2020 - a new year, a new decade, the same me (just hopefully slimmer!)
- Thread starter MrsP89
- Start date
ladyfelsham
Back to SW again
Ugh I've just worked out that to be in the "overweight" class based on BMI I have to lose 120lb. Adoption agency will probably refuse my application until I'm in the "healthy" range. I'm not even going to look what that means, or calculate how much I'd have to lose. I wish they'd look past BMI.
I have perfect cholesterol levels, perfect blood sugar levels, and low-average blood pressure. I've had doctors check BP twice as they don't believe the reading (imagine! A fat person who doesn't have high blood pressure! Highly educated people can't get over the fact that fat doesn't automatically mean health issues!)
If I am healthy, other than weight, why am I not seen as a good enough potential adoptive parent?! I'm so frustrated. I just want to be a mum
I know my weight is far from ideal. I've struggled with it all my life. But last year was so very hard that I think I gained about 4 stone in comfort eating. Stupid isn't it? My body refusing to allow me to become a parent led to me overeating and making it even more unlikely that any adoption agency will allow me to become a parent. Maybe I should just accept I'm not supposed to be a mum in this life. Maybe I did something horrendous in a past life and this is my punishment.
I'm wallowing in self-pity right now. I need to get over myself and just deal with it.
Period is due so bit hormonal and spotty and bloated today. Been 100% on plan and drank nearly 3litres of water today so will be a bit miffed if my body retains water for weigh day...
I have perfect cholesterol levels, perfect blood sugar levels, and low-average blood pressure. I've had doctors check BP twice as they don't believe the reading (imagine! A fat person who doesn't have high blood pressure! Highly educated people can't get over the fact that fat doesn't automatically mean health issues!)
If I am healthy, other than weight, why am I not seen as a good enough potential adoptive parent?! I'm so frustrated. I just want to be a mum
I know my weight is far from ideal. I've struggled with it all my life. But last year was so very hard that I think I gained about 4 stone in comfort eating. Stupid isn't it? My body refusing to allow me to become a parent led to me overeating and making it even more unlikely that any adoption agency will allow me to become a parent. Maybe I should just accept I'm not supposed to be a mum in this life. Maybe I did something horrendous in a past life and this is my punishment.
I'm wallowing in self-pity right now. I need to get over myself and just deal with it.
Period is due so bit hormonal and spotty and bloated today. Been 100% on plan and drank nearly 3litres of water today so will be a bit miffed if my body retains water for weigh day...
Thank you 
I was just having a massive pity party last night lol.
The adoption guidelines say any potential adoptive parents must have a decent life expectancy, and being obese they see as a reason why someone wouldn't live at least 20 years. I know some agencies allow people in the "overweight" bracket to adopt, if they can prove they are active and healthy. Some still don't allow it and some allow it only if you can show you are losing weight throughout the process. One couple were refused at approval panel because they hadn't lost enough weight during the process and they had to postpone approval for at least 6 months. I haven't heard of a single agency (independent or public) that accepts adoptive parents in the "obese" category.
We do currently foster, but we're only allowed to do respite because of many issues, one of which is weight. We have a gorgeous little 4 year old boy once a month for the weekend. Next weekend will be the first time he's staying for 2 nights which will be interesting! He's got attachment and abandonment issues so he's really clingy to his main carer, and although for the most part he's happy enough with us, he does cry a lot in the morning to go home, so not sure what he'll be like staying the second night.
We've decided that this year is our year to sort finances, go on holiday lots, and lose weight and get our heads/emotions sorted, and continue getting experience looking after children through the respite fostering ready to adopt in 2021.
I just get a bit impatient.
My plan was always have 2 biological children, adopt a child when birth children were a bit older, and when everyone had flown the best to foster.
I wanted to start trying for a baby 7 years ago, but we had to wait until hubby got a proper job (he was doing a PhD at the time). We started trying 4 years ago, after 2 years decided we'd carry on trying but start fostering earlier than planned. Took a year to get approved for respite. And then last year we decided to finally see why we hadn't conceived. That was when we found out we both had fertility issues and viable pregnancy was nigh on impossible. Then I conceived, and subsequently miscarried.
I know people go through far worse all the time, but honestly last year was horrendous.
Well that was a cheery post! Sorry for rambling on about my crap for so long!
I was just having a massive pity party last night lol. The adoption guidelines say any potential adoptive parents must have a decent life expectancy, and being obese they see as a reason why someone wouldn't live at least 20 years. I know some agencies allow people in the "overweight" bracket to adopt, if they can prove they are active and healthy. Some still don't allow it and some allow it only if you can show you are losing weight throughout the process. One couple were refused at approval panel because they hadn't lost enough weight during the process and they had to postpone approval for at least 6 months. I haven't heard of a single agency (independent or public) that accepts adoptive parents in the "obese" category.
