The RD Chronicles - Bowing out for now

Discussion in 'Weight Loss Diaries' started by Russiandoll, 1 January 2007 Social URL.

  1. Russiandoll

    Russiandoll Carpe diem

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    I started the Cambridge Diet for the first time on March 24th 2006 but it's only now, at the very start of 2007, that I've decided to start a diary.

    So why now after so many months?

    Well, I'm about to restart after a three week break which saw me eating everything that didn't have a pulse and has resulted in a considerable weight gain. I took the break because, basically, I'd become bored and complacent after seven months of SSing. I'd lost a fair bit of weight and was seduced by some wonderfully flattering comments; "Oh you're looking wonderful", "Oh my God I hardly recognised you!" but also came comments suggesting I'd lost enough and should stop before I began looking haggard.

    When a diet becomes tedious, it only takes a curve ball or two for your gritty determination to evaporate like a puddle on a hot day. So there it was - I dabbled with 790 and then tried the 1000 plan but they were both doomed because my discipline had cracked and Christmas loomed ever closer on the horizon.

    It's one thing to take a break from a VLCD at a 'normal' time of year but quite another to go cold Turkey at Christmas. And that was the problem ... it wasn't just cold turkey: it was hot turkey, mince pies, Christmas pud, chocolate and every conceivable type of contraband known to man right there at my finger-tips. I didn't just fall off the wagon: I leapt off with arms and mouth wide open and eyes firmly shut!

    Well, my eyes are now open again and I'm not liking what I see. I'm currently an egg-on-legs but know what has to be done to put things right. And that thing is to get back onto SS and see this thing through. So tomorrow, the hand blender will be dusted off and the kebab sticks removed from my measuring jug for the start of phase two.

    And this is where the diary comes in. I have to confess to a degree of trepidation: can I really succeed? Will I find that reserve of motivation I drew from in the beginning?
    I decided that recording my thoughts will help to keep me on the straight and narrow and may be useful for looking back on in the months to come.

    So there it is - my Chronicles start here ... not as exciting as those of Narnia but mine nonetheless.

    Quote of the day:

    You cannot plough a field by
    turning it over in your mind.
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]
    Author Unknown[/FONT]
     
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  3. kazz

    kazz Gold Member

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    Hi Debbie, so glad you started a diary.....you have been sooooo supportive to me and so many other people here and I'm sure this will help you to stick to it!!

    I took a week (ok, 10 days!!) off CD, so am starting back to SSing tomorrow....still have 3stone+ to lose so I need to get my head in the right place now!!

    Best of luck with your restart hun, I know you can do it!!!
     
  4. canireallydothis!!

    canireallydothis!! Gold Member

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    Hi Debbie, So much of what you said rings true, Im really pleased that you have started this thread, you said so many great things to me when I started, and helped my toilet troubles too, and I cant wait to read what you put.

    I found a diary really helped me, mine was a true weight loss diary, I recorded thought and feelings about weight loss and looking back helps me also understand how far I have come.

    DOnt under estimate where you have come from, your photos are a true inspiration, good luck on your restart x
     
  5. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    I've found this to be a very common problem. I call it the 'near target Chatterbox'. He visited me a few times once I was about 2 stone from goal. Difficult for you having the Christmas Chatterbox visiting about the same time:eek:

    I worried about looking haggard. I think I possibly do. Not sure, since I don't do mirrors, but I did decide that I would go to where I was aiming for originally, and then if I needed, I could always put some back on (that's so easy :D)

    As it was, the extra I lost mainly came off my stomach. Nothing more from my face, which I was worried about. My face was thin enough when I got to about 16 stone :(

    So yes...complete your journey. Now you've recognised that chatterbox, you can shout him down.

    Best of luck.
     
  6. Russiandoll

    Russiandoll Carpe diem

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    I know diaries are supposed to be a 'once a day' thing but I thught I'd jot down some thoughts as they came to me (plus it means I don't have to face the ironing yet if I'm typing away on here!)

