The RD Chronicles - Bowing out for now

[boofaloo]

Hi Debbie,

I have just read your diary thread and wow you have expressed so many of my feelings in the last few posts. I had lost 2 1/2 stone on CD. I then messed about and gained and lost the same stone. I had a break for Christmas and then faffed around starting CD but thinking about doing WW, SW and other diet plans.
The thing is i must be a weak willed wimp too as i have started CD again today. I know it works - i dont enjoy the shakes, soups etc like i do normal food but yes they are my secret recipe to slimdom.
I'm sure my CDC will roll her eyes and think to herself here she goes again when i go for more packs but hey ho, it'll just have to give me the determination to do it properly and show her i mean business.
I do think SW, WW and RC classes work and if you go on Thursday you'll lose weight. You have done it before so you know it works. I personally need the stabilisers of CD - i cant choose to eat healthily at the moment, the pull of all things that are bad for me is too strong.

Go easy on yourself and do whatever you feel is right for you. Dont sabotage your good efforts by eating rubbish and the scales will reward you. Good luck and keep us posted.xx

 

[Summerskye]

Hi Debbie

I wouldn't give a monkeys if one of my clients emailed me saying they were giving up and then changed their mind. In fact, quite the reverse - I'd be bluddy delighted to see them again!!

The pound gain isn't a good reason to push the panic button. Most people who weigh themselves on a daily basis will see perfectly natural fluctuations for all kinds of reasons (most of them unexplainable) and it doesn't mean that you've put a whole pound of fat back on (which is much harder to shift longer-term as you know).

I was going to suggest the same as Kazz before I read her post - about thinking of trying one of the the 'higher steps' programmes such as 790 (my personal favourite) or the 1000 calorie one if you can't face sole sourcing again. At least that way you know you're getting your nutrition from the packs, BUT you're able to eat conventional food as well. As your body uses approx. 2000 cals a day simply to go about your day-to-day routine, taking in less than half of that will mean your body HAS to find the extra energy elsewhere .. initially from your glycogen/carb 'store cupboard' and, once that's been depleted, from your fat cells. With 790 cals you'll also have the benefit of going into ketosis as there are no carbs on that programme.

I don't know anything at all about the RC programme, but I know you've done it before and it's worked for you, as has CD of course. Mind you, I must admit I know which one I'd prefer simply because I'm the world's most impatient dieter and want results NOW!!!

Don't be down-hearted - especially thinking about your anniversary next month. It's more than possible that if you start right now you could lose a stone by then - and that will make you feel grrrrrrreat!! Don't just think it, be it!!

Lots of love

 

[Barb]

Hang on Debbie - deep breaths. First of all when you were CD'ing it wasn't all plain sailing, if you didn't have a good loss you would blame water retention, why does that rule no longer apply? If you have not eaten any seriously high calorie stuff then you have NOT GAINED ANY FAT - unless of course you are an alien whose bio-chemical make up differs from the rest of us!(which I don't think you are)
For goodness sake get this pressure off yourself or you stand no chance at all at anything. You are letting things like the tops yesterday get you down and you mustn't. You are so far away from that miserable girl in her size 30 tops - appreciate yourself a bit.
Now I think you are going to have to be very strict with yourself and stay off those damn scales. You kept to CD weigh ins before you can do the same with RC. Wait till Thursday - get weighed, give it a month, if at the end of that month you have not lost anything despite sticking as rigidly to it as you did CD, then and only then, can you decide to give up and return to CD.

OK, end of lecture - tell that chatterbox to bugger off and look to the future. You are going to get there Debbie - stop doubting it.

Lots of love, Barb xxxx

 

[Russiandoll]

do you think you relationship with food hasn't changed cos you havn't done maintainance or is it a demon you will allways have to cope with?

It's hard to say Cheryl ... it's a fact that I've never, ever reached 'goal' on any diet and so haven't done any kind of maintenance programme. On the other hand, I do have a lot of issues surrounding success / failure and my own abilities.

I still can't imagine ever being successful on a diet and seem to be my own worst enemy, constantly threatening to sabotage my own efforts as if to bring about a self-fulfilling prophesy. I don't believe I can do it and so maybe I'm making sure I don't! How mad does that sound?

