TOUGH LOVE-APPLY WITHIN

faery_lights said:
I think you're right Bonnie- but I also think it's important to be in the right frame for losing weight since half the battle is psychological. But if you're all guns blazing Lou then keep at it! ^^

It seems to me Lou has let a lot of negative get on top of her, so I was thinking, how about some positivity? We could each write down 5 things we've achieved so far on our weight-loss journeys for some added spurring on! :) That way we can focus on how far we have come rather than on how far there is to go- it's always nice to have a reminder of progress!

Here are my 5

1) Have lost over 2 stone
2) Have dropped from a size 18/20 to 16/14
3) Now exercise regularly 4 times a week
4) Feel healthier and better than I have in years
5) Feel like unhealthy food doesn't rule my life any more.

That makes me feel instantly better. We've all come a long way. We've just got to keep plodding on in the right direction! So, if you want, share 5 Things You Have Achieved!



I honestly think this is a testament to how my attitude to food and weight-loss has changed. My appetite was reduced on Friday and I made healthy choices all weekend to combat that and kept up with my exercise, throwing in a couple of extra walks then. Before, I would have used one 'bad' meal as an excuse to blow out the weekend. Not any more :)
Click to expand...

Good idea FL - OK then:

1. I feel really pleased with myself when I have been for a run and it is so much easier having shed a few pounds;
2.I suddenly have a new wardrobe of my 'thin' clothes that I am fitting in to, so every time I loose some more it is like shopping for free;
3. I like catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror and being suprised at how much smaller my ass looks in it;
4. I really like reaching for the 12/14 rails in the shops when I go clothes shopping;
5. I have a holiday coming up and although I am not exactly pamela anderson, I won't feel like Free Willy in a tankini.
6. I feel all smug about being healthy.
 
BonnieBooBear said:
Good idea FL - OK then:

1. I feel really pleased with myself when I have been for a run and it is so much easier having shed a few pounds;
2.I suddenly have a new wardrobe of my 'thin' clothes that I am fitting in to, so every time I loose some more it is like shopping for free;
3. I like catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror and being suprised at how much smaller my ass looks in it;
4. I really like reaching for the 12/14 rails in the shops when I go clothes shopping;
5. I have a holiday coming up and although I am not exactly pamela anderson, I won't feel like Free Willy in a tankini.
6. I feel all smug about being healthy.
Click to expand...

That's 6 you show off ;) lol
 
Ha Ha. Free Willy in a Tankini! :D
 
Great idea - here's mine:

1. Have tackled health issues (have PCOS and was already taking Metformin for this as a pre-curser to diabetes prevention. On the train to diabetes and heart disease). Tablets no longer needed.
2. Couldn't bend over to cut my toe nails and had difficulty lacing up my winter boots. Mr S had to do it for me. Can now do this no bother and paint my toes on a regular basis just because I can! :)
3. Have gone from a size 22/24 to a size 12/14 and bras from a 38HH to a 34GG - means I can shop anywhere I wish to and buy lots of lovely pretty undies rather than industrial jobs in plain black or white.
4. Have gone from doing no exercise to 3 sessions without fail every week of Kettlebells. Started with a 2kg bell and now swing with a 10kg - I have muscle definition in my arms for goodness sake! :) I also appear to have a collar bone!
5. I feel so much better I cannot tell you. I am nearly 40% less of a person than when I started and just 1lb from my goal. I love the compliments I get from folk and it makes me pee my pants to think that most of the women (and a couple of blokes) at work are now seriously trying to lose weight as apparently I am an "Inspiration"!! FFS!! :D
 
u016718 said:
Ha I cant belive I am about to ask for this but I think I need some tough love so I am more than happy to get some harsh truths if anyone is offering! I am 22 have been trying for the last 10 years to loose weight this makes me sad knowing how long I have been unhappy. My weight is the last thing I need to get right but I have gotten it wrong for so many years I do not know where to start?! I eat in secret, make excuses to justify why it is ok to have another chocolate bar! how do you stop making excuses?? what do I need for this time to be different?
Click to expand...

Lovely u016718,

I am sooooo proud of you facing up to this at 22 instead of 53, like me.

