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When is it ok to Lie??

#1
Husband and I were talking about christmas and he has announce that we shouldn't tell our 3yr old son about Santa. It is lying!

Yes I agree it's lying but for me it is a simple white lie that doesn't hurt anyone. I think in this case more harm would come from telling the truth and it would spoil xmas for him if there was no santa. Hubby completely disagrees. I have already started talking about santa but OH thinks I should stop. How do we resolve a situation where there is 110% disagreement.

Also,( for a bit of fun) when else is it acceptable to lie to your kids? What else do you tell them that would have your nose growing?? My son is very young so havent really come accross it yet:D
 
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#4
Sounds like someone's parents left it a little too late to fess up about Santa and has left him a bit jaded?? Just a guess as can't think of any other reason why he's be so dead against a little harmless white lie

xxx
 
S: 14st13lb C: 14st13lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 38.2 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#5
My mum said i was abosloutly inconsolable when my elder brother spilt the beans on santa. he made me stay up and wait on the stairs to prove mum was bringing the pressies up from the garage (we were never aloud in there as it led onto a main road through the oposite door)

i didnt believe him, but sure enough.. it happened, just as he said it would.

he ruined my christmas.. and then it became all about presents from there on after.



kids are too smart these days. little white lies keeps the innocense.
 
#6
I think it all comes down to money. When he was little his dad was a miner and out of work a lot of the time. He would ask santa for something and because his parents didnt have the money he wouldnt get what he asked for, he would get what they could afford. He wont admit that this is why he is so anti santa and I THINK it is just that he doesnt want our son to be disappointed. I can sort of understand it but totally disagree with it
 
#7
I think it all comes down to money. When he was little his dad was a miner and out of work a lot of the time. He would ask santa for something and because his parents didnt have the money he wouldnt get what he asked for, he would get what they could afford. He wont admit that this is why he is so anti santa and I THINK it is just that he doesnt want our son to be disappointed. I can sort of understand it but totally disagree with it

All becomes clear - makes perfect sense!!

xxx
 
S: 13st5lb C: 10st1lb G: 10st8lb BMI: 25 Loss: 3st4lb(24.6%)
#8
I think it all comes down to money. When he was little his dad was a miner and out of work a lot of the time. He would ask santa for something and because his parents didnt have the money he wouldnt get what he asked for, he would get what they could afford. He wont admit that this is why he is so anti santa and I THINK it is just that he doesnt want our son to be disappointed. I can sort of understand it but totally disagree with it
My eldest 2 dont believe any more, youngest still does, i have always told them that they arent going to get everything they ask for on their list because there is lots of kids in the world and santa cant make enough toys to give everybody everything they ask for, they were always happy with that.
The eldest 2 now realise that it comes down to money and that is why they wont get everything
 
S: 15st5lb C: 14st11lb G: 12st7lb BMI: 31.5 Loss: 0st8lb(3.72%)
#9
what do u mean theres no father christmas he always eats the mince pies and milk i leave for him lol can't believe a dad wants his son to know theres not one thats what makes christmas for the kids party pooper is all i can say (u could put some dogs poo under oh's shoe and say the reindeer must have left it ha ha) :eek:
 
#10
Forsaken ( my partner also on this site will answer here, he is a bit unstable )

In my oppinion there is absolutely no reason whatsoever to be telling a child of that age that there is no Santa...

This would be possibly the biggest mistake you could make...

Let me try and explain why i think this way...

You see when you tell your little boy there is no santa you would not only be telling him this you would also be telling every child he interacts with and in my oppinion this is unaceptable.

Of course money is tight we have 2 girls aged 3 and 8 and although the oldest is starting to realise that it is realy us and her family who supply her gifts she is still not 100% sure, hearing rumours at school etc is a contributory fact in this.

We got around the money issues by telling our girls that they wont always get everything they ask for because like has been said before santa has millions of gifts to give to millions of children all over the world, also remember to make sure that every time they are naughty and not nice santa may take one of thethings they ask for away, what child is not naughty lol...

To sum up i feel that if you are correct and it is a throwback from his childhood and he fears not being able to get everything only rich kids get everything the biggest majority of us live down here in the real world, so i guess what i am saying is no dont tell him the knockon effect of this could be catastrophic and damage the other kids he comes into contact with.

I have now been told to stop and i was nowhere near finished......
 
#11
I dont think this is about lying, its about maintaining what is a totally innocent, & childlike fantasy. Lying to me, is telling a deliberate untruth to achieve your own ends, & this just is NOT the same. There are many illusions in our lives upon which we build our childrens childhood on, (tooth fairy, Easter Bunny, to name but two) & that is just it, its about childhood! There is plenty of time for children to learn that life is not about fantasy, I am afraid I do not understand why the heck would anyone want to ruin that at 3 years old? If a parent had a bad experience about something in their childhood, all the more reason not to pass it on to your children! Learn from it, & instill happier memories for your children.