    Today is my new Day 1. I got up late so decided to forego breakfast in favour of a mousse after my soup tonight. I had a bit of sort-out in the kitchen, decanting all the Quality Street and Celebrations sweeties into one tin and all the biscuits into one container: made the worktop look a lot tidier at least! I wasn't tempted to eat anything thankfully but I'm finding it hard to stop my hand from going to my mouth 'robot-fashion' which is more to do with the habit side of overeating than anything deeply psychological.

    I do think I have a psychological issue with food: I know I want to eat and eat when I'm very stressed but I've established that I also have a habitual, almost reflex-like action of popping food in my mouth for no reason at all other than it's there.

    It's as if there's a 'gap' of some sort if I open the fridge door and close it again without my mouth having operated a chewing action!

    I've had time to reflect over my eating during the Christmas period and I'm truly shocked at how much I consumed. I definitely ate more than I ever did on Christmasses in the past - so why was this?

    I've concluded that it's because I came off the diet at Christmas with the express purpose of eating AND with the knowledge I was returning to SSing afterwards. This seemed to spark an 'eat as much as you can while you can' attitude in me - as if I were a bear about to go into hibernation! Well, it worked: I now officially look like a big Grizzly complete with winter fat reserves!

    I'm hoping that my analysis as to why I went into crash & burn mode will help ease my fears when it comes to reaching goal and entering into maintenance. This 'should' happen around April (providing I don't mess things up). This isn't a particularly important time on the calendar: no major events like the food-fest of Christmas so hopefully I'll demonstrate a lot more moderation. Hopefully.
     
  7. thetimeisright

    thetimeisright To celebrate my losses!

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    Hi Debbie

    I can completely relate to so many things you have said in your post and had actually come on here to update my own diary with much the same musings.

    This comment though struck a real cord - my hand is constantly going to shove things in my mouth - not even necessarily "fattening" stuff - it can include vegies and fruit, a teaspoon here and there of cottage cheese, etc.

    I think I have decided to combat that by having chewing gum on hand and actually am going to check if there are any that are allowable on CD. That has to be a better option (providing it doesn't knock me out of ketosis or more to the point getting back in) until I get to the point where it isn't second nature to keep stuffing things into my mouth - I need a coping mechanism.

    Good luck with your continuing journey, I am sure you will get there.
     
  8. DQ

    DQ Queen of the Damned

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    Really glad you are doing this Debbie - getting your thoughts and feelings down on 'paper' makes so much difference :cool: Good luck, but I think you're gonna be absolutely fine :D
     
  9. Ajax

    Ajax Finally...Life begins

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    Well done Debbie, you have done fantastically well and are certainly not a grizzly bear or egg on legs. Look how far you have come, you only have a small way to go. You are such an inspiration to me and many others. Looking forward to reading your entries wether it be once a day or many times.
    xxx
     
  10. Isobel1965

    Isobel1965 Gold Member

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    Debbie - I have done exactly the same as your good self - just lost control good and proper and am now surveying the damage and just kicking myself!

    It doesn't help that I'm going to feel awful at the VFBC as I've put on so much weight since the last time the gals saw me - ouch!

    So I'm right on the wagon again with you, hun - right after the VFBC, that is! Can't SS on a diet of vodka - so from Monday, there'll be no excuses. I am dreading it!!! But also a bit excited that I'll be skinny again.

    But like you - I'm just hoping I've got the strength to do it all again!

    Best of luck, matie!!

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  11. carbaddict

    carbaddict Full Member

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    You go for it Debbie!
    Like you I woke up rather later today and way too late for breakfast!
    I'm also on day one of my re-start after a Christmas of totally pigging out! OMG and did I pig!
    The scales don't lie and what was a 10lb gain the other day has turned into 16lb one now! :eek:
    I'm hoping that will be gone quick smart as I fully intend following the plan to the letter no slips at all! I have decided not to tell anyone I'm following CD (apart from you lot)!! and my hubby & kids). Reason being that I got so fed up with thge your fail stuff last time and since regaining over a stone the told you so's!
    I will lose the 56lbs I need to lose this year if it takes me all year so be it! But I WILL be slim for Christmas 2007!!!
    All the best of luck Debbie...
    XX
     
  12. Russiandoll

    Russiandoll Carpe diem

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    Thanks for the encouragement everyone.

