furrysmudge
Gold Member
Phew, what a dilemma. My father left my mother for another woman when i was 7, my mother had a breakdown and i ended up having to live with my father and his new wife who beat me up and made my left hell. Because of her i lost contact with my mother and sister for 16 years. As an adult I was still scared of her and angry at my father for allowing everything to happen, and when my grandmother died he decided he loved his wife more than me and broke contact with me to make her happy, that was 15 years ago. I know he is about 66 now, have made a couple of halfhearted efforts to find him, and have virtual conversations with him in my head in a scenario where he contacted me......and each time it ends with me saying 'you made your choice, you chose not to acknowledge you have a daughter, why would i need you now??'. My mother remarried to a lovely man who treated me as another daughter and sadly died of cancer in january, strangely enough it made the relationship with my mother and sister stronger. If i ever see my stepmother again id like to slap her round the face for (as i see it) screwing up my childhood, it may sound like im just being stubborn but if he did contact me i dont think id be interested in seeing him, he walked away from me when i needed him most (Id just had my 1st child, my nan died, my relationship broke up and i had no where to live) he was very wealthy he could have helped......but no SHE was more important. I know its probably a ttally different story to yours, and i understand what others are saying when they say if they could see their beloved parents again theyd jump at the chance, but that just it.....they were their 'beloved' parents......in situations like ours there doesnt seem to be much love lost......
sorry for waffling and telling my life story, i dont talk about it much, but i can see the dilemma you're in......my advice would be the same as some you've already had......when you didnt know if he was alive or dead were you really bothered? If the answers 'no' then I really wouldnt turn your life upside down and ruin the therapy youve already had. I wish you luck with whatever you decide, just dont feeled you have to do something you dont want to do xxxxx
sorry for waffling and telling my life story, i dont talk about it much, but i can see the dilemma you're in......my advice would be the same as some you've already had......when you didnt know if he was alive or dead were you really bothered? If the answers 'no' then I really wouldnt turn your life upside down and ruin the therapy youve already had. I wish you luck with whatever you decide, just dont feeled you have to do something you dont want to do xxxxx