I knew I was on slippery ground yesterday when I was out buying a new top for this interview. I saw a lovely purple shirt in BHS. It was really sytlish and reduced to £7.50. However, it was a size 18 and its fitted style meant I couldn't even do it up. If I had any faith in myself, I'd have bought it to shrink into. But I couldn't believe it would happen so I put it back.

What was I saying to myself? That I was going to 'settle' for the weight I've lost so far, try and hold the tide back, not regain and leave it at that?
I know in my heart of hearts that if I take that attitude, I'll be back here in January 2008 telling you all about how I've just had to buy a shirt in a size 30. Or perhaps more accurately, I won't be back at all because I'll be to embarrassed to tell you I've regained it all and have failed yet again.

So I KNOW failure can't be an option - I know what has to be done but talking the talk is the easy bit.

Maybe I should email my CDC and tell her how I'm feeling. I suspect she'll be starting to think I'm a bit of a head-case though as I've hopped on and off the plan several times now.

Oh I dunno!!!

 

[Summerskye]

Maybe I should email my CDC and tell her how I'm feeling. I suspect she'll be starting to think I'm a bit of a head-case though as I've hopped on and off the plan several times now.

Oh I dunno!!!

Even though I'm beginning to suspect I may be invisible, I just wanted to say "Do it!" She won't think you're a headcase at all as I'm sure she's had many clients who are repeat re-starters and will welcome you back with open arms.

What have you got to lose?

 

[Russiandoll]

Thanks Sharon. I know my CDC is great ... but I just hope she's as understanding as you. Having said that, you CDCs have all had weight problems too (to one extent or another) so I guess you 'know' what goes on in a strugglers head.

You always come across as being very much under control most of the time - it's one of the things I admire about you - but do you ever have the same internal conflict?

I'm sure I'm not alone - I've read the same sort of sentiment posted by others time after time. That gives me some degree of comfort that although I FEEL like I'm going loopy, in actual fact I'm in good company and definitely not alone.

Another factor I've just considered is that I'm still on the long Christmas break from Uni. Maybe when I'm back in the swing of things with a fully occupied mind, SSing won't seem so bad. (Give a boffin time on her hands to think and she'll do it in abundance! )

Thanks for the support Sharon - your words are worth their weight in gold! xx

 

[Mini]

Hi Debbie,

I doubt very much if anyone could ever say you were a failure with all the weight you have already lost!!!



111 lbs. is a magnificent achievement and you need to hold onto that

On top of that going back to college and getting into University as a mature student is awesome.

I think you already had a good plan and you have already said you would go to RC... give it four weeks and see how you feel then.

As everyone has said what is a pound? It could be because any number of reason and too much salt being high on the list.

Take a deep breath and write down all the positive things you have achieved and done and give yourself some credit.

I have every faith in you that you will be at goal this time next year ad maintaining...

Love Mini xxx

 

[Russiandoll]

Well, a decision has been made and I've made a start on it today - a significant day because it's the 10th of Jan, my 10th wedding anniversary is coming up next month AND my goal is 10st.
OK - it's a tenuous link but I'm making '10' my magic number for 2007!

My CDC phoned last night and we had a good chat about where I'm going, what's happening etc. Together, we decided that my best course of action would be to do one of the less rigid CD plans and so I'm starting on the 1000 route; Two packs and one meal - there's structure there but flexibility (only as far as the meal goes though). I want those narrow rails in place for the rest of the time so as far as I'm concerned, I can't have ANYTHING between meals - much as if I was SSing. I definitely don't want to 'nick' calories from my evening meal during the day so there will be no kit-kat fingers with the promise of only having half a chicken breast that evening!

I've also decided that, with the extra money available by only have 14 packs per week, I'll go to the Rosemary Conley class - but only for the exercise. It's a bit of a trek I know but the exercises are specifically designed for people who are trying to lose weight as opposed to an ordinary exercise class where the aim is just to get fit. RC classes take into account that some people may find certain moves difficult because they're carrying excess weight and I also know that not everyone there will be stick thin and in lycra!

I should also have enough left for a swim once a week at the local pool and still be within the £32 a week I was spending on full SSing. So fingers crossed that this is the plan that will put right my derailment and get me back on track.

