Total Solution South Pacific

gigglepants said:
(((Darcy))) So sorry about your dad, but (unfortunately) it may be a blessing in disguise. We had the same scenario with my mum in law.
She spent her last 6 months in a care home and was so happy there. It took so much pressure off my father in law and us, as we were all struggling to give her the 100% care and attention around the clock that she needed. Her being in care meant we could shake off a lot of the stress and devote loving quality time with her. We all benefited, none more-so than my mum in law, who whilst there, remembered that she loved us. At home we had become these strangers that she didn't want feeding/washing/dressing her.

I think what I'm trying to say is, don't let guilt or regret creep into your head. You've put your dad first and you will both benefit. Take care, sending lots of hugs :hug99: xx
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Thank you so much for this. I know in my heart the right decision has been made, but I had no idea how hard it was going to be.

I cannot believe how terrible I feel. Guilt, failure, the whole gamut of emotions.

My siblings are - reluctantly - in agreement with residential care. We discussed it at length and none of us see an alternative. The house is a 4 storey town house, so no care package in the world will change that. If Dad comes back here he is either confined to one floor - his bedroom and the bathroom, or we risk the stairs and a potentially fatal fall. Neither option is tolerable I would say.

Now I have the task of sorting all this out, as I am the one nearest. Not a great prospect.

I have phoned in sick for work today - the first time in many years. I am not sleeping, I am crying a lot. I just don't know what to do with myself to be honest.

I know once Dad is settled he'll be fine, so all this will pass. Just that right now it seems insurmountable.
 
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Good morning Darcy. Just take one day at a time hun and each day will be a little easier. Every thing you're feeling is natural, be kind to yourself :hug99: xx
 
Morning Darcy, I can sympathise as we are in the same boat with my MIL. Brought her to live with us 7 months ago as she could no longer live alone but she is also confined to downstairs only (we have had to set her a bedroom up in wot was our dining room) and I have had to give up work to look after her.

This has caused immense financial problems as well as the stress of having her here because she doesn't want it (she can't see why she can't carry on living alone) but wants to go into residential care even less.

It has turned our lives upside down and the friction with her is awful, but putting her into care is awful too and knowing wot to do for the best is impossible. All any of us can do is what we think is the right thing and it may well be that we are also in your position in the not too distant future.

Keep your chin up and hope it all works out for you in the end. XXX
 
Hi Darcy, it will work out in the end. Hope dad settles in OK and realises that you don't love him any less just that you can't manage alone any more :(
You will be a stronger and healthier daughter and he will see that when he gets over his fall. It's sad but you have made the right decision for you at the moment and he will get round the clock care and supervision and when you visit you will be a lot less stressed.

Take care hun and stay strong xx
 
Good afternoon Darcy, sending hugs :hug99: xx
 
Thank you to everyone, your kindness and thoughts are so much appreciated.

Feel a bit calmer today. My employer has a really good support service, and I have some counselling arranged for next week. Never, ever thought I would need something like that.

On a positive note - the house is finally finished!!! :eek:

It does look really nice, and I am very pleased. Still have lots of things to put away, and some major cleaning to do, but we're almost there.

Haven't weighed in a while - I dread to think really. The demons of comfort eating have revisited big time.
 
Darcy15 said:
Thank you to everyone, your kindness and thoughts are so much appreciated.

Feel a bit calmer today. My employer has a really good support service, and I have some counselling arranged for next week. Never, ever thought I would need something like that.

On a positive note - the house is finally finished!!! :eek:

It does look really nice, and I am very pleased. Still have lots of things to put away, and some major cleaning to do, but we're almost there.

Haven't weighed in a while - I dread to think really. The demons of comfort eating have revisited big time.
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Glad to hear that hunny x fab news about the house :)
 
Darcy15 said:
Thank you to everyone, your kindness and thoughts are so much appreciated.

Feel a bit calmer today. My employer has a really good support service, and I have some counselling arranged for next week. Never, ever thought I would need something like that.

On a positive note - the house is finally finished!!! :eek:

It does look really nice, and I am very pleased. Still have lots of things to put away, and some major cleaning to do, but we're almost there.

