on 1000 now it’ll give my metabolism that much longer to build itself back up again ready for my Easter weekend away. Not that I intend to go mad (famous last words) but I would like to relax mentally just a little. Actually I think I may have just talked myself into doing 1000.

I’ve just posted on someone’s thread about how a picture really can say a thousand words. Paradoxically it took a picture to show me how fat I actually was and now it's pictures that are having to show me how far I've really come - why on earth can't my eyes and my brain tell me the truth for once??

Thought for the day:

"I am the master of my own destiny."

 

[KD]

:argh: Why, why, why, why, why??!!!

For some reason I felt possessed to look on the Hotel Chocolat website and now I am panicking that my mind is as fat and as binge-y as it ever was - not because I looked at the website but because of the instinctive reaction I had to it. Hmmnn I will have to focus on some more brain training I think.

Sorry, but that made me laugh

For me, I didn't really get to grips with my food issue problems until I had the freedom of my own choices.

I knew that was going to be the case, but I wanted to try to do the whole eating thing sensibly when at goal. I knew I couldn't really do it at 19 stone. Hence Cambridge.

You'll have many challenges, but you'll be in a good place to deal with them. One step at a time. Pyschologically, you're not 'cured'. Even when at goal, you wont suddenly wake up and find everything in it's right place.

It takes time, and before you know it, you'll realise that you are just getting better and better at it.

Having said that, if I went on the Hotel Choc. website now (which I might well do), I'll probably be craving it all. No big deal. It's what you do after that, that matters.

 

[Serena A]

Thanks KD

I was looking at easter eggs - they do a normal sized one and a huge one and I automatically thought "oooh huuuuge one" and then when I told myself that I don't do that kind of thing any more I felt cheated that I wasn't going to allow myself to have it! I hate to admit this but it also crossed my mind - albeit very briefly - "if I didn't keep that bloody forum diary I could go out and buy one now."

But I am trying my hardest to follow your very good advice of "keep practising the right thing".

 

[KD]

I hate to admit this but it also crossed my mind - albeit very briefly - "if I didn't keep that bloody forum diary I could go out and buy one now."

You know Serena, I hated being a child. I hated everything about it. I hated going to school, I hated living at home. I had no choices you see. I wanted to be an adult, to make up my own mind about things.

Adulthood gives us that.

People said that I would regret wishing my childhood away, but I don't. It was the worst time of my life. I'm free now. I can weigh up pros and cons and make the right decisions for me :clap:

You can have your huge egg. That is totally your choice. Surely there is nobody going to stop you?

Don't just make the right choice. Enjoy that choice. Enjoy that great feeling of being strong enough to resist that pull. It's very liberating....oh and very grownup

 

[Lostris]

The egg... the hypnotic power of the egg..... It's coming for you from the dark Lair of the Evil Easter Bunny...

Beeeeeeeeewaaaaaaaaaaaare................

 

[Serena A]

You know Serena, I hated being a child. I hated everything about it. I hated going to school, I hated living at home. I had no choices you see. I wanted to be an adult, to make up my own mind about things.

Adulthood gives us that.

People said that I would regret wishing my childhood away, but I don't. It was the worst time of my life. I'm free now. I can weigh up pros and cons and make the right decisions for me :clap:

You can have your huge egg. That is totally your choice. Surely there is nobody going to stop you?

Don't just make the right choice. Enjoy that choice. Enjoy that great feeling of being strong enough to resist that pull. It's very liberating....oh and very grownup

So sorry your childhood sucked KD. I was the same, I hated being a kid for many of the same reasons (amongst others as well) so I totally empathise.

So...thinking aloud now...I know I can have my huge egg. I know I could have had that takeaway yesterday. I know I can tell myself that I am content at the weight I am now.

I also know that if I do any of those things before I am ready to handle them (which I will be one day, just not yet) that I will simply be repeating all the old thought patterns that got me obese in the first place.