I have no idea what my average monthly losses are likely to be but even a steady half a stone would suit me. I'm seeing my CDC on Friday: I've also decided to bite the bullet and be weighed in the name of a clean sweep and a new start.
So here's to (yet another) restart - I will never stop 'starting' until I find the key!

Quote for today:

There are no mistakes, save one: the failure to learn from a mistake.
- Robert Fripp ​

 

[mrs tweedy]

Hiya Deb, I've been lurking around reading your thread and just had to post to say congratulations on making a definite decision, all the self imposed head games and worry wont have been doing your stress levels any good so now you can relax and get going on ridding yourself of that last couple of stone once and for all.

Plus you will be getting the best of both worlds, cambridge for pretty speedy weightloss coupled with an exercise regime tailored to overweight peeps,(you cant fail to succeed)! as you say you've done it before and so you know the exercises are effective.

I really hope it goes brilliantly for you, if anyone deserves to reach their goal it's you, you've been a source of inspiration for so many and a font of all knowledge esp when talking P husks LOL (you should really be on commission for the sky rocketing P husk sales lol)!

Anyhow all I really wanted to say was good luck and well done on your fab decision. xx

 

[Gen]

Hi there RD... just wanted to say well done for getting back on the cambridge wagon... you have done brill and you will get to that magic 10!!!

i'm riding right here beside ya girl... we all are!!

love

Gen xxx

 

[Summerskye]

Hear hear Mrs T!!

Debbie, it really sounds like you've found a good balance between following a healthy (and realistic) diet plan plus exercise which can't fail to shift those pounds and get you feeling so much better too just by making those decisions and doing something positive. I'm so pleased for you and just know your 'magic number' will come up trumps for you

As for me being under control most of the time, all I can say is "I wish!" True, I've got to my target weight but I can't say that I did it 'by the book' as you know - but I guess I was just so damn bloody-minded that I would be the one to prove it was possible to lose weight DESPITE having my 'mini-breaks' along the way that somehow it worked for me.

I suppose I've always been a bit of a rebel and never been one for sticking to rules, so when I read over and over again how 'impossible' it was to have a break (even for a day/weekend) and get straight back into SS'ing again I adopted an "I'll show you!" attitude. In retrospect I think it was that which kept me going for all those months - strange as it may sound as I've never managed to succeed at any diet to such an extent ever before.

Now, of course, my issues are entirely different to what they used to be .. but I still have them. If anyone thinks that getting slim is the panacea to all problems, they are living under an illusion. What's inside doesn't change along with the outer shell and the insecurities and confidence issues still exist - just packaged in a smaller body.

Having said all that, there's no denying you do feel better about yourself when you've lost weight (and, of course, it's great to receive the compliments too), but the important thing to remember is that you are still you regardless of what size clothes you wear.

Lots of love

 

[Russiandoll]

and a font of all knowledge esp when talking P husks LOL (you should really be on commission for the sky rocketing P husk sales lol)!

LOL - I only wish I had shares!! Funnily enough, I was drinking a shake with PH in when I read your post!

Thanks Mrs T and Gen for the support.

I am a calmer bunny today - that comes with having a definite plan in place and not wafting around like a piece of tumble-weed I suppose!

And ..... the sun is shining - it's an omen I tell you! lol

 

[Russiandoll]

I guess I was just so damn bloody-minded that I would be the one to prove it was possible to lose weight DESPITE having my 'mini-breaks' along the way that somehow it worked for me.

I remember those 'mini-breaks' well Sharon! I used to gasp wide-eyed at the CD rebel who would deliberately hop off the tracks and then back on again as smoothly as custard through a brass horn!

Brilliant!

 

[Barb]

Good for you Debbie - I knew you would come up with a plan and it sounds like a good'un to me. Best of both worlds which I think is exactly what you need.

Good luck with it - you WILL get there, i know you will!
Love Barbxxx

 

[Russiandoll]

Thanks Barb - I have to say I'm really 'stoked' about this plan!

The good thing is that I can have those nice secure narrow CD rails but with some limited 'contact' with food. A nice gentle reintroduction methinks! Also, I only have to exercise control over food ONCE a day instead of trying to negotiate three potential minefields.

