Worried about my mum.

Discussion in 'Slimming World Off Topic' started by tara40, 12 September 2011 Social URL.

  1. tara40

    tara40 Loves Norman Reedus

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    My mum is in her early 70's and lives in Jersey. Now I know she is cantankerous, but she lives in a flat with a shared bathroom. (you have to live in Jersey for 10 years before you qualify, which means more affordable housing). And one of the people there is a paramedic who had seperated from his wife. Now my mum had had a go at him about keeping the bathroom clean a few months ago, and since then he has been having a go at her about various things.
    now things came to ahead on Sunday whereby she had said, that she hoped that she never had to get into his ambulance, to which he replied, well if you get into my ambulance, i will make sure that you dont reach the correct destination.
    to which my mum went into a panic which affected her diabetes.
    any advise as to what she can do. i mean it is going to be her word against his.
    she is going to the council today, but she is not a resident until the beginning of February whereby she will be able to move into a better accommodation.
     
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  3. now-or-never

    now-or-never Full Member

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    not sure what to say apart from what a mean person in a so called caring profession! I would probably tell my mum to either go to council or police ( after all its a threat ). At least that way if, (god forbid) anything else happened then it would be logged x
     
  4. tara40

    tara40 Loves Norman Reedus

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    Good idea, should get it logged. i might tell her to keep a diary too. Thank you for your reply.x
     
  5. fillymum

    fillymum synful soul

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    I think you have to keep it as low key as possible.

    If your mum is vulnerable you do not want to stir a hornets nest for her.

    I agree that you need an arbitrator in the form of someone from social services.
     
  6. MichelinMummy

    MichelinMummy Full Member

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    Every person who wants to call themselves a paramedic has to be registered with the Health Professionals Council (I presume it is the same for Jersey) so you could actually complain to them as it is conduct unbecoming and it's also bullying and unprofessional.

    If Jersey doesn't come under the HPC regulations then complain to the NHS trust he works for and they'll investigate it.

    I appreciate when Filly says about stirring up a hornets nest but as someone who has recently watched someone close go through a similar thing I know how seriously and professionally the HPC deal with things. They will be sympathetic and sensitive to your mum.

    If the 'paramedic' is happy to talk to your mum like that then it doesn't say a whole lot about him as a medical professional and he is basically bullying your mum by threatening her like that.

    The best thing to do is file a written complaint. It may seem as though it is her word against his but they really will take it seriously and deal with it appropriately. HPC - Health Professions Council

    If you need any more advice regarding this post please feel free just to PM me and I'll do what I can to help.

    Good luck,

    Hayley x
     
  7. jaylou

    jaylou Gold Member

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    I may get shot down in flames with this, but is it a case of six of one, half a dozen of the other?

    I am quite certain that he wouldn't have meant it, I'm sure anyone in a medical profession would give all patients their upmost care, friend or foe.

    I think maybe your mum needs to let it go and try not to get so wound up, it's a means to an end sharing the flat, and hopefully she'll get moved on soon.

    The guy said in a personal situation, in response to an exchange of words they were having.

    Sorry if this offends, I don't mean to, but sounds to me like two grown ups having a sqabble.
     
  8. MichelinMummy

    MichelinMummy Full Member

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    I entirely see your point Jaylou and normally would completely agree with you and say just let it lie.

    BUT that said his remark did effect Tara's mum and was completely unprofessional and inappropriate given his career. Yes of course it was said in an entirely personal situation (as opposed to professional) but there is a certain level of personal conduct that is expected of anyone in that type of job. For example, (just to be devil's advocate here so please forgive me!) if this man was sleeping with an underage girl then the HPC and/or NHS trust would have to step in and investigate as even though it's on his own time it is inappropriate given his position.

    Apologies if it seems like I am having a pop at you - I'm really really not!! - but I'm just trying to explain it from a different point of view.
    Although of course if this man was a binman (not trying to offend any bin 'people' here!) and threatened to not empty her bins it would be a different matter as he wouldn't have signed on to a job that expects a certain level of conduct both at home and at work.

    Phew! Sorry for the lecture...it wasn't meant that way :-D

    Tara40 - I hope your mum is ok and not too shaken up by it all.
     
  9. MichelinMummy

    MichelinMummy Full Member

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    P.S I hope all of that made sense ;)
     
  10. jaylou

    jaylou Gold Member

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    Yep and I see your point but, I know for a fact that if I cleaned my bathroom, my mum would think it was still a mess! Perhaps this was the case too?

    We don't know the full details or situation, or cleanliness standards, all I can see is a couple of people having a niggle at each other. Regardless of profession, it just all seems like a bit of a spat to me.

    What he said was wrong, but I doubt very much that he would have meant it..... As Tara said, this has gone on for a few months, perhaps the fella (and her mum) were at the end of their tethers.
     
  11. midwife1311

    midwife1311 Full Member

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    I have to agree with Jaylou!! and strongly disagree with reporting him to HPC over a minor exchange of words with a cantankerous woman!! Tara40 words not mine!
    It's not his clinical or professional conduct that's in question.......................it was a off the cuff remark made in response to a woman who seems certainly able to "hold her own!!!"
    She should let it go and sit tight until she can move out.......unless it gets any more petty or the situation drastically becomes worse.
     
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  12. midwife1311

    midwife1311 Full Member

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    I really fail to appreciate the analogy between a HPC Paramedic sleeping with a underage girl and a spat with someone else over cleaning a bathroom.....................hardly the same thing on ANY level :(
     
  13. Sassia

    Sassia Silver Member

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    I agree. Sexual offences and arguing with neighbours are very different!

    I don't see how you can report him either. It wasn't said in the course of his duty. I work in the public sector and if that means I can't have a go at drivers not indicating, shoppers leaving their trollies in middle of supermarket aisle or queue jumpers then there's no point even leaving the house!

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  14. Maximus

    Maximus Gold Member

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    This ^^^^

    Without anyone except the two protagonists knowing what was said, and more importantly in what context (sounds like an exchange of lively banter by a couple of people well capable of looking after themselves, verbally et least!).

    Was it not a case of verbal jousting that got a little out of hand?

    The underage girl analogy was at best misguided and of no relevance whatsoever - all in my humble opinion, of course;)
     
  15. midwife1311

    midwife1311 Full Member

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    Maximus- I luuurrrvvveee your opinion:8855:...........humble or otherwise :)
     
  16. kingleds

    kingleds Gold Member

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    I think what Michelle was trying to say is that members of the medical profession are suppossed to maintain a certain standard of behaviour at all times, & perhaps this man didn't. Even student nurses have to sign code of conducts etc.


    I agree that reporting him would be overkill though. Tara's mum sounds like she can give as good as she gets, and as long as he doesn't make a habit of it - in which case she could get him evicted on grounds of antisocial behaviour - she would probably just make things worse.
     
  17. tara40

    tara40 Loves Norman Reedus

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    I do think that it is a case of they do not like each other. but in the same context why should he say something like that to a 70 year old woman, and you cannot ignore that he said that to her, knowing that she is not very healthy and now she is worried about getting into an ambulance as she isnt certain about the level of care she would receive. It may sound a bit silly to us but she is an elderly person.
     
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  19. kerryathome

    kerryathome Silver Member

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    i think the point was that as members of HPC or NMC or GMC we have a code of conduct to stick to and remarks that would insinuate he would use his position to malign someone is a breach of the code of conduct
     
  20. Sassia

    Sassia Silver Member

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    And I think the other point was about how committing a sexual offence was not really comparable. It minimises the seriousness of the crime to compare them.

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