Title Change! My Journey!

[SuzyK]

Mayfarie

A loss is better than a gain and it was still a loss, so well done you. The photos really show a difference and in such a short time, it just goes to show how well you are doing.

It is great to hear your sister is on the mend. I am sure as soon as she cuts back on her carbs for a little while that weight will soon shift. I am not sure if I have mentioned but the Go Lower diet I am on is all low carb and by cutting my carbs right back I am losing soo much weight.


Laura

My ankles have also swollen this week although this morning they have gone down a bit but I had a manic weekend and I guess that was to be expected. I also have TOTM so I guess I am just generally feeling that bloated feeling!

 

[MayfairE]

Ty so much to everyone for the lovely comments, I do feel pretty great lol. Not that I don't have a long way to go still, but ya know!

Woke up this morning to one of the most lovely texts I've ever received. My niece, who's 19 but has younger learning and developmental age due to brain damage after meningoencephalitis, sent me this message:

"Mum showed me the pic, I am so proud of you! You have lost so much weight, keep up the good work. Love you loads! Keep smiling! xxxxxxx"

(I tidied up the spelling to make it a little easier on the eyes lol)

Now I'm smiling all over again today!

 

[SuzyK]

Ahhh Mayfaire, what a lovely text.

I hope next time you feel down you read that again and remember what a great person you are and how well you are doing.

Most of us have long journeys but if we do it the correct way now it will stay of and we will not have to go through it again.

I know I am learning so much about foods etc since I started on Go Lower and this time I am doing it all right as I know once I reach target I WILL stay there!

 

[MayfairE]

Here here!!

Go us! We rock!!

Really disappointing, the AquaFit instructor didn't turn up tonight, they gave us from 'free swim' time but I'm not so good with swimming yet so I only managed about 4 lengths and some bobbing around chatting before coming home lol. It's a real bugger too cause Monday's a Bank Holiday isn't it, so no AquaFit Monday either Oh well, onwards and upwards for next Wednesday!

I've been walking the dog a lot more this week too seeing as I didn't really lose on Monday, so I'm managing a good 20min brisk walk every night as well, gonna try and keep it up so hopefully next week I'll have lost!

 

[Lucky Cat]

I've been walking the dog a lot more this week too seeing as I didn't really lose on Monday, so I'm managing a good 20min brisk walk every night as well, gonna try and keep it up so hopefully next week I'll have lost!

Good for you! It's surprising how much exercise you can get by simply dog walking. I have two dogs who must think they're in heaven because they've never been exercised so much! I've gradually built my walking up from a half an hour amble to an hour and a half power walk. I get the ipod on and off we go, striding out.

I'm lucky where I live as I'm close to a river and there are cycle paths and fields that run for miles along the riverside and so we go in there jogging too. They're like my bodyguards - one dog behind and one in front and me huffing and puffing in the middle.

 

[MayfairE]

Yeah sadly round here it's all built up so it's roadways all the way. I live on a private estate and used to just walk him around the place but that was only taking 10mins at the most and sometimes I'll admit he got no more than a quick walk across the road to the park that's opposite my front door. Do the business and back home within 5mins, usually to a chocolate bar, but that's all changed now!.

I figured I'd give it a shot and I managed it on my own the other night...it was just so hot I needed to get out so went for a 15min powerwalk around the streets at midnight :| I know it's not sensible but blah the heat!

I did however feel a bit nervous out alone around a town with far too many pubs and even more teenagers, so the next night decided I'd give it a shot with the dog. Pushed it up to 20mins with him jogging along beside me, normally he's used to just ambling along getting to sniff at all the trees but nope, me and him now are going at it hell for leather lol. Only problem is now I'm getting quicker and the 20min walk tonight was done in 15, even including stopping to tie my shoelaces and let the dog do his thing lol...I think I'll walk one street further down next time before I turn back up towards home and that should add on at least another 5-10mins. Next week I might even pump it up to doing it morning and evening, the mutt will be in utter heaven lol, and bookend my day with sweat!

My main reason for doing it was to find out if I could walk into the town centre. It's about a 10-15min walk from my front door and I've not been able to manage it in a very, very long time, (good few years), due to the backpain I'd get after about a minute of walking. Now I can walk and my back doesn't hurt at all... my calves do thanks to the Sketchers Shape-Ups lol, but my back is pain free Looks like I should be able to walk into town, have an amble round the shops and even walk back without dying now!

I probably won't do it...I've no reason to go into town at all lol, but I just want to know I CAN do it. Especially if I manage to find work again, (still hunting ), because it's pretty much a straight line 15min walk from the front door to the train station. If I was fitter it wouldn't be longer than 10, you can see the trains if you stand in the right place lol, but I'm a little slower lol.

I'm rambling on about all sorts of rubbish now eh lol. Can you tell I just got home from my walk lol! I've always got the major "exercise endorphin high" after I get over the collapse on my back, gasping for breath or massaging my aching calves rofl!

