Slinky_Malinky's weight loss diary

[Slinky_Malinky]

YEAH BABY, YEAH!! :austin powers:

I need to get my own diary here as I keep littering the main page with "I feel miserable" posts.

End of Day 5 in the Slinky house, and I feel like I am still not in ketosis because I am still starving and am sat up in bed resisting gnawing one of the bed posts. I don't know how much of this hunger is emotional rather than actual, but it feels pretty real. I don't have any ketostix, and to be honest when I did Lighterlife a couple of years ago, they always were the same inbetweeny pinky-purple colour before I started, during and throughout.

Although I do have a memory of it being easier once you are at it for a week or so, I do remember feeling quite "hungry" throughout last time too, and this makes me slightly worried. My craving for Carbs (preferably with lashings of tomato sauce, cheese and olives on top. You know what I'm thinking of right?) and alcohol is such a profound force that I am concerned that I will never be able to keep it in check and that I will spend my life in a cycle of chasing ketosis and binging.

I am at the end of day 5, and it felt like a very long 5 days. Surely I must be in ketosis by now? Or can it take longer than that?

Either way, I need to get a more positive vibe. Or PMA as they used to call it in that advert. So with that in mind, I am going to come up with some positive statements, and attempt to train myself to summon them up whenever I feel like saying "oh BLITHER! (or something more profane) it's so UNFAIR. I really want some [insert object of longing here]." and then wishing the days away.

Sometimes I feel like I am not a member of the adult population, that I cannot be trusted with food because I cannot control myself. That I cannot just head out to a restaurant or a pub and eat and drink like other grown ups who manage to do both in moderation. And as a result I am forced to cage myself into this cage of starvation. Pacing and drooling.

I need to rethink that and say to myself that as an adult, I am CHOOSING to allow my body to use up some of it's excess fat because I am CHOOSING to be healthier, CHOOSING to feel more comfortable in my own skin, and CHOOSING to wear, ultimately, that pair of size 10 skinnies again. I need to think that I have this OPPORTUNITY on a VLCD, and isn't it great luck and fortunate that not only such things are now available to me, but I have found one that is reasonably priced, and I am saving a shed load of money by not shelling out on all the cooked breakfasts and takeaways, wine and general rubbish I usually scoff during the average week. It's all good. I'm CHOOSING not to order that pizza because, frankly, I'll feel like rubbish before during and after eating it, it will plug the gap only for a very short time and I'll feel just the same within a day or two afterwards, and besides, why would I want to when I have this cool opportunity to lose some weight rapidly and feel so much healthier and better about myself.

There is a thin line between berating myself (e.g.:"You are lucky and not appreciating it, you spoilt, miserable, fat sod"- my usual inner critic) and slapping myself on the back and saying "you're doing so well. keep it up! go for it, girl!" I'm so not used to doing the latter.

That said, I do like moaning. I hope I don't pee anyone off by moaning too much here.

 

[Shimmystar]

I am totally with you in this!!! It's a choice we've made cause we feel like ***** yet it would be so easy to slip back into the old pattern... I'm led awake dreading work and wondering why I feel hungry on what is the start of day six!!!
The p word is the route of all evil and my person favourite junk food.... As it seems a lot of peeps.

Stick with it, look around the site and you'll see it works... People have ups and downs but ultimately what we choose to stick in our fat gobs is just that.... our choice!!!!

Good luck and let me know how you get on xxx

 

[fortyandfat]

hi, welcome to exante
i agree but it comes to a point where we cant even take our own advice and cave in. we are our own worst enemies and do it to ourselves. we got ourselves in to this mess and we need to get ourselves out of this mess.
you can do it.

 

[SammyE]

You can do it!

Once you see that first weeks loss on the scales, your find it much easier, just keep reminding yourself that it isnt forever, you could lose that 36lbs in 11 weeks!

 

[Lauri22]

You can do it! Everyone on here is feeling the same, but always remember how may nice cloths you can buy with the money you didn't spend for all the nasty food!!
Keep going, there will be ups and downs but this doesnt matter if you keep reminding yourself of your goal!! Good Luck!
xx

 

[JoanneM]

Ive been permanently hungry since Christmas Slinky so you're not alone. Right now Im taking it a day at a time but when I do finally decide enough is enough Im refeeding and changing diets coz I am finding this so tough right now. So one day at a time and you will get through it.

 

[Slinky_Malinky]

Thanks everyone. I feel very low today tbh, and yet again am hovering over the phone, dying to to dial something in. It is always the time of day where I get really really starving, and it seems like nothing has changed, even though it's the end of day 6. I'm beginning to think a VLCD is not for me after all.

 

[angie-bum]

Honey if it helps you have another pack or a boiled egg or some ham, if it'll stop you feeling despair and save you from blowing your chances. You are hungry, people make bad choices when hungry. Do what you can to keep your blood sugars level. A big wodge of dough with cheese and tomato will not help your hunger levels in the long run....try and stay on the diet, it will get you to your destination.

