Thought Record
What Happened?
I keep nibbling. Today's eating was approximately two sausages, which was my youngest son's lunch and he wasn't eating it, and had left it on the computer table. I sat there, nicked a piece and couldn't stop until it had all gone.
What were my most important thoughts?
"It wont matter, it's only two sausages, hardly a binge"
"You're happy with the way you look, it doesn't matter if it will throw you out of ketosis, you are only showing up as traces anyway, have the sausage and start again properly tomorrow"
"You look great now....don't want to lose too much weight anyway, you'll start looking haggard. You feel like you want to go straight to maintanance and not do the next four weeks in foundation anyway, so cheating a bit doesn't matter"
How I felt
"Oh Sod it, go on, just eat it, quick before you change your mind"
What I did/Might have done in the past
Thought "Oh well you have blown it now, might as well get hung for a sheep as a lamb" (or whatever the saying is) and gone and emptied the contents of the fridge
Evidence for Hot Thought?
Uhm...nothing.
Evidence against Hot Thought?
I have four weeks worth of abstinence left. I could easily lose the 13lbs I want to lose by then.
How will I know I will look haggard if I lose the 13lbs that I want to lose? If I do look haggard then I can put a bit of weight back on by eating healthy and wholesome foods, not sausages.
Sausages are full of fat and unidentified animal bits and are all greasy, if I want to eat something surely I could go for something more worthwhile.
I wont look great if I get a bloated tummy and put weight back on again through not learning anything.
I can't go to maintanance yet as my BMI is still officially 26.6 not 25 like I wanted to be in my original goals. If I stop now, I will never get to below 25, I currently have four weeks to get it below that.
More Realistic Thought
I have the chance here to lose 13lbs (or thereabouts) in four weeks. 10st was my original goal and still is if I am honest. If I get there and am too slim, I can put it back on in a healthier way. If I pratt about now and finish foundation at 10st 13lbs, go to management, and then try to lose that 13lbs conventionally on a WW/SW type diet then I definitely WONT lose 13lbs, and will just start the yo-yo dieting spiral that I have been stuck in for the past ten years all over again.
I made a promise to myself and my group that I would remain abstinent for 14 weeks. 14 weeks in the grand scheme of things is not such a long time. I have only four weeks of that left.
I promised myself I would eat healthily when I did start eating again. Sausages are not healthy, all that fat and dead animal, euwwww.
Do I want to re-develop heartburn, digestive problems, needing to take my inhaler, feeling tired, having no energy, feeling bloated, dressing to hide myself, feeling like I have nothing to wear, stop getting compliments and losing my newly gained confidence?
How I feel now?
Motivated
Excited
Confident
How I might Behave Now.
I will remain abstinent and drink my four litres and four food packs until Tuesday 24th September, the end of my fourteenth week. I have made my mind up that I will miss my ex-bosses leaving do (as much as it will kill me not to go) but I am gonna pretend to my colleagues I am going until the last minute and then 'pretend' I feel unwell on that day or something, as I am sure they will all try and talk me into going and feeling like a party pooper.
I will think about the positive things this diet has done to me (as listed above).
Take some more 'after' photos to look at and compare them to my 'before' pics.