I think the biggest change I'm noticing in myself is probably the biggest suprise of all. Yes I noticed the lack of back pain and the increased stamina and so forth, but the biggest thing is I actually feel more confident. I've been out of work for quite a while and living off savings, which have rapidly run out, but the biggest obstacle for getting back into work was myself...I just couldn't face the idea of being out there, in the public, being looked at and well, laughed at. And I couldn't bear the thought of going anywhere that had a uniform because I knew they wouldn't be able to get me one that fit...I still worry about that, but our local Asda is hiring so sod it, it's an income. I've always been in either sales or admin so working in a supermarket is not exactly what I ever thought I'd be actually applying for but there's a mortgage to be paid and well...they're paying lol! Fingers crossed! I just never, ever expected that the biggest thing I'd GAIN whilst I LOST was confidence.

I'm going to AquaFit, hell I'm going ALONE at the moment, I'm actually getting into a swimming costume in public, I'm looking for a job, I've put a picture of me online, (here lol)...I'm doing things I stopped doing years ago and I've not crawled back into my safe little shell of my flat for comfort and protection from it all.

I'm living again. I didn't realise I'd missed it so much.

 

[QueenOfTheDamned]

wow, thats awesome and it's really inspiring to read about the massive effect weight loss has had on your confidence. im hoping that it will help me come out of my shell more too. i was EXACTLY the same as you were about applying for jobs, i realyl wanted to work for a bank but i refused to apply their because of the fact i'd have to wear a uniform. so very silly, but at the time i just thought i'd be laughed at. you're an inspiration to me because of how far you've come so far. good luck with future losses, i'll check back to see how you're doing!

 

[Lucky Cat]

the biggest thing is I actually feel more confident....I'm doing things I stopped doing years ago and I've not crawled back into my safe little shell of my flat for comfort and protection from it all.

I'm living again. I didn't realise I'd missed it so much.

That's fantastic MayfairE. I have been just the same. You don't realise how much of your self confidence and self esteem is wrapped up in your size but my confidence has grown enormously since I've been losing weight. I can actually look in the mirror now and think "My God, you're gorgeous" :8855even though I've still 3 stone left to lose)

Although I have always worked, I too pretty much kept myself to myself and apart from a handful of close friends I hid myself away in my own little world. I mentioned in another thread that I am starting to look for a new job too. Although I have a good job anyway and am not particularly unhappy there, I think I deserve more and I don't think they necessarily appreciate me as they should and so my new found confidence means I've decided I'm going to get something better and with more of a future. I wouldn't be worrying about interviews now, wondering what the hell I was going to wear

Lastly, can I just say MayfairE that your increase in confidence has actually shown through in this thread. The person who wrote the initial posting and the person who has written the last few messages are not one and the same at all. You've done brilliantly and you so deserve the boost that the compliments you are getting has given you. Onwards and upwards girl!!

 

[MayfairE]

Ty everyone and woah! Lol. This may sound so, utterly silly but sometimes I ramble on about who knows what and I never ever expect anyone will actually read it let alone say such lovely things as all of you do!!

It still blows my mind a little!

 

[MayfairE]

Ow

I was taking the dog for a walk tonight and tripped on an uneven pavement and went down like a ton of bricks... I don't think I've properly skinned my knees and palms since I was about 10 and I'd forgotten how much it bloody hurts!

That is NOT gonna be fun getting in the pool with on Wednesday

 

[Lucky Cat]

Ouch! Yeah, it doesn't half sting when you graze your knees.

The injuries we sustain in the pursuit of fitness, eh? I was preparing tea yesterday in my exercise gear and had a bare midriff. As I got a tray out of the oven, the hot edge of it went onto my stomach and I've now got a burn. My stomach must have been sticking out further than I imagined and I misjudged it :8855:

 

[MayfairE]

Lol I KNOW it's not good to laugh, but hey I'm sat here with giant plasters on both my knees looking like a 5yr old, still pouting lol.

My god though, it wasn't until I got a REALLY good look that I realised just how badly I'd buggered them up, the skin has completely gone from just above one knee down to mid shin and over the total knee of the other. Plus the palm of one hand is skinned and somehow, even though I have no recollection of anything but knees and hands hitting the tarmac...my lip is split :|

I'm gonna go out tomorrow looking like I've been beaten up and I'm REALLY not looking forward to chlorine getting at that. And the most annoying part is, I have psoriasis that has been flaring up for a while and it JUST started to clear up and now the scabs will bugger all that up too!

But hey, in all my lack of dignity and dropping like a sack of potatoes...I never once lost hold of the dog!

 

[judith55]

Last two times I fell over it was cos my dog came hurtling at me across the park and took me out. Luckily I landed on grass so only my dignity was wounded. Who knew pet ownership could be so hazardous?? Hope you feel better soon. x

 

[MayfairE]

I'm thinking no walk tonight. I don't know why but I feel guilty over this, like I'm somehow cheating and that tomorrow when I WI all the walking will have been totally negated by three nights of not walking, (Friday, Saturday night I didn't go out cause of the pubs and teenagers). I don't know WHY I feel like that, but I do and now I'm stuck in an endless circle of 'if you don't go you'll have put weight on tomorrow but if you do go it'll hurt like hell'. I'm even limping around the house, I'd never be able to go as quick as I do to get out of breath.