Here are 3 steps for you:

Step One:

So the way you stop making excuses is to make a list - I mean a really long long long list - 60 or 70 things why you want to change. Include the embarrasing cringing things like breaking a chair, the private painful things like about sex or no sex and the inner longing about having good relationships, the tough things about being bullied - in fact whatever hurts, is painful or holding you back - list it all. And then go further. Do you want to die young?

The idea is to get at the real pain of being fat.

Then change the list - so from the painful into the positive: so maybe from no one worthwhile will love me because I'm so fat to I am loved & cherished deeply by a wonderful person whom I love deeply too. From I can't go on holiday because I'll stuck in the airplane seat , be really uncomfy and need a lap belt and be sweaty and covered up on long clothes when I'm there to I fit easily into my airline seat, the belt does up loosely and I have fabulous clothes to wear while I slink down the beach.

You get the idea: The original list is full of the pain. The new list is what you are moving towards. Re-read them daily to give you motivation.

Step Two:

Declare a new start. Sometimes you may slip - but that's ok. Make a plan and start to follow the plan one day, one meal, one hour or even one minute at a time. Don't feel deprived. Decide to make choosing to stay on your plan a choice. So if, for example, you might decide to count calories, and eat low carb real food 5 times a day - 3 meals and 2 protein snacks, or to do Slimmers World or whatever. It doesn't matter what approach you choose. Some people eat the amount of calories they will need at goal weight.

Then clean house. That means getting rid of junk, biscuits, cereal that's not on your plan. Ask the people you live with to help you. I had my husband take away the Xmas cake and put it somewhere out of sight.

And decide what habits you need to change. Walk a different way home if your usual route is via newsagents. Pay for petrol at the pump if you buy chocolate at petrol stations. Try a chocolate diet shake instead of a choc bar. Eat a small wrapped 70% choc square instead. Try various strategies.

Btw, if you live in a mess, sign up with Flylady and look after your home and yourself. Fat is just clutter on the body. She often has useful strategies for people like us.

Step Three

Stop with secrets. No secret eating. Decide you will post everything you eat on here - or on Myfitnesspal where you can track calories. You need to teach yourself to eat more veg and salad and lean protein in proper portions. So post everything. If you have a fall, post it here. Face up to it. None of us is perfect. It's about learning, shaking yourself down and getting on with it. You don't have to tell your real life family and friends. make this a space where you tell the truth about what you eat when.

You can do it by sharing with your new Basser friends. You can be 2 stone lighter by Xmas - shedding 2lbs a week. Please join us and shed the lbs.

There are lots of wise people on here - so talk to them about which plan to choose and then put one foot in front of the other and you will be trending down on the scales.
 
Last edited:
AliGal said:
Lovely u016718,

I am sooooo proud of you facing up to this at 22 instead of 53, like me.

Here are 3 steps for you:

Step One:

So the way you stop making excuses is to make a list - I mean a really long long long list - 60 or 70 things why you want to change. Include the embarrasing cringing things like breaking a chair, the private painful things like about sex or no sex and the inner longing about having good relationships, the tough things about being bullied - in fact whatever hurts, is painful or holding you back - list it all. And then go further. Do you want to die young?

The idea is to get at the real pain of being fat.

Then change the list - so from the painful into the positive: so maybe from no one worthwhile will love me because I'm so fat to I am loved & cherished deeply by a wonderful person whom I love deeply too. From I can't go on holiday because I'll stuck in the airplane seat , be really uncomfy and need a lap belt and be sweaty and covered up on long clothes when I'm there to I fit easily into my airline seat, the belt does up loosely and I have fabulous clothes to wear while I slink down the beach.

You get the idea: The original list is full of the pain. The new list is what you are moving towards. Re-read them daily to give you motivation.

Step Two:

Declare a new start. Sometimes you may slip - but that's ok. Make a plan and start to follow the plan one day, one meal, one hour or even one minute at a time. Don't feel deprived. Decide to make choosing to stay on your plan a choice. So if, for example, you might decide to count calories, and eat low carb real food 5 times a day - 3 meals and 2 protein snacks, or to do Slimmers World or whatever. It doesn't matter what approach you choose. Some people eat the amount of calories they will need at goal weight.

