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Will my sex drive return once I've lost some weight?

big bear

A bear on a mission!
S: 14st7lb
#1
Really sorry if this is too much information but my sex drive has run off somewhere!

I'm hoping that some of you have had this and once you've lost weight it's returned.

I don't know if I should speak to the doctor about it or just wait and see.

Can anyone advise?
 
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ColJack

Gold Member
S: 33st5.5lb C: 19st11lb G: 16st9lb BMI: 33.7 Loss: 13st8.5lb(40.75%)
#2
stupid question but, are you male or female?
your name is ambiguous and your profile picture is no help at all..
 

Shrimpy

Gold Member
S: 13st6lb C: 8st12lb G: 8st11lb BMI: 24.2 Loss: 4st8lb(34.04%)
#3
This might be too personal, but I'll go with it!

Has your sex drive deminished due to the way you feel about yourself?
Was there any triggers you can remember?

Also- if you haven't been having sex for a while the thing to do is to remove the pressure. Have a nice "clothes on" snogging session with your partner, tell them no sex for two weeks, but do everything else. Spend time being intimate but without having sex, see if that increases your sex drive.
The other thing recommended to help is to masturbate, if you don't already, as sex and orgasms especially are hardwired in our brain as a "do again", so the more often you engage in sexual activity the more likely you are to want it.
 

big bear

A bear on a mission!
S: 14st7lb
#4
Sorry I'm female. The other think that may have a factor is that I had a baby 10 weeks ago!
 

big bear

A bear on a mission!
S: 14st7lb
#5
Shrimpy - no triggers that I can think of and no it's not because I feel bad about myself.
 

Wilkin87

Full Member
S: 14st0lb C: 12st11lb G: 10st7lb BMI: 28.9 Loss: 1st3lb(8.67%)
#6
This might be too personal, but I'll go with it!

Has your sex drive deminished due to the way you feel about yourself?
Was there any triggers you can remember?

Also- if you haven't been having sex for a while the thing to do is to remove the pressure. Have a nice "clothes on" snogging session with your partner, tell them no sex for two weeks, but do everything else. Spend time being intimate but without having sex, see if that increases your sex drive.
The other thing recommended to help is to masturbate, if you don't already, as sex and orgasms especially are hardwired in our brain as a "do again", so the more often you engage in sexual activity the more likely you are to want it.
You made me smile!! :p
 

ColJack

Gold Member
S: 33st5.5lb C: 19st11lb G: 16st9lb BMI: 33.7 Loss: 13st8.5lb(40.75%)
#7
You made me smile!! :p
made me think naughty thoughts... but that's besides the point..

it's probably a baby thing..

Post-baby 'coolness', a term we have coined for the loss of libido that often happens after childbirth. It is almost certainly linked to hormonal changes that occur at this time. The general trauma of childbirth also plays a part - and after having a baby, many women are too exhausted to think about sex.
 

Shrimpy

Gold Member
S: 13st6lb C: 8st12lb G: 8st11lb BMI: 24.2 Loss: 4st8lb(34.04%)
#8
I agree with ColJack, It's probably baby related, give it some time and do the nice intimacy things but allow yourself to no have sex. take the pressure off and let things arrange themselves as they will. The more worried you are the less likely you are to do it, imo. Just give it a while and enjoy the new baby and your partner. :)
 

fillymum

synful soul
S: 107kg C: 85kg G: 79kg BMI: 33.2 Loss: 22kg(20.56%)
#10
You are expecting to much of yourself Karen.

It is your bodies way of recovering from the birth plus the fact it must be pretty exhausting looking after 2 such young babes.

When it comes back it will come back with a vengeance !!! Look out Hubby !!!
 

Fatty_no_more

Slimming for my children
#11
Hi hunny I can sooo sympathise. It nearly broke our marriage and I ended up gettin counselling that didn't work as all the woman did was talk to my son and say how cute he was but I did get diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder. They knew it wasn't Pnd as I wasn't showing any signs but I had a nasty pregnancy ending up in a crash c section. My husband took it on board and we took things very very slow. He would never pressure me and we seem to after a year of maybe sex 6 times if that we are now back having it 3 or 4 times a week.
It takes time. Being a new mum you are bound to focus on your baby all the time, tired from lack of sleep and also your hormones will take a while to get back to normal.