I just wish I could stop obsessing that not going means tomorrow I'll have put on a stone...yes I'm exaggerating a bit lol.

 

[SuzyK]

Stop stressing!

I have not been online for a few days and I have just read all the recent threads and you have been doing so well.

If you don't want to go for a walk then don't. You will go when your knees are better.

Here is my doggy story.......
A few years ago I was walking staying with a friend in the States and while she was working I took her dog for a walk. No street lights and no pavements and when a car came towards me I stepped to the edge of the road and ended up in a ditch on my back facing the way I had just come from..... I still had hold of the dog lead in one hand and the front door key in the other.
Just like you I thought I had hurt just my knees and palms, I still can't work out how I ended up on my back! When I got back and cleaned myself up I looked in the mirror and saw my face was scratched too, I still don't know how but that was when I thought to hell with the time and I phoned hubby at about 3am in the morning UK time....... and I had a good cry down the phone to him. I think it must have been the shock kicking in.
I don't remember it hurting that much when I was young!

Last year when I was out of work I also asked at ASDA and all our other local supermarkets but they weren't hiring. Like you my back ground is sales and sales admin but if we want to pay our mortgage we don't have a choice so long as we are getting paid.

Have you tried estate agents as things seem to be picking up from what I have heard.

 

[MayfairE]

I know, I stress a lot...I do try not to but I can be pretty hard on myself most of the time. I think, and this will sound crazy probably, but I think somehow that if I'm hard on myself then it won't feel so bad if other people are.

The only problem is, is sometimes I convince myself I'm being silly and that everything will be wonderful and then it's not and I feel ten times lower. Like today, I woke up and convinced myself that I was being silly worrying about the WI and that I'd worked really hard and I must have at least lost a couple of lbs...I got there, really looking forward to WI'ing and then I did and I've stayed the same again

I think I'm going to have to go back to the hard and fast, count every calorie type plan and stop thinking that I've got it sussed. Which would be a lot easier if I didn't feel like pants and want to turn to food more than ever.

I know eventually everyone will get fed up with me and my ups and downs, I try to control them but I think it's more accurate to say they control me.

 

[judith55]

MayfairE, IMO you're doing the right thing by thinking out loud on the forum. Its having these negative thoughts constantly circling our brains that does our heads in. It must help even if its just so we can tell you that you're not alone. You've done so well so far and you'll reach your target I know it. Just try to bear with the odd days/weeks when you stay the same (or even put on a pound). Don't give up and know that we're all rooting for you. xx

 

[SuzyK]

Mayfaire

if we didn't want to "listen" to what you are writing we don't have read it so don't worry about sounding off on here, that is what I believe this forum is for...... the good and the bad of losing weight!

I choose to reply to you because I have been there and I know how easy it is to feel dejected and I wish I had known about forums like this in the past.

As Judith says you are not alone and we are all behind you!

 

[MayfairE]

Ty guys, it means a lot.

It's just been so sucky feeling like I'm stuck...like I've lost all this weight so far and now it's just stopped. I guess between the AquaFit being all erratic for a couple of weeks and maybe relaxing the grip a little on the food that it's just sort of caved at once.

I just hope that next week, (TotM due), that I don't have to take any time off of AquaFit like last month or that I don't put on a few lbs with it. I know it's "normal" and last month I was all pleased and chuffed with it but, my self-confidence could just do without feeling like I have to lose the weight all over again, I've lost those 3lbs twice already...a third times just mean lol!

 

[Lucky Cat]

I typed out a long reply to you yesterday, but by the time I went to post the system had logged me out! Ha!

Don't be hard on yourself and please don't think that you're on your own in feeling like this cos really you're not. We all have our ups and downs and we all have our bad days. I'm quite sure that no-one on here is "fed up" of you and your "ups and downs". That's what we're here for, to sound off to.

None of this comes easy to me and I'm at the stage where the weight loss has slowed right down and it's at this point where in the past I've given in and thought 'sod it' and let things slip. We all have issues with food else we wouldn't have ended up on here in the first place and I know I have to battle my demons on a daily basis to keep this going but I am determined to do so this time, more so than I've ever been before.

I have realised that I have quite an addictive personality. Many years ago I used to smoke like a chimney. I also used to drink a lot too. I think food then became my addiction. Well, it definitely did Now exercise has become my addiction. Yesterday I didn't do any exercise and it was eating away at me, driving me nuts. I was working during the day and then I went out with a friend in the evening. Late last night I was going to start doing some exercise and then I thought "don't be ridiculous, missing one day won't do any harm" but everything's a constant struggle. My friend says I'm obsessional about exercise now but in all honesty as long as my obsession remains keeping fit rather than eating, then that'll do me fine.