Then clean house. That means getting rid of junk, biscuits, cereal that's not on your plan. Ask the people you live with to help you. I had my husband take away the Xmas cake and put it somewhere out of sight.

And decide what habits you need to change. Walk a different way home if your usual route is via newsagents. Pay for petrol at the pump if you buy chocolate at petrol stations. Try a chocolate diet shake instead of a choc bar. Eat a small wrapped 70% choc square instead. Try various strategies.

Btw, if you live in a mess, sign up with Flylady and look after your home and yourself. Fat is just clutter on the body. She often has useful strategies for people like us.

Step Three

Stop with secrets. No secret eating. Decide you will post everything you eat on here - or on Myfitnesspal where you can track calories. You need to teach yourself to eat more veg and salad and lean protein in proper portions. So post everything. If you have a fall, post it here. Face up to it. None of us is perfect. It's about learning, shaking yourself down and getting on with it. You don't have to tell your real life family and friends. make this a space where you tell the truth about what you eat when.

You can do it by sharing with your new Basser friends. You can be 2 stone lighter by Xmas - shedding 2lbs a week. Please join us and shed the lbs.

There are lots of wise people on here - so talk to them about which plan to choose and then put one foot in front of the other and you will be trending down on the scales.
Click to expand...

Fab post....post of the week
 
Kabooom 10 mile run in the bank, thank you very much. Now feel guilt free about my nice roast dinner tonight. This week was looking a bit shitty at the start for ladyfun reasons (so missed a run) and because I was picking at stuff and eating 100 cals over my limit here and there. But a great day yesterday, nice run today, one more run before WI on wednesday and things feel like they are turning around. God I hope I get into the 10's this week!
 
u016718 said:
Ha I cant belive I am about to ask for this but I think I need some tough love so I am more than happy to get some harsh truths if anyone is offering! I am 22 have been trying for the last 10 years to loose weight this makes me sad knowing how long I have been unhappy. My weight is the last thing I need to get right but I have gotten it wrong for so many years I do not know where to start?! I eat in secret, make excuses to justify why it is ok to have another chocolate bar! how do you stop making excuses?? what do I need for this time to be different?
Click to expand...
Hi there,

You are in the right place for tough love. Rod, who started this thread, is the one to speak to, but he is away on his hols at the moment. I am sure lots of others will be along here to give you advice.

Not that I am an expert by any means, I do feel I have cracked it this time (I have certainly lost more weight than in recent history) and it is thanks to the support on here and one vital thing I have come to understand after 16 years of trying to loose weight. There isn't a 'this time'. You don't have to 'get it right' this time or else it will be a failure, you don't have to be perfect, or all or nothing. You have to be realistic, and understand that it is going to take ages, there will be excellent days and there will be days you slip up. If things go a bit pear shaped, you haven't 'failed' and have to start all over again, after a week off where you stuff everything in sight to make yourself feel better, or go awol and not log in for months and then sign up with a new Minimins ID, determined that this time you will make it work.

You face up to the fact that you have stuffed up, you don't make any excuses (we won't let you get away with them anyway!)you come on and take the verbal beating, then you just carry on the road, stay accountable, and chip away those pounds. Day after day, month after month, until you get to goal. If you just get your head down and get on with it, you will get there.

Deal? On this thread we will cheer you on from the sidelines, and kick your ass if you start to waver. Now, there are things you need to do - set your goal, and set a goal date (it currently says today, so unless you are planning on getting a magician to slice you in half, you need a realistic goal date). Then, you choose your plan. We are from all schools on here, I am slimming world (although I also count cals as I find the portions can get a bit big), some are on a liquid shake diet, others just calorie count, or do the paleo diet or whatever. Personally, I think registering with My Fitness Pal and counting calories is a great way to start - free and really easy, but you need to decide what's best for you. Don't start tomorrow, or next week, start this very evening. You up for it? Good.

P.s, please can we have a more easily remembered name for you? I feel like I am talking to a robot. Anything you like!?

I would say good luck - but it isn't about luck around here, it is you, making it happen.
 