We do currently foster, but we're only allowed to do respite because of many issues, one of which is weight. We have a gorgeous little 4 year old boy once a month for the weekend. Next weekend will be the first time he's staying for 2 nights which will be interesting! He's got attachment and abandonment issues so he's really clingy to his main carer, and although for the most part he's happy enough with us, he does cry a lot in the morning to go home, so not sure what he'll be like staying the second night.
We've decided that this year is our year to sort finances, go on holiday lots, and lose weight and get our heads/emotions sorted, and continue getting experience looking after children through the respite fostering ready to adopt in 2021.
I just get a bit impatient.
My plan was always have 2 biological children, adopt a child when birth children were a bit older, and when everyone had flown the best to foster.
I wanted to start trying for a baby 7 years ago, but we had to wait until hubby got a proper job (he was doing a PhD at the time). We started trying 4 years ago, after 2 years decided we'd carry on trying but start fostering earlier than planned. Took a year to get approved for respite. And then last year we decided to finally see why we hadn't conceived. That was when we found out we both had fertility issues and viable pregnancy was nigh on impossible. Then I conceived, and subsequently miscarried.
I know people go through far worse all the time, but honestly last year was horrendous.
Well that was a cheery post! Sorry for rambling on about my crap for so long!
ladyfelsham
Back to SW again
Aww love, we self sabotage for all sorts of reasons - but I think it's just so fabulous that you've got a clear plan for what you want to achieve this year- and the amazing and exciting outcome.
You can do this, allow yourself a wallow every now and then xxx
Thanks both
Feeling more positive now, getting a small (but bigger than expected) bonus in tomorrow's pay so that's always good
Don't think I'll be able to get many more trips abroad in - Porto in March, Mallorca in June, Barcelona in Oct and Egypt over Christmas. I only get 20 days holiday so I've used all my holiday days :'(
Also going to Stratford-upon-Avon in Feb (can't wait for my afternoon tea with bottomless prosecco and my hour long deep tissue back neck and shoulder massage!!!), and trying to convince hubby we should go camping in North Wales at Easter.
Feeling more positive now, getting a small (but bigger than expected) bonus in tomorrow's pay so that's always good
Don't think I'll be able to get many more trips abroad in - Porto in March, Mallorca in June, Barcelona in Oct and Egypt over Christmas. I only get 20 days holiday so I've used all my holiday days :'(
Also going to Stratford-upon-Avon in Feb (can't wait for my afternoon tea with bottomless prosecco and my hour long deep tissue back neck and shoulder massage!!!), and trying to convince hubby we should go camping in North Wales at Easter.
Blubell._.0422
Silver Member
That's an awesome loss. Jealous of your holidays LOL I have to wait ages for mine
I might try to squeeze another weekend break or 2 in too. No such thing as too many holidays, right?! And I do Flexi at work so can earn a couple of extra days holiday, although I'm thinking I'll use those to have our nieces to stay for a couple of days during the summer holidays. They live about 3 hours away so we don't get to see them as much as I'd like. They spent Christmas with us, and probably won't see them til either next month, or possibly even April. And they are the such wonderful girls. The eldest (just turned 9) made hubby a birthday cake all by herself. Bought the ingredients and even the baking tins herself! And the only bit she had help with was getting it out the oven. And the youngest (7 and a half) broke my heart completely when saying bye after Christmas. She said "there's good news and bad news about today. The good news is I get to see my guinea pigs again. The bad news is I'm going to really really miss you" 
So I'd absolutely love it if they stayed a few night with us so we could have some quality time with them (and spoil them rotten!)
@blubell when is your holiday? Are you off to S.Korea again?
Ugh I've had a bloody awful 2 days diet wise! Free drinks from work at the Swansea Bierkeller last night. Went along thinking it'd be 1 or 2 drinks, instead it was a whole bottle of wine each! And we could bring a +1 so Hubster came along too. He managed to wrangle another free bottle, plus someone had to leave early and left us half a bottle of theirs and someone else gave us their voucher, so we ended up with 4.5 bottles of wine between 2 of us, plus 2 shots each! Missed the last train home so got a taxi back at about midnight, calling in to McDonald's before getting to the taxi rank, and ate far too much! Then incredibly hungover today - I've drank plenty of water but also consumed bacon rolls, chicken burger and a homemade vegetable curry (from the freezer which we'd defrosted and planned to have last night). Plus I've drank orange juice and eaten am awful lot of chocolate
Back on it tomorrow, although we have a birthday celebration to go to. It's a pub meal at brewer's fayre. I've checked the menu and there are 3 dishes from the "under 800 calories" range that I like the sound of, so I'll have my 2 shakes, one of those meals and just 2 snacks instead of 3. Actually quite keen to get back on track - usually when I've had a blowout I struggle to get back on it. I think because I'd always said weekends wouldn't be so strict it's a bit easier. Or maybe I just want to lose the weight more this time
How's everyone else's weekend going?
