Who are you dieting for?

Discussion in 'Bring your Head Inside and your Body will Follow' started by KD, 25 July 2007 Social URL.

  1. KD

    KD Gone fishing

    I think most people will say that they are dieting for themselves, but are you really? Or is it to get approval from others?
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  3. MadamDotty

    MadamDotty Back again!

    Hmm, intersting question. I think if I'm honest for me it was a bit of both, I wanted the approval and admiration from others for being slim, but I think by the time I got to the point when I started on CD it was my dispair at how I looked and felt that gave me the impetus to do it, I really disliked how I looked and no longer wanted to be fat, which I'd been in denial about for a long, long time.

    And now I'm at goal and been a slim person for a year, i still think deep down I get a lot from the approval I believe I get by being slim, which is down to my lack of self-belief that I have always had.

    This and Mrs Lard's post on secret eating have really opened up some deep thoughts and feelings for me, I just need to find a way to analyse them and try to come up with some answers. not sure of the way forward, but just acknowledging some of this is a big help.

  4. canireallydothis!!

    canireallydothis!! Gold Member

    I thought that Id have a look at these threads and whizz through, but the secret eating thread scared me, not because I am a secret eater as such, Ill just eat, sometimes in secret, and sometimes not, but there are so many posts on there that rung a bell.

    Maybe these threads are just what I need to try and sort my food addiction out, I wasnt daft enough to realise that getting slim would be the be all and end all and I would be slim for ever, but maybe I didnt analyise things as much as I should, and whilst Im doing ok, then that 6 to 8lbs hanging around wont go away until I address this properly, just not sure how.
  5. sonkie

    sonkie Gold Member

    I am dieting to be happy with myself eventually, and also to have my long awaited surgery on my hernia.
    Then there is also the fact I have missed out on doing so much with my boys whilst they were younger I want to make up time for it.
  6. Maintainer

    Maintainer ** Chief WITCH **

    I for one think it's fabulous to be discussing these issues so openly together.

    I lost my weight "on my own", as it were, without a slimming club or assistance of this website, and I certainly didn't spend any time thinking about the psychological or emotional reasons as to why I reached 22 stone.

    I would say that I dieted for myself. At the weight I had reached, I could no longer even find "tent like" clothes to fit myself; I saw the big 40 birthday 2 years away, and went for it...

    Since being slim though, I have to acknowledge that the approval of society has to have something to do with it, where I'm concerned, at least. I am very very conscious now of everyone's weight / what they're eating / what's in their shopping trollies. In fact, food plays a FAR larger part in the thought processes of my life NOW than it ever did "before".

    Before - I just ate loads.
    Now - I think about it a lot. And sometimes eat loads.

    Karion - reading your posts, I often feel that you have "the answer". You've done it. You've maintained. OK so did I but the stopping smoking thing has obviously messed up my psyche, temporarily hopefully.
  7. KD

    KD Gone fishing

    Nah.. just get lots of little lightbulb moments:D

    Okay, for those who are slimming to look good, are you doing this for yourself as you like looking good?

    Is that really nothing to do with trying to gain the approval of others? I'm not saying that we should all walk about with nothing on, just truly understand what's going on. I think that wanting to look good is fine, but has little to do with self esteem IMO

    So you people that want to look good for yourself, does the same thing apply if you were on a desert island with no chance of meeting another person again?
  8. Karen

    Karen Serial Foodie!

    I think losing weight for me is a huge chunk of both. I think its much more "deeper" emotions that drive me to wanna lose weight for myself and that goes very much hand in hand with wanting to do it for my kids and hubby...for a better quality of life and for their approval. there is definately a shallow side of wanting to fit in and feel approved of by the outside world tho. I think most people r driven by the desire to "fit in" and not be ridiculed. being slim is just one of the millions of things that help achieve that.