I also feel a bit deprived re food, but I keep telling myself this is not forever, it's not like I can't eat the things I want forever, I just can't eat them for at least 12 weeks, if not longer. I know it's not worth it, a slip means falling out of ketosis and it's really hard to do this diet if your not in ketosis
I've done vlcd once and stuck to it and went from a size 20 to a 14, thankfully that memory is still quite fresh so its pulling me along, those weeks speed by when you've got into it, just give your body a chance to get into ketosis.

 

[Slinky_Malinky]

Hey angie-bum, I remember you from my last VLCD experience in 2008ish. I did go for a boiled egg in the end, and actually it really helped. I'm considering moving to working solution sometime next week if I find this too much hard going. I was surprised by the strength of feeling in me last night. I felt like I was going a little crazy.

Anyway, onwards and downwards. Day 7 in the Slinky house. Slinky, is on the sofahr, drinking black coffee and trying not to think about doughnuts. Slinky should be clearing out the corner cupboard, which is full of out of date nasty food, and will probably put her off eating for life. But instead she is catching up with her online Minimins diary. Slinky is STARVING. Slinky can't stop weeing, and has to get up several times a night. But Slinky has lost 8lbs so far, due to sneaky scales hopping, and is hoping that the nasty scales don't suddenly add a few on before tomorrow morning.

It's probably all 'glycogen' or whatever, but it doesn't half make me feel good that I am under the 12 again. 12 doesn't sound all that bad, but when you are as wee as I am, and tend to carry it all around your face and abdomen, the effect is Humpty Dumpty. I know several overweight girls who have lovely slim faces, and/or who are tall and big boned, and/or who carry it all in their bums, and they are the epitomy of that rather two edged saying "she carries it well", but the fact is, they genuinely do. They look great. I am one of those unfortunates whose small face disappears into the middle of a doughy pudding of a head, and resembles one of those wibbly toys that won't fall over if you push them. I do have a small bum, which would be some consolation if it didn't throw me totally out of proportion. When my 6 year old daughter thoughtfully announced over her breakfast about a month ago that she thought that of all the mummies I probably had the biggest boobies in the school, it made me wince. Not least because I'm probably half the height of most of the parents in the school. I replied "Do you really think so?" She responded after chewing on her cornflakes a moment: "No, maybe your tummy. Can I scoot to school today?"
Great. Kids eh? So anyway, weight does not flatter me in the slightest. And the fact that much of it is stored around my waist is a warning sign that I need to sort it out because apparently that is the most dangerous place for it to be.

I had a difficult night on the diet last night and came as close as I've ever come to dialling a wotsit. My other half is away with work at the moment, so I didn't have him to shame me into resisting. I came on here and shed a tear on the forum and was talked down from it. Yay for the forum! As I said above, I need to rethink my strategy to prevent the possibility of it happening again.

Two big obstacles are coming up in my life next weekend: A dinner with a lovely lady who happens to be on the school run, but is not able to keep secrets. I can't back out of it, and I don't want to tell the school yard about being on shakes only. So I'll just have to tell her in advance I'm on a low carb diet and pick. Hmmm. Cue 20 questions. Secondly, our monthly family trip to the fishnchip shop. A sacred tradition in our house, that actually helps the diet conscious frame of mind because we limit ourselves to the treat of it once a month instead of whenever. However, now that I am omitting food entirely, and particularly such dastardly wicked food as battered fish and greasy chips, it will be hell to be near our house during and after the consumption of same f&c. So I'm going to think of something that will get me out of the house for a few hours on Saturday and demand OH that he clean up and spray the kitchen with febreeze before I come back. In either case, I will not think further on these matters until closer to the time. I need to go now and clear out that disgustingly grotty corner cupboard. Leaked soy sauce and loose red lentils here I come.

 

[JoanneM]

Lol well done on resisting temptation Slinky and enjoy tidying out the food cupboard.

 

[Lauri22]

slinky, love the way you are writing! makes me laugh, but feeling with you!!
Moved to the working solution as it"s easier for me, though i won't lose weight as fast as with TS.
BUt i feel better with it!
hope the cupboard is tidy now and you banished all the nasty food

 

[Slinky_Malinky]

Weigh in Day Week 1: -8lbs. RESULT! Very pleased.

Yesterday I got in some fish and veg and salad, and by the evening, I wasn't that interested in eating anyway. Similarly tonight (so far!) I'm not tempted. So for the moment I'm still on TFR, but with an open mind. It was such a relief not to go through the Monday night madness again.

I got some of that fizzy strawberry and kiwi stuff from Sainsbury's. It is obviously popular as it was the only one left on the shelf. I also got some fizzy Cranberrry and Raspberry, which I'm dubious about as it is far too delicious to be allowed. I don't particularly like the Tesco still sTrawberry and apple, but I've discovered that watering them down makes them quite nice, and an acceptable alternative. I like Coke Zero (although give me Diet Coke any day!) but can't have caffeine after 6pm as I get the jitters.