So I'd absolutely love it if they stayed a few night with us so we could have some quality time with them (and spoil them rotten!)@blubell when is your holiday? Are you off to S.Korea again?
Ugh I've had a bloody awful 2 days diet wise! Free drinks from work at the Swansea Bierkeller last night. Went along thinking it'd be 1 or 2 drinks, instead it was a whole bottle of wine each! And we could bring a +1 so Hubster came along too. He managed to wrangle another free bottle, plus someone had to leave early and left us half a bottle of theirs and someone else gave us their voucher, so we ended up with 4.5 bottles of wine between 2 of us, plus 2 shots each! Missed the last train home so got a taxi back at about midnight, calling in to McDonald's before getting to the taxi rank, and ate far too much! Then incredibly hungover today - I've drank plenty of water but also consumed bacon rolls, chicken burger and a homemade vegetable curry (from the freezer which we'd defrosted and planned to have last night). Plus I've drank orange juice and eaten am awful lot of chocolate
Back on it tomorrow, although we have a birthday celebration to go to. It's a pub meal at brewer's fayre. I've checked the menu and there are 3 dishes from the "under 800 calories" range that I like the sound of, so I'll have my 2 shakes, one of those meals and just 2 snacks instead of 3. Actually quite keen to get back on track - usually when I've had a blowout I struggle to get back on it. I think because I'd always said weekends wouldn't be so strict it's a bit easier. Or maybe I just want to lose the weight more this time
How's everyone else's weekend going?
ladyfelsham
Back to SW again
Hope the sore head faded away quickly! How did you get on at the birthday bash?
Haha well the less said about yesterday, the better I did get lovely cuddles with my friends 5 month old, and had a good catch up with my friend and her partner.
Back on it today! Was treat day at work (1st working day of the month we get some sort of treat). This month it was cakes and crisps. And I resisted! It actually wasn't difficult to resist, possibly because I stood on the scales this morning and nearly cried
after the initial shock, I didn't actually let it get me down, just motivated me to get back on plan!
How was your weekend?
I did get lovely cuddles with my friends 5 month old, and had a good catch up with my friend and her partner. Back on it today! Was treat day at work (1st working day of the month we get some sort of treat). This month it was cakes and crisps. And I resisted! It actually wasn't difficult to resist, possibly because I stood on the scales this morning and nearly cried
after the initial shock, I didn't actually let it get me down, just motivated me to get back on plan! How was your weekend?
Ah when are you off to grab canaria? We were there nearly 3 years ago - lovely weather!
Shame you aren't able to make it to Spain - hope everything is ok!
ladyfelsham
Back to SW again
Oooh might have missed you GaGirl, enjoy the sun!
ladyfelsham
Back to SW again
Well done MrsP, always fab to get a loss when you're not expecting it
I seem to have gotten quite bad at posting on here, but I'm sort of plodding along. I've kind of moved over to CCing alongside the shakes. Most days I'll only have 1 shake and then snack throughout the day on low cal snacks (babybel, Slimfast porridge, hippeas, lean meat, fruit etc), around 200kcal throughout the day, then 600-800kcal for tea, then depending on my calories through the day I will have fruit and/or yogurt.
I need this to be a long term plan so I'm being fairly relaxed about it and trying not to obsess. Easier said than done!
I need this to be a long term plan so I'm being fairly relaxed about it and trying not to obsess. Easier said than done!
ladyfelsham
Back to SW again
Sounds like a good approach - got to make it work for you - but I hear you on the "just relax" part lol!
2.5 off for me today. Scales wobbled a bit and I thought I might get 3 but it wasn't to be (I actually lost 2 and three quarters off, but I can't be doing with quarter pounds so I just rounded up to the nearest half pound). V.happy with 2.5 though
Undoubtedly there will be a gain next week (spa break this weekend, and we've pre-booked afternoon tea, Sunday lunch and a 3 course dinner - not all on the same day
) so lots of big meals and big Calories to be consumed! We're back Tuesday evening so I won't have time to repair the damage before weigh day. Life is for living though, so no regrets if I do get a big gain next week. I've been looking forward to this spa break since October!
But can you all remind me of this post next week when I'm devastated by a gain?!
Undoubtedly there will be a gain next week (spa break this weekend, and we've pre-booked afternoon tea, Sunday lunch and a 3 course dinner - not all on the same day
) so lots of big meals and big Calories to be consumed! We're back Tuesday evening so I won't have time to repair the damage before weigh day. Life is for living though, so no regrets if I do get a big gain next week. I've been looking forward to this spa break since October! But can you all remind me of this post next week when I'm devastated by a gain?!
ladyfelsham
Back to SW again
Completely agree with GaGirl - enjoy yourself! xx