Long-term success will taste far nicer so yes...I will do my best to enjoy making my way there

 

[Serena A]

The egg... the hypnotic power of the egg..... It's coming for you from the dark Lair of the Evil Easter Bunny...

Beeeeeeeeewaaaaaaaaaaaare................

:sign0151:

 

[BREN]

Serena well done on practising your new decisions and choices now. It wasn't so hard was it and you can have a one soon and you will enjoy it and you may not eat all of it, or you might. Remember chocolate will always be there so you can have some when you feel like.

Bren
X

 

[penny35]

Bless your heart, do what I do, say hello to the chocolate and tell it you will see it another day, you might want to do this in your head tho, I say it loudly and stroke the chocolate, and it does get me some strange looks, but it makes me happy so that all that matters.

My obese persons head wanted to rush off and look at the web site you mentioned, but the ohhhhhh I want to get to goal head has decided against it, miracles do happen.

KD you ickle star, loving your words of wisdom, but one thing shocked me,and to be honest I dont believe it for a second..........Your a grown up...............never, ohhhhhh I get it, you are , you just choose not to act like one,lol.........running and hiding again, ohhhhhhh hope this exercise helps with the weight loss,lol.

Have a good day everyone who reads this honest, motivational thread that gives us all hope.( no pressure there then,lol)

 

[Serena A]

Day 18

Hmmnnn, I sat down to write today's diary entry a good two hours ago but have been struggling to think of what to put down without whingeing about food yet again...!

So dear reader(s), apologies for the deja vu but aaaaaarrrrrgggghhhhh!!!!!

To be honest I have had these food tug-of-wars all the way through my CD journey (as poor Lostris will testify - thanks hunni! xx) but the way I see it is that I would much rather let it all out in my diary than let it all out via the medium of the Sainsbury's snack aisle.

Maybe I could save myself the bother of future diary postings and just put "see entry for day 18" each day

Right...snap out of it Serena...a negative attitude will not get you anywhere.

Thought for the day:

"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort"

 

[Pretika]

Ahh - you seem to be having a difficult day - dont worry these things happen - and you have vented your frustration out on here - and not turned to food - WELL DONE... keep going - Tomorrow is another day

 

[edibeedee]

OK the next phase has begun for you. I know what you are going through. It is much harder when moving up. I mostly feel like just running back to ss. It has been a huge learning curve and I am still a beginnner. I do have faith however that it will all work out with the same determination that we used to get this far. I think I am really moarning the fact that this phase is just as hard as the beginning of the last phase and the fact that it takes a lot of effort to do this right. I want to be able to relax but I am beginning to think that I have a few years to go to get this completly right based on the set point weight discussion. OK so be it, it is what it is and I have been fat for 43 years so 3 years is nothing compared to that. If I really work at it maybe it is possible to get to a point where the effort is not as intense and eating correctly will become second nature and not take near as much effort. That is my hope anyway.
As always, on the edge of hope and hopes do come true.

 

[Serena A]

Ahh - you seem to be having a difficult day - dont worry these things happen - and you have vented your frustration out on here - and not turned to food - WELL DONE... keep going - Tomorrow is another day

Thank you, and I hope you are finding 810 a little less tough today

As always, on the edge of hope and hopes do come true.

Thanks for your encouragement Edi. By the way I reckon you have gone past the edge of hope and are in the "true" zone!

 

[Lostris]

*testifies*

You did mention me in your diary! I thought it was a joke hahah.

Food is something to deal with and I think you're doing quite well. Rant all you want about 1,4kilogram chocolate eggs on here hon! Better than eating it !! ;-)

You've been so strong and everything has been so clear. 3 packs, AAMW foods etc. Maybe the ''newness'' is giving you more of these thoughts? It did for me, I went haywire when allowed carby foods (well not really but compared to big strong SS me....)

You'll do great hon, know you will

xxx