Haven't weighed in a while - I dread to think really. The demons of comfort eating have revisited big time.
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Good afternoon Darcy. Wonderful news about the house!

Hope your dad's feeling comfortable and you're feeling less stressed. Take care hun, hugs sent :hug99: xx
 
Well, the saga continues.

Dad has refused to go into a care home. So, he is coming home tomorrow as he says he can manage.

The plan is for carers to come in twice a day.

I either had to agree or refuse to let him home and effectively make him homeless. Not something I could do.

I hope it all just falls apart and then he will realise the true situation. I have told him bluntly that I need a life, and I will not provide personal care for him.

I went to see my GP and have been signed off work for another week. I actually just want to go back to work and leave him to it, but the house is still in such disarray I just have to get something tidied up and there is no food in and a pile of laundry still to do..........

Sorry to come on here and moan, but it's quite a relief to write it all down.
 
Darcy15 said:
Well, the saga continues.

Dad has refused to go into a care home. So, he is coming home tomorrow as he says he can manage.

The plan is for carers to come in twice a day.

I either had to agree or refuse to let him home and effectively make him homeless. Not something I could do.

I hope it all just falls apart and then he will realise the true situation. I have told him bluntly that I need a life, and I will not provide personal care for him.

I went to see my GP and have been signed off work for another week. I actually just want to go back to work and leave him to it, but the house is still in such disarray I just have to get something tidied up and there is no food in and a pile of laundry still to do..........

Sorry to come on here and moan, but it's quite a relief to write it all down.
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Oh sweetheart I'm sorry that must be really difficult for you x just wanted to send you a virtual hug x
 
Good morning Darcy. Oh hun hang on in there. I hope your dad realises soon that he and you both need for him to go into a care home.
Hugs sent and do moan away if it helps. You will only make yourself ill if you bottle it up :hug99: xx
 
Sorry to hear your news Darcy. I had to walk away from MIL yesterday cos she'd got it into her head that I was some sort of member of staff and kept saying she was going to report me to her family when they came to visit because I hadn't given her any lunch (even tho she'd eaten it only half an hour previously). That was after her getting up at 5.15 am waking the whole house including dogs who wldn't go back to sleep. Then leaving a trail of sh*t through the house.

Hubbies away with work and I'm having to deal with her and autistic son and teenage daughter alone at the mo. Just feel like running away and never coming back (or comfort eating!!) so can sympathise with you.

We can only do our best and I'm sure that things will settle for both of us eventually. Take a deep breath and keep your chin up. Sorry I needed a rant too. XX:cry::grumble:
 
(((Footie widow))) and (((Darcy))) I know what you're both going through and how desperately hard it is :( I so hope you both get the help you need soon. Virtual hugs seem so worthless, but just want you both to know I do feel for you xxxx
 
Thinking of you Darcy and Footie widow, hope today's been relatively easy for you both :hug99: xx
 
Footie widow said:
Sorry to hear your news Darcy. I had to walk away from MIL yesterday cos she'd got it into her head that I was some sort of member of staff and kept saying she was going to report me to her family when they came to visit because I hadn't given her any lunch (even tho she'd eaten it only half an hour previously). That was after her getting up at 5.15 am waking the whole house including dogs who wldn't go back to sleep. Then leaving a trail of sh*t through the house.

Hubbies away with work and I'm having to deal with her and autistic son and teenage daughter alone at the mo. Just feel like running away and never coming back (or comfort eating!!) so can sympathise with you.

We can only do our best and I'm sure that things will settle for both of us eventually. Take a deep breath and keep your chin up. Sorry I needed a rant too. XX:cry::grumble:
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Oh sweetheart, what can I say?

I understand completely about wanting to run away. I have had the car keys in my hand several times in the past few weeks I promise you.

Do you have carers coming in at all? A social worker? You can't do this alone - I know, believe me.

Take care of yourself.
 
gigglepants said:
(((Footie widow))) and (((Darcy))) I know what you're both going through and how desperately hard it is :( I so hope you both get the help you need soon. Virtual hugs seem so worthless, but just want you both to know I do feel for you xxxx
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Thank you so much x
 
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