    I tried on one of my jackets a bit earlier. It's a size 16 and before I jumped off the wagon three weeks ago, it was a 'snug' but OK fit. Today, I couldn't get the zip to meet.

    Now, this isn't a wail of despair but the tool I'll be using to estimate when I'll be able to face the scales again. When I can get that jacket zipped up, I'll get weighed! At least I'll know then that I'll be roughly in the same ball-park as when I stopped dieting.

    I've noticed how much I can actually FEEL the weight gain. When you gain weight at a pound here or there over a long period of time, you hardly notice the subtle changes (especially if you wear stretchy clothes). But gain over a stone in three weeks and you can feel every ounce! Walking up the stairs, getting into the car and standing up from the sofa are all noticably more difficult for me.

    If the last three weeks has taught me anything, it's that I can gain weight at an alarmingly fast rate. My 'control' is only limited by my stomach capacity. Losing weight the conventional way at half a pound here and there stacks the odds in favour of a 'one step forward; two steps back' journey. In other words, one where I'd never quite make my destination. At least with CD I stand a fighting chance of losing it at almost the rate I gained it ... there's more of a chance of holding back the tide that way.

    I'm so comforted by the knowledge that many of us are experiencing the same trials and tribulations and are on this journey together.
     
  13. Summerskye

    Summerskye Gold Member

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    Hey! An RD diary! This is exactly what the world has been missing .. well, the world of Minimins anyway :)

    Well done on getting back to SS'ing again, Debbie - and I truly believe you really WILL complete your journey this time.

    OK, so you had a bit of a detour along the way .. let's just say you're taking the scenic route to Slimsville shall we? ;) ... but, as with every journey, it's not about how you get there but that you WILL reach your destination at the end of it.

    You're like me in that you set yourself mini-goals rather than aiming for the 'big one' right from the word go - so what's your next one? (Nosy? Moi?!) If you can't think of a longer-term one, how about the WeMitt meet in March as an incentive? If you want, I'm more than happy to share a room with ya ... or would that be a DE-incentive?? :rolleyes: *lol*

    Lots of love!
     
  14. Russiandoll

    Russiandoll Carpe diem

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    Well that's day 1 out of the way.

    It wasn't too bad ... a bit hungry now and then but that actually made a pleasant change from the bloated acidic feeling I've been experiencing daily for the past three weeks.

    All my nutritional 'needs' for the day have been met but of course, there have been the 'wants' to contend with and they have nothing to do with hunger! I opened the fridge and was greeted with the wafting aroma of bananas: they don't usually smell THAT delicious. And oddly enough, after a day without any chewy food, even the raw carrot sticks I was cutting for the family's dinner looked scrumptious - yet when I was in the throes of filling my face with mince pies a week ago, I wouldn't have given raw carrot sticks a second glance! Strange how our perception changes.

    I'm looking forward to seeing pink on a ketostix test strip: I haven't tested yet - I know there's no point after just a day. There's something very comforting about seeing that rose coloured tip!

    Quote of the day:

    If you don't know where you are going,
    you'll end up someplace else.
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]
    Yogi Berra[/FONT]​
     
  15. canireallydothis!!

    canireallydothis!! Gold Member

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    Go RD. well done on resisting!
     
  16. carbaddict

    carbaddict Full Member

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    Well done Debbie! I knew you could do it! Roll on ketosis!

    Day 2 for me...headache set in already so fingers crossed ketosis should soon follow!

    X
     
  17. Russiandoll

    Russiandoll Carpe diem

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    Thanks CA - who would ever imagine we'd be welcoming a headache!! What a crazy diet! :D

    Well, I'm in day 2 and so far so good. This morning was a shamble of disorganisation and lost tempers as my youngest was going back to school. I am one of life's most disorganised people so I was pleased when the morning seemed to be going OK ... uniform ironed, breakfast for DD made, everything calm. Then things started to go wrong: she couldn't find her shoes (ended up going to school in trainers), couldn't find her school-trip letter and spent five minutes wailing about how she wouldn't be allowed to go on the trip without it then the cherry on the cup-cake was when she said she needed a plain T-shirt for a fabric painting lesson. By this time, it was 8.45 and school starts at 8.40!