I'm jaded today. Went into town forgetting to have a shake before I left and felt really light headed by 1pm. It goes to show it's good to have the shakes in some routine.

 

[JoanneM]

Well done on the WI result Slinky.

 

[Slinky_Malinky]

The weekend is now looming. Slinkyboy has returned from his travels and is tempting me a lot. Not with his hot bod (as if!? ha!) but last night he was muttering about wanting to order a Chinese AT 10PM!!! I talked him out of it. Tonight he has slipped out to buy himself a couple of beers. At least I don't drink beer. If he was getting wine however, I would be so tempted! I have managed to avoid making firm arrangements about dinner with my friend, but I had forgotten that there is a party in another friends. One of those "starts at 4pm" jobs, i.e. right at the start of my danger time. They always have basins of Cool flavour Doritos and dips, great food and vats of fizzy plonk. I am feeling a bit doomed. It's not one I can avoid, even if I wanted to. I'm wondering if one glass of fizzy plonk will knock me out, or if it is a slippery slope. Should I have a boiled egg to line my stomach before I go just in case?

I feel chuffed about my 8lbs loss, but realised that it was only the tip of the iceberg when I caught sight of myself in the wardrobe mirror earlier. I usually avoid mirrors, so it was a bit of a shock. I clearly have some way to go. Does anybody else have a "Bum Tum"? That's what I call my stomach. It kind of hangs down on top of my jeans and looks like a squidgy bum. I wonder how many lbs I'll need to lose before the bum tum retreats back into my jeans again. I suspect it will be a fair few weeks yet...

Well the utter slinkyboy sod! He has come back with a big loaf of crusty b&£4@. Gutted! It think it might be time for me to leave the sofa and go to bed.

 

[Slinky_Malinky]

Day something... [counts silently on fingers] Day TEN in the Starving Slinky house. 10 whole days of will power and self deprivation. I am a bloody LEGEND. Go ME! AND my cupboard full of 1.5 litre fizzy water, my shexy Krups hand blender and plastic Tesco measuring jugs. AND my funky Marigold Swiss Bouillion, my rocking chipped white ikea mugs. And my ultra trendy minimalist design silver packets of 47g (exactly) powdery Exante protein, thoughtfully labelled "hot" and "cool". Yay! I rock!

I really really need to get out more.

I don't think I'm drinking enough earlier on in the day. I find myself reluctantly glugging water by the evening (I never had the reluctance when it was wine I was glugging, funnily enough), and of course then having to get up constantly during the night. Earlier in the day when running around it's hard to remember to get the water in, and I always remember it when I am rushing around shopping, or at the furthest part of somewhere away from a tap, with an armful of washing, and water is quickly forgotten about again.

I have been feeling a bit light headed during the day and wondered if it could be because I'm simply not hydrating myself enough earlier on. Apparently much of our hydration actually comes from food, so I guess apart from the slimming benefits of lots of water it's essential that we make up for that loss of hydration.

All this talk of hydration makes me want to wee again, so on that note, on the witching hour, good night!

 

[Bobbi]

look at your amazing weight loss! Well done slinky ... you are FAB!

 

[JoanneM]

Yip you definitely need to up the water in the mornings Slinky. Will make you feel much better.

 

[Toots]

Well done on the loss - fab stuff

Yup -you need to keep hydrated! I try to drink most of my water AM so that I'm not up all night

xxx

 

[Slinky_Malinky]

Yes, i do need to uptake that water in the mornings and early afternoons. It has amost become a habit not to drink enough. I'm finding it very hard to get the water down.

I had that party yesterday and gripped a glass of fizz for the whole evening. It was lukewarm and flat by 9pm. I have to admit I did sip away half of it, and I did end up eating, despite not even feeling like it. I was cornered by the hostess who is very stressed at the moment and didn't let me get in a word edgeways. I just didn't want to try and explain what I was doing, so I just munched around the edges.

I hope it didn't do too much damage, but I'm being fairly philosophcal about it. Despite breaking the TFS, I was pleasantly surprised how I didn't really feel like eating and drinking, and there was no urge to binge or have more. It could have been a fluke, or it could be that ketosis has finally set in, who knows? Either way, I took a decision to sip away at the fizz, and to eat a bit of that dinner, so at the end of the day it was a choice I made without feeling any huge pressure either way. Oddly enough I feel quite empowered by yesterday, and have no qualms about just jumping right back into programme today. That said, early afternoon a nice time of the day for me, and my danger time is later on. I hope i don't turn into a quivering mess by this evening! Not least because it is dreaded family fishnchip night. Anyway, best go and down a load of water. Bleurgh. So BORED of water. lol!

 

[JoanneM]

You can do it Slinky.