I've just got back from a bracing walk along Stokes Bay (my local beach). Holy Moly it was windy!! I wore more layers than an onion to combat the cold - but it was sunny and that makes everything OK as far as I'm concerned!

To show you just how 'bracing' it was, I even wore my hubby's possum hat (brought in NZ) and anyone who knows me will testify that I NEVER wear hats ... not even to my own wedding! DD number 3 took a photo of me on her camera phone - if I can peel it off I'll post it and you can see me looking very much the seasoned hiker! (or looking silly - you can decide for yourselves!)

It was brilliant being out in the fresh air, having been stuck indoors for the past few days. Marching along the Bay with the waves crashing on the shore and seagulls sweeping past on the wind just made me want to walk forever ... but we had to turn back after a mile or so when my youngest DD became tired.

As far as my diet is concerned, I feel like I've turned a corner and just hope I can hold onto this positivity and use it to my advantage.

 

[kazz]

Debbie, I think your new plan sounds fab and I bet you will do fantastic on it!!

 

[pandora]

i'm so glad you have come to a decision about your journey, Debbie.
Now you've sorted your head your body will follow & your plan seems to encompass the best of both worlds, you can't fail to get to where you want to be.
good luck hun, look forward to hearing all about your journey when we meet in Portsmouth
xx

 

[mindless]

Morning RD,

Power to the Plan - you'll get there and we will make sure of that - you know we won't be able to keep out of it LOL

 

[Russiandoll]

Thanks everyone - and Mindless ... yes, I'm very aware that I'm consorting with people on here who like to stick their oars in - and I'm so grateful they do! Seriously, I don't know what I'd do without the words of encouragement I receive here - they buoy me up when times get hard: help like that is priceless!

Well, another day and so far so good. The wind is absolutely howling outside, my letterbox is rattling and the dodgy glass lean-to we inherited with the house is threatening to detach itself and fly away, Wizard of Oz fashion.

This morning, I received my delivery of three tubs of psyllium husks, ordered from an online health food sale. After thanking the postie, I closed the door and looked blankly at the the packages in my hand. No longer on sole source, it dawned on me that taking ph at a rate of 2 teaspoons per day in my morning shake means that it will take me until this time next year to deplete a whole kilo of the stuff. Oh well - on the bright side, I'll never need to buy another laxative!

I have my interview at the fort at 1.45 today. I'm pretty nervous: haven't had an interview for years and I also bought a red shirt for the occasion. I'm having second thoughts now - is red too bold a colour? Maybe I should have played it safe with a conservative beige. Time will tell.

I'm also going to Rosemary Conley at 6.30. I hope the class doesn't consist of a cliquey bunch - there's nothing worse than sitting on your own and nobody talking to you. That happened to me at a SW class once. The seats were set up in a crescent shape and I ended up smack bang between two 'cliques'. I spent the entire time with the backs of the two women either side facing me as they giggled and chatted to their friends. I lasted two weeks.

One thing that's better than my normal slimming class encounters is that this time, I don't necessarily think I'm going to be the biggest one there. I always used to panic about the thought of being the fattest person - and invariably I was. Sounds daft being bothered about being fat at a slimming club but it DID bother me that I was even fatter than fat people - if that makes any sense at all.

Anyway, chances are I'll be amongst the majority having, as I do, about 4st to lose. Besides, I'm only going for the exercise class - I'm not even following the diet now that I've decided on the CD 1000 route.

Diet-wise, it went ok yesterday. A chocolate shake with 2 tsp of ph filled me up nicely. Chicken with broccolli and cauliflower for dinner followed by a CD mousse finished the day nicely.
Note to self however ... when making a sauce for said chicken using the stock from the pan, do not .. repeat DO NOT put psyllium husks in it - digging around for pieces of chicken amongst what amounts to solidified pond sludge doesn't make for a enjoyable culinary experience!

And on a final note: weighed myself this morning and was 4lb down. As a hardened CDer, I know this is glycogen making a hasty retreat but hey - we all know what a buzz those falling numbers give!

 

[CLUCKS]

RE pond stuff



I too remember first experience with the pond sludge husks....

I tried to make porridge substance - it ended up like a GIANT SLUG that crawled out of pan into breakfast bowl!

Ho hum........... xxx