BonnieBooBear said:
Kabooom 10 mile run in the bank, thank you very much. Now feel guilt free about my nice roast dinner tonight. This week was looking a bit shitty at the start for ladyfun reasons (so missed a run) and because I was picking at stuff and eating 100 cals over my limit here and there. But a great day yesterday, nice run today, one more run before WI on wednesday and things feel like they are turning around. God I hope I get into the 10's this week!
Click to expand...

tut and i thought i was good walking 5 miles, pushing 2 babies, dragging a dog and carrying a bed, food, dishes and toys :D your on fire bonnie, you will get into the 10's this week im sure, i think for you exercise makes all the difference, well, actually ill rephrase that for EVERYONE exercise makes the difference, it boosts your mood and gets your metabolism going. i know im feeling better slowly and its down to exercise, and this is having a knock on effect with my eating today, i went for that walk and when i got home i was physically hungry for lunch, which if im totally honest with you guys i havent felt physically hungry for a while, which means ive been eating too much too often.

also number gal (sorry i cant remember your full name on here it was just a string of numbers, and i like nicknames lol) bonnie is toitally right and id like to thank her for that post, it was like a bit of a slap in the face, i think im too slimming world conditioned as this was the first diet i had success with and when i get down and lazy i revert back to the negatives of that plan such as 'just start again tomorrow, fresh start' but the truth is bonnie is bang on, there is no fresh starts, time goes by no matter what, and i guess keeping saying fresh start to yourself raises that negative chatter box in your head that says "what ANOTHER fresh start, just like the 50 other fresh starts" and youve failed before youve even started, 1 meal at a time, and keep battling, the first week is hard but youll form new habits, youll break these habits from time to time (ahem talking from experience here lol) but the key is youll have here to confess and youll be reminded, harshly but fairly why you did this in the first place. motivation i have learnt comes in waves, you can be up sky high and focused for a month then bam out of no where (so we believe) you lose it......it happens to us all, and its whether you decide to climb back on that wagon again or not. were all adults here and we have a choice whether we want to eat or drink something bad, and thats fine if you do, but you own it and accept the consequences. being honest with yourself is absolutely the only way to do it. conveniently forgetting about the crisps/chocolate/biscuits will not help anyone least of all yourself. EVERYTHING that goes in counts. if your stuck as to what plan to do, i would suggest starting off with sw, its the easiest plan to do, and new members have fantastic results with the weight loss, then when you get a dab hand at it and the losses slow or stop or you get complacent you have calorie counting as your double whammy, slimming world will teach you how to cook good healthy low fat foods, it will make you healthier, i still eat a lot of sw friendly foods, but i cc alongside as im so close to target and i need that extra oomph. go to a group of you need to, soak the information up like a sponge, never think you know it all and keep your options open....

can i just say, thankyou guys so much for the support and ass kicking the past week or so, its kept me from spiralling and just having somewhere to be honest about what i was doing and to be told to pick myself up helped more than being told it was ok, im having a hard time have 2 bottles of wine and a takeaway lol, which is what i wanted to do btw. the dog has gone, my life is back to normal, i feel strangely calmer and im loads less stressed. i have my scan in morning, ill let you know what they say...if it turns out its not a hernia im on the 30 day shred the days in between running...bonnie youve beaten me on the ticker...im not having it hahaha, im going to step up the exercise!! so keep your fingers crossed i get the all clear tomorrow :)
 
OK I need some bashing - real bashing.
I have had the most stressful time lately; father, father in law and now daughter in hospital (nothing too serious). Changed jobs and lost a family pet. Routine all over the shop! As you might know I cracked the bogey 13’s about 10 days ago, sticking to mostly primal foods but to be honest have eaten nothing but junk since and have done zero exercise. I’d love to use my phenomenal 200 mile round trips to three hospitals as an excuse (well maybe for the no time, no exercise) but I have to fess up and admit that it has been a bread binge (sandwiches are just so easy on the run) and muffin munch lately. Sooo, tonight I weighed myself and have managed a whopping 6lb gain in little under 2 weeks. Ok so tomorrow morning – usual Tuesday WI- it may not be so bad, but I’m not optimistic tbh.
Tough Love needed asap please!
Michelle
 
There have been a few great posts recently - hope they help people to focus like they have helped me!!

