The RD Chronicles - Bowing out for now

Debbie

You are doing great and I'm very proud of the fact you didn't end up face first in the Quality Street.....well done you:)

I have the dreaded first day back at school day tomorrow and after reading your post I am now going to have an early night so I am up in time to get the little darlings (all three of them age 4, 6 and 11 (11 year old being the worst!!...:rolleyes: ) sorted and out the door on time....already forgotten to get middle child new shoes - spent £36 on some StartRite ones beginning of Sept and his toes are almost through the hole in the stitching....:mad:

I have to say my OH is pretty good - he does give them breakfast but while he does that I am making beds, laying out uniforms and packing lunch boxes, PE kits etc....I have just applied for a job at a local school (not the kids school much to their relief....especially eldest...LOL would be so NOT :cool: ) and this will mean me leving the house at 7.30ish so heaven knows how they will go to school when he's in charge......:rolleyes: bless does try his best....LOL:D

I'm off to Newcastle at the weekend so although I said my offical start was last week I've kind of changed the goal posts and it is now Monday 8th:eek: ...but I have cut back and have lost 5lbs since last week.....so heading in the right direction....:) plus I can't afford to buy any packs till 1 Feb so trying to preserve my stock pile....;)

Hope tomorrow mornings school run is better than today's!!!

Love
 
gosh Debbie i could have been reading about life in my house b4 going to school!
in fact this morning was quite surreal (sp) in the fact it all went calmly.
tonight was a different story, packing them off to bed i noticed the youngest had spots on her lower back & was told by OH, yea she had a few this morning.
on investigation i'm really suspicious she has shingles (again) so if still there when i get home from work in the morning its off to the doctors for us !! :rolleyes:
 
God you made me laugh!!! I shouldn't have but I really did. Bluddy kids! Damn compulsory education and uniforms. Balls to it all!
 
Day three and my chatterboxes have started already. I'm sure they stayed quiet for longer the first time around: this re-start business is tough!

I'm feeling tired and a bit cheesed off for no particular reason I can think of ... other than I can't fit into most of my size 18s and have had to resort to living in stretchy jeans and sports trousers. Perhaps it's just the post-Christmas blues making everything seem such a drag.

I decided to focus on what losing weight has meant to me in the months since I began on March 24th and realised I've been able to do things that I'd never have done before I lost weight.

I went swimming again after 18 years of spectating and looking after the bags (usually sweating in the humidity and bored rigid). AND I went down a couple of flumes!!
I've been on several fairground rides, one being a swinging Pirate ship complete with lap restraint (not exactly white knuckle but plenty thrilling enough for me!). Previously, I would have once again been the coat-holder and bag-watcher because I wouldn't have considered going on anything that had a lap-bar or a ride that I had to climb up onto.
I accompanied my daughter and niece running in the Junior Great South Run. Only one and a half miles but I hadn't so much as broken into a jog for over 20 years. (I hated every minute incidentally but completed it anyway)
I started University. Now, I might have done that even when I was bigger but I definitely wouldn't have been enjoying it as much as I am now. I'd have been so pre-occupied with my weight that there would have been little room for anything else.

So I've managed to do just a few small things that I wouldn't have done before and I'm hoping to manage some more ... ice-skating, horse riding and wind-surfing are all on the agenda for this year.

I had a bowl of nice hot CD porrige this morning and as the weather is nice, I think I'll take my pooch for a brisk walk along the bay - perhaps that will beat those chatterboxes into submission!

Later!
 
Hi there - have finally found the diary section. My dcs always drive me straight to the fridge - especially my 2-year-old ds, but I know it doesn't stop the tantrums or make the noise go away. :) Going for a bracing walk sounds good - here's to a successful day 3 for both of us (and all the other 2/1/07 starters). I shall now try to set up my own ramblings!
 
Looking forward to reading them luna!

I've just popped back on as I had another power-cut shortly after posting my last entry (that's five since Dec 31st!) I'm thoroughly fed up of touring the house resetting all the bloomin' clocks!!

I popped out to the charity shop to get out of the house and take some stuff in: ended up buying two tops.

I was in my quiet, dark, cold house, having tried on these two tops and became thoroughly depressed when I saw how awful they looked ... I couldn't have a coffee ... couldn't come on here so I ended up (deep breath) opening the fridge and eating four spoonfuls of low-fat creme fraish (or however you spell it).

AAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGGGG - what the hell's wrong with me?? I'm not yet in ketosis and I never will be if I don't sort this out! At this point in time I feel utterly hopeless. I didn't eat so much as an illicit crumb for six months solid first time around and now I can't even go three days. I just want to bury myself in a hole. As soon as the power came back on, I came on here to fess up.

OK - more water, a swift kick up the jacksy and onwards.
 
Hey Debbie....forget about the fridge incident!! Get gluggin on more water hun!! I have been reading about your nightmare back to school morning and you have reminded me that I will need to sort out all Chloes stuff as well!! Shes at holiday club now so I am off to tidy the house and look for all her various necessary bits and pieces!
 
Hi Debbie - sorry to hear your are struggling this time - I have this saved in my pc that Diva posted a while ago...