As a child & even up to young adulthood, I was terrified of thunderstorms. However, since my child's birth, I have done my utmost to ensure my child doesnt inherit my entirely baseless terror of thunder & lightning.... Its worked, he isn't bothered with it at all, & I have learned that its not a great big scary thing, its just weather!
 
S: 107kg C: 85kg G: 79kg BMI: 33.2 Loss: 22kg(20.56%)
#12
That is so sad !!!! AND SO WRONG !!!

Poor little mite. Let him have the joy, the excitement, the anticipation, the fun of believing in something so magical and so short lived.

I truly believe in the importance of a fairytale Christmas time for the tiniest and most vulnerable of our babes. The under 5's especially are the wonder and the joy of Christmas.

When my son was tiny, my joy and pleasure was his belief in all things Christmas.
 
#13
OMG a laptop at 7??? What do they get when they are 14?

I agree about the knock on effect with other kids and I would be furious if some child told my son there was no santa.
As he is only coming up for 3 this is the 1st year we have spoken about santa (he was terrified last year so we just didnt mention him). As a child I was allowed to ask santa for 3 things and he would try to get me one of them, we always had to choose a few smaller things as well in case santa couldnt provide the big things ( my mum was on her own so money was tight). If she could afford it santa would provide 1 big thing ( and 2 0r 3 small things) and mum would get us the rest. This is how I would explain it. Gifts from grandparents etc always came from them not santa. My husband is just going to have to get used to the idea. At 3 yrs old parents guide what their kids ask for anyway and as he gets older he will be taught about the value of money and that some things are just too expensive for him to have
 

Shabba

Loves the Nom Nom!!!
S: 14st11lb C: 13st0.5lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 26.9 Loss: 1st10.5lb(11.84%)
#14
I think it all comes down to money. When he was little his dad was a miner and out of work a lot of the time. He would ask santa for something and because his parents didnt have the money he wouldnt get what he asked for, he would get what they could afford. He wont admit that this is why he is so anti santa and I THINK it is just that he doesnt want our son to be disappointed. I can sort of understand it but totally disagree with it
That sounds like my childhood, but i guess im a woman and we generally deal with these things in less of a childish way! My dad was a miner and then a postman, my mum rarely in work due to a bad car accident which left her disabled but we still had some presents, not as much as others but some!
Theres loads of things i asked Santa for and i very rarely got them, but it doesnt mean our 3 yr old daughter has to stop believing in Santa! She already knows what she's asking for from him and cant wait for the big build up, without children and Santa christmas just isnt the same! The magic fades...
 
#16
Silly sausage: you are a silly sausage, that is just a story:D

Shaabba I totally agree. My mum was a single parent and did her best. we may not have got huge presents but we always got presents. I hope to teach my son that he is a very lucky little boy who has a lot more than many children have and even if he doesnt always get what he asks for he will get what santa and mum&dad can manage.

Does that sound harsh?
 
S: 107kg C: 85kg G: 79kg BMI: 33.2 Loss: 22kg(20.56%)
#17
OMG a laptop at 7??? What do they get when they are 14?

I agree about the knock on effect with other kids and I would be furious if some child told my son there was no santa.
As he is only coming up for 3 this is the 1st year we have spoken about santa (he was terrified last year so we just didnt mention him). As a child I was allowed to ask santa for 3 things and he would try to get me one of them, we always had to choose a few smaller things as well in case santa couldnt provide the big things ( my mum was on her own so money was tight). If she could afford it santa would provide 1 big thing ( and 2 0r 3 small things) and mum would get us the rest. This is how I would explain it. Gifts from grandparents etc always came from them not santa. My husband is just going to have to get used to the idea. At 3 yrs old parents guide what their kids ask for anyway and as he gets older he will be taught about the value of money and that some things are just too expensive for him to have
Silly sausage: you are a silly sausage, that is just a story:D

Shaabba I totally agree. My mum was a single parent and did her best. we may not have got huge presents but we always got presents. I hope to teach my son that he is a very lucky little boy who has a lot more than many children have and even if he doesnt always get what he asks for he will get what santa and mum&dad can manage.

Does that sound harsh?
I think you sound a sensible and loving parent and your little boy is a lucky little boy to have such a grounded and caring mum,

hugs xxxx
 

mcv

Silver Member
#19
My children are 7 and 4. they both believe in father christmas and its the most exciting time ever for us as parents let alone the kids.
My children have what i would call their main present for their birthdays. For christmas they have a stocking on the end of their bed ( a proper sock so not much in it) and stuff under the tree last year we spent £40 each on them. our main focus is spending time with family and being thankful for what we have.
Other white lies, crusts make your hair curly, eating vegetables makes you big and strong like daddy. tooth fairy. Every monday night my children think i go to work when actually i go to SW.
 


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