    I could feel the tension building inside me like a bottle of champagne that's been given a good shake! I tried to explain to her that they wouldn't be doing T-shirt painting on the first day back but she started crying and saying she'd be in trouble .... that's when the cork popped and I went thermo nuclear! Shouting and screaming like a banshee, I stomped around the house looking for the plain T-shirt I'd bought for the purpose (which, of course I'd carefully stored somewhere safe and now couldn't remember where) eventually finding it not where I thought I'd left it at all. It was hastily jammed into DD's reading folder and after removing the Nintendo DS lite that she thought she would take in (more tears) she went to school already worn out from the stress of the previous half hour. Nice start to the new term!

    She wasn't nearly as stressed as her mother though ... at that precise point, it took all my willpower to stop me from attacking the Quality Street tin and stuffing my face silly. I felt wound up but even worse, I felt terribly guilty. I'd lost my temper when it was MY responsibility to make sure she was prepared for school the day before and not leave it til zero minus 30 seconds. Thankfully, I just made do with a glass of water so immediate crisis over. Now I just have to venture into her bedroom and hunt for those shoes (if you don't hear from me in a couple of hours, send out a search party!!)

    Who'd be a mum eh? I don't think hubby drove off to work this morning wondering whether DD had everything ready for school. When it comes to the morning routine, hubby takes the shampoo approach ... 'Wash & Go'!!

    Right - off on a shoe hunt!

     
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  19. Ajax

    Ajax Finally...Life begins

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    LOL Sorry Deb that post did make me chuckle, especially the wash and go bit. My daughter is only 2 and attends nursery mornings only, yet already demands what shoes she wants to wear and usually I can't find one of them, so it too hit home.

    Well done for being good and drinking your water. Ketosis Headache is just starting to appear and yes how sad to feel happy I have a headache.

    Hope your day improves. (Can you hear me in the bedroom by the way?!) Lol
     
  20. Russiandoll

    Russiandoll Carpe diem

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    Well, I found DD's darned shoes tucked under the bed behind a mountain of post-Christmas junk. I used her recorder to reach them and winkle them out but of course, along with them came empty crisp packets, satsuma peelings, half a dozen crayons, a T-Rex (minus tail) and Jack Sparrow (not the real one unfortunately but a 3" high doll that goes with her 'Black Pearl' playset).

    I just wanted to poke them all back under the bed but of course, being a mum, I couldn't. So a ten minute shoe search became a two hour room blitz. Like the proverbial snowball, task gathered upon task ... bed stripped, books tidied, dolls re-dressed and carpet hoovered.

    About half way through this exercise, I became aware of a gnawing hunger that just wouldn't go away. It just seemed to get worse and worse ... in fact, when I found a half-eaten milky way under the bed, it took a will of steel to stop me from picking the fluff off and devouring it!

    I'm hoping that I'm over the worst of the hunger today and that ketosis is just around the corner. I saw some pop singer today on Morning TV (can't remember the name - tip of the tongue - but she's married to a footballer). Anyway, she dieted down to a size zero for some TV programme and was saying that the diet she did to get there was pretty grim. Apparently she lived on 700 cals per day ... seems like a feast from where I'm standing!

    So - day 2 under my belt. Onward and downward.

    Quote for today:

    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
    Confucius
    [/FONT]​
     
  21. Ajax

    Ajax Finally...Life begins

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    Well done, and just think of all that exercise!! I always think to myself - how long is it gonna stay this tidy tho :-( LOL

    Fingers Crossed you slip into ketosis tonight and wake up feeling positive tomorrow. xx
     
  22. canireallydothis!!

    canireallydothis!! Gold Member

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    What a day RD, on the plus side, things can only get better!
     
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