I was doing really well and felt a bit reluctant to get myself back on track after my holiday where I didn't have to worry myself about exercise or calories.

But I don't want to feel fat, look fat, eat fat or have anything to do with FAT!!! I am going to get back on red days this week and get back into my SW mindset. It's amazing how quickly it slips put of mind when u are not thinking about it.

So Here is to the end of holidays and bank holidays and on to being a SW geek again (now where did I put that scan bran!!!)

P.s where did fluff and t2g go? Have you guys started lurking again? Welcome to all other newbies as well :) stick with us and we will get there together!!
 
sparty said:
There have been a few great posts recently - hope they help people to focus like they have helped me!!

I was doing really well and felt a bit reluctant to get myself back on track after my holiday where I didn't have to worry myself about exercise or calories.

But I don't want to feel fat, look fat, eat fat or have anything to do with FAT!!! I am going to get back on red days this week and get back into my SW mindset. It's amazing how quickly it slips put of mind when u are not thinking about it.

So Here is to the end of holidays and bank holidays and on to being a SW geek again (now where did I put that scan bran!!!)

P.s where did fluff and t2g go? Have you guys started lurking again? Welcome to all other newbies as well :) stick with us and we will get there together!!
Click to expand...

Ha ha! I am lurking again, not really sure I stopped lurking Tbh x
 
anradharc said:
OK I need some bashing - real bashing.
I have had the most stressful time lately; father, father in law and now daughter in hospital (nothing too serious). Changed jobs and lost a family pet. Routine all over the shop! As you might know I cracked the bogey 13’s about 10 days ago, sticking to mostly primal foods but to be honest have eaten nothing but junk since and have done zero exercise. I’d love to use my phenomenal 200 mile round trips to three hospitals as an excuse (well maybe for the no time, no exercise) but I have to fess up and admit that it has been a bread binge (sandwiches are just so easy on the run) and muffin munch lately. Sooo, tonight I weighed myself and have managed a whopping 6lb gain in little under 2 weeks. Ok so tomorrow morning – usual Tuesday WI- it may not be so bad, but I’m not optimistic tbh.
Tough Love needed asap please!
Michelle
Click to expand...

6lbs in two weeks? You and I both know that isn't good. I'm not unsympathetic to the fact that you have obviously been under pressure lately, but you know that the gain was avoidable!

Sandwiches aren't the only quick foods out there and Muffins are not the only available snacks. You know this- I suspect that because you've been stressed, you've been choosing food you feel are a bit more comforting. And has it helped? Has it solved the situation? Nope.

You need to get back on it . If you've still got people in the hospital, then you need to be more prepared. Take fruit with you as a snack, drink plenty of water and if you need to buy snacks on the go, look for salads (without the dressing) or check the calories of things and find the lowest option. If you have time, prepare a few meals at a time, put them in the fridge and have them as you need them!

You need to get back to the exercise asap, even if it is a 15 minute brisk walk every day, just to get things moving. You need to get back in control and you need to stop letting your circumstances dictate what you eat. They don't- YOU do. And you can start with your next meal. You can get this gain off in the next couple of weeks if you work hard.

You need to refocus- you've come so far already, don't throw away all your hard work.
 
gettingfit said:
I've lost my love of walking.:( I think it's because so many people around that walking along the beach hasn't been too much fun.Only a week left and kids go back to school.:)

Will get back to doing my Davina set today.(rowing action exerciser,twist board and weights).Not used it for a while so a change is better than doing nothing.:)
Click to expand...

Find somewhere else to walk, I love exploring new places, do you have any wooded areas near you? These are great as the ground is uneven so it works you harder.

Well just about to leave for the marathon walk to have my scan. Its around 2 miles each way!! Then I'm off running tonight. Really cracked the eating last night. I found not snacking too hard at the minute so decided I can have a snack of fruit on an evening then when I'm in the swing again I'll cut it out, I don't want to put too many restrictions on myself too quickly cos it will seem too hard.
 
Good that the scan was clear Lou, but does that mean they don't know what was wrong?
 
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