Good luck xx
 

big bear

A bear on a mission!
S: 14st7lb
#12
Thanks guys, I'm quite happy not to do it as normally too tired or can't be bothered but H says he's got needs!! We've managed once since the baby (sorry tmi) I'm just going to take it slowly as FNM says..I don't want to go to counselling.

Thanks again lovely people. XXX
 

catxx

Full Member
S: 10st0lb C: 9st11lb G: 8st7lb BMI: 23.5 Loss: 0st3lb(2.14%)
#13
Bless you for your honesty! You are not alone. It was at least 6 months before I could even think about anything like that after my two were born ;) Luckily my OH was ok with it cos he was exhausted too lol!

I know from talking to friends that most of them were the same too, I thought maybe it was just me but thankfully not. You will get there and the better you feel about yourself all the better! :) x
 
#14
He would never pressure me and we seem to after a year of maybe sex 6 times if that we are now back having it 3 or 4 times a week.
Are me and my partner really weird, cos once a week is all we can manage most of the time? We're both so exhausted from our jobs that Saturday is the only time for hanky panky, Sundays are spent stressing about going back to work again because we both HATE our workplaces. Seriously, I've often wondered this. I read a survey on BBC news about the 'normal' amount of sex couples have, and it was a lot more than we do! :confused:

I also read that the 'average' couple passionately snogs about 5 times a day, but we hardly ever snog. We kiss and cuddle, sure. But swapping saliva has always seemed mighty gross to me. :p

As for the original topic of this thread, I suspect there's something in the suggestion to masturbate more. Its easy to live without sex if you don't remind yourself of how good it can be, and going solo is the best low-pressure starting point I think.
 

donnajt

Addicted to Minimins!
S: 19st10lb C: 16st10lb G: 11st4lb BMI: 37.8 Loss: 3st0lb(15.22%)
#15
To add to the brew, stop stressing over it - tell hubby to back off and go solo - a nagging husband is such a turn off !!! The more you worry the more chore-like it will become, take it slow, find a bit of time for just you and hubby each day, even if its just a ten min snuggle on the sofa and let things progress at their own pace. Don't forget you are adjusting to having a little person completely dependent on you, husband has to realise that he is now 2nd in line, relax, we all go through "dry" spells, donna x
 
S: 14st2lb G: 10st0lb
#16
Oh there is the exact same thread on my baby forum (babies from july 09 - and us girlies still having the same conversation 18 months later LOL).

I started to wander when I saw this thread if there was something in the water xx
 

Lexie_dog

UNLEASHING THE BEAST!
S: 15st12.5lb C: 15st9lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 35.3 Loss: 0st3.5lb(1.57%)
#17
And I have to say, much as sex is lovely sometimes the other stuff is better. It reminds me of when you were first going out and didnt want to have sex, but the other stuff was fine.

And I have to say after 10 years hubby doesn't skimp on the warm up, and the main act is great, but he completely ignores it if it's not sex or foreplay.

The average couple snogs 5 times a day? Dunno who's getting my 5 then.

Mines gave me a row the other day 'cause he wanted to watch Hustle not "grope me on the couch". Pffff.
 
S: 18st0lb C: 17st9lb G: 10st6lb BMI: 41.1 Loss: 0st5lb(1.98%)
#18
My problem is the other way round, its trying to get him in the mood!

Our 1st yr of marriage we managed a whole twice!

Trying to get more than a quickie is hard and does nothing for me!

Tried new undies but didn't work! Back to the failing drawing board!
 
S: 107kg C: 85kg G: 79kg BMI: 33.2 Loss: 22kg(20.56%)
#19
My problem is the other way round, its trying to get him in the mood!

Our 1st yr of marriage we managed a whole twice!

Trying to get more than a quickie is hard and does nothing for me!

Tried new undies but didn't work! Back to the failing drawing board!
Gosh that is serious. Have you talked about it.

In couples who have been together for lots of years it is normal to have less *activity* but in your first year....goodness !!

Have you discussed whether he has any underlying problems ? Exhaustion and depression can cause all-sorts of problems including difficulty in sustaining an erection and a lack of sex drive in men.
 
S: 18st0lb C: 17st9lb G: 10st6lb BMI: 41.1 Loss: 0st5lb(1.98%)
#20
He just says sex isn't important part of a relationship?

I had serious depression for about 4 yrs and conduit painful when pregnant!

My husband has had a colourful past, i just wish it would come back with me!

Our last night off from our daughter we spent in asda! I'm still raging about it! Considering he had said about a romantic night in!
 


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