    Im the first person to say i dont care what other people think of me but i also know its a lie. on some level, i'd bet my pension that almost all people care what others think.
  9. westiegirl

    westiegirl Gold Member

    Very interesting thread!

    When I did LL last year I thought it was for me but in reality it was an approval thing.

    When I fell off the wagon and put the weight back I tried to use the intuitive eating approach to lose the weight and that was for a mixture of approval but also to try and conquer my eating disorder - because I realised foodpacks just didn't teach me about that.

    However I am now about embark on SSing again, but my reasons are very different this time. Over the last week my weight increase has had a very negative impact on me - I'm getting out of breath, I can't afford to buy even more new clothes (I literally can't afford it), my nagging backache has returned (and is exacerbated my my bra being tight) and I am very very tired all the time. I was willing to go with the intuitive eating flow until these negative physical symptoms appeared.

    Don't get me wrong there is definately an issue of vanity involved (I dislike what I see in the mirror - but note I say dislike rather than hate which is what I would have said last month) but the impetus now is the benefit of my health.

    Maybe I'll be able to stay on the wagon this time because the reasons I'm doing this are much deeper.
  10. KD

    KD Gone fishing

    But that will only take you so far. What happens when you get slimmer...but not slim enough?

    True, but again, is it enough? When you got down to goal, were you really happy enough to want to stay there? Did you feel really good about yourself? Was it really 'internal'...you could label yourself as having a high self esteem?

    As for approval from others. How much do people really approve? How happy are they for you. Do they really admire you or do they go home thinking "Damn the woman...now I have to go on a diet cos she is slimmer than me"

    I'm just throwing out thoughts here. How useful is losing weight to gain the admiration of others? Is it enough to want to lose all the weight, learn to have a good relationship with food, and then keep it off?
  11. Kate

    Kate CDC/PT/PITA

    Truthfully, I really did do it for myself. I had got to a stage where I wasn't comfortable (I mean physically comfortable, not mentally) and I was aware that my weight was verging on being a major health risk.

    I was very happy and comfortable with who I was. The time just came for me to sort myself out (being very fit used to be an important part of my self image, and I'd lost that and wanted it back - this is why when I stopped the Cambridge Diet, I was still a size 16 - I was fit and that was what mattered. I then maintained for about 18 months before losing another couple of stone, this time partly for vanity reasons and partly because I knew a bit more weight loss would improve my performance).
  12. Kate

    Kate CDC/PT/PITA

    *ignore this, I didn't read the post I was quoting from properly*
  13. Barb

    Barb Gold Member

    I think if being fat was fashionable and desirable I would be one happy fat girl! But its not, so I am an unhappy fat girl, but not all the time. Sometimes i look in the mirror and think, yeah, chunky, but OK. Others I look at myself and literally hate myself. I do wonder/worry what others think, I hate being the biggest person in the room etc.. Healthwise I know I should be lighter in order to be healthier, but I must admit that I am not driven by that, which is quite stupid of me when you think about it.
    If I lost lots of weight(note I say 'if ' not the optimistic when) I am sure I would be happier, I just don't seem to have it in me to make the colossal effort required. So perhaps I am just not unhappy enough?
  14. Karen

    Karen Serial Foodie!

    Blimey. how dare u make me think on a deeper level lol. I think for me I was much much happier when i was smaller but i still had issues about other things. maybe thats why i gained so much to begin with....so i would have the fat to worry about and ignore the real stuff. hmmm...am gonna mull this over and post back. i'll be either cursing or thanking u when ive had a good think lol :rolleyes: xxx
  15. chunkychicken

    chunkychicken Full Member

    This is so interesting to me.
    I think my first answer to this is that it is about 50/50 - but then it gets more complicated.

    I was at absolutely rock bottom with my weight when I started LL in April. My weight literally ruled my life and rendered me completely unable to cope with social situations, meeting new people, cope with certain aspects of my work and was starting to negatively impact on my relationship too as I was so down about myself and my appearance.
    That was the initial reason that I got in touch with LL and actually started the programme.
    Part way through the programme, I realised that after being morbidly obese for over 10 years, I had made "becoming slim" into the holy grail of my life. I honestly believed when I was bigger that losing weight would solve all problems and right all wrongs in my life. When it finally dawned on me that actually, my self esteem, (although better), was not magically going to shoot from the person I was (would rather fall out with my partner than meet his friends out of sheer terror of what they would think of me), to the centre of attention, party loving, sexual mistress I was hoping to become.
    Getting the weight off will help, but there is a lot of work I still need to do internally to "fix" my self confidence and become less inhibited and inward looking.
    Don't get me wrong I can be totally myself with people I trust and am told I am just a big silly kid and fun to be around - but put me out of my comfort zone ... and it is a different story.
    I want to lose the fear I still have more than anything. I honestly believe I have wasted years being imprisoned by it - the realisation that the weightloss alone won't achieve that has been a hard lesson for me.
    Interestingly though, when I was with my ex husband who was very overweight himself, I was far less conscious of my weight than I am now, and only went on a diet so I would look acceptable (to others not him... hmmmmm)for our wedding. It was only after the marriage split up and I got together with my new OH (who weighs less than 10 stone) that I really started to "freak out" about my weight and decided I had to do something about it.
    So perhaps my first reaction to this question - being that I did it to improve my quality of life, was actually influenced by the fact that I felt more socially unacceptable with a slim boyfriend than I did with a fat husband.
    Interesting - don't think I will easily get to the bottom of this one.
  16. RachelA

    RachelA Silver Member

    There are lots of reasons why I want to be slim (slimmer) again. I have tried doing it for me and for my family but always end up feeling guilty when I mess up.
    Ive wanted to do it to look good as I hate being the fat/gargantuan one and the ridicule that comes with it.

    However, I need to lose weight for health issues now, my knees and ankles keep giving way, my sciatica returned (something I vowed I would not let happen) and I generally feel ill all the time.
    I hate feeling like this, so my health is my motivation for doing SS as I cant bear to feel like this anymore.
  17. carebear1

    carebear1 Full Member

    I think its mainly for the kiddos, i don't want them to have the fatest mummy in school and me not being able to do stuff with them. For me its time now, i've been fat for 8 yrs( i'm 27) and i want it off
  18. sazzy34

    sazzy34 Gold Member

    I have always been the "big" girl, but fortunatly have only had 1 or 2 negative comments about my weight even from being at school.
    But this year when my spare tyre got bigger then my boobs ( which are fairly big)
    Enough was enough.
    It wasnt what I weighed that frightened me it was the bmi above 40 !!!!!
    I am doing this to be healthy, I want to be able to RUN off any treats I may have, but most importantly to be fit and healthy to see my son grow up!!!
    I would be happy in the knowledge that any future health scares or issues were not self inflicted by my being so fat. lol
  19. KD

    KD Gone fishing

    Exactly! And the same to others that have used this for their motivation.

    I never realised how important this was until I started long-term maintenance.
  20. sazzy34

    sazzy34 Gold Member

    I didnt care about being unhealthy until my hubby started running 2 years ago, he was just coming up to being 30 when his dad informed him he had had two heart attacks by the time he hit 30.
    His dad is a big bloke and smokes and drinks loads ( still does)
    So my hubby lost a couple of stone by running, he is terrible for chocs and sweets but runs so he can have them.
    I would love to do a 5k run with him one day and we can both be around and be a good example for our little one.
    I am in danger of becoming a health, fitness bore,
    ROFL (Never gonna happen )
  21. doriclass

    doriclass Member

    i am doing this for me and my family, i have never had anyone say anything to my face but feel as though everyone is saying so behind my back.

    I have to do this and i will, it is going to hard though i know that.

    want to do more things with my kids and have very little self esteem to go out and do things, this is why i must change.


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