"Why is it soooo different 2nd time around?

Or even the 3rd, 4th, etc, etc, etc?.....

A: Because you are using the wrong strategy!

Some of you may remember that when this section of the forum opened, I asked you to think back to what it was like for you when you first started your weight loss journey.

Many people will be able to identify with feelings of desperation, self hatred, determination, lack of energy,
discomfort and probably every other negative emotion that you can think of. We hate feeling and looking like this soooo much that we are willing to do almost anything to get away from it!

And that is exactly what we do...we use an "Away from" strategy that employs determination and willpower to get us to our goals.

So what's wrong with this strategy and why doesn't it work again?

The simple reason is because those negative feelings are never as strong as they were when you made your initial decision to lose weight. Yes you may put on a bit of weight and want to lose it again and may go back to the plan that you used before...but this time its not quite working the same way!....The "away from" strategy is redundant in this scenario because you don't look or feel the way you did before....i.e the pain is no longer present therefore, there is nothing to get away from. This is why you sometimes here people say "if only I could do it the way I did before"! An "away from" strategy rarely works more than once.

Is there an alternative?

Yes there are 2 alternatives....the first is to deal with the underlying issues and that will help to reduce the weight regain.

Secondly, use a different strategy...a "towards to" strategy. This method does not focus on the pain, instead it focusses on the benefits of what you are doing. For example, I want to look better in my clothes, I want to have more energy, I want to be able to look in the mirror and like what I see...

These are things that you can move towards right now ...these are not size dependent! The weight loss is then the bonus rather than the driving force.

The best thing about a "towards" strategy though is that it is never ending....there is no definitive 5 stone to lose and then what??? Feeling great and looking great just goes on and on so, therefore, the benefits are much more long term."

If you're still struggling in a couple of days i'll start quoting you back to you as I have a couple of gems from you saved too!!

Keep going hon - it IS worth it and you CAN do it.
 
Thanks htpink ... that was an invaluable post and gave me something to really think about.

In terms of SSing, today has been a bit of a shambles but in terms of healthy eating it hasn't been so bad.

I succumbed to those spoonfuls of creme fraich and later, I decided I just couldn't do the SS thing and had a small pot of low fat cottage cheese for dinner followed by a CD mousse.

I can either view this as an SS failure (negative) or a low cal success (positive). Since my decision to 'get back on the wagon', I haven't eaten any of the Christmas goodies still luking in various tins in the kitchen - to me they don't exist anymore - but my need to eat 'something' at least once a day is overwhelming. So I think for now at least, I'll have my three packs and a small meal a-la-790 style.

The struggling restarter scenario is such a reality for me now that I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever be able to fully SS again. I'm still not completely happy with how I look but the all-consuming self-loathing has now all but gone. I DO want to lose more weight but I just don't know if I can do it through total abstinence. It might just be my perception or the different circumstances but this time around I feel hungrier, more resentful and weaker willed.

I've got another small pot of low-fat cottage cheese ready for tomorrow evening: knowing it's there and I'll be having it has already 'calmed' my demons down a little. The upside is that there's no easy solution is there?

But the important thing is that we never take our eyes off the ball and never, ever give up.

Quote for today:

The future depends on what we do in the present. - Mahatma Gandhi ​
 
Debbie,

Thank you!!! Truly because I absolutely love what you have said about an SS failure being a low cal day success. This is so true and has completely turned around how I am feeling about myself.

I am struggling staying abstinent and think I may go straight onto 790 plan when I go to see my new CDC counsellor for the first time.

My biggest problem is I am craving cottage cheese and I actually think that I may join you in getting a small tub in for tomorrow night - packs all day with a small tub in the evening is a fab idea and if it prevents or stops ketosis then so be it but having that to look forward to would be amazing.

Thank you again for keeping that diary, I know it doesn't help you but you have truly helped me tonight :eek:
 
Hiya RD

Sorry that you are struggling hun....I really do know what that feels like hence my post that Hels quoted back to you.

The important thing to remember is that your success does not begin and end at SS! Yes, SS is a great plan that is extremely successful for many people however, it is not the only way to lose weight. There are other equally successful plans within CD....you are doing fine by following a lower calorie plan. After all, let's face it RD....anything we eat this week with a modicum of control is going to be better than what we have been eating over the festive season without any control!!!

I am viewing these initial weeks as "recovery" from all the toxins and over indulgence....not detox because that, for me, brings its own set of connotations. However, "recovery" is about making the situation better and healing at a pace that is right for you. Low cal is doing just that....there is nothing wrong with cutting down gradually until you are ready to SS again, if that's what you want to do. Alternatively, you can stick with what is working for you. :)

There is no pressure, RD.... so long as you are taking the time to honour yourself and do what feels good for you then you are on the right track, hun....xxx
 
Bless you Diva!! You know how to calm a distressed person down!

I was wondering myself whether the reason I've been experiencing raging hunger is because of the huge carb overload I subjected my body to in the previous two weeks.

My poor system must be screaming 'what the hell's going on!!' :)

I was hoping - nay EXPECTING myself to just hop back onto the SS wagon and for it to be like the first time. It just isn't happening that way at all.

Perhaps instead of getting my knickers in a knot and putting too much emphasis on SSing I should take your advice and see if a different approach might suit me better at this stage of the game.
 
Diva (as usual) has it spot on Debbie!

Try control this week - even if its on the 1200 plan or the 1000 its way better than nothing.

I know exactly what you mean about resenting SS - I have finally realised that SS is not for me anymore - I do resent it and its quite liberating realised i don't have to do it anymore!

If you can get to it the 790 is a brilliant plan - and just as good a losses as SS!
 
I think all the advice so far is good Debbie and I have to say that the whole idea that you could do what you did before only with a tiny percentage of the motivation - well it was a bit bonkers when you think about it!(no offence)
As you say, you don't loath the way you look anymore, you know damn well you look and feel so much better so the same incentive to change every aspect of your life cannot be there. This is a whole different job now; its like when you are icing a cake, the big job is getting the whole cake covered smoothly and evenly, then the fiddly slow bit is getting the decoration just right. You are at the fiddly bit, you know you aren't entirely happy with how you are but you know the main job is done, so give yourself time, focus on the healthy stuff and I reckon you can do it without the SS, you have learnt so much, use it!

Lots of love
 
I've had some fab advice here girls - so many thanks. I love the 'cake' analogy Barb: it's so constructive to think of things in a different way isn't it.

This morning, I decided to take a different tack and for breakfast, had a prune yoghurt, a rice cake and a banana. It seemed really weird eating it ... I mean, for the past nine months I've been either totally abstinant or totally bingeing : my diet has been one of extremes ... all or nothing! This morning I had to fight the feelings of guilt and failure that kept threatening to sweep over me just because I was eating at all. It felt 'odd' eating even though it was healthy food but I have to start readjusting my thinking that eating = bad. The truth is that bad eating = bad and I've slipped into the destructive habit of indulging in a frenzy of bad eating followed by bouts of SSing in an effort to put it right. These massive swings can't be good for me physically or mentally. The message I'm giving myself is that I can't be trusted around food.

I feel a certain degree of disappointment in myself - I have my 10th wedding anniversary coming up in Febuary and I so wanted to be at goal by then ... 10st by my 10th wedding anniversary - but that isn't going to happen.

We're hoping to organise a party and I wanted to be the smallest anyone has ever seen me and dared to imagine myself in a size 14 or even a 12 but it looks like I'll be lucky to be in a size 18. However, on the positive side, I was a size 28 this time last year ... I MUST concentrate on the positives.

Another thing I really MUST do is to get off my lazy butt and get more active. I've been so sedentary since the end of the last Uni semester and we all know that lethargy breeds lethargy. This is something I feel I need to make a priority: I think that it will improve my whole outlook ... exercise isn't just about physical well-being - it sharpens the mind and does the soul good too. I need to stop talking about it though and take some action.

So - the plan for today is to take the dog for a walk along the prom (my usual walk will be too boggy). Then I have to pick up my DD's boyfriend from Southampton airport. Later on, I'm taking my youngest DD (11) to her first ever rehearsal in a youth orchestra she's been picked for. (we're really delighted - she started playing trumpet less than a year ago and has shown a real talent for it. She's already a grade 4 and was selected to play for an orchestra sponsored by the Royal Philharmonic).

I'll report back later :)
 
Debbie
I have looked at your photos, followed your diary and think you are doing wonderfully well.

It is easy to get a goal in your head that is achieveable ... but then when you don't make it feel despondant and down - instead of looking at where you would have been if you had not tried to achieve the goal. You will get to 10st .... and a size 12 or 14 ... but in your own time. You have done so well and as you point out yourself was a size 28 last year .... that is a fantastic loss.

Be good to yourself - be kind! Walk the dog, do your best and look forward to a fantastic wedding anniversary in February.
 
Thats our Debbie, back and thinking constructively! That's what it's all about. A size 18? What wouldn't you have given to be that a year ago. You have done fantastically and i totaslly understand that you needed to do something totally radical to get to where you are now, but now I really think healthy eating and a softly softly approach is what is needed.
I also think you are bang on about the exercise, when I was swimming everyday (which I will be again when this dratted chesty cold has buggered off) I was losing weight very well on 1500 cals a day. 1500 cals is very easy to stick to and makes you very consious of everything you eat without being a paronoid diet nutter. It's liveable/doable and that is what is needed. I think the abstinent SS route is fantastic for a time but the wise girl recognises when enough is enough and moves that plan onward to something that can be lived with long term - and that is healthy low fat food, with the occasional treat not the full on binges.

Lots of love
 
Sheesh I've missed you Barb!! :D
 
Ditto Debs - it's so good to be back!
 
Sorry to hear you're struggling RD - I have been there several times myself last year and 'punished' myself afterwards, I think, by bingeing - so well done on not doing that and making good choices.

I will be very interested in seeing how you get on with another plan. Sounds like a good idea - please don't punish or torture yourself about SS - you are not guilty of anything!

